USC Marriage Fraud experience and what would I do different

[jyaku 138]

I almost fell victim to marriage fraud in 2007-08. I called it off 2 days before the wedding when the expenses just did not make sense.

 

So I was very apprehensive about doing it again. But to get my mental health up to par.. I needed a vacation.

 

On vacation while overseas I met someone with who I clicked. I came back from my vacation and really missed them.. so I went overseas for 6 months to find out if it was real or not and if it was not, I said to myself, I would just travel and have fun. Those 6 months eventually turned into 20 months together and then I filed for a K-1.

 

Looking back I would say living together for an extended period really helps you separate the lies from reality and seeing if you're compatible or not long term.

 

And above all things.. ignore your instincts at your own peril.

[Sunnyland 639]

16 minutes ago, Roel said:

Yep. My husband (when we still knew each other online only) wanted to send me money couple of times - I was in complicated financial situation for a while and he wanted to help out. 

 

And I refused. I'd never take money from him also because I didn't knew him yet and I didn't know things would workout out between us or not - and I didn't want to be in his debt. 

 

And no offense but the poster mentioned age difference... I'm one of those people who really don't believe in love between 60 year olds and 20 year olds... And similar age difference. Older Americans brining in spouses who could be their children should probably expect higher chance of scam. 

 

 

My now hubby did the same thing. A few months after we became friends online he offered to send me some cash (less than $100) because I mentioned that I wanted to buy something, I don't even remember what it was. After he insisted again, I said to him " I have a job and I can afford my own things." 

 I'm very old school I guess but I would never feel good if I accept that money, not matter if it was only $10. Besides I did not even meet him in person yet so the whole thing did not seem correct.

About the age difference, I feel the same way. I do wonder what a 60 something year old retired man will have in common with a 20 year old girl from another country (usually 3rd world country). Oh boy I guess I'm getting older and I don't have my rose tinted glasses with me all the time. 

[mrmvkjts 459]

I mean I get it. 

I would be absolutely pissed, if my husband who is living with me in austria right now would just go ahead and divorce me and tell me he just did it for the social system and health care...I definitely would not know what to think or say.

 

and I was an au pair and had a J1 visa...before getting there my mom jokingly said „ please don‘t get married and stay there“ because there are A TON of au pairs doing that...not all of them for the right reasons So I‘m definitely not here to say that such a thing as marriage fraud is not existing. we all know red flags ...50 year age gap for example

BUT to blame it just on the foreign spouse/fiancee is a little harsh imp.

 

 

but I think we‘re all adults and again I would ask for common sense...if a person asks me over and over to get married and do a k1 or cr1 visa....shouldn‘t that ring some bells!?

 

 

 

Edited April 5, 2018 by mrmvkjts

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

1 hour ago, mrmvkjts said:

 

and I was an au pair and had a J1 visa...before getting there my mom jokingly said „ please don‘t get married and stay there“ because there are A TON of au pairs doing that...not all of them for the right reasons So I‘m definitely not here to say that such a thing as marriage fraud is not existing. we all know red flags ...50 year age gap for example

BUT to blame it just on the foreign spouse/fiancee is a little harsh imp.

 

 

but I think we‘re all adults and again I would ask for common sense...if a person asks me over and over to get married and do a k1 or cr1 visa....shouldn‘t that ring some bells!?

 

 

I often times feel like even when the foreigner is an obvious scammer, that the American is certainly no catch either.  There are a lot of narcissistic and delusional USCs posting about how they were "scammed".  Sometimes they were and sometimes the foreigner arrived in America, saw the crazy and ran.

[TBoneTX 45,267]

The most dangerous food is Wedding Cake, or it can be.

 

I was very particular for very many years after Awful Marriage #1 ended.

No one was "the one."  I put up with no monkeyshines (aberrant behavior/attitudes, unreadiness).

I eventually resolved to expand my search internationally.

Latin America survived the distance/culture/language tests.

I nearly got scammed once but recognized it in time.

I signed up with a tiny IMB, a U.S.-Ecu couple who personally knew their small group of girls.

After some false starts, they introduced me to Mrs. T-B.-to-be.

 

As our first phone chat ended, she said, in her rusty English, "T-B., whatever happens between us, promise me one thing:  please never lie to me."  With that, she had just passed a test of scrutiny that she didn't yet know about.

 

On my first rather brief visit, my antennae were fully extended for warning signs.  I subtly tested her.

There were none.  Not the faintest glimmer.  Zero signs of deception, money-grubbing for her family, or guile.

I fought the accursed, rat-####### Guayaquil consulate till I pried the K-1 visa loose (I'm still livid, 10 years later).

We'll have been married 10 years soon, and we have little Mini-Bone.

At least for now, Mrs. T-B. is probably my final wife.

[Nevad@ 26]

If there is this phobia of getting scammed then the person should just stay away from a foreigner. There are hundreds of ways to observe and learn the person you fell in love with, and if they are adult enough to go through a very not easy and looooong process of K1 and all the waiting and costs it takes, then they should be adult enough to know who they are about to marry. imo

 

Someone mentioned giving a 1 year period for "trial" rather than 90 days, well that is a little wrong... People leave their lives behind- families, friends, jobs, future plans, some even leave their school...Just to go and live for a year or less then get sent back like a box if something does not work, something that may not even be their fault?  I have a great job in my country right now and experience, way better than an average job I could land in the US so for people like me it really cost something. Besides, the whole process of obtaining a visa to enter the country takes long enough to see if the relationship works out. 

 

 

Edited April 5, 2018 by Nevad@

[Roel 7,192]

And who says you can't get scammed by the spouse from the same country also? Girl marries a rich guy, takes money and disappeares. Young guy marries older lady for her big house and insurance money.   That happens also.

[Nevad@ 26]

2 minutes ago, Roel said:

And who says you can't get scammed by the spouse from the same country also? Girl marries a rich guy, takes money and disappeares. Young guy marries older lady for her big house and insurance money.   That happens also.

Right?! Happens a bunch especially to military, because of their allowances.... so....

[cyclone27 710]

Know the person you marry - spent 5yrs or so before we pulled the trigger.

 

I think people jump into marriage too quickly. 

[NikLR 13,227]

37 minutes ago, cyclone27 said:

Know the person you marry - spent 5yrs or so before we pulled the trigger.

 

I think people jump into marriage too quickly. 

Hubs and I have been married for 6 years this May and dated for 6 months before marriage.  We knew each other only 2 months(ish) longer than that.  

We've had some things we still iron out but that's any relationship. 

But we're from western countries, grew up similarly, and were honest about who we were and are.  

No one is perfect. 

Edited April 5, 2018 by NikLR

[cyclone27 710]

^Well that seems better than most!!! 😜

 

i just think you need to be very cautious with long distance relationships and I see a major red flag when someone wants to marry after a week. 

[Unidentified 2,930]

9 hours ago, MeAlone said:

and, guys, I see sometimes here in VJ foreigners attacking verbally Americans, don't bring a foreigner, stick to an American ... sounds aggressive. We all know very well, you can marry the girl/guy next door and being robbed, cheated, abused and scammed, any marriage is a lottery, you can't predict everything and you can't read another person mind. Local marriages fail too.

 

So, please, keep your hate to Americans to yourself or go to any other Topic, so many of them in VJ about abused foreigners and bad Americans, you can stick there all your hateful comments. 

 

This Topic is to help American citizens to prevent and avoid lies, cheating, abuse, big financial lost and even a personal freedom for false accusations and all just because somebody decided to use this American and played an ugly game.

No one is hating Americans. Some of us are just frustrated with how naive some are. They come on here and say "Oh, I am so in love with this man!" and everyone else can see the red flags and we're telling them "you're being scammed" and they get mad and leave. Two+ years later (sometimes shorter) they come back in tears telling us they've been scammed and they want their spouse deported. So no, it's not hatred. It's frustration. 

[NikLR 13,227]

14 minutes ago, cyclone27 said:

^Well that seems better than most!!! 😜

 

i just think you need to be very cautious with long distance relationships and I see a major red flag when someone wants to marry after a week. 

Especially when there are major cultural, age, and religious differences.  

[NBA16 55]

No offense I am speaking in general,  It is not too difficult imo. First if it is a red flag for immigration system, it should be a red flag for you too. People get very excited about finding much younger or very different person and forget to ask themselves many times "why s/he should love me besides my nationality?". Not to mention it is easier to get a visa at some embassies   and the green card hunting became an industry in some countries.

If s/he has wrong imagination about USA or is so excited or fanatic it can be a red flag. if s/he asks for money or gifts it is a red flag. I've seen and read stories about how a foreigner presents his/her traditions falsely (like dowry, gifts, etc.) There is google we can search and find out instead of accepting, and even if there are traditions when we marry a foreigner we should compromise (in our marriage we did not follow expensive Iranian traditions because i knew i am not marrying another Iranian and did not force my traditions on him). Think if you were someone from his/her country would s/he marry you? or would his/her family let the marriage happen? (i mean if you were the same person, same character, same look, same everything but you were not an American). Tell the foreigner you are the one will be moving to his/her country and see the reaction. Check if s/he takes it too easy on you to marry you, as long as i believe someone should love us for us but having no standard can be a sing of not caring about anything but nationality.

Many trips and face time is not possible in every case, but there are shortcuts we can use to know the person. We can do more than this but it can be too much (proof of identity for not being cat fished). Talk to his/her family or close friends if it is possible (it can be family project, yes i am pessimistic).

If you can prove the fraud, visa or green card could be revoked and the person could be deported. People can change anyway if someone loves us now there is a possibility s/he may or may not love us 10 years later and it is not fraud, no matter if this is about beneficiary or petitioner, yes this is very sad and heart breaking and very difficult to handle since we choose life time partner and love not a temporary one, but still not a fraud.

As long as we can have benefit for someone we should be careful with others. Good luck on your journey and wish you all the bests.

[trudi 1,317]

I'm sure that not all same nationality marriages are a bed of roses, I'm equally sure that abuse within a marriage happens regardless of country of origin.

 

Contrary to some folks belief America is not full of rich people who throw $100 at the shoe shine.

Blame for this perception can be laid at the door of Hollywood and those Americans who go abroad and feed off the adoration of those less fortunate than them. 

Ifyou play the 'rich tourist' to get your partner then don't be all surprised when they aren't thrilled to discover that you aren't a millionaire.

 

Yes there are scammers out there but don't be fooled into thinking it's the majority of relationships by reading stories on here - the vast majority of successful stories never come back after their partner arrives in the US.

 

For the record I brought more money into this marriage than my husband so maybe I should have had a pre nup to protect me...