Wife has not slept in same bed since arrival 2 years ago, need male and female opinions.

[Lemonslice 4,922]

17 minutes ago, Chris Duffy said:

Sounds like she has underlying issues that you will probably never be able to fix. Maybe she was raped in her youth,  Sexually abused by family member or close family friend.  Maybe she was forced by family to come to USA to send money home,  Who knows what her issue is.

Issues might be on her side. Or his. Maybe he's not fun in bed, or in life, at all. Your guess is as good as mine...

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

5 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

Issues might be on her side. Or his. Maybe he's not fun in bed, or in life, at all. Your guess is as good as mine...

Most girls from Philippines will adjust to their husband and their lifestyle.  They adapt very easy to their situation and will tend to compliment and mimic their husband style and mannerism and even lifestyle.

 

 

[Lemonslice 4,922]

3 minutes ago, Chris Duffy said:

Most girls from Philippines will adjust to their husband and their lifestyle.  They adapt very easy to their situation and will tend to compliment and mimic their husband style and mannerism and even lifestyle.

 

 

Reinforcing what I suspected, OP is no fun at all. 

[cyclone27 710]

But before US she was good, so I tend to think smth is off with her.

[JISnJRS 22]

2 hours ago, DBR said:

Really sorry to hear about this situation, but in my opinion it looks like she has just been using you for the greencard... The red flag for me in your post is that you say she has pretty much built a wall between the both of you, and she is not interested in therapy / counselling to fix whatever issues you both have with the marriage, so it sounds like it's pretty much dead.

 

Now, what's most important is your own health and how you feel you should handle this situation, so maybe go to therapy / counselling yourself as that might help you to see this situation from a different perspective and decide for yourself how you want to move forward. 

 

I wish you all the best!

 

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

1 hour ago, Lemonslice said:

Reinforcing what I suspected, OP is no fun at all. 

I wouldn't think that

 

Girl from Philippines don't come to the USA to have fun, they tend to come and try to be a good wife, It's kinda their culture and all they have been taught growing up in Philippines.

 

 

[Lemonslice 4,922]

11 minutes ago, Chris Duffy said:

I wouldn't think that

 

Girl from Philippines don't come to the USA to have fun, they tend to come and try to be a good wife, It's kinda their culture and all they have been taught growing up in Philippines.

 

 

Well, evidently, something is amiss then 

[geowrian 22,337]

4 hours ago, Chris Duffy said:

Most girls from Philippines will adjust to their husband and their lifestyle.  They adapt very easy to their situation and will tend to compliment and mimic their husband style and mannerism and even lifestyle.

I have yet to meet this type of filipina.

[stedye 11]

I respect many of your comments. Boring, no where in that vicinity , actor - model, salesman enjoys taking to clients, also  dated a lot of great looking girls in my life. Articulate ( people say ) and erudite. Avid traveler to many countries. Very extroverted I always been a talker since attending my cities performing arts high school.  She is constantly on her phone playing games, and, texting friends in Phil. I paid for a plane ticket for her to go home after being here only one year in 2016 , at that time I told her if you are not desirous of this marriage then stay when you return, she was home for 3 months and returned to me. She also went home last year 2017 for one month because I am sure she misses her family and friends.

An interesting sidenote ; when she first arrived in Dec 2015 the wedding ring I gave her was left in the Philippines with her mother ( she claims for safekeeping) , I had asked her to bring it back upon return last year from seeing her mom in hospital, then home , she claims she forgot it. One other morsel of info ; The day she received her Visa at Manila embassy she stated to me that she had a burning stinging sensation in her female part ( odd because she had her physical a few months earlier) , to which I stated you should check with a Physician before arrival. A friend here in states married to Filipina says he found it odd while we dated that she left her relationship status undeclared on FB while I clearly stated we were in a relationship, it was only changed after I mentioned what my friend stated. Her brother in Phil who lives in a small annex house is very abusive of his wife, hitting her frequently and had also hit his Dad who attempted to intervene. It could be possible that he abused her whole young. When I yelled at her the one time she said I reminded her of her older brother .

Even the pastor says I am long suffering to endure the state of this marriage so long.  Your many insightful replies are helping me separate my mental chaff from the wheat ( truth) so I may better formulate the plan best for me at this stage. Thanks for sharing and please continue to share if you have any further insight I might Glean.  

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

7 hours ago, geowrian said:

I have yet to meet this type of filipina.

Does your wife not copy your mannerisms, and make the same jokes you make since she got to know you. We are pretty close friends with about 5 other Fil Am couple and take recently we all went to Mexico and spend major holiday together like Christmas and 4th of July.  I sit back an observe a lot and watch how the wife adapts, If one husband is laid back then his partner adapts his lifestyle.  A prime example is my wife met a girl at medical and they chat and comes visit about twice per year, Her husband stays up all night long and sleeps all day, She has adapted his lifestyle.  Weird if you ask me

 

Then you see girls going abroad to get married, Japan seems to be popular place and the girls adapt that cultures lifestyle and mannerism.

 

They you have all the OFW who go all over the world, and here they are again adapting to that culture and lifestyle.  

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

7 hours ago, stedye said:

I respect many of your comments. Boring, no where in that vicinity , actor - model, salesman enjoys taking to clients, also  dated a lot of great looking girls in my life. Articulate ( people say ) and erudite. Avid traveler to many countries. Very extroverted I always been a talker since attending my cities performing arts high school.  She is constantly on her phone playing games, and, texting friends in Phil. I paid for a plane ticket for her to go home after being here only one year in 2016 , at that time I told her if you are not desirous of this marriage then stay when you return, she was home for 3 months and returned to me. She also went home last year 2017 for one month because I am sure she misses her family and friends.

An interesting sidenote ; when she first arrived in Dec 2015 the wedding ring I gave her was left in the Philippines with her mother ( she claims for safekeeping) , I had asked her to bring it back upon return last year from seeing her mom in hospital, then home , she claims she forgot it. One other morsel of info ; The day she received her Visa at Manila embassy she stated to me that she had a burning stinging sensation in her female part ( odd because she had her physical a few months earlier) , to which I stated you should check with a Physician before arrival. A friend here in states married to Filipina says he found it odd while we dated that she left her relationship status undeclared on FB while I clearly stated we were in a relationship, it was only changed after I mentioned what my friend stated. Her brother in Phil who lives in a small annex house is very abusive of his wife, hitting her frequently and had also hit his Dad who attempted to intervene. It could be possible that he abused her whole young. When I yelled at her the one time she said I reminded her of her older brother .

Even the pastor says I am long suffering to endure the state of this marriage so long.  Your many insightful replies are helping me separate my mental chaff from the wheat ( truth) so I may better formulate the plan best for me at this stage. Thanks for sharing and please continue to share if you have any further insight I might Glean.  

Sounds like the rings was  pawned for money.

 

Pretty common for the guys to beat women in Philippines, Not common for the father to get abused also or let the son bully him.  That don't jive for me.

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

16 hours ago, DARUMA07 said:

 I have never seen Tampo last this long!  It took my then fiancée 6 months  to adjust coming here from the Philippines! I would straight up and ask her does she want to go home and end the marriage.  If that is what she wants, give it to her and count your losses! I hate to see when these things happen but it does occasionally. Have you tried counseling?

If Tampo then it's the longest I have ever heard in my life. I suspect much deeper issue here

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

15 hours ago, stedye said:

I pay all expenses in our home, she makes no contribution , she works part time  ( 28-32 hrs) at Wal mart, her money assists her disabled dad and mom who had a stroke last year.

 

Thanks to all who give me sincere  food for thought- wise counsel- strategies that may be my best form of action in this unique situation. 

 

We are kinda similar.

 

My wife works about 20 hours per week from home. I let her pay all the household bills I take care of the house payment, I have many vehicles and she has two cars to drive that I paid for and I take care of the insurance costs.  I think my wife sends home about $200 per month, but I haven't checked lately.  Her family was middle class and father is retired with pension working at a Hydro Electrical Power plant as Electrical Engineer, her mother has always been housewife as well.

 

My wife does spend a lot of time on the phone as well.  But she also makes me breakfast each morning, She lays my clothes out to wear for me, she takes care of all household chores as well, and keeps the house tidy. She walks the dogs during the day.

 

When I get home from work she has dinner ready, she will massage my feet almost daily since they get sore from work, She trims my toenails weekly, She is a good girl and takes care of me, tends to my needs. 

 

I have many friends whom has married girls from Philippines as well,  They all seem to be happy. 

 

Your case is far from the normal from what I have observed and witnessed.

[Hank_ 9,174]

17 hours ago, stedye said:

Just a little more info and sincere gratitude for the responses.  She came here as a 10 year permanent resident . I was familiar with Tampo and did apologize to her , yet , she clung to a tradition of sleeping in the living room.

 

When I want to broach the subject of the lack of intimacy she says I am being repetitive.  The Christian minister who officiated at our wedding was a High school mate of her Dad and he came to USA on a mission trip after our marriage, he says that she is not keeping her marital vows with these actions , and, if she does not adjust the behavior then divorce would be the course of action to take.

 

I pay all expenses in our home, she makes no contribution , she works part time  ( 28-32 hrs) at Wal mart, her money assists her disabled dad and mom who had a stroke last year.

 

Thanks to all who give me sincere  food for thought- wise counsel- strategies that may be my best form of action in this unique situation. 

 

 

 

And there may be WHY she married and came to the USA ..  take care of her parents.

[Boiler 45,769]

44 minutes ago, Hank_ said:

 

And there may be WHY she married and came to the USA ..  take care of her parents.

Families often see it as an investment.