My Fiancé is giving up on me

[Ranim&Corey 3]

My fiance is giving up on me 

 

My fiance is 23 yrs old  and Im 26 years old . we have been together for 3 years and  we have been through a lot.  We have been fighting  to be together for three years and nor my parents and his parents think that we are making the right decision  to end it up getting married because of the different religions. I am a saudi Muslim girl and he is american Christian boy. We loved each other a lot and did not care about the sanctions that would come behind that. 

 

 His mom used to kick him out of her house  when he went and visited her and told her that he needed  to get a piece of paper from the mosque saying that he converted to Islam as a prove (only on the paper not for real) . It was just a piece of paper that he needed  in order to get married. He  ignored everyone who was against his decision. He fought for me a lot and I did the same.   I got beaten up by my parents after they knew about our relationship. I did not give up and no one and I stranded against my family to be with him.   

 

We love each other so much but things getting changed now to the worse because of the longing and the difficulty of like.  We have been away from each other for 10 months now. He is feeling lonely and he thinks that he is fighting a lone to be with me.   He is giving up on me now after an argument for every 2 weeks. 

 

He tried to brake up with me after he  met a girl who's working with him and he sees her everyday for 8 hours. He was honest with me and told that he likes her because she hears him when he talks and there are a lot of common things they share.  He said he felt connected to her because he has touched her (kissed her) and whenever they are together, he feels happy and not worried about his life. He started dating her for only 3 days ago but they have seen each other at work 2 weeks ago ( btw he just got this new job in two weeks ago)

 

 Every time I call him now , all he does is crying and sobbing , breaking stuff and keeps saying that he is so tired and not okay. He said that he feels miserable , sad and disappointed for a while ago . He has been like that for 2 days now. Im in pain and he has said a lot of things that hurt me and broke my heart. Im in a situation where I don't know how to make a decision whether I leave or stay? Whether I give him time to heal himself  or just leave him ? We have been arguing a lot this month before all this happened because we are missing each other a lot and not being able to manage time to talk . He is tired of the feelings he get when  we argue.

He told me that I am the only person who could hurt him. I think he's making wrong decisions right now because of the way he feels.  Running a way  from the bad feeling that he feels by going out with this girl. He doesn't have a lot of friends , he doesn't go out and do things because he said I don't allow him to do things that he likes which is not true or that I didn't mean to make him feel this way, and that I let him fly under my own conditions  

 

 He always at home and spending his day on a political forum called "Conspiracy outpost " and all he does is  posting things there and talking to people online. I really I do feel him and I know why he is like that. It's been almost 10 months that we haven't been together physically. I had to leave back  home after I graduated from  school in May 2017 and we  decided to sent our petition in August 2017.

 

He told me that he cant make it with me any more because he is no longer feel happy. He tried to brake up with me but  I said to him that Im not going to take him serious because its clear that he is confused and emotional. Making a quick decision and being mislead by his emotions, after arguing almost every 2 weeks. 

 

We are still talking and texting each other but it hurts me every day when I know he is spending his time with another girl. Her being in his life now was a choice for him. And the only reason why Im still with him because I do believe that we are happy whenever we are together physically. I understand what made him  to this situation and that because of the longing and distance. 

 

He does not want to cancel the visa either and said that lets see what god can do for us and he doesn't know what will happen after he tried to brake up with me 2 times when he was crying and upset. 

I really Im confused don't know what to do. My heart is telling to be with him because I love him but  he told me that his heart is telling him to continue getting to know that girl. 

he is very cold we talk now and I feel his distance. I wish I could do something and safe our relationship .

[TBoneTX 45,361]

12 hours ago, Ranim&Corey said:

he has said a lot of things that hurt me and broke my heart. Im in a situation where I don't know how to make a decision whether I leave or stay

All the loving, emotionally available, attentive, supportive single men in the world, and you want to hang onto this one?!

[TBoneTX 45,361]

Thread is moved from Off Topic to the Effects of Major Changes forum.

[dentsflogged 352]

Lets see:

 

1. He cheated on you.

2. He's tried to break up with you.

3. He's said he wants to be with the girl he cheated on you with.

What on EARTH would make you want to be with this person?

[LionessDeon 2,060]

Leave.  You can do much better.

[Going through 5,671]

Reading your post....I can see how you poured your heart out to us here---and I'm sorry for what you are going through.  Life and love are emotional roller coasters, as you know.

 

From what you've said above, two things stood out to me:  #1 He's a bit manipulative with some of the things he says to you (ie. "you're the only one who can hurt him", and "you don't allow him to do the things he likes")....and #2 You can't see the forest for the trees.

 

What I mean by #2, is that all the warning signs are there (and probably were from the very beginning if you think back) that your relationship with him was doomed from the start.  However in the beginning all was rosy, yes?  So you keep looking for just the rosy stuff and ignore the blatant parts:

 

-he cheated on you

-he's tried to break up with you in the past

-he's told you he doesn't want to be with you any longer

-he's told you point-blank that he's "no longer happy with you"

-you two are constantly arguing, leaving both of you constantly upset with each other and yourselves.

-he's told you straightforwardly that "his heart is telling him to continue getting to know that other girl"

 

Those things do not make a happy relationship.  He's not happy, obviously.  You're not happy with how you're left to feel about him and yourself after all is said and done.  Sometimes it takes a while to begin to have the courage to take off those rose-colored glasses and look at a situation objectively.  Yes, you love him, that is apparent.  You love being with him (when you actually see him, and when you two are actually not at each other's throats).  He doesn't seem to love you anymore as much as he used to (men who are happily in love normally do not think about cheating, actually cheat, or try to break up with their partner).

 

It can be hard to let go of a relationship---especially when it seems the two of you fought so hard to be together in the first place with all of the family issues.  Look---the main point of being in a relationship is to improve another person's life, and in turn, they improve yours.  Do not stay in a relationship because you're afraid of being alone, because you're "used" to things, or because it's more comfortable than breaking up.  

 

He's made his choice long ago to not be with you any more---and I know that hurts like hell to hear it, but in the long run he's actually doing you a favor by letting you go.  You won't see it now, but later down the road when you've met someone else who truly cares for you and your feelings, you'll be thanking him for breaking up with you.

[AL-MJD 144]

@Ranim&Corey

 

Woah, that is some story.

 

Hi there, my name is Andriana. I'm a 23 year old Muslim woman from Singapore. My future husband is an American who is 37 years old. He used to be Christian, but is an atheist. I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough situation.

 

I'll be sending you a private message, if you do need someone to talk to, I will be available to you.

 

Sending virtual hugs. ❤