Moving to States (K1)

[Perfect two 💑 1,147]

23 minutes ago, Ben&Zian said:

 

Another thing, may seem small or unimportant.. but like for myself when I lived alone I didn't worry about like a dining table or couple small type pieces of furniture, but when my husband moved in, I let him select some stuff to kind of customize the apartment. Might be a good idea maybe put your own touch on things.

Can I ask something? When your husband customize the apartment, did you like it? or you prefer it to be your way? how did both of you communicate about things that you like and dislike? 

[Ben&Zian 4,398]

5 minutes ago, Perfect two 💑 said:

Can I ask something? When your husband customize the apartment, did you like it? or you prefer it to be your way? how did both of you communicate about things that you like and dislike? 

 

Honestly we have a lot of the same tastes. Simple and nothing over the top. He picked out end tables for the bedroom, dining table, some other things.

[doggieandsam 765]

10 minutes ago, Perfect two 💑 said:

Can I ask something? When your husband customize the apartment, did you like it? or you prefer it to be your way? how did both of you communicate about things that you like and dislike? 

we are slowing trying to do this. but the way we communicate what we like and dislike? my husband just says "i have no clue, just be sure it's what you like because we will be stuck with it for decades". lol

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

If i was a non US Citizen and had to come here on K1 and wait in a house/apartment for many months for something to do while my Spouse spent the day working, I don't think I would do it.

 

If you add wintertime then I would probably pack my bags and head back home.

 

Doing the transition period of waiting for Greencard, EAD/AP and waiting and waiting and waiting wouldn't work for me. I personally don't think I could do it.

 

 

[implife 318]

17 hours ago, Perfect two 💑 said:

Just want to share how is my life here in States. I arrived here on 19th March 2018. Guess what? I started feeling homesick and bored. Before I'm moving here, I always thought that if I prepared myself well, I will not get bored and will not feel homesick.

 

South Carolina can be dull, of course.

However, the ocean is within reach. If you can afford it, try to get there regularly. It may help you feel more at home, and just better in general.

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

I haven't read all the replies to this, but I will. I just wanted to go ahead and share how great I think this post is. Not that it's great you were feeling bored or homesick - but the process both you and your fiancé found to overcome it. Recognizing the situation for what it is is so important, and good job for doing just that and remembering what you did all this for to begin with - your relationship and partnership with your spouse! And good job to your partner on how he handled it - I think taking you out to dinner so you could both talk it out was a great idea.

 

I think it's important to remember that ALL marriages - including ones that don't include an international facet - have tough bumps in the road. Sometimes, one person is feeling lower than the other, it's not always perfectly 50/50. As someone's spouse or partner, it's part of the responsibility to be aware of when the other one is having those low points, and do what you can to support them and bring them back up. If everyone just tucked tail and ran every time something got difficult, there'd be a lot more unhappy people in this world than there already are. There's lots of other scenarios that could lead to similar dissatisfaction - someone losing a job, for example, could lead to being stuck at home or not having access to a second vehicle (if funds are low and you had to compromise to using only one for the time being). In those instances, it isn't realistic to just give up and move back to the apartment or place you were living alone before you got married.

 

Moving to a completely new country is definitely not the same as losing a job or not being able to drive due to finances. But the point is - you make it what you want it to be. Misery is temporary company, if you choose it to be. The downside to K1 is you can't work right away, and may not be able to for a while. I think that's one of the toughest parts for a lot of people; I know it would be for me. It's part of your routine and gives you a sense of purpose. There may be a honeymoon phase for a few weeks where you enjoy the time to relax and enjoy one another, but reality does kick in, like with any marriage. Watching your partner go on with their daily routine while you have a completely blank slate can be daunting. As I'm sure people have already suggested, some of the best ways to combat that is to find activities or hobbies outside of the house in the meantime. I live in South Carolina, too! So I completely understand our weather has been INCREDIBLY bipolar lately, and can make it difficult to get outside and enjoy the outdoors. The days it is nice outside - it's supposed to be nice for the weekend and next week, fortunately! - take advantage of those. Find some local parks or greenways. The Carolinas have PLENTY of beautiful outdoor places to enjoy; it's one of my favorite parts about living here. Make weekend plans together, or whenever your husband is not working. Take a day trip to the mountains. Blue Ridge is gorgeous any time of year. (Not sure what part of the state you live in, but our beaches are beautiful also.) You may not get to get out of the house every single day, but some days spent out will make those spent in a little bit more bearable.

 

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

17 hours ago, Ben&Zian said:

 

Another thing, may seem small or unimportant.. but like for myself when I lived alone I didn't worry about like a dining table or couple small type pieces of furniture, but when my husband moved in, I let him select some stuff to kind of customize the apartment. Might be a good idea maybe put your own touch on things.

This too!!

 

Both my fiancé and I have lived alone for years, prior to this process, so it's an adjustment for both of us. Having to make room for someone else's stuff in my closet has been the hardest so far. I've actually never lived with another person before, as long as I've lived on my own. We've already had conversations about things he'd like to bring or add/change about my house where we'll be living together. Fortunately, he's pretty easy going, but he's made some suggestions. Even now, before he's moved over for good, I run things by him already when I'm doing projects or changing things up to get his opinion. He's from Sweden, so I've already promised we're making a run to Ikea, since we luckily have one nearby, to stock up on stuff that "feels like home" for him. He's also a chef (I'm VERY MUCH SO NOT a chef), so he also gets to kind of man the kitchen and turn that into what he wants it to be.

 

Someone else mentioned food nostalgic to your home country. That's a big one, too! I have stuff I'm homesick for from Sweden, as the American, just from visiting there, so I can only imagine how he'll feel being that's his home. Again, we're lucky to have an Ikea that has a Swedish food market, so we can get some things there. He's also Filipino, and we've already found an Asian market nearby that has a lot of traditional Filipino staples, so we frequent those.

 

Another thing we've done even when he's been here visiting, and intend on maintaining in the future, is recognizing and celebrating Swedish holidays we don't have here in the states. As the American, it's important to me to do my best to incorporate as much Swedish culture into our home and life together.

[AbenaKofi 132]

Wow, this is a really insightful post.  We are (hopefully) about 3 months away from living together and as the USC I'm trying to wrap my head around sharing my living space (and resources) for the first time while also being supportive and mindful of my hubby who will be totally out of his element.  Thankfully we are in a pretty decent sized town, and the apartment is walking distance to shops and a gym and whatnot.  

The other thing is for the USC, after a long day of work, we will come home to someone who is ready to go out or have fun when we may just want to veg out for the rest of the evening ;). It'll be a fun adjustment period, haha!  Extra understanding is needed on both sides.

[Nevad@ 26]

19 hours ago, Ben&Zian said:

 

Honestly we have a lot of the same tastes. Simple and nothing over the top. He picked out end tables for the bedroom, dining table, some other things.

It's awesome that you offered him to do it, it's both keeping him busy and also means how much you trust his taste.

 

Perfect Two- try to look at it as a little vacation, absolute break from everything you have been doing before and let this free time work in your favor, rest and listen to your mind, find new hobbies, maybe get a car and drive around when he is at work? Try to learn a language or take an online course for something you have always wanted to do but never had time.  Once you will have a job and other responsibilities you won't even have time to get bored

[Perfect two 💑 1,147]

13 hours ago, Chris Duffy said:

If i was a non US Citizen and had to come here on K1 and wait in a house/apartment for many months for something to do while my Spouse spent the day working, I don't think I would do it.

 

If you add wintertime then I would probably pack my bags and head back home.

 

Doing the transition period of waiting for Greencard, EAD/AP and waiting and waiting and waiting wouldn't work for me. I personally don't think I could do it.

 

 

I thought I will be able to do that. I never notice that it will be that difficult. But, it is more difficult more than I'm expected. I'm lucky because he understands my situation. I wish I can work soon. It might take another 4-5 months before I can start working. 

[Perfect two 💑 1,147]

12 hours ago, implife said:

South Carolina can be dull, of course.

However, the ocean is within reach. If you can afford it, try to get there regularly. It may help you feel more at home, and just better in general.

We will have beach trip with his family soon and I'm super duper excited about it!  

[Perfect two 💑 1,147]

11 hours ago, Paul & Mallory said:

I haven't read all the replies to this, but I will. I just wanted to go ahead and share how great I think this post is. Not that it's great you were feeling bored or homesick - but the process both you and your fiancé found to overcome it. Recognizing the situation for what it is is so important, and good job for doing just that and remembering what you did all this for to begin with - your relationship and partnership with your spouse! And good job to your partner on how he handled it - I think taking you out to dinner so you could both talk it out was a great idea.

 

I think it's important to remember that ALL marriages - including ones that don't include an international facet - have tough bumps in the road. Sometimes, one person is feeling lower than the other, it's not always perfectly 50/50. As someone's spouse or partner, it's part of the responsibility to be aware of when the other one is having those low points, and do what you can to support them and bring them back up. If everyone just tucked tail and ran every time something got difficult, there'd be a lot more unhappy people in this world than there already are. There's lots of other scenarios that could lead to similar dissatisfaction - someone losing a job, for example, could lead to being stuck at home or not having access to a second vehicle (if funds are low and you had to compromise to using only one for the time being). In those instances, it isn't realistic to just give up and move back to the apartment or place you were living alone before you got married.

 

Moving to a completely new country is definitely not the same as losing a job or not being able to drive due to finances. But the point is - you make it what you want it to be. Misery is temporary company, if you choose it to be. The downside to K1 is you can't work right away, and may not be able to for a while. I think that's one of the toughest parts for a lot of people; I know it would be for me. It's part of your routine and gives you a sense of purpose. There may be a honeymoon phase for a few weeks where you enjoy the time to relax and enjoy one another, but reality does kick in, like with any marriage. Watching your partner go on with their daily routine while you have a completely blank slate can be daunting. As I'm sure people have already suggested, some of the best ways to combat that is to find activities or hobbies outside of the house in the meantime. I live in South Carolina, too! So I completely understand our weather has been INCREDIBLY bipolar lately, and can make it difficult to get outside and enjoy the outdoors. The days it is nice outside - it's supposed to be nice for the weekend and next week, fortunately! - take advantage of those. Find some local parks or greenways. The Carolinas have PLENTY of beautiful outdoor places to enjoy; it's one of my favorite parts about living here. Make weekend plans together, or whenever your husband is not working. Take a day trip to the mountains. Blue Ridge is gorgeous any time of year. (Not sure what part of the state you live in, but our beaches are beautiful also.) You may not get to get out of the house every single day, but some days spent out will make those spent in a little bit more bearable.

 

Thank you super duper much for the advise. It is awesome advise. I will always remember that. Someone said this to me before, when you have a fight with your partner/spouse, remember that it is not you against him/her but it is both of you against the problem.  

[Perfect two 💑 1,147]

8 hours ago, AbenaKofi said:

Wow, this is a really insightful post.  We are (hopefully) about 3 months away from living together and as the USC I'm trying to wrap my head around sharing my living space (and resources) for the first time while also being supportive and mindful of my hubby who will be totally out of his element.  Thankfully we are in a pretty decent sized town, and the apartment is walking distance to shops and a gym and whatnot.  

The other thing is for the USC, after a long day of work, we will come home to someone who is ready to go out or have fun when we may just want to veg out for the rest of the evening ;). It'll be a fun adjustment period, haha!  Extra understanding is needed on both sides.

That is awesome to have shops and gym within walking distance. I hope we have that too, but now, I'm feeling better since he always spending time with me outside the house. We go to grocery shop, mall and even have dinner outside sometimes.We have a pond nearby and have ducks. So, we go out and feed the duck after he finished working too. It is great to be able to spend time with him. 

[Perfect two 💑 1,147]

8 hours ago, Nevad@ said:

It's awesome that you offered him to do it, it's both keeping him busy and also means how much you trust his taste.

 

Perfect Two- try to look at it as a little vacation, absolute break from everything you have been doing before and let this free time work in your favor, rest and listen to your mind, find new hobbies, maybe get a car and drive around when he is at work? Try to learn a language or take an online course for something you have always wanted to do but never had time.  Once you will have a job and other responsibilities you won't even have time to get bored

we will be having beach trip with his family soon! Super duper excited about it. Other than that, I might start reading more and arranging documents for AOS now.  

[pajobra 1,395]

I know when I moved here last October I thought for sure I would be fine. After all I had recently lived far from my family and figured I would not miss them so much. Well that was a farce hahaha. The last 2.5 years before I moved to the states I had moved in with my Mum to save money. So I was back in my hometown where I grew up. My sister lived 5 doors down and my Aunt lived 8 doors down the other way. lol I miss them terribly. Funny thing was my Mum called a couple weeks ago crying that she really really missed me. She said me moving in was so good for her at that time because my stepdad had recently passed away and it helped her cope with her loss better. I started crying and said I really really missed her. So she is coming down at the end of April for a visit and I am so so so very happy. 

Things that help though while I wait for my EAD are volunteering. I volunteer at the local library and I love love love it. I previously worked as the assistant administrator at a public library so of course it is right up my alley. My husband knows how important my family is to me. My 12 year old niece messages me about once a week. I feel grateful that at her age she wants to even reach out to her Auntie. lol I think once I start working things will be better. I do have some friends here and me and my husband go out with some bowling and for potluck nights and that helps too.

Although I have to say I really miss Canada. The USA is quite different and you wouldn't think so but it is. lol Don't get me wrong I do like it here quite a bit. Love where I am in Colorado.