Immigrant Pinay feeling homesick and lonely [split topic]

[DocZ 20]

On 3/4/2018 at 8:01 PM, dcpa55 said:

Ive been here in the US for 2 months already and I feel so lonely and homesick too. I miss my family, friends, and the foods im used to. It is definitely difficult to adjust here because I dont have a job yet, we are still processing our papers and I dont know how to drive a car which makes things worst(I feel bad not having driving lesson at home)and i always want to eat Filipino foods and not the foods her, finding filipino foods here is so difficult. Still I feel blessed and happy because my husband always ask his supervisor that he will work from home as much as possible so I can have companion and not be alone, and good thing he is always approved. Im not used to being alone in the Philippines, i lived with my mom and siblings and niece. And my mom's brother and sister's  family are just living at the back of our house so it is is always fun and not boring at home. And I worked as a nurse where the hospital is just 10 minutes a walk away. Not having a job and being away from love ones is driving me crazy. Im trying my best to get busy with my review for the licensure exam here but it is so damn difficult. I dont know how long it will last. It is just exhausting to keep on crying and feeling miserable and lonely. It makes me think it is making my husband sad. But thanks God he is a good man, would always support me and understand me. My husband is my only friend here. His family lives really far. I only met them once during our wedding.  The thought of my husband leaving and going to another country for work makes me more sad because I know I cant join him yet so it will def make me insane. He will be leaving soon. I guess we dont have a choice here but to be strong and stay sane for our husband and family back in Pinas.

Thank you for posting this, because it is exactly what I worry about. Your situation is the situation that scares me so much for my wife. I will have to show her this thread.

 

I love her and want her to be happy... and I get so scared she will be home sick and not want to live in the US. She is still in the Philippines with our son right now, surrounded by so much family support, everyone in walking distance. She will likely be here around 10/2018. I feel like I have had to push and push her to prepare, because she appears oblivious that her life is going to significantly change... or sometimes her lack of preparation makes me wonder if she even wants to come here. 

 

She is very picky on the food she eats, and only likes Filipino food, but doesn't know how to cook. Only after pushing and pushing her, has she started to learn to cook, so that she can eat foods she likes. 

I bought her a car in the Philippines so she could start to learn to drive, but it has been months, and has not even tried, and has resisted me teaching her.  She just wants to have her brother drive, or will still take sitting in a super hot and crowded jeepney over the nice aircon SUV. I will buy a self driving car when they become commercially available, but that it still years away. I keep thinking I must move near public transportation, because it appears she will not take initiative to learn.

I bought her NCLEX study materials, and pushed her to find people to prepare with, but she is not preparing very much. Luckily, she has gotten some of the paperwork started (which can take months), so at least some of it is in process. But, I think she is very far from being prepared to take the NCLEX, and I honestly don't even know if she will ever actually take it. I think getting a job, even just part time, will help her be less isolated, and give her something meaningful to do.

 

She doesn't know anybody here. She says she will be willing to relocate anywhere... but she seems to have such poor insight on what she needs so she will be happy. She moved to Singapore for 2 weeks, before returning to Philippines because she was homesick. I am in the San Francisco Bay Area, so there is a large Filipino community here (including my distant Filipino cousins, who I only met when I moved here 3 years ago). I think we will stay in this area for a while, just because there is a community. 

 

I am a doctor, and the reality is that I work long hours. I want so badly for my wife to integrate, but I am terrified that she will become depressed when she moves here. And despite me trying to help her prepare mentally, she is dragging her feet every step of the way. 

 

I am thankful that she is a wonderful mother to our baby, and she is happy in that role. But, I think for her truly to be happy, she will need to have more to her life than just staying at home alone with the baby. 

 

If anyone has advice how I can convey the importance of her of preparing to make the transition easier, or what I can do to make the transition easier, please let me know!

 

[dcpa55 9]

On 5/10/2018 at 5:36 AM, DocZ said:

Thank you for posting this, because it is exactly what I worry about. Your situation is the situation that scares me so much for my wife. I will have to show her this thread.

 

I love her and want her to be happy... and I get so scared she will be home sick and not want to live in the US. She is still in the Philippines with our son right now, surrounded by so much family support, everyone in walking distance. She will likely be here around 10/2018. I feel like I have had to push and push her to prepare, because she appears oblivious that her life is going to significantly change... or sometimes her lack of preparation makes me wonder if she even wants to come here. 

 

She is very picky on the food she eats, and only likes Filipino food, but doesn't know how to cook. Only after pushing and pushing her, has she started to learn to cook, so that she can eat foods she likes. 

I bought her a car in the Philippines so she could start to learn to drive, but it has been months, and has not even tried, and has resisted me teaching her.  She just wants to have her brother drive, or will still take sitting in a super hot and crowded jeepney over the nice aircon SUV. I will buy a self driving car when they become commercially available, but that it still years away. I keep thinking I must move near public transportation, because it appears she will not take initiative to learn.

I bought her NCLEX study materials, and pushed her to find people to prepare with, but she is not preparing very much. Luckily, she has gotten some of the paperwork started (which can take months), so at least some of it is in process. But, I think she is very far from being prepared to take the NCLEX, and I honestly don't even know if she will ever actually take it. I think getting a job, even just part time, will help her be less isolated, and give her something meaningful to do.

 

She doesn't know anybody here. She says she will be willing to relocate anywhere... but she seems to have such poor insight on what she needs so she will be happy. She moved to Singapore for 2 weeks, before returning to Philippines because she was homesick. I am in the San Francisco Bay Area, so there is a large Filipino community here (including my distant Filipino cousins, who I only met when I moved here 3 years ago). I think we will stay in this area for a while, just because there is a community. 

 

I am a doctor, and the reality is that I work long hours. I want so badly for my wife to integrate, but I am terrified that she will become depressed when she moves here. And despite me trying to help her prepare mentally, she is dragging her feet every step of the way. 

 

I am thankful that she is a wonderful mother to our baby, and she is happy in that role. But, I think for her truly to be happy, she will need to have more to her life than just staying at home alone with the baby. 

 

If anyone has advice how I can convey the importance of her of preparing to make the transition easier, or what I can do to make the transition easier, please let me know!

 

Hi there! Your wife is blessed to have you! You have taken good care of her to make sure her life is good. While she is still in the Philippines she should start practicing driving a car! That is what I regret of not doing, I lived in the province in the Philippines and my family doesnt have a car. If my husband bought me a car way back then i would not have a difficult life here in US of always depending in my husband to drive me to places which he cant do all the time or getting uber. So push her and make her read my reply.

 

She will get sad for sure once she is here but if your family will help her and get new friends, it will be easy. On my end, my husband's family are far from us and they have their own lives so im always alone at home talking to myself and studying for the NCLEX if hubby is not around. Well i practiced this being alone most of the time at home in the Philippines. Like travelling to other countries alone and staying there for 1 or 2 wks or just being at home most of the time if i did not have work. Im just really a home type of woman. Your wife will have a companion 24/7 when she comes here and that is your child. I love babies, i wish my husband and i can have a baby now but it is just not the right time. So she will be ok. Think positive.

 

Since you live in an area where there is a lot of Filipinos, it will be easy for her. I live in a place where there isnt a lot of Asians. I tried going to asian restaurants  with hubby but never had the chance of meeting a pinoy. Guess they dont live in the place i live.

 

Everytime im alone i always cry. But this is the life i chose and i dont have the choice but to be strong. It is difficult because there is no family near me, they are all in the Philippines. I want to go around the place to roam around but i cant drive a car. I regret not studying Nclex while i was in pinas, it was just hard though while working in the hospital as a nurse. But i wish if i could turn back time i wish i studied driving a car and studied NCLEX no matter how difficult it was. It is difficult to study when you feel alone and sad here in US. 

 

I hope this helps. I need to go back studying now. Have a good day!