SLEC Medical Exam "Secret" information to my child. [Philippines]

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

9 hours ago, RhineMaiden said:

I'm starting to believe it's the sexual activity now and that I agree with Hank, it would be very awkward with grandma around (considering she's not as open minded as I am). But if it's drugs, then she would've not passed the medical exam.

 

I will update when I get to talk to her and get this resolved once and for all. I haven't talked to her at all since they got home from SLEC, it was an exhausting day and she went straight to sleep. I only got to talk to my mom for a short time where she told me about that secret meeting, so yeah, definitely need to talk to my daughter.

Like I said before I do think this is it and now that you have elaborated more about your daughter that pretty much seals the deal for me in regards to it.

 

Another note is you are more forgiving and understanding parent than I am. My oldest child and daughter is 11 right now, and I don't know what I would do if she told me something like in all honesty.

[Hank_ 9,174]

... can't tell you.  It's a secret.  

 

[RhineMaiden 23]

3 hours ago, cyberfx1024 said:

Like I said before I do think this is it and now that you have elaborated more about your daughter that pretty much seals the deal for me in regards to it.

 

Another note is you are more forgiving and understanding parent than I am. My oldest child and daughter is 11 right now, and I don't know what I would do if she told me something like in all honesty.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I guess I just went on IMO the more appropriate approach for today's super-fast paced, ever changing time and generation. I had her when I was 18, my two other sisters were teen moms too, 17 and 19 .. We were raised on absurd rules and strict cultures and bizarre traditions... in the end, it never proved to be effective. Our parents didn't fail, but us kids were not successful either, so it wasn't a win-win. So I am determined to positively put a win on at least one side of the table. I honestly won't raise my kids entirely the way my parents raised us. I have failed my parents. I hope my child won't fail me.

[RhineMaiden 23]

Moment of truth

 

It was the SEXUAL BEHAVIOR! 

 

cyberfx, you were right! 

 

So I talked to my daughter and I tried to be careful and keep it a casual conversation, still thinking that it really is might be a "classified" information only meant to be revealed to a consul. Here's how it went.

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Me: Mom told me she was asked to step out, I can't think of any logical reason for that.

Daughter: Oh, Dr. asked if I'm sexually active.

 

*****she didn't even stutter***** 

 

Me: I see, understood why you did what you did. 

Daughter: I know you would. Can you imagine if grandma finds out that way?

Me: Uhm no, I can't. All I know is I'm going there to pick you up. I'm not coming home to a funeral.

Daughter: And I have a Culinary Institute to attend to .... I am so not planning on dying yet, mom.

Me: Arighty, that's all I needed to know.

Daugther: Can we at least visit Universal Studios when I get there?

Me: Yeah, after a visit to my Ob-gyn, sure.

Daughter: Fair enough

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So it may not be the norm, it's actually a bit misleading, or worse - illegal, but I don't know! True that it doesn't make sense to ask a parent/legal guardian to step out is part of standard procedure in SLEC, but I tried to rationalize by thinking maybe because something like this sensitive interview might create a psychological/emotional distress to the child if done with a parent/legal guardian around?  Maybe the physicians make it a point so that a minor is comfortable to disclose such information with emotional stability? 

 

I mean, It's a different story if I had been the one with her instead of her grandma, and if they asked for me to step out for a moment to which I would gladly comply, then by the end of it, my daughter- without doubt would simply just tell me what it's all about, even before I get the chance to ask. 

 

But that's us, me and my daughter. That would've been our scenario.

 

Other people, parent-child given the same situation during the SLEC process - I don't know, I can't say. Considering the family dynamics of the Filipinos - I can only paint pictures in my head. 

 

So there it is. Case closed. May this topic be a useful one for some of our fellow visa applicants and to those who's gonna go through SLEC with their minor child. I hope that some of you will see the bigger picture here than just finding out your child was asked to keep a secret during a crucial stage on your immigration process.

 

Thank you everyone for all your input and they are very much appreciated!

 

 

[Greenbaum 12,259]

I was reading through the entire post and each and every reply, in your thread, followed a logical conclusion and each at the time of posting was spot on. I to hadn't thought of the answer as I read on. But looking back, I can see why the conclusions were what they were. In the end yes it's nerving that she would be left in a room with a stranger alone at her age, this I agree. In the end SLEC was respecting your daughter, your mother and you. 

 

Sounds like you're now ready to go to Universal Studio's.  

[The.Fab.Ella 17]

My daughter is 14 yo too and we both went for our medical late this week.  On two occasions when we were interviewed by the doctors, we were together.  For the immunization interview, the doctor mentioned that since my daughter is a minor, I have to be with her when she's interviewed or examined.  My daughter was asked if she had a boyfriend and the doctor said that she had to ask about this because of the dangerous effects of the vaccines on an unborn baby, and that she's had a case of a 14yo who was pregnant.  For the physical exam with a different doctor, the interviews were also done simultaneously. I had to do my physical first behind a curtain and while prepping, the doctor asked my daughter some more questions (which I could clearly hear).  When it was my daughter's turn, I stayed in the room, couldn't see them behind the curtain but could very well hear their conversation.

 

I find it strange that your mom was asked to step out of the room. It might be that the doctor has reason to probe some more and has sensed that she won't get the real answers unless she's left alone with the child.  I really hope it's just that.

[John & Rose 7,239]

On 2/17/2018 at 10:39 AM, The.Fab.Ella said:

My daughter is 14 yo too and we both went for our medical late this week.  On two occasions when we were interviewed by the doctors, we were together.  For the immunization interview, the doctor mentioned that since my daughter is a minor, I have to be with her when she's interviewed or examined.  My daughter was asked if she had a boyfriend and the doctor said that she had to ask about this because of the dangerous effects of the vaccines on an unborn baby, and that she's had a case of a 14yo who was pregnant.  For the physical exam with a different doctor, the interviews were also done simultaneously. I had to do my physical first behind a curtain and while prepping, the doctor asked my daughter some more questions (which I could clearly hear).  When it was my daughter's turn, I stayed in the room, couldn't see them behind the curtain but could very well hear their conversation.

 

I find it strange that your mom was asked to step out of the room. It might be that the doctor has reason to probe some more and has sensed that she won't get the real answers unless she's left alone with the child.  I really hope it's just that.

But the mother is the actual legal guardian.  The grandmother is caring for the girl but I understand that the question was not necessarily the business of the caregiver.  My fiancee and her 15 year old daughter will be doing medical at some point (today is day 258 waiting on NOA2).  I will have this threads discussion with them.  They are also very close and we have discussed sex with the daughter on numerous occasions as a few of her friends are pregnant.  

[K3lZ33 3]

Good to know what it was for sure!

 

But the other thought that crossed my mind is that they might want to be sure she is going on her own accord and not being forced or trafficked, but good to know that it was because of her privacy  

Good she has open communication with you!

[Mini 30]

On 2/16/2018 at 1:05 AM, RhineMaiden said:

Hi all! I am a US LPR, I petitioned my 14 y.o. daughter that is still in the Philippines (lives with my parents). Her interview date is approaching and she just finished and passed the St. Lukes/SLEC part yesterday. My  mother (also my daughter's legal guardian) and I were in touch on messenger the entire time during the SLEC process, by the time the physical exam was about to begin (where a person would fully undress to be checked a physician), the doctor asked my mother to step out of the room for a few minutes and requested to talk to my daughter alone, she was called back in during the actual physical exam. When it was done and they headed out, my mother simply asked  my daughter what is that stepping-out-of-the-room was all about, to where my daughter replied "According to the doctor, I should not disclose the information". 

 

I went through the SLEC process myself during my CR1 a few years back, but I can't recall at all being told of any sort of classified information. So in my daughter's case, neither I nor my Mom bothered to squeeze it out, we just let it be, and by that, I could say my daughter will genuinely retain her honesty and "innocence" in case whatever this "secret" information is most probably only and only for the consul/embassy purposes. I won't risk staining the fact.

 

Sooo ... what is going on? Is anyone familiar with whatever this is? Anyone went through with something similar at SLEC? Please enlighten me.

@RhineMaiden Hi! My 13year old daughter and 8year old son just had their medical last March 23, since they are both minors, doctor let me stay inside, (even with my sons)  i was the first one who interviewed then my daughter.

 

i just dont understand why your mother was told to stay out of the clinic/room! Its weird! I smell something different.. pls insist your daughter to tell you what had happen. Its your right!

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

6 hours ago, Mini said:

@RhineMaiden Hi! My 13year old daughter and 8year old son just had their medical last March 23, since they are both minors, doctor let me stay inside, (even with my sons)  i was the first one who interviewed then my daughter.

 

i just dont understand why your mother was told to stay out of the clinic/room! Its weird! I smell something different.. pls insist your daughter to tell you what had happen. Its your right!

Did you read the whole thread or what? It ended up coming out from the daughter that it was questions about sex and we think it was because the Lola was in the room with her. 

[javadown2 308]

On 2/15/2018 at 9:05 AM, RhineMaiden said:

 

ooops..older post

 

 

and after reading the whole thing I don't think it's appropriate to single out the minor daughter...even for questions about sexual activity, not a good idea. The only reason I could see is if they thought there might be abuse. Anyways, I kinda thought it would be of a sexual nature. I'm pretty sure they would never be left alone here in US, as a nurse I'd never ask questions like this without the parent involved, or just word it different...such as are you pregnant, etc..

Edited April 9, 2018 by javadown2

[John & Rose 7,239]

On 4/9/2018 at 12:44 PM, javadown2 said:

ooops..older post

 

 

and after reading the whole thing I don't think it's appropriate to single out the minor daughter...even for questions about sexual activity, not a good idea. The only reason I could see is if they thought there might be abuse. Anyways, I kinda thought it would be of a sexual nature. I'm pretty sure they would never be left alone here in US, as a nurse I'd never ask questions like this without the parent involved, or just word it different...such as are you pregnant, etc..

The reason they do that is because some of the shots can harm a baby.  They need to ask if they are sexually active because of the required shots.  In this case, the teenager was not with her legal guardian so the doctor, rightfully so, asked the question in private.

 

My 15 year old future step daughter was also asked but her mother was in the examining room with her and was able to hear the conversation.  I think we are making more out of this than it really needs.  I agree with the doctor not discussing personal things in front of the grandmother.  Like I said, Aira was asked the same thing with her legal guardian in the room.  This all makes sense to me.

[stef2018 2]

The child may be a minor but in order to respect the right of the privacy of the child. The grandmother was asked to step out. It is to build a trusting environment to the child so that she can share and confide to the physician, without doubt and prejudice. And so that the physician can get true information.  Promising whatever they discussed will be keep between them.  This confidentiality can only be broken if there is impending harm to the child or questions of safety issues. 

Physicians usually do this, to probe about sexual history, drug use, abuse, etc. just imagine if you are the kid and you are with your grandparents/parents. Sometimes a kid will lie because they are with their parents or guardian, due to fear of being scolded at or reprimand. And family relationship varies. Some have good relationship and some dont have good relationship. So this is the main reason why the doctor ask parents to step out. Especially if the patient is the kid and not you. It is for the patient to disclose things and know it will be keep that way.. and of course the most main reason the doctor ask this kind of questions is so that they can give the right treatment to the patient. Just like with the questions of being pregnant, or the last time they had sexual activity. MMR is not safe to pregnant woman.  So doctors need this informations. 

Not all kids are innocents nowadays, there are people who get pregnant at the age of 12. Get sexually active at the age of 9, or 10. Just so you know

Edited April 14, 2018 by stef2018