Running Out of Time

[KarenCee 3]

My biggest fear over the dodgy route is not the legality of it, but my ability to keep a straight face at POE where I feel guilty for breathing like an illegal alien sometimes!

This is why most will advise you not to take the chance and do a "wedding party". Keeping a straight face I'm sure would be hard not to mention how excited you both will feel at having "celebrated" in some way. However, the decision is ultimately yours. Good luck.

[tijuanahilton 0]

TD, you rock.

and i am sorry that from the looks of things you haven't yet gotten the NOA2. Don't worry. Because after THAT frustration is over, you can then start the waiting game for the NVC to get your stuff. I'm now on day 19. Very exciting stuff

[kitkat1 5]

Are the examples on here of posters sharing stories where they got nailed for having a party? If there are, then that'd be helpful to include here.

There have been many, many posts of examples of people who had parties that appeared to be weddings and ran into subsequent problems because of it. Sometimes it's not just the interviewees being stupid enough to show a picture from a party that looks like a wedding. Sometimes the interviewing officer presses and pushes and makes his own conclusion. And while these issues tend to come up at the interview rather than the POE, it certainly CAN happen at the POE as well. Not every POE is a breeze where people fly through - sometimes people get grilled. You never know. It's just very very risky.

[KarenCee 3]

Ulitmately it's the call of the CBP upon entering the country. If he or she suspects that a wedding has occurred (and yes, there is a difference between wedding AND marriage) then the person can be turned away. Once the K1 is filed it will show up when the passport is scanned (I think) and that might pose problems with the petition as in making it invalid if the CBP doesn't believe it to be a non binding ceremony. Too many people slip up at the mouth.

Why oh why do so many people want to do this? The risk, IMHO, is just too great.

[rebeccajo 14]

Daisy, I'm not picking on you. Honest.

But...is this NOT a recommendation?

Your two best options right now are to either postpone the wedding, or, if your fiance can travel to the US while the application is processing, proceed with the party plans but DO NOT APPLY FOR OR OBTAIN A MARRIAGE LICENSE AND DO NOT SIGN ANY LEGAL DOCUMENTS PERTAINING TO MARRIAGE. A wedding does not a legal marriage make.

[TimsDaisy 0]

Ulitmately it's the call of the CBP upon entering the country. If he or she suspects that a wedding has occurred (and yes, there is a difference between wedding AND marriage) then the person can be turned away. Once the K1 is filed it will show up when the passport is scanned (I think) and that might pose problems with the petition as in making it invalid if the CBP doesn't believe it to be a non binding ceremony. Too many people slip up at the mouth.

Why oh why do so many people want to do this? The risk, IMHO, is just too great.

For most of them - probably because they made innocent mistakes. Did anyone here magically realllllly understand the process until he/she started it? NO! Of course not. And the unpredictable timelines don't help. OH, and residents of the 37 states and 1 territory who get royally F*cked by going through CSC doesn't help either.

Please, if my fiance had the freedom to travel here, I might even consider this route - who knows. Probably not, but I don't have to face this particular problem.

I am, however, VERY well versed in the consequences of being unprepared for grilling at the POE.

Everyone whose foreign S.O. can travel to the US should thank their damn lucky stars they can even have this discussion to begin with.

[kitkat1 5]

It's a bad idea to count on the visa being ready in time for the wedding because chances are 99% that it's not going to happen. It's a risky idea to have a big "not-wedding" party without the visa in hand for a variety of reasons.

Trying to clarify the wisest option for the OP is all anyone is trying to do here. I can't see how whether or not my foreign fiance has the option to travel here relates to the OP's issue.

[TimsDaisy 0]

Daisy, I'm not picking on you. Honest.

But...is this NOT a recommendation?

Your two best options right now are to either postpone the wedding, or, if your fiance can travel to the US while the application is processing, proceed with the party plans but DO NOT APPLY FOR OR OBTAIN A MARRIAGE LICENSE AND DO NOT SIGN ANY LEGAL DOCUMENTS PERTAINING TO MARRIAGE. A wedding does not a legal marriage make.

Take out the word best then, if it suits you better. The two ONLY options are still what I listed above. I didn't say do one over the other. But I wouldn't list "withdraw K1 and marry and start over with K3," because I don't think it is a reasonable option. And I don't think I made it seem easy-peasy. I said there were risks. But I said, and will still say, that by making sure you aren't a moron, you can probably be fine. You can get refused even with the K1 and NO wedding party beforehand. The risk is always there. If the OP or whomever can't "keep a straight face," or control his/her nerves, then, yeah, maybe don't choose that option. But I don't know the personalities, level of angst, or smarts possessed by anyone here. They'll have to apply what they want as they want to do it.

Kitkat1 - you're right that your fiance's ability to travel has nothing to do with the OP's question. But I don't want people thinking I blithely bring up options without having faced a very real reminder of how bad POE interactions can go. My fiance was refused entry. I get it. I get the risks. If we'd been better educated, might not have happened. We WON'T be caught of guard again, I assure you. Which is why, for most threads here, I always recommend, first and foremost, doing some damn research, reading instructions, and then apply some common sense. If anyone lacks that, then my number one recommendation becomes: marry someone from your own country and avoid the problem.

[Fandango 1,439]

Why anyone would have a non-wedding wedding before the marriage just makes absolutely no sense to me anyways...all immigration legal stuff aside....

And never underestimate the stupidity of people!

Edited May 1, 2007 by LisaD

[TimsDaisy 0]

Why anyone would have a non-wedding wedding before the marriage just makes absolutely no sense to me anyways...all immigration legal stuff aside....

And never underestimate the stupidity of people!

For the same reason some of us have to have the legally-binding marriage before the wedding: it's what the circumstances require.

[Fandango 1,439]

Why anyone would have a non-wedding wedding before the marriage just makes absolutely no sense to me anyways...all immigration legal stuff aside....

And never underestimate the stupidity of people!

For the same reason some of us have to have the legally-binding marriage before the wedding: it's what the circumstances require.

It's celebrating summat that hasn't happened, it's a pseudo-ceremony that essentially does nowt but potentially put you on the defense as having summat to hide during your visa processing.

You yourself said you prolly wouldn't do it, so I guess you're not really in a position to advocate the merits of such, no?

[TimsDaisy 0]

Why anyone would have a non-wedding wedding before the marriage just makes absolutely no sense to me anyways...all immigration legal stuff aside....

And never underestimate the stupidity of people!

For the same reason some of us have to have the legally-binding marriage before the wedding: it's what the circumstances require.

It's celebrating summat that hasn't happened, it's a pseudo-ceremony that essentially does nowt but potentially put you on the defense as having summat to hide during your visa processing.

You yourself said you prolly wouldn't do it, so I guess you're not really in a position to advocate the merits of such, no?

As I've said, I haven't advocated or recommended either option. I 've said what I believe the options are, based on what I know.

And I'm glad that is YOUR opinion of what a wedding or a marriage means. But it doesn't apply to all. For example, we won't be able to be married in the church for likely quite awhile after he gets here. But we'll have 90 days for the legal part. However married I consider myself to be, in the spirtual sense, is between me, my fiance, and my God. If for any couple, the marriage isn't meaningful unless it is in front of the church and the family, then that's the part that will count long term and probably the date celebrated as an anniversay. Which is why I distinguish between the cultural rite of passage that is a wedding and the legal, contractual relationship that is a marriage.

There's NOTHING TO HIDE if you aren't actually getting married. But that shouldn't be confused with a license to be a bonehead when presenting oneself at an interview or the POE.

Seriously - let's not get into discussing the validity of wedding ceremonies vs. legal marriages and which should mean more to someone and why. It's just going to end up insulting people and will be unfruitful. Not to mention, completely irrelevant to the base question here which was "#######, what do we do."

And the first thing I said to them was "change your plans."

[Fandango 1,439]

Why anyone would have a non-wedding wedding before the marriage just makes absolutely no sense to me anyways...all immigration legal stuff aside....

And never underestimate the stupidity of people!

For the same reason some of us have to have the legally-binding marriage before the wedding: it's what the circumstances require.

It's celebrating summat that hasn't happened, it's a pseudo-ceremony that essentially does nowt but potentially put you on the defense as having summat to hide during your visa processing.

You yourself said you prolly wouldn't do it, so I guess you're not really in a position to advocate the merits of such, no?

As I've said, I haven't advocated or recommended either option. I 've said what I believe the options are, based on what I know.

And I'm glad that is YOUR opinion of what a wedding or a marriage means. But it doesn't apply to all. For example, we won't be able to be married in the church for likely quite awhile after he gets here. But we'll have 90 days for the legal part. However married I consider myself to be, in the spirtual sense, is between me, my fiance, and my God. If for any couple, the marriage isn't meaningful unless it is in front of the church and the family, then that's the part that will count long term and probably the date celebrated as an anniversay. Which is why I distinguish between the cultural rite of passage that is a wedding and the legal, contractual relationship that is a marriage.

There's NOTHING TO HIDE if you aren't actually getting married. But that shouldn't be confused with a license to be a bonehead when presenting oneself at an interview or the POE.

Seriously - let's not get into discussing the validity of wedding ceremonies vs. legal marriages and which should mean more to someone and why. It's just going to end up insulting people and will be unfruitful. Not to mention, completely irrelevant to the base question here which was "#######, what do we do."

And the first thing I said to them was "change your plans."

First of all, you've taken summat I've said & you're running to Calcutta with it....

1) I wasn't directing the comment to you, as you've already said you prolly wouldn't do it.

2) I'm not sitting here asking for you to defend your suggestion either.

3) As Becs has already pointed out, you advocated both positions. I don't much care, but I have to wonder what you think advocating or reccommending summat is, if you did neither. But this is just splitting hairs cos it's moot anyways.

4) TO ME, a wedding ceremony that is not a wedding doesn't make much sense...it's neither legal nor a celebration of anything that has happened. TO ME it seems like it's a lot of chew for summat that has the ability to throw a major spanner into plans. Everyone here is v familiar with the whole 'legal first, church later' thing...and I can wrap my head round that because once you have the legal ceremony, the big wedding is a celebration of that union. So the celebration first seems to me like putting the cart before the horse, and again, speaking for myself only.....I'd feel like the whole thing was a dress rehearsal & I'd also feel a bit cheated on the actual wedding day that my 'hoopla' wasn't to follow.

Edited May 1, 2007 by LisaD

[TimsDaisy 0]

k. you win.

[robburnsefc 0]

Are you saying that you are still shooting for a July 28 wedding in the US? You have not yet received your approval according to your timeline. Assuming that is correct, you still have to get from the CSC to the NVC to the consulate (4 weeks estimate), get all you documents, have the medical and wait for the interview date to be scheduled. Seems very very unlikely that all of that will happen in under three months and that's not taking into account any one of the other things that could happen to create a delay.

p.s. Do you realize that a European honeymoon is not an option immediately - you have to either have your green card or have received advanced parole before leaving the US. That takes time as well.

I was basing the honeymoon on our abandoning K1 and starting K3 - for which I believe I would have to return to Europe after the wedding. If we get hitched on a K1 (if by a miracle it happened in time) I realise I wouldnt be able to leave the US. However, for such a small country there are one or two places we could conside over there ;-)

Any way, I just got touched by a big hairy USCIS worker. SO it appears something is at least happening!