USC Marriage Fraud experience and what would I do different

[MeAlone 161]

2 minutes ago, bakphx1 said:

I have a hard time with women who fall in love with men in Ghana and Nigeria without having met, likewise men who fall in love with Filipina women over the internet.  And then they are in a mad rush to get married.  The populations as a whole are not the issue, but marriage fraud is big businesses in those countries. The likelihood that person who knows all the right things to say has been coached or has scripts. 

 

I also question why anyone "shops" for a spouse in other countries. One thing for a relationship to begin as you get to know each other, but quite another to decide to look for the love of your life by grabbing a map. 

 

Tell someone that the Mr. \Ms. Right they never met could bring heartache and they get mad and don't want to hear it. 

We all human and not only women, men also fall in love online with people from Ghana, Nigeria, Philippines, etc. Some say in those 3 countries charms, voodoo, juju, potions are heavy used on westerns. Running to marry, it's not good, to me even to start accepting my ex took 6 months and we already met twice. But again, quick marriage or taking time to know each other it's not the way to success.

 

Some Americans yes, shop for a spouse, mostly men who are not seen by American women as a marriage material. American women mostly have different stories and mostly not shopping. Any nice American woman has men locally, for a woman is not difficult to find one if she wants. Foreign fiance happens to a woman for different reasons.

[Texas stylist 63]

This topic is very interesting but I’m going to give you some perspective. My friend married an American born man. Dated for 5 years and was married for 10. The man had a whole other life with another woman and kids. Had a home across country with this woman and because his job had him travel he got away with it for 10 years until he was in an accident in the city with his other family and they contacted his wife. When everything came out he tried to take everything from my friend and swore he would rather give it to lawyers than her since she wanted to divorce him. They have 5 kids and he has 4 kids with the other woman. She had know this man from college so I’m saying this to say to label a liar and a cheat just on foreign men or women is wrong. There are bad people that do bad things everywhere. Just my 2 cents! 

[issea 43]

12 hours ago, MeAlone said:

I don't have a problem to get a man but fall in love with an intelligent foreigner, too smart and not very moral. It could happen here locally too.

Decided, no more foreigners for me, 1 was enough.

I am sorry for your bad experience. Reading through your story with this sneaky bad immoral etc. Nigerian guy, a father of many children, he doesn't sound smart to me, for you lost your two years intentions and money, what he gained in turns though? If GC was his main purpose for your marriage, why and how comes he abandoned in almost 99.99...% way? A legal issue? what was that that rushed him to flee? 

[MeAlone 161]

11 minutes ago, Texas stylist said:

This topic is very interesting but I’m going to give you some perspective. My friend married an American born man. Dated for 5 years and was married for 10. The man had a whole other life with another woman and kids. Had a home across country with this woman and because his job had him travel he got away with it for 10 years until he was in an accident in the city with his other family and they contacted his wife. When everything came out he tried to take everything from my friend and swore he would rather give it to lawyers than her since she wanted to divorce him. They have 5 kids and he has 4 kids with the other woman. She had know this man from college so I’m saying this to say to label a liar and a cheat just on foreign men or women is wrong. There are bad people that do bad things everywhere. Just my 2 cents! 

Exactly! It happens everywhere. The thing with  foreigners is some Americans get addicted to the type of opposite sex with the specific country and do it again and again, specially American men see they can have a pretty young woman maybe with strong family values. And some realize it's too expensive to spend so much time waiting for visa, time and money expensive and if it fails the 1st time, we don't want to try again and again because of a very expensive dating and visas, more easy to go locally to Starbucks and meet.

[Dianalorena 1,153]

17 hours ago, Marcelina said:

I don't want to generalize but after reading huge amount of threats here I feel like some USC (as many other ppl in the world) feel simply desperate to have someone dating them. They seek love through the virtual world, very often from specific countries wanting to have a cute and timid significant other.

Understanding someone from the same nationality and cultural circle might be hard enough because we are all so different and unique... not to mention different culture, religion, values in life etc.

 

I see people here sponsoring 3rd or 4th person which is crazy. Sometimes I feel there is no one else to blame for a fraud or unhappy relationship then those people own delusions, unable to understand certain circumstances or some huge red flags in the behavior of their loved ones.

 

I think immigrant visa (and K-1) related formalities are enough complicated and time-consuming. Only people in genuine love, or super desperate to be loved/or get to states can manage this. And there won't be anything else than your own common sense to keep you safe.

Of course, many people do genuinely fall in love while traveling or studying abroad, but I 100% agree with you.

From inquiries I've made, some people seek partners from certain countries because they find American women ''intimidating'' or ''too liberated and loose'' (AKA: they can't deal with an opinionated/strong woman that isn't catering their every need) or they're intrigued by other people's cultures and the exotic factor kicks in. A lot of stereotypes: ''Latin women are this way'' ''Asian women are better this other way'' ''Russian women do this'' etcetera. 

 

I personally have an uncle that applied for his Ukranian wife, it didn't work out  once she arrived in Mexico (she ''changed'' started acting out, wasn't the loving woman he thought) he paid to send her back to Ukraine, and applied for a second Ukranian woman and he has married again shortly after. Like a defective package from Amazon. 

It can also definitely be unfair to the immigrant, so it goes both ways. 

 

Common sense is key. I just think it's less common than you'd think, unfortunately 

[RLA 324]

48 minutes ago, MeAlone said:

I wouldn't give him my car keys to drive on his international license, I would drive him myself where he needs to go, this way I could see it's not a party or some weird friends

So, in other words, you'd attempt to control your partner's whereabouts and social interactions.  You are aware that this is one of the signs of an abusive relationship? 

[Perfect two 💑 1,147]

Fraud, failed marriage is not only happening if someone (American) married a foreigner. It doesn't happen because of lack of face time too. There is a lot of failed marriage even when they know each other and spend most of their time together in person. Marriage is not something easy, it required lots of understanding and toleration. Some of them will blaming their partner when the marriage failed by saying that he/she commit the fraud (of course it happen sometimes in reality where their partner is really a fraud, I will not deny that). However, when that happens, it is a lesson that you need to learn. It is a hard lesson, of course. Sometimes the one who commit the fraud is not only the beneficiary but, the petitioner too. Not fair to relate fraud only to beneficiary since it happen in both way. Hope everyone here have a real relationship and always be happy with their relationship or marriage.

[Boiler 46,232]

2 minutes ago, RLA said:

So, in other words, you'd attempt to control your partner's whereabouts and social interactions.  You are aware that this is one of the signs of an abusive relationship? 

VAWA?

[Texas stylist 63]

1 minute ago, MeAlone said:

Exactly! It happens everywhere. The thing with  foreigners is some Americans get addicted to the type of opposite sex with the specific country and do it again and again, specially American men see they can have a pretty young woman maybe with strong family values. And some realize it's too expensive to spend so much time waiting for visa, time and money expensive and if it fails the 1st time, we don't want to try again and again because of a very expensive dating and visas, more easy to go locally to Starbucks and meet.

I own a hair salon for 20 years and I can tell you 99% of the horror stories were with American men and women. And I can write a book alone and retire on the things I have heard. Marriage is a gamble and if it wasn’t we wouldn’t have divorce rate hire than 70% in this country. You can’t blame that on the K1 visa 

[MeAlone 161]

4 minutes ago, issea said:

I am sorry for your bad experience. Reading through your story with this sneaky bad immoral etc. The guy, a father of many children, he doesn't sound smart to me, for you lost your two years intentions and money, what he gained in turns though? If GC was his main purpose for your marriage, why and how comes he abandoned in almost 99.99...% way? A legal issue? what was that that rushed him to flee? 

he brought the fake child, not his, it is a human trafficking. The mother of his child was threatening him to go to the police and to the US embassy. It was his woman he paid her tourist visa behind my back with my credit card, I didn't know about it, he realized it is better to go and take the child back because the mother was tourist visa denied and was accusing him of her child kidnapping. In America human trafficking is jail. The child came on the passport as his, 2 years old but the real child he brought to my house was over 4 years old, not matching the passport photo well either. He never wanted to get a Social Security number or AOS for the child. Now I know why. After he left, his women and his family showed up chatting, asking me to take him back, many things I didn't know.

 

I was saved by the bell. That's why I advise better don't add your partner to your phone account, your bank and don't bring him/her home, better spend more on prepaid phone and rent and be safe.

[MeAlone 161]

20 minutes ago, RLA said:

So, in other words, you'd attempt to control your partner's whereabouts and social interactions.  You are aware that this is one of the signs of an abusive relationship? 

No. I am not obligated to give him a car, specially because he is not allowed to drive on his license. My insurance doesn't allow that. Once he gets his American drivers license, he can drive, he also can buy his own car, not using mine illegally to transport people and not saying it to me, he knew that, I informed him about insurance rules, also Uber use of my car it's abusing my trust and not informing my insurance doing it behind my back. I am a very open person and I always informed him about any legal things here, even legal right he could use against me. Not a problem. The problem is he started to abuse me more and more.

 

What social interactions are you talking about? From the day 1 I gave my house key and car keys, please, go to your church, meet your people, community, gym, I add him to my car account, have money, no need to ask me for a drink or hamburger or gas, gym. I am not a controlling person at all, I never spy, check pockets or phone, mail, nothing, I don't sneak, I was working on my computer and the baby all day on me. Now I regret i didn't put more attention about what he was doing. When he left, I saw his phone records in my bill, he was scamming people, women from my house and he had many friends originally from his country here in the states. I was lucky he left.

Edited April 5, 2018 by MeAlone
adding more

[MeAlone 161]

After he left, I had calls on his phone I bought for him on my AT&T account, best iphone, ipad I am still paying for them. I was lucky he left.

[Marieke H 2,524]

14 hours ago, MeAlone said:

3. what else would I do based on my failed marriage experience? I wouldn't trust so much. No adding to my phone bills and account, no adding his name to my house title (he asked for it, fortunately it was delayed), no keys from my car, me driving him where he and his baby go. I even would think about putting cameras inside of the house. It's hard to think about cameras, I respect privacy but after this experience I say maybe.

 

1 hour ago, MeAlone said:

OK

4. Prenup, your assets, be careful. What would I did based on my bad experience?

I would do prenup, I live in a community property state. As I mentioned, I wouldn't give him my car keys to drive on his international license, I would drive him myself where he needs to go, this way I could see it's not a party or some weird friends (he said he doesn't know anybody but he knew, he even tried to use my car as Uber and also was giving rides to some people, cleaning the car after).

 

I wouldn't bring him to the house I own, I would rent the appt., he was abusive so if we lived in an appt., I could go home and let him stay there with his child and his angry moods. You know it is not easy to kick the immigrant out, it's an established address and he/she can falsely accuse you, get the restraining order and kick you out from your own house. Apparently he tried, he brought his child on my support but he was trying to kick out my son, he kicked me out of my car, my bedroom and bed yet was coming to my sofa when he needed, he even dared saying he would be happy if I was not in the house, I was staying in a living room afraid of his anger even to go to the kitchen when he was home, not good. So I think renting a small place would be good, more safe.

So next time you would not take your fiancé into your home, and you would put cameras in the place you'd be renting? Sounds like a great way to start married life...

 

I think it's better to stick to your other idea to never bring a foreign fiancé to the US again.

 

From what you have shared, there were so many red flags that you should have picked up on. There seems to have been a complete lack of common sense. And I believe common sense is all that a US citizen and his/her foreign spouse need to have a successful marriage (besides love, of course).

[MeAlone 161]

31 minutes ago, Boiler said:

VAWA?

He tried, he was acting like somebody was giving him the advice to go VAWA, he tried to upset me for nothing, was pushing me, throwing to floor once, very angry and scary, I was scared of him, he was smiling asking me to call the police on him. I am a very calm person, slow, not reacting and also I was thinking he is not adapting easy, I didn't know he was mad his woman was denied visa and she was threatening him with police and kidnapping her child. But I never called the police on him thinking I didn't bring him to send him to jail, I need to help him, he is depressed new immigrant, not easy to adapt, I was staying away giving him all the space he needed and he was teaching the baby to beat me, to close the door on me.

[Boiler 46,232]

Sounds like a real catch.