USC Marriage Fraud experience and what would I do different

[MeAlone 161]

frankly I feel bad about the possibility to call the police on him when he was abusive, I didn't know then about the child is not his, just I was surprised she was much older than her passport say. I didn't have any evidence before he left either and calling about a domestic violence, I felt how? I just brought him here and I would send him to jail? I couldn't.

[MeAlone 161]

and, guys, I am not traumatized or anything but finally after 1 year he left, I can talk about it. The saddest thing is trying to understand why? How did it happen if I did everything well? I even knew the marriage could fail anytime, specially with the person from another country, different culture. But it looks like all my best wishes and effort not only to keep the marriage but at least to get the green card, to let him stay here, all done well by me but it came out ending bad.

 

That's why I think it would be much better to rent an appt. and to give him a prepaid phone, I would go home if he is so angry about something, he won't need to hide his chats and phone talking, more space, more calm maybe.

[MeAlone 161]

Amazing, reading myself, how still I blame myself he didn't get at least his documents because I didn't give him more space and I didn't do more for him, when this bad "A" did it all wrong by himself and for himself.

[Ksenia_O 696]

What visa has been used for the  child  to enter US?

[MeAlone 161]

12 minutes ago, Ksenia_O said:

What visa has been used for the  child  to enter US?

K2

[iwir 337]

7 hours ago, MeAlone said:

OK

4. Prenup, your assets, be careful. What would I did based on my bad experience?

I would do prenup, I live in a community property state. As I mentioned, I wouldn't give him my car keys to drive on his international license, I would drive him myself where he needs to go, this way I could see it's not a party or some weird friends (he said he doesn't know anybody but he knew, he even tried to use my car as Uber and also was giving rides to some people, cleaning the car after).

 

I wouldn't bring him to the house I own, I would rent the appt., he was abusive so if we lived in an appt., I could go home and let him stay there with his child and his angry moods. You know it is not easy to kick the immigrant out, it's an established address and he/she can falsely accuse you, get the restraining order and kick you out from your own house. Apparently he tried, he brought his child on my support but he was trying to kick out my son, he kicked me out of my car, my bedroom and bed yet was coming to my sofa when he needed, he even dared saying he would be happy if I was not in the house, I was staying in a living room afraid of his anger even to go to the kitchen when he was home, not good. So I think renting a small place would be good, more safe.

With this kind of attitude, you're not attractive to someone who is looking for a healthy relationship. Immigration involved or not, you seem to be still licking your wound and looking for some kind of closure.

 

Someone ask the success rate of international marriage. The statistics wouldn't be too different from the local one. Those who are successful are those who have finished with themselves. People who have happy and satisfying relationship are those who are already happy and satisfied with their lives whether they're dating/married or single. If they're still single, they are ready and eager to share their happiness with the same kind of people and don't need them to complete them.

 

A man who is not successful with their love life, travel or look for some women abroad thinking they can fill up what they're missing here in their home country. They wear some persona that they're successful and respectable esp with dollar they can buy and get more than they can in their home country. What kind of woman is he attracting and this is all foreigner's fault? He's also responsible with the situation he's creating. It's like a drug that keeps your high you don't want to stop. I have some money and I can give you some and even a better life in the US if you're docile, submissive, sexually willing and good at cleaning up. For those who never travel the world, the reality you tell her is the only reality she knows. Once "foreigner" finds out it's not like what she expects, the disaster is inevitable. They don't have healthy relationship to begin with because both expect each other to complete them.

 

It's the same with a woman who just got divorced or her husband passed away and afraid to get into dating scene again. She questions herself if she's still attractive enough. She needs a reassurance. And she thinks men from abroad fit the bills because local men are too lazy, less exotic, stupid etc (add yourself). So what kind of "foreigner" she will attract? The drama won't be too different from those men who are looking for GF from abroad.

 

Someone here said about the similar culture and upbringing. I'd say it only covers the surface. Me and my fiance come from different culture but we respect each other and don't want each other to  change just to conform. My mom is a classic Asian tiger mom who would give me a hard time if I didn't get an A for my exam. His parents are classic american middle class who doted on their only child. We are totally different but have the same values about life in general.

 

If OP were a man and asked me to date him, I'd say go and lick your wound first. Love yourself first and hopefully I'd be still here when you come back. If he asked me to move to the US, I'd say why do you want me to leave behind everything I have here? Is it because you think I live in a sh*t hole and my home country sucks?

 

If he said he wanted to move here, I'd say sure. Have you learned about immigration law in Indonesia? Move here if that's what you want. But don't do it for me. I don't want you to blame everything on me if you can't adjust or find a job here. I, a foreigner, will stay away from this kind of person, USC or not, because I'm too busy enjoying my drama free life.

 

Edited April 5, 2018 by iwir

[MeAlone 161]

5 minutes ago, iwir said:

With this kind of attitude, you're not attractive to someone who is looking for a healthy relationship. Immigration involved or not, you seem to be still licking your wound and looking for some kind of closure.

 

Someone ask the success rate of international marriage. The statistics wouldn't be too different from the local one. Those who are successful are those who have finished with themselves. People who have happy and satisfying relationship are those who are already happy and satisfied with their lives whether they're dating/married or single. If they're still single, they are ready and eager to share their happiness with the same kind of people and don't need them to complete them.

 

A man who is not successful with their love life, travel or look for some women abroad thinking they can fill up what they're missing here in their home country. They wear some persona that they're successful and respectable esp with dollar they can buy and get more than they can in their home country. What kind of woman is he attracting and this is all foreigner's fault? He's also responsible with the situation he's creating. It's like a drug that keeps your high you don't want to stop. I have some money and I can give you some and even a better life in the US if you're docile, submissive, sexually willing and good at cleaning up. For those who never travel the world, the reality you tell her is the only reality she knows. Once "foreigner" finds out it's not like what she expects, the disaster is inevitable. They don't have healthy relationship to begin with because both expect each other to complete them.

 

It's the same with a woman who just got divorced or her husband passed away and afraid to get into dating scene again. She questions herself if she's still attractive enough. She needs a reassurance. And she thinks men from abroad fit the bills because local men are too lazy, less exotic, stupid etc (add yourself). So what kind of "foreigner" she will attract? The drama won't be too different from those men who are looking for GF from abroad.

 

Someone here said about the similar culture and upbringing. I'd say it only covers the surface. Me and my fiance come from different culture but we respect each other and don't want each other to  change just to conform. My mom is a classic Asian tiger mom who would give me a hard time if I didn't get an A for my exam. His parents are classic american middle class who doted on their only child. We are totally different but have the same values about life in general.

 

If OP were a man and asked me to date him, I'd say go and lick your wound first. Love yourself first and hopefully I'd be still here when you come back. If he asked me to move to the US, I'd say why do you want me to leave behind everything I have here? Is it because you think I live in a hole and my home country sucks?

 

If he said he wanted to move here, I'd say sure. Have you learned about immigration law in Indonesia? Move here if that's what you want. But don't do it for me. I don't want you to blame everything on me if you can't adjust or find a job here. I, a foreigner, will stay away from this kind of person, USC or not, because I'm too busy enjoying my drama free life.

 

Not my case, i didn't look to marry and I do not look now, perfectly well by myself, I don't need any reassurance, men like me, any place I go, men talk to me. It happened I got interested in a very interesting personality and then he had half a year convincing me to have a relationship.

 

You are wrong talking about everybody like we all are desperate to get a wife or a husband. Some are desperate and some are not, some like foreigners or can't get local dates, some have local opportunities and don't need to go abroad, yet it happens the strong attraction to one particular person, then it doesn't matter local or not. American men are wonderful, I was married to one, maybe some men have troubles to find a woman locally but I guess for American women it's easy.

 

What is hard to find is the real your person, your half and it doesn't depend of a country.

 

OP never asked her man to date her, we met as friends and it was an interesting friendship for the 1st 6 months and then the foreigner asked to be more and ask to marry me and asked for visa. Nobody thinks about your country bad, most of us think about the person, doesn't matter a country. But yes, I noticed some foreigners even hate America, it's OK, we don't care, love it or leave it.

[iwir 337]

2 minutes ago, MeAlone said:

Not my case, i didn't look to marry and I do not look now, perfectly well by myself, I don't need any reassurance, men like me, any place I go, men talk to me. It happened I got interested in a very interesting personality and then he had half a year convincing me to have a relationship.

 

You are wrong talking about everybody like we all are desperate to get a wife or a husband. Some are desperate and some are not, some like foreigners or can't get local dates, some have local opportunities and don't need to go abroad, yet it happens the strong attraction to one particular person, then it doesn't matter local or not. American men are wonderful, I was married to one, maybe some men have troubles to find a woman locally but I guess for American women it's easy.

 

What is hard to find is the real your person, your half and it doesn't depend of a country.

 

OP never asked her man to date her, we met as friends and it was an interesting friendship for the 1st 6 months and then the foreigner asked to be more and ask to marry me and asked for visa. Nobody thinks about your country bad, most of us think about the person, doesn't matter a country. But yes, I noticed some foreigners even hate America, it's OK, we don't care, love it or leave it.

Heal yourself, OP and don't forget to lock your key

[MeAlone 161]

Just now, iwir said:

Heal yourself, OP and don't forget to lock your key

Lol, all healed, that's why I am writing here. 

Why are you angry? Are you a fast divorced foreigner? 

[MeAlone 161]

15 minutes ago, iwir said:

Heal yourself, OP and don't forget to lock your key

come to America, dear, I see you are in K1 visa process and learn a little more about life here if you love your fiance, visiting is not living.

Do not judge America and our people when you didn't live our life and don't have a clue what are you talking about.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

1 hour ago, MeAlone said:

I guess for American women it's easy.

 

What is hard to find is the real your person, your half and it doesn't depend of a country.

 

 

Eh, not so much.  My standards are way too high.

 

If you are looking for a half, then you are a half.  Ever read Silverstein's The Missing Piece?  

 

 

[Ontarkie 14,218]

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Edited April 6, 2018 by Ontarkie