Wife has not slept in same bed since arrival 2 years ago, need male and female opinions.

[stedye 11]

Cyberfx thanks for sharing your story and your travails. 

 

My first wife was a wonderful lady , union lasted 13 years until her passing from breast cancer.

Second wife from Colombia , from day one she was extremely jealous, then I petitioned for her 12 year old to come to USA a year later, upon arrival he was very rebellious from the start , she did not want me to discipline him sternly, that became an irreparable wedge , then she hooked up with a Colombian guy she met through a friend at work , took all her clothes and moved in with him , one month later she calls me crying saying he is very abusive, I pick her up with a friend at curbside away from guys property, never the same after that for me , she was constantly accusing me of non existent affairs I was supposed to have going on. I filed for divorce after 5 years , she had already become a US citizen . Throughout the marriage she was sending about 30- 50% of her check back home, she did pay utilities in our home but complained about having to do it constantly . She returned to Colombia for two years but came back with a child having gotten pregnant due to not being able to afford her birth control pills . We parted peacefully , she wanted no support of any type . Which brings me to wife #3 , should have dated her longer , we talked via internet/ text for over 2 years, then made a decision to marry upon meeting during my first trip to Phil  ( our first face to face meeting), not the way I would usually proceed. I think my obstinate course of action now is because I want this marriage  to work and ,I  don't have a desire have a multiplicity of marriages.  Just wanted to give a little more background on my story. 

[Boiler 45,769]

You seem to be repeating with 3 what happened with 2.

 

Cut your losses and move on.

[javadown2 308]

On 2/5/2018 at 7:41 AM, stedye said:

Hank 

 

Her family is lower middle class and her Dad worked at a large cement factory for 25 years , but, his pension will not kick in for 5 years . He does odd jobs like fare collection on Jeepney and she sends large boxes home for them to sell items. She does wash my clothes, she vacuums the house twice a week.  She does not cook much for me because I am vegetarian / vegan. She does buy me items like, bananas , muffins , surprise shirts every other week.  She has a good heart , otherwise I would have left long ago . It is mainly intimacy and conversation she avoids. She says she just feels more comfortable speaking in Tagalog. My plan is posibly personal counseling, then the purchase of a new firm organic mattress which she tried out with me ( organic because of her sensitive lungs, past hour of pneumonitis) . My first wife died from breast cancer, happily married 8 years grew apart divorced , but, she lived with me almost 5 years after divorce. Married a Columbiana who was ultra jealous , always accused me of cheating, and , did not want me to discipline my stepson ,then cheated with a guy from Colombia, then called crying one month later,that he,was abusive, marriage trust for,me was broken ,  so after 5 years I filed for divorce. I am an obstinate- determined Capricorn who wants this marriage  to work out , yet, a person has to be a fully participating spouse for a marriage to succeed. I have talked to several other ministers and they say if she is not keeping the vows then part, but, they also say be ultra loving , kind and considerate to her and she will start to blossom into loving me. I am both an optimist and realist. Your thoughtful words and analysis serve as a support aid as I decide what I need to do in coming months. That you even care in a world where people can be self absorbed and self concerned , speaks volumes to the wonderful people here. Only the best to all who read this post 

It seems you have a pattern here, we are missing something that has made your marriages not work out..and your too nice it seems. You let your exes stay even after being divorced? And your current wife has other motives, it is really obvious. I'm not sure what you want out of this thread other then a great support group, but honestly you have to decide can you live forever without sex and a nice "roomate" who takes care of your things/house or just end it now while you see what is going on.

[stedye 11]

Javadown 2 . It is a conundrum , a baffling pattern I agree , a close  friend who knows me well says you keep selecting the wrong women. Your point is well taken on a definitive decision needing to be made. The Colombian wife did not stay after the divorce , but, moved back to Colombia for 2 years. I have gleaned insight and different perspectives from the forum , that was my intent. I know that no one here can make a decision on my marriage, but, me. 

[Ben & Katy 168]

On 2/4/2018 at 12:20 PM, stedye said:

Hi Dear Forum members 

 

I hope all of you much success on your Visa Journey , in your relationship and eventual unions.

 

My journey started over 4 years ago and this Forum was an invaluable resource to helping me successfully bring my wife here on a CR1 - marriage visa from the Bulacan province.  We got married there and it took  almost 2 years  because of a lung ailment that had to clear up.

 

Not sure if this is correct Forum placement, but, I am at a serious crossroads.  My wife has not slept with me since arriving, avoids having sex and shys away from all intimacy such as kissing, hugging , hand holding, and massages . We did all of the above in the Philippines before we married , yet, since her arrival here she does not want to discuss the issue, and says when we purchase a firmer mattress  ( on the agenda for a spring purchase) . Two weeks after her arrival I yelled at her on why are you still sleeping in the living room ? She says that from that time she put up a wall that times time to pull down.  Do you believe after almost 2 years of my being kind - loving- patient and not yelling at her since Dec 2016 that this is justified or reasonable to continue denying her husband physical pleasure? I am a very fit, handsome  ( according to others ) 56 year old and she is 32 years old sleeps with stuffed animals and covers up in a Betty Boop blanket. She locks the bathroom when she goes in to use it , rarely talks to me at home and does not want to go for counseling.  Is it worth it to continue ? Is she playing games? Would you continue in this type of marriage , or, let it go ? Interested in your wisdom - feedback and insight.

I would be gone man. Its no longer worth it and life is too short for this kind of thing.  It may be blunt but you don't deserve to put up with this.