USC Marriage Fraud experience and what would I do different

[Amit&Julie 180]

10 minutes ago, MeAlone said:

Ha, the lucky people who have a good marriage criticize the unlucky ones. It is LIFE, it's not our fault or you are better than unlucky ones. It could happen to you too, it still can happen when you become a widow or widower like me, then maybe you remember reading this topic and say, aha, I stop it here, I see where is going on my next marriage.

 

I wish more people share their fraud stories, many are afraid to write about it in this forum because to 1 story come 20 accusers saying it is your fault, you are dumb, you didn't see the red flags, you are cookoo crazy abusive American yourself.

 

But if we are afraid of bullies, who could learn at least a little from our mistakes and see the red flags sooner???

 

Please, if you have a story to share, do it, it could help others.

Many people DO share their fraud stories on here, and I think the response you're describing is NOT typical. Just search the forums. And people here do try to warn others if we see red flags on the part of the foreigner that could indicate possible fraud ahead. If luck was the only thing involved, there would be no point in sharing our stories, don't you think?

 

But even when such hard lessons ARE shared, someone who is "so in love" with their foreign fiance may still be blind to the possibilities. I'm not saying that this is what happened to you, but it's happened to many before, and some of them even admit that they were blind or chose to ignore red flags. As my mom as says, 'there's no reasoning with a person once their heart is involved.' So we can do our best to share, warn, and help each other, but it's ultimately up to the US citizen to make their choice and do their own "due diligence" or their prospective life partner.

[issea 43]

21 minutes ago, MeAlone said:

Yes, i think all was adding, a widow, then meeting all well, accepting a single father, bad luck he is a scammer and scammers are very smart playing games. This marriage was annuled, once I saw what he was doing, I decided to do the right thing, to get the annulment or divorce and move on, to protect myself from more lies. My marriage Annulment is based on Fraud with the written evidence about him saying he married me for papers only, his family saying the child he brought to US is not his, him not telling me before our wedding he has more children, not only one, this all is a ground for Annulment in my State and I was granted it.

I know you are traumatized during this fraud marriage and I could imagine how heartbreaking I would be if I were at your position, even though I cannot truly fully feel for what you have been through. In my world of justice, this man should be punished the way harder than just getting his marriage annulled. But in reality this is all what you can do to get rid of him. As you said that it is just a bad luck finding him a scammer after all scrutinies, I hope you could still have faith in future relationship not just as you swore not trust anyone anymore. Move on and make friends in real life. I honestly don't believe romance behind the screen (if you feel in that way it's just fulfilled with your imagination). You have to know each other in real life before getting intimate. 

[MeAlone 161]

1 minute ago, issea said:

I know you are traumatized during this fraud marriage and I could imagine how heartbreaking I would be if I were at your position, even though I cannot truly fully feel for what you have been through. In my world of justice, this man should be punished the way harder than just getting his marriage annulled. But in reality this is all what you can do to get rid of him. As you said that it is just a bad luck finding him a scammer after all scrutinies, I hope you could still have faith in future relationship not just as you swore not trust anyone anymore. Move on and make friends in real life. I honestly don't believe romance behind the screen (if you feel in that way it's just fulfilled with your imagination). You have to know each other in real life before getting intimate. 

I knew him for 2 years, more than 1 year and half before bringing him on visa, I traveled 5 times, no red flags, I lived in his house, met his friend and family, all well until he got here. It was not a 5 min online love.

[trudi 1,317]

40 minutes ago, MeAlone said:

Ha, the lucky people who have a good marriage criticize the unlucky ones. It is LIFE, it's not our fault or you are better than unlucky ones. It could happen to you too, it still can happen when you become a widow or widower like me, then maybe you remember reading this topic and say, aha, I stop it here, I see where is going on my next marriage.

 

I wish more people share their fraud stories, many are afraid to write about it in this forum because to 1 story come 20 accusers saying it is your fault, you are dumb, you didn't see the red flags, you are cookoo crazy abusive American yourself.

 

But if we are afraid of bullies, who could learn at least a little from our mistakes and see the red flags sooner???

 

Please, if you have a story to share, do it, it could help others.

There are far more threads about abuse/fraud/divorce than happy stories from those who have completed the process and have their spouse with them.  

 

I have have read this whole thread and in all honesty I haven’t seen anyone being bullied, told they’re dumb or an abusive American. 

 

This is is a forum full of people who either have brought their loved ones from abroad or are in the process of doing so, you can’t expect this demographic to be unemotional, rational or unbiased when you are repeatedly suggesting that all non US citizens should be suspected of immigration fraud, lying & cheating - based on your 1 experience you are writing off a whole world of people.

 

i was widowed, it had nothing to do with my current relationship, marriage or immigration.

 

It is possible that despite your strenuous denial your experience has left you bitter and judgmental against anyone not born in the US. I hope that time and distance from the events allow to view things from a more even perspective.

 

I wish you peace and happiness 

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

8 minutes ago, trudi said:

There are far more threads about abuse/fraud/divorce than happy stories from those who have completed the process and have their spouse with them.  

 

I'm always surprised by the number of people who seemingly need to file ROC with a divorce waiver or don't even make it through AOS.  I wonder if what we see on VJ is indicative of that dynamic as a whole or perhaps because people in those situations are often looking for guidance on immigration matters.

 

Then again, as I've told people in the past on here, the being apart, the visa wait is the easy part.  It is the honeymoon period in which everyone is on their best behavior.  Then, the real struggles start after you are together.  I fear that many don't have a good sense of perspective because they think the wait is the absolute hardest, most difficult thing they've been through.  Strap in cupcakes, because marriage will redefine what you mean by difficult.

[trudi 1,317]

1 minute ago, N-o-l-a said:

I'm always surprised by the number of people who seemingly need to file ROC with a divorce waiver or don't even make it through AOS.  I wonder if what we see on VJ is indicative of that dynamic as a whole or perhaps because people in those situations are often looking for guidance on immigration matters.

 

Then again, as I've told people in the past on here, the being apart, the visa wait is the easy part.  It is the honeymoon period in which everyone is on their best behavior.  Then, the real struggles start after you are together.  I fear that many don't have a good sense of perspective because they think the wait is the absolute hardest, most difficult thing they've been through.  Strap in cupcakes, because marriage will redefine what you mean by difficult.

Marriage is definitely not for the faint hearted, it's hard work.

 

I used to be a complaints manager for a large insurance company, those who worked in the department often had a skewed view of how poorly the company treated it's customers because all they saw were the unhappy ones - in reality the volume of complaints was less than 1% of the customer base - the happy/satisfied ones were going about their lives without needing advice or assistance.

I think this forum is similar in that once they're together most couples get on with life and navigate ROC, citizenship with little fuss. It's only when things have gone wrong that extra help is needed.

Maybe, heck what do I know 😁

[MeAlone 161]

24 minutes ago, trudi said:

There are far more threads about abuse/fraud/divorce than happy stories from those who have completed the process and have their spouse with them.  

 

I have have read this whole thread and in all honesty I haven’t seen anyone being bullied, told they’re dumb or an abusive American. 

 

This is is a forum full of people who either have brought their loved ones from abroad or are in the process of doing so, you can’t expect this demographic to be unemotional, rational or unbiased when you are repeatedly suggesting that all non US citizens should be suspected of immigration fraud, lying & cheating - based on your 1 experience you are writing off a whole world of people.

 

i was widowed, it had nothing to do with my current relationship, marriage or immigration.

 

It is possible that despite your strenuous denial your experience has left you bitter and judgmental against anyone not born in the US. I hope that time and distance from the events allow to view things from a more even perspective.

 

I wish you peace and happiness 

Never said that. All I said we all are different and we all can learn.

I am not bitter at all and not judgmental and for your information, I am a former immigrant myself, not born in US, came here as an adult. All I am talking about is the possibility of fraud for to get a green card from us, American citizens. No need to attack me, you do NOT know me.

[genghiz 2]

1 hour ago, MeAlone said:

I knew him for 2 years, more than 1 year and half before bringing him on visa, I traveled 5 times, no red flags, I lived in his house, met his friend and family, all well until he got here. It was not a 5 min online love.

I've read most of your posts in this thread and I can't seem to understand what your're trying to get at? This sounds like a marriage fraud, not an immigration fraud based on marriage (since you mentioned he did not even follow through his AOS and went back to his country). This is an immigration forum, not a marriage forum, so to speak. I don't think you're on the right forum. 

[MeAlone 161]

2 minutes ago, genghiz said:

I've read most of your posts in this thread and I can't seem to understand what your're trying to get at? This sounds like a marriage fraud, not an immigration fraud based on marriage (since you mentioned he did not even follow through his AOS and went back to his country). This is an immigration forum, not a marriage forum, so to speak. I don't think you're on the right forum. 

He stated clearly IN WRITING he married me for papers only. It is an IMMIGRATION FRAUD.

And it's also a Marriage Fraud, that's why I got the Annulment.

[gc@gc 184]

5 hours ago, MeAlone said:

Yes, we married and I paid the AOS for him. He left before he got it. One foreigner is more than enough for me, very bad experience.

 

what would it happen if you marry an american guy, and ended in similar way,  would you say:" one man is more than enough for me, i am not going to get married again " or something like that

[gc@gc 184]

5 hours ago, MeAlone said:

OK

4. Prenup, your assets, be careful. What would I did based on my bad experience?

I would do prenup, I live in a community property state. As I mentioned, I wouldn't give him my car keys to drive on his international license, I would drive him myself where he needs to go, this way I could see it's not a party or some weird friends (he said he doesn't know anybody but he knew, he even tried to use my car as Uber and also was giving rides to some people, cleaning the car after).

 

I wouldn't bring him to the house I own, I would rent the appt., he was abusive so if we lived in an appt., I could go home and let him stay there with his child and his angry moods. You know it is not easy to kick the immigrant out, it's an established address and he/she can falsely accuse you, get the restraining order and kick you out from your own house. Apparently he tried, he brought his child on my support but he was trying to kick out my son, he kicked me out of my car, my bedroom and bed yet was coming to my sofa when he needed, he even dared saying he would be happy if I was not in the house, I was staying in a living room afraid of his anger even to go to the kitchen when he was home, not good. So I think renting a small place would be good, more safe.

 

have you ever called 911 for help?

[MeAlone 161]

4 minutes ago, gc@gc said:

 

what would it happen if you marry an american guy, and ended in similar way,  would you say:" one man is more than enough for me, i am not going to get married again " or something like that

No, no difference, American or foreigner, I didn't plan to marry becoming a widow and do not plan now. After the bad experience I just go to my original plan, don't want to marry again.

[gc@gc 184]

4 hours ago, Texas stylist said:

This topic is very interesting but I’m going to give you some perspective. My friend married an American born man. Dated for 5 years and was married for 10. The man had a whole other life with another woman and kids. Had a home across country with this woman and because his job had him travel he got away with it for 10 years until he was in an accident in the city with his other family and they contacted his wife. When everything came out he tried to take everything from my friend and swore he would rather give it to lawyers than her since she wanted to divorce him. They have 5 kids and he has 4 kids with the other woman. She had know this man from college so I’m saying this to say to label a liar and a cheat just on foreign men or women is wrong. There are bad people that do bad things everywhere. Just my 2 cents! 

 

10 years, wow, i am speechless 

[MeAlone 161]

1 minute ago, gc@gc said:

 

have you ever called 911 for help?

No, I did not. I was seeing him so disturbed and not well every day, I was really thinking it's hard for him to adapt, it was for me when I came to America, so I was giving him space and time. I didn't know his real worries were about his women (3 as I was told later, 2 with his 1 child each and the 3rd one giving birth the same days we married), he was very stressed out, I was trying to be supportive thinking it's maybe not how he did imagine, but it was the mother of the fake child he brought to my house accusing him of kidnapping.

 

By the way, bringing a fake child it's an Immigration Fraud too and a felony.

[Dianalorena 1,153]

1 hour ago, N-o-l-a said:

I'm always surprised by the number of people who seemingly need to file ROC with a divorce waiver or don't even make it through AOS.  I wonder if what we see on VJ is indicative of that dynamic as a whole or perhaps because people in those situations are often looking for guidance on immigration matters.

 

Then again, as I've told people in the past on here, the being apart, the visa wait is the easy part.  It is the honeymoon period in which everyone is on their best behavior.  Then, the real struggles start after you are together.  I fear that many don't have a good sense of perspective because they think the wait is the absolute hardest, most difficult thing they've been through.  Strap in cupcakes, because marriage will redefine what you mean by difficult.

thank you for saying this!

 

yes, long distance is rough, but at the same time, we don't have to live the ''day to day'' that makes a marriage. I also feel that you also miss your spouse so much that it clouds or even hides certain behaviors that get amplified once you're living together. Communicating is key, and realizing that making it work in person is, indeed, 10 times harder sometimes. thank you for bringing it up