Wife has not slept in same bed since arrival 2 years ago, need male and female opinions.

[RO_AH 1,669]

Whatever you do, do not stay in a relationship where there is no passion or intimacy. We all deserve to be with someone that we connect with on that level. Some people don't need that and are happy enough with just a companion. But if you are the type that needs that (and it seems like you are) either work it out with her or move one. You need to be in a relationship where both partners needs are being met.

[geowrian 22,338]

5 hours ago, Chris Duffy said:

I have seen this and tends to be a common theme in Philippines

 

The son is treated like a Prince usually by the mother, He smokes sticks, Gambles, Goes to Rooster fights, pawns family items, Drinks, and it abusive to the females in the family. 

Except for the rooster fights, it's pretty common in the US as well.

[Boiler 46,770]

Denver Post covered a Rooster fight so happens in Colorado.

[stedye 11]

RO_AH your words are truthfully and honestly spoken. Many people stay in situations like this for decades. Oh no!! Can't do that! Thanks for the sage advice my friend.

[RO_AH 1,669]

13 hours ago, stedye said:

RO_AH your words are truthfully and honestly spoken. Many people stay in situations like this for decades. Oh no!! Can't do that! Thanks for the sage advice my friend.

I speak from experience. I loved my ex wife dearly and still do. She loved me and took good care of me. We were married for over 25 years but I got to the point where I felt I was being deprived of a life I wanted so we finally divorced and I am now with a person who feels the same about relationships as I do. There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

[PaoSelle 35]

On 2/8/2018 at 5:47 PM, Chris Duffy said:

I have seen this and tends to be a common theme in Philippines

 

The son is treated like a Prince usually by the mother, He smokes sticks, Gambles, Goes to Rooster fights, pawns family items, Drinks, and it abusive to the females in the family.  

 

 

Maybe be in the city or the larger provinces but where I come from that will not be tolerated. You disrespect mom or go out of line in any way that butt gets beat like an Indian drum by papa.

On 2/7/2018 at 11:38 PM, stedye said:

Sorry, Paosell Sir. I see that you made reference to the post by Chris. It just posed food for thought : My brother in law not being invited to her wedding could be a deeper issue between the two of them, just a bit of analysis in reflection. One other fact, about 2 weeks after her arrival when I questioned her in a loud - angry tone on why she was still sleeping in the living room ? Later I heard her on FaceTime with the family crying that she was afraid I might be like her brother.  Totally not the case , don't smoke- drink - use profanity- or hit women to take out frustration. A few weeks later she said that confrontation reminded her of her brother.  We really need to see a marriage counselor - therapist , or , at least in my give me a better idea which way to proceed. Many thanks again to all who have given valid critique and useful info to lead me out of my wilderness.

And I understand that some people may not have it the best or may not have been raised the way I did but what Chris says just ticks me off and statements like those that he says makes a bad name for my country and all the guys

 

Edited February 9, 2018 by PaoSelle
.

[PaoSelle 35]

On 2/8/2018 at 5:47 PM, Chris Duffy said:

I have seen this and tends to be a common theme in Philippines

 

The son is treated like a Prince usually by the mother, He smokes sticks, Gambles, Goes to Rooster fights, pawns family items, Drinks, and it abusive to the females in the family.  

 

 

I can tell you all the good things about the people in the Philippines but it still wouldn’t change your mind man, and I understand because you only want to see what you want to see and take in what you want to take in. 

[j&ana 380]

20 hours ago, PaoSelle said:

I can tell you all the good things about the people in the Philippines but it still wouldn’t change your mind man, and I understand because you only want to see what you want to see and take in what you want to take in. 

I do not know about the other poster but I have been to Philippines 5 times. April will be my 6th  and I agree with you most people there are very friendly and helpful and sons are taught to respect their  sisters and  moms and  any other females.  I know if my wife brother did what the other poster says sons do there. he will be ask to leave from his mom and dad. I can tell that  you are proud of your country and you should be

Edited February 10, 2018 by j&ana

[j&ana 380]

On ‎2‎/‎4‎/‎2018 at 3:38 PM, Chris Duffy said:

Most girls from Philippines will adjust to their husband and their lifestyle.  They adapt very easy to their situation and will tend to compliment and mimic their husband style and mannerism and even lifestyle.

 

 

I will show this to my wife and she if she will adjust to me now. She has only been here two years and she still has her independent way of thinking

[j&ana 380]

On ‎2‎/‎8‎/‎2018 at 2:47 AM, Chris Duffy said:

I have seen this and tends to be a common theme in Philippines

 

The son is treated like a Prince usually by the mother, He smokes sticks, Gambles, Goes to Rooster fights, pawns family items, Drinks, and it abusive to the females in the family.  

 

 

Where ?I have never seen it. all the times I visit there. It must not be that common.  There is always exceptions to the rules and perhaps that is what you have seen and perceive it to be a common theme

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

21 hours ago, PaoSelle said:

I can tell you all the good things about the people in the Philippines but it still wouldn’t change your mind man, and I understand because you only want to see what you want to see and take in what you want to take in. 

I keep an open mind, I have made many trips to Philippines and spent time with  a couple of families. I also have family members whom have married girls from Phiilippines and know the scoop on their families as well.

 

I have also dated a few girls from Philippine in the past, I have a pretty good understanding on what goes on there.  I just call things the way I see them.  

Edited February 10, 2018 by Chris Duffy

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

1 hour ago, j&ana said:

I do not know about the other poster but I have been to Philippines 5 times. April will be my 6th  and I agree with you most people there are very friendly and helpful and sons are taught to respect their  sisters and  moms and  any other females.  I know if my wife brother did what the other poster says sons do there. he will be ask to leave from his mom and dad. I can tell that  you are proud of your country and you should be

My next trip to Philippines will be my 15th trip. I have been making trips to Philippines since 2007. 

 

Had a lot of good times in the country

[Hank_ 9,174]

5 hours ago, j&ana said:

I will show this to my wife and she if she will adjust to me now. She has only been here two years and she still has her independent way of thinking

Ya I hear ya there ... and I am not holding my breath on that one.    

[PaoSelle 35]

14 hours ago, j&ana said:

I do not know about the other poster but I have been to Philippines 5 times. April will be my 6th  and I agree with you most people there are very friendly and helpful and sons are taught to respect their  sisters and  moms and  any other females.  I know if my wife brother did what the other poster says sons do there. he will be ask to leave from his mom and dad. I can tell that  you are proud of your country and you should be

I’m proud to be an American and I’m proud to have been born in the philippines. I have nothing bad to say about either country because I love them both dearly. Just hurts me to know that the common theme that some people see in the philippines is that the men are lazy, spoiled by their mothers, and abusive. My father in law is the definition of hard work he’s been an OFW for over 20 years and wasn’t able to watch his 3 children(my wife included) grow up. Just because he wanted my mother in law to have a good life and their children to have a good life and great education. My father has been a government employee for over 20 years guess where his whole paycheck went every payday? It went to my mother because she was the financier and handled the money, what ever she decided to do with it after the bills were payed was completely up to her. Same with all my uncles and my wife’s uncles. Like I said before I don’t know where chrisduffy gets his info or if he just has genuine hate for the men in the philippines.

[Balamban 113]

PaoSelle, you state: “…he just has genuine hate for the men in the Philippines.”

 

You say: “I can tell you all the good things about the people in the Philippines but it still wouldn’t change your mind man”
 

On one hand, you appear to lash back with the same sort of generality and judgement that clearly bothers you.  I have long ago learned: Never, ever, “judge” a person from the Philippines.
 

Generalizations are not appropriate here, yet the discussion of stedye’s OP, where people ask for family background is appropriate.
 

In the Republic of Philippines machismo is alive and well, and to the American mind, odd, impenetrable, hidden, and other things.  Generalizations aside, many men treat women poorly; perhaps the greatest reason a Filipina desires a Westerner, is because of lack of machismo.  A common (my opinion) predominant reason Filipinas desire westerners are not merely whiteness of skin, or opportunity, though these reasons exist—the true reason is simple:  Filipinas believe that their husband will always be true to them and woe to a westerner that fails in that respect!
 

More than half of ALL babies born in the Philippines were born from unwed mothers (909,783 or 52.1% of all babies born in 2016.  Oh yes, the men of the Philippines are excellent men—think about the facts please.  Think about this, more than half of babies in the Philippines last year were fathered by men who dumped their “love.”  Note: About 40% of babies born in America have unwed mothers—either machismo or stupidity is rampant here too.  
 

My brother-in-law to be Rolando is a sweet, loving, hard-working, kind, trustworthy man and I lament that he will not take a bride because he knows he cannot afford it.  Here is a good man who will, I hope someday make a good father and husband, I do not think that he knows the concept of machismo.  If he accidentally impregnated his girlfriend I have zero doubt that he would marry her.
 

However, do not, for a second, believe that, unless you live within the family that anyone really knows.  True things that I have heard over the years: “Mama’s caribao died.”  “That brother had an accident.”
 

No.  The caribao did not just die—it was murdered, and I believe murdered because a loan shark demanded payment and that was the message.  No, the brother did not merely have an accident, I believe the brother was murdered, loan shark, bet-fixing—I do not know the reason why.  Yet I do know that what is apparent on the outside is often not at all indicative of what is really going on.  (Note: these examples are not related to my fiancee’s family, my history in the Philippines goes back quite a way).  

 

In America there are good men, and bad men (and lots of both).  In the Philippines there are good men, and bad men (and lots of both).  I like this quote:

 

The Philippines is a country of sharp contrasts and paradoxes. And the role of women in Philippine society is one area where this depiction is most palpable. While it can be said that Filipino women have gained more leverage than their other Asian sisters in elevating their status in society, their fight against oppression and exploitation is far from won. They may have come a long way but they still have far to go.

http://www.pitlanemagazine.com/cultures/role-of-women-in-philippine-society-filipino-women-and-feminism.html  also:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machismo

 

steyde’s relationship is one of misery and it’s fully appropriate to look for reasons and oftentimes reasons come from looking at the family and its history.  I searched for and have specifically found a woman that so dearly loves her entire family that she would lay her life down for them.  So would her papa or mama and so would her brothers.  She comes from an intact family and get this:  Take Filipinacupid.com and ask 100 women“do you love your mama/papa?  Did mama/papa fight?  Was there an alcohol problem?  Was there cheating?  And I came to this conclusion:  Most of the women (90+%) on dating sites like Filipinacupid in fact come from broken homes—and broken homes do not create women OR men who want to grow up and have a loving family and create loving babies, or if they do want, they no longer know how to.  Like it or not, we are a product of our family. 

 

My advice for any man looking for a super-quality wife is go the Philippines and find a woman who loves her family and where momma and papa have always respected each other and then you have a chance at having a truly loving relationship.
 

And too consider, for in the Philippines, to an American it appears a Patriarchal society, yet is far from that, it’s a Matriarchal society and the females bear the burden, not the males, of supporting the family. In many cases a women will do what she has to do to complete that task—even if it means utilizing an American as a conduit to a better life.  Therefore, I also advise men who search for a loving wife: Beware of Ate.  If a woman has sisters/Aunts in America especially if Ate, the % chance that you are being set up goes up exponentially.  This is simply my opinion and not all Filipinas with an Ate in America intend to engage in fraud—it is merely a potential red flag that steyde may want to look to  understand his plight.  So my only advice to styde is to consider the family history for it may be the key to understanding what is going on.

 

 

 

Edited February 11, 2018 by Balamban
removal of excess line breaks