Need advice please- extremely unhappy wife & stepdaughter

[Roel 7,192]

So your wife doesn't want to work in Russia really but she doesn't want to make any effort  in US either. Daughter has little choice. It's the mother who decide and don't be manipulated by a kid crying that she doesn't want to go to school. 

 

So your wife has a plan to work in US once she gets her ead or not really? 

[durden2128 4]

I guess. She just wants anything where she doesnt have to speak alot. She is extremely self conscious of her English even though we only speak in English together and I dont speak Russian. She still believes she isnt smart enough to work at most jobs, even though shes an accountant that requires very little speaking ability. She is just insistent that she doesnt want to be a house cleaner anymore which she did for awhile with my sister who makes damn good money with her house cleaning company. She wants an office job, or working at the mall in  a clothing store since she is obsessed with fashion and clothes.

[Roel 7,192]

So according to her working in mall or office won't require her to speak English?

 

Sounds like she kind of use her English skills as an excuse... Tell her to go do English classes. 

[durden2128 4]

She attends a few days a week but complains it doesnt help and that most of the older ladies in there dont work and have been attending for years. I bought her Rosetta Stone but she insists it doesnt help its too easy. She has a complaint for everything.

[Roel 7,192]

She is worried about her English skills buy refuse to improve them. She doesn't want to work because of her English either. You know when I first came to the US I was self conscious about my English also but once I start working and speaking with more people than just my husband it turned out I had nothing to worry about. 

 

Your wife is also depressed but refuse therapy. She wants to go back to Russia but doesn't really want to work there either... 

 

I'd say give her more time and wait until her ead arrives and see what she does. She will  either find a job in the US and help support the family or if she still want to leave then let her go. 

[durden2128 4]

Hmmm.. I wish she had someone like you to speak and reason with her Roel. I see your in Clarksville. I know its a small area my friend is from there. She is still in culture shock living in a small Alabama town- she has only lived in cities with 100k people and constant buses and activities.

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

Can I ask a totally blunt question? Forgive me if it’s rude, well it will be but an honest answer probably informs your next steps: did your wife move to be with you, or did she move to live an “American lifestyle”? 

 

[K & Gu 42]

I can imagine if you moved to Birmingham she wouldn't care for bigger cities much afterwards. Best of luck to you.

[durden2128 4]

Possibly the latter. But the American lifestyle is so general. She kept repeating to be with me and have A lifel. But now im not so sure anymore. She still all this unrealistic reality tv ####### and has it fixated in her brain thats how most Americans live.

[CheeseMonstah 87]

Time to give her the ol'  Das Vidanya

[Shane & Len 11]

25 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

Can I ask a totally blunt question? Forgive me if it’s rude, well it will be but an honest answer probably informs your next steps: did your wife move to be with you, or did she move to live an “American lifestyle”? 

 

That is the exact question that was in my mind.  There isn't a nice way to ask but it's a fair question given the side of the story being told. 

I know re-location can be difficult.  Home sickness, culture shock and a feeling of helplessness at times but it sounds like she doesn't want to try. 

OP:  When you say she wants to go back and  start a new life for herself but have you keep her daughter - that set off alarms for me.  Especially when I consider it in light of the fact that she threatened to leave you if you didn't bring her immediately.  I hope there is another side to the story, but if this is the whole story - I think you already know the answer.

Good luck to you.

[.yana 597]

She married you for the green card and money that she thought you had. Divorce her and move on. You two will not be happy, and you are risking losing your sanity over this situation. 

[bad4tatt 168]

2 hours ago, durden2128 said:

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I dont have a plan. One wants to return to Russia and the other wants to stick it out here. My wife wants to return but says shes afraid to return because she has a hard time finding work in her town and her daughter refuses to attend school if shes forced to return to Russia. They dont have truancy officers like they do here evidently.

 

Your wife wants someone to take care of her and her daughter financially based on what you just said.  She hasn't been here that long why would she be afraid of not getting a job? Makes no sense. Let her go. I think pretty much all of the responses received you know what you gotta do. Flat out tell her there is no glamour life she thought she was getting. You both will remain unhappy.

[Scazy 78]

1 hour ago, SusieQQQ said:

Can I ask a totally blunt question? Forgive me if it’s rude, well it will be but an honest answer probably informs your next steps: did your wife move to be with you, or did she move to live an “American lifestyle”? 

 

 

24 minutes ago, .yana said:

She married you for the green card and money that she thought you had. Divorce her and move on. You two will not be happy, and you are risking losing your sanity over this situation. 

Exactly my thoughts. 

She wants Miami, LA, clothes, tv shows, green card and sit at the couch tight while you provide all that. Where is YOU at this picture? You needed a support of your wife when you hit a hard time in your life, but looking for it at the forum. Please, be smart and choose smart, you should only provide for people who gives your a hand when you need it and simply worth it. 

Shake it up, you will be just fine. 

 

 

[kris&me 572]

First of all QUIT spending money for private schools and entertainment

you can not afford it

then the daughter may not be so willing to stay

you are caught by someone wanting a green card and money

true love would have made her help you get thru this