USC Marriage Fraud experience and what would I do different

[ALIENRJ187 43]

I was dating someone in 2011 who I got engaged to and filed a K1 so I could be with her and her child and they could come live with me.  Found out after several months she faked a pregnancy, pretty convincingly except she made a mistake which couldn't be overlooked or explained in any other way.  Found out after dating for over a year that she was lying to me about everything, even after lots of Skype calls and even an in person visit for a few weeks.  She was about a week away from the K1 interview when I found out the truth.  I cancelled the interview and immediately wrote up a letter to the embassy in Manila cancelling the petition.  She was super upset of course, but the evidence, along with how she was acting strangely for awhile (which finally made sense now) was more than enough to convince me that she was a fraud.  The embassy was quite quick (within a week), responding back to me about how they have pulled the file and cancelled the petition based on my written request.  

 

I was quite angry, but also glad that I found out before I actually got married to her or before she got the Visa.

[moosy 139]

2 hours ago, MeAlone said:

This Topic is for to share our experience, many USC are suffering the Marriage Fraud, manipulation, abuse and many things more hurting us for years or for life.

 

Let's share our stories and think what could we do different based on our experience and knowledge now.

Immigrants have all the rights and protection in our country. What do we have, we US citizens? Spending a lot and making a lot of documents for to be with our loved ones. Do we deserve being used, manipulated, abused and even send to jail because of our best feelings and intentions? What kind of legal help do we have? What kind of support?

As a Belgian immigrant with much better healthcare and social security in her home country and who paid for everything herself and submitted everything herself (and I know I am not the only one), I think this is awkwardly aimed at very specific people from certain countries? Haha.

 

Anyone can be a victim of abuse .... or an abuser, even people like me (obviously not saying I am one).

 

I agree with the other tips: you need to see each other plenty, and try to live with each other in a non-vacation style. Vacation makes everything more fun and you are much less likely to have a fight. You need to have a few arguments to see how the other person reacts to an argument: do they suddenly get hostile, or super-subservient? Red flags. Cook each other dinner, or make your own lunches when you go somewhere to get to know eachother's likes and dislikes. Someone who just happens to like EVERYTHING you like (for food, clothes, movies, ...)? Red flag. No two people are alike, so there will be differences. 

 

Make sure you talk about money, job, and children before you start this as well: do you both truly want kids? If you do, how will you raise them, and will someone stay home or not? What are your big achievable dreams in life? Are they more or less able to line up with each other (cf if someone wants to climb the highest mountain, and the other person does not even like any activity at all, that is going to take a lot of sacrifice from one person)? Is the current job the job of your dreams or do you want to do something else? What were some big things in your life that made you into the person you are? Are you a or an ### when you are drunk/sick/angry/sad/...? What are your weak points? Are there household chores you love or detest? How will you divide the household work? How will you arrange the money issues while the other person is not allowed to work (or does not have a job yet)? How will it be arranged once you both have a job? What about expectations about sex? Every day, a few times a week, once a week, once a month, longer? Who will do most of the cooking and why exactly? What of these things will change once both of you have a job?

These are all details that need to be talked about and talked about. This is the rest of your life, so you need to make sure you are compatible; does not need to be 100%, but about 70-80 is achievable (that includes the areas where you just don't care as that means you don't care what the other person will decide for you). Red flags: they do not seem to be interested to talk to you about these things, they avoid these talks at almost all costs, they get hostile with most of these things, they have not seemed to have thought about any of this before, they tell you whatever you decide is fine (no it is not. Ever met a person who truly meant that?)

A lot of these things can be discussed without seeing each other, but often are not talked about. Note that some of these may change once you are about to make the transition, so make sure to talk to them about it again after a year or so.

Don't focus on the pleasant things like your heart wants you to. These boring practical things are suddenly important once the initial buzz fades a bit (which is a normal development in any relationship), as they make up most of the structure of your day and week and months and years.

 

 

In addition, I have talked to a few people in person who specifically look for a wife from a specific nationality because they have heard they "make great wives" (in both the domestic and sexual sense of the word). I just had to stand there and bite my tongue at the stereotypical and shallow comments of these male American citizens who had incredibly specific expectations of their future wives (they needed to become a caretaker, clean the house and cook, and have their children as fast as they could; it sounded like a slave).

To me, this sounds like men who are bound to attract women who will suddenly "change out of the blue" when they actually get to the US. It's easy to play into that stereotype of these desperate men, if you are desperate to get out of your country.

Note that I am not trying to imply that this is why US citizens become a victim of visa fraud. I am sharing another type of context wherein I can see fraud being easy.

 

 

[Marcelina 246]

41 minutes ago, Dianalorena said:

It sucks to know that a lot use U.S citizens as green card tickets, breaking their hearts by pretending to be in love,  but to say that they have to be desperate to migrate from certain countries is a gross understatement. 

 

 

 

 

I don't want to generalize but after reading huge amount of threats here I feel like some USC (as many other ppl in the world) feel simply desperate to have someone dating them. They seek love through the virtual world, very often from specific countries wanting to have a cute and timid significant other.

Understanding someone from the same nationality and cultural circle might be hard enough because we are all so different and unique... not to mention different culture, religion, values in life etc.

 

I see people here sponsoring 3rd or 4th person which is crazy. Sometimes I feel there is no one else to blame for a fraud or unhappy relationship then those people own delusions, unable to understand certain circumstances or some huge red flags in the behavior of their loved ones.

 

I think immigrant visa (and K-1) related formalities are enough complicated and time-consuming. Only people in genuine love, or super desperate to be loved/or get to states can manage this. And there won't be anything else than your own common sense to keep you safe.

[sparkles_ 456]

6 minutes ago, Marcelina said:

I don't want to generalize but after reading huge amount of threats here I feel like some USC (as many other ppl in the world) feel simply desperate to have someone dating them. They seek love through the virtual world, very often from specific countries wanting to have a cute and timid significant other.

Understanding someone from the same nationality and cultural circle might be hard enough because we are all so different and unique... not to mention different culture, religion, values in life etc.

 

I see people here sponsoring 3rd or 4th person which is crazy. Sometimes I feel there is no one else to blame for a fraud or unhappy relationship then those people own delusions, unable to understand certain circumstances or some huge red flags in the behavior of their loved ones.

 

I think immigrant visa (and K-1) related formalities are enough complicated and time-consuming. Only people in genuine love, or super desperate to be loved/or get to states can manage this. And there won't be anything else than your own common sense to keep you safe.

Not to deviate, but isn't there a limit on how many partners a USC can sponsor?? I thought it topped out at 3.

[sparkles_ 456]

I have never been a victim of fraud, but for MENA countries, I think USCs need to be very, very aware of red flags, should learn the language on their own and keep that fact to themselves for a while. You would be shocked at the things people say about others (immigration wise and otherwise) as they sit in the same room, assuming they can't understand their language. Much heartache could be avoided with this alone.

Edited April 4, 2018 by sparkles_

[Marcelina 246]

4 minutes ago, sparkles_ said:

Not to deviate, but isn't there a limit on how many partners a USC can sponsor?? I thought it topped out at 3.

Yeah I think you are right about the limit. I will explain then that my point was to focus on the fact that they keep on trying, failing and trying again - targeting the same foreign country.

Edited April 4, 2018 by Marcelina

[Californiansunset 336]

2 hours ago, MeAlone said:

I wouldn't say it depends on the country, the percentage of honest people and cheaters is the same all around the world and in any country.

Disagree. Obviously the percentage of people who are willing to do anything for a green card is A LOT higher in poor, underdeveloped countries. The consulates from those countries don't scrutinize applications from there for nothing. They basically get a free ride out of poverty, a brighter future for themselves and their future children, PLUS will be able to support their family back home. They have plenty more reasons to marry someone purely for the Greencard than.. let's say someone from Germany who loses their great health care system, government child/family support and benefits, very good social security, free education, low cost of living and a great job market by immigrating to the U.S. Not saying that you won't find any dishonest people there but you will find A LOT LESS scams for obvious reasons... 

[Unidentified 2,930]

3 hours ago, MeAlone said:

Also the people behave different when they see an American abroad, walking dollar, free meal ticket, free way to America and it cost only a nice smile and love, easy game for many of them.

 

After my experience, I would say, more face time but here, in US, not marrying so fast. Maybe the new law, not 90 days but 1 year here for a foreigner to see our country, to see both of us in the same house and decide to marry. 1 year living together can give you the idea if it works. 1 year with a work permit but no green card, AOS after 1 year together here.

And what happens if the American decides he doesn't want his wife anymore, send her back? Sounds more like opening a can of work to human trafficking. 

 

And the 90 days is not for getting to know someone, it's for the immigrant to come over get married and send in their AOS. Not for getting to know someone and see what happens. Get to know someone properly before proposing to them and don't bring them here until you're sure. And stop generalizing everyone, not everyone sees an American like a free meal ticket. America is not that great. 

[Grant PDX 183]

You are limited to 2 fiance visa petitions in your lifetime, after that it requires a waiver.  I just had my 4th petition approved (one of them never made to visa issuance as I cancelled it between petition approval and arriving at the foreign consulate).  My fiance now is scheduled to interview next Tuesday.  My first foreign spouse wasn't a scam, we have 2 children together and were married 5 years when she decided it wasn't what she wanted.  I currently have custody of the kids but she's very much a part of their (our) life.  My second foreign fiance, after nearly a year online and 15 days together admitted she had another boyfriend, only after she get pregnant by him - petition approved but cancelled.  Third foreign fiance happened while I was still emotionally ransacked by the second.  We were a horrible fit, realized it after getting married (ok, in fairness, there were signs prior to marriage, I was just blind to them).  Not saying she was a scammer but ultimately our relationship (me) couldn't withstand her dishonesty and jealousy.  Fourth fiance was a friend long ago.  We became friends, lost contact when we both had marriages that fell apart eventually, reconnected and realized we could be more than friends so we decided to venture down this path, yet again.  I wouldn't do this again with someone who wasn't already a friend first.  It's too hard when you can't tell what is what because during the "dating" period everyone wears a mask.

 

Side note, my sister and her husband lived together for 3 years prior to marriage.  Both at different times have commented to me how much things changed after marriage.  They both felt the other changed significantly, even after a 5 year relationship with 3 years living together.  Sometimes marriages fail not because of scams, but because things change, people change.

 

Yes, I do believe there are scammers.  Yes, America is perceived by many as the land of milk and honey.  Many of us (primarily those from 3rd world countries, not necessarily western Europe and other wealthy countries) would fight to get here if we weren't already here, yet we judge others who do.  Whether a person is from the USA, Africa, Asia, or anywhere else money has an allure and people are attracted to it.  It doesn't mean they're a scammer.  Wealth is power, generally people are attracted to power.  People almost universally would prefer more money over less money.  It's when they lie, cheat, and steal that it's an issue.  Just because someone is from Thailand, Philippines, Ethiopia, or Sudan doesn't make them dishonest.  Just because someone is from the USA, Canada, the UK or Japan doesn't make them honest.  Good and bad can be found anywhere.  Unfortunately the money difference causes a lot of problems, but desire for money doesn't make someone bad; lying, cheating and stealing do.

 

My $.02.

[Roel 7,192]

2 minutes ago, Unidentified said:

And what happens if the American decides he doesn't want his wife anymore, send her back? Sounds more like opening a can of work to human trafficking. 

 

And the 90 days is not for getting to know someone, it's for the immigrant to come over get married and send in their AOS. Not for getting to know someone and see what happens. Get to know someone properly before proposing to them and don't bring them here until you're sure. And stop generalizing everyone, not everyone sees an American like a free meal ticket. America is not that great. 

This. 

 

Not to mention marriage fraud works both ways. We have seen so many threads where immigrants say they arrived in their k1 or cr1 and their USC partner turned out to be completely different person. 180 degree turn. USC spouse like that usually threaten they will deport said immigrant, treat them like free servants around the house, etc. 

 

When green card scams are real, gotta remember that Americans aren't completely without fault also. 

 

And as someone mentioned - you have some Americans who sponsor 2 or 3 or more foreigners and they still can't see the patterns of scam...

 

Or American women who talk about their foreign partners and everyone here see the scam from miles, but those women are just blind..  sorry, but this is often about their Nigerian boyfriends. 

 

So instead of crying some Americans need to really be educated on what red flag to look for. Or even just common sense. 

[Scandi 4,166]

It still surprises me when US citizens decide to start dating foreigners, bring the foreigners over to the US and marry them without knowing them well enough and then whine about how bad the system is when they find themselves cheated by the foreigner. I mean, come on, people.. You're adults, you should know not to marry someone you don't know, or be adult enough to man up and admit your stupidity if you still take the chance. Not blame the system or anyone else.

 

If you can't handle a long-distance relationship and actually get to know the person you intend to marry to make sure the person is what you're looking for - then don't date people who live in another country. Many of us have done it successfully, and actually taken our time to find out about each other before deciding to get married and live together, but it clearly isn't for everyone. Might sound harsh, but the truth is that some of you just can't handle it.

[-Trinity- 513]

3 hours ago, MeAlone said:

Unfortunately we can not live abroad for 1 year either and even living there, you never know how this person will behave in America. Many are so nice in their own country but in their mind America is El Dorado and if the USC doesn't give them gold and luxury life here, he/she is a bad person and they move on thinking Americans are stupid and it is easy to find the next one but with much more money rich.

Why don't you stick just to an American partner? No one makes you get into a relationship with a foreigner after all.

[geowrian 22,337]

3 hours ago, MeAlone said:

I disagree, some people meet and marry in 1 day and live happy forever and some have lots of time dating and divorce after a week of marriage

Yes, it's possible. But I'd be willing to make a wager that a couple that has spent time learning about each other for a fair amount of time has a higher likelihood of lasting longer or being more amicable if it doesn't. Certainly not always, but usually that's the way it tends to go. At the very least, it makes sense to have a healthy dose of skepticism for a relationship that is very short.

 

At the same time, a couple that has been together for too long before getting married has also shown a shorter duration of marriage, on average. I forget the exact statistics, but for a 30+ year old, it was something like over 2 years without getting engaged fell into this group.

 

2 hours ago, MeAlone said:

I wouldn't say it depends on the country, the percentage of honest people and cheaters is the same all around the world and in any country.

I'd disagree with this, too. Or at the very least, there's not data supporting this claim (especially when it comes to immigration). Obviously there's honest and wonderful people everywhere, and scammers and cheats everywhere, too. The major challenge with migration is that they must (at least in theory) look at every case by hand, and treat them on their merits. But there are certainly cultural differences between countries that are more tolerant of scam and fraud as a fact of life. Street smarts are always important, but they're a daily necessity in some areas.

 

How many "fixers" do you know for fraudulent visas, passports, birth certificates, marriage certificates, etc. do you know in the US? They certainly exist everywhere, but you can find them just hanging around barely outside government buildings in some countries. Records are not well maintained and corruption is rampant in some countries, so the opportunity for fraud and personal gain drive some people to do bad things.

 

25 minutes ago, sparkles_ said:

Not to deviate, but isn't there a limit on how many partners a USC can sponsor?? I thought it topped out at 3.

Nope. You can petition as many people as you can show a valid relationship with and can financial sponsor (directly or via a joint sponsor). There's a multiple-filer waiver required for the I-129F for some conditions (a previously approved I-129F within the past 2 years, or 2 prior I-129Fs ever), but nothing's required for the  I-130.

 

Actually convincing an IO and CO of a bona fide relationship the 3rd, 4th, etc. time is definitely the hard part.

 

[MeAlone 161]

35 minutes ago, -Trinity- said:

Why don't you stick just to an American partner? No one makes you get into a relationship with a foreigner after all.

No, nobody need to go far and risk bringing a foreigner and personally after my bad experience, I better stick to an American, American men are great, I was married to one, a widow, never even thought to date a foreigner, he got me in my hard lonely times, very nice personality, I didn't think to marry him, he asked and asked me for a long time. You know, Americans we are also human and we trust people, sometimes maybe too much. Just look at this forum, how many couples from all over the world.

 

and, please, the whole VJ forum is dedicated mostly to immigrants and how to get the green card even in court and abusing the USC or the other way around. This Topic is opened not to blame Americans but to help us understand what's going on???

 

Why so many so quick divorces are going on as we see here in VJ? Why when the American citizen is doing his/her best, working hard and supporting the new family, including foreign kids (I am not talking about American abusers, as immigrant you have all VJ forum about them and you can attack them there). This Topic is about honest, decent Americans who were cheated, lied, abused by their foreign spouses or fiance(e)s

Edited April 5, 2018 by MeAlone

[MeAlone 161]

and, guys, I see sometimes here in VJ foreigners attacking verbally Americans, don't bring a foreigner, stick to an American ... sounds aggressive. We all know very well, you can marry the girl/guy next door and being robbed, cheated, abused and scammed, any marriage is a lottery, you can't predict everything and you can't read another person mind. Local marriages fail too.

 

So, please, keep your hate to Americans to yourself or go to any other Topic, so many of them in VJ about abused foreigners and bad Americans, you can stick there all your hateful comments. 

 

This Topic is to help American citizens to prevent and avoid lies, cheating, abuse, big financial lost and even a personal freedom for false accusations and all just because somebody decided to use this American and played an ugly game.