Advice for Confused Long Distance Couple

[Wholahay 0]

Hello everyone. 

My name is Joe and I am a 22 year old male living in Brooklyn, NY. I am a US born citizen and have been romantically involved in a long-distance relationship who I shall call R.A to respect his confidentiality. 

R.A is a 28 year old male who resides in Lahore, Pakistan. We met on a subreddit over 10 months ago and have been together since. 

R.A and I want to know what process to follow to close the distance as efficiently and cost-effectively as possible. Some background on R.A. - he is the youngest of 2 older siblings, single mom, and he has a bachelors with double majors (mass communication & Psychology) and he is doing a Masters in the former. He is in the final stretch of the former and expects to have his degree in hand by the middle of this year since shooting it will take 2-3 months. 

 

R.A is not and will not come out to his family since the punishment for homosexuality is something that I do not wish to have him experience. He stands to be disowned and his life would be in great peril. He and I are wondering about several questions which we hope you can help answer. 

 

1.    Should I start the process of the K1 / CR-1, is there any risk of his application getting rejected because of us being a homosexual couple with homosexuality being illegal in his country?  The last thing he needs is an official call or visit from the US embassy that is following up with our visa progress. 

2.    Which is the better option and fastest? K1 or the CR-1? What are the pre-requisites for both? 

3.    He is planning on coming here (The US or potentially Canada if it's easier) to study his masters in psychology, I will help him find a job, a small place for he and I to move, but I am wondering whether him coming here on a student visa and upgrading it to the K1 or the CR-1 would be easier? 

4.     What are the costs and time we are looking at for either option? 

5.    Due to a complicated reasons with where I live and the small apartment I share with my current family, I can’t get any type of job, part time or otherwise, since it could potentially mean us getting evicted. Will it hinder my application for him that I can't sponsor? 

6.    Neither of us has a prior marriage, family or otherwise, we are both clean slates with no prior commitments holding us down.

These are all the points coming to my head at the moment, if you have any questions about myself or R.A please don’t hesitate to ask. Thank you for any help or advice.

Edited January 29, 2018 by Wholahay

[databit 328]

Have you met in person yet within the past 2 years? That has to come before the K-1.

[Ben&Zian 4,398]

Like above, that is first and foremost. Have to have met within the last two years to even think of K-1 visa(fiance visa)

 

CR-1 is marriage visa, so unless you two get married, naturally that is out of the question.

 

Financially, you are the sponsor, so you need to know if the embassy in his country accepts co-sponsors for the K-1 visa. If they do, then you need to just have a co-sponsor that can show support (when it gets to that stage in the process).

 

As to his family not knowing about his sexual orientation.... this generally has not been a problem that I am aware of, even in countries where family acceptance is "crucial" as the embassy seems to understand that keeping themselves and the relationship private is understandable; but again not entirely sure on how they view it there at that specific embassy. For us, it never even was a question that arose and he never told his family period.

[Wholahay 0]

18 minutes ago, Ben&Zian said:

Like above, that is first and foremost. Have to have met within the last two years to even think of K-1 visa(fiance visa)

 

CR-1 is marriage visa, so unless you two get married, naturally that is out of the question.

 

Financially, you are the sponsor, so you need to know if the embassy in his country accepts co-sponsors for the K-1 visa. If they do, then you need to just have a co-sponsor that can show support (when it gets to that stage in the process).

 

As to his family not knowing about his sexual orientation.... this generally has not been a problem that I am aware of, even in countries where family acceptance is "crucial" as the embassy seems to understand that keeping themselves and the relationship private is understandable; but again not entirely sure on how they view it there at that specific embassy. For us, it never even was a question that arose and he never told his family period.

We haven't met yet. I was thinking that the most logical route would be him finding education here it Canada and us meeting at that point. Would a student visa be able to transition to a K1 or CR-1? 

 

I'm glad you two completed your journey. We're just throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks.

[dentsflogged 352]

I'm 99% sure I saw "R.A"s post on Reddit about this very thing. O.o

 

At the moment you don't qualify for K-1 since you have not yet met.   

 

Both of them are going to cost a lot in terms of time and finances - K-1 used to be signficiantly faster than CR-1; but the timeline for both lately has been getting longer, so many people will suggest CR-1 as the superior choice now since it doesn't take much more than a few weeks longer and work/travel rights are there from the moment of entry. 

 

Unsolicited advice: Meet in person, first, and find out if this is a person you really believe that you can live with for years.  It's very easy to get along online, but if there's no physical chemistry or other things that come up that are dealbreakers or things you won't live with long term, then  no-harm, no-foul and no commitment or anything made yet.

[bakphx1 789]

Coming in on a tourist visa with the intent to immigrate is not a good way to go.  Though technically a student can adjust status after marriage. 

 

My husband is from a homophobic country and we had no problems.  

 

If you haven't met yet, you have that hurdle to clear.  You also need to have a sponsor. 

 

So you have something of a master plan, but nothing that can happen quickly. ☹️

[Boiler 46,321]

K 1 you need to meet

 

Cr1 you need to marry

 

How do you intend to do either?

 

Study, well if he wants to study that is up to him. In the US a Student has very limited work opportunities, but if he has the money go for it.

[noraliz73 243]

I think that right now, he should focus on his education.  It would be good if he could come to the US or Canada to study and you could build your relationship for a year or two.  Because he would be coming here to study and not explicitly for the purpose of getting married, if you got married in the USA further down the line, that would not be fraud.  Technically, you guys could decide that you are not suited to one another.  The reason that I am suggesting this is because of the fact that everything would be out of sight of his family and you would appear to be just a friend.  It is safe here to be in a same sex relationship.  Normally, it is never a good idea for a couple to hide a relationship from their families, but for him, it's not just a matter of inheritance, he could be in life or death danger in Pakistan.  If this sounds like a good idea to you, just consult with an attorney to see if you would be in any trouble if you did it.  I think that given the special situation you are in and the fact that he would not be coming to get married, you would be ok.

[Wholahay 0]

9 hours ago, dentsflogged said:

I'm 99% sure I saw "R.A"s post on Reddit about this very thing. O.o

 

At the moment you don't qualify for K-1 since you have not yet met.   

 

Both of them are going to cost a lot in terms of time and finances - K-1 used to be signficiantly faster than CR-1; but the timeline for both lately has been getting longer, so many people will suggest CR-1 as the superior choice now since it doesn't take much more than a few weeks longer and work/travel rights are there from the moment of entry. 

 

Unsolicited advice: Meet in person, first, and find out if this is a person you really believe that you can live with for years.  It's very easy to get along online, but if there's no physical chemistry or other things that come up that are dealbreakers or things you won't live with long term, then  no-harm, no-foul and no commitment or anything made yet.

That was probably him lol. To be fair, we did meet on Reddit so that is the first place we went to seek advice.

 

Like you and others are saying, the educational route is probably the safest option. It gives us an opportunity to a) take time to develop an IRL relationship, b) give him the tools to find employment afterwards and c) not have the timed pressure of marriage.

 

Thank you very much for your help. I do wonder, it's not shifty for someone on a student visa to get married? (After that bonding time, not immediately)

[Boiler 46,321]

25 minutes ago, Wholahay said:

That was probably him lol. To be fair, we did meet on Reddit so that is the first place we went to seek advice.

 

Like you and others are saying, the educational route is probably the safest option. It gives us an opportunity to a) take time to develop an IRL relationship, b) give him the tools to find employment afterwards and c) not have the timed pressure of marriage.

 

Thank you very much for your help. I do wonder, it's not shifty for someone on a student visa to get married? (After that bonding time, not immediately)

If a Student wishes to stay then the two main avenues are work and marriage, VJ is full of those adjusting from Student status through marriage.

[Illiria 980]

2 hours ago, Wholahay said:

That was probably him lol. To be fair, we did meet on Reddit so that is the first place we went to seek advice.

 

Like you and others are saying, the educational route is probably the safest option. It gives us an opportunity to a) take time to develop an IRL relationship, b) give him the tools to find employment afterwards and c) not have the timed pressure of marriage.

 

Thank you very much for your help. I do wonder, it's not shifty for someone on a student visa to get married? (After that bonding time, not immediately)

But the intention isn’t solely to get married and as soon as he does drop the degree right? 

 

If he comes for the degree and you meet and there isn’t a spark then he will still stay, finish the degree, and either get a job or go home. 

 

Can he afford to study in America? he will need to show he has the funds for the degree and living costs at the interview as well as having an offer of a place with the associated supporting documents. 

 

Now he might not get the studnet visa. Do you have a plan in place in case that happens?

 

Can he meet you in a third country? 

 

K1 (fiancé) is faster but the CR1 (spouse) would allow him to work and travel immediately in entering the US.

 

However I advise on the two types of visa above with a caveat - you haven’t met and you don’t know if there is an in person spark. This would determine how to proceed I think.

Edited January 30, 2018 by Illiria

[NYCruiser 423]

The Ki or the CR1 Visa seems not to be an option for the moment since you have not met or married. I do know of a few situations where same-sex couples have interviewed at US Embassies in homophobic countries. In the case of Pakistan, the country is uber homophobic so the interviewee is taken to a separate room to that no one can overhear.

 

In less homophobic counties, might be different. I know in Kenya my then fiance was interviewed at the window like others