Severe depression & the visa process.

[HannahP 119]

Well, let me preface this post by saying that I don't know if this is the right the forum. For whatever reason, I seem to be particularly bad at putting posts in their proper forums.

And maybe this is just an odd question --

But has anyone else become seriously depressed while going through the visa process?

Or is there anyone here who is also dealing with mental illness?

I was diagnosed with depression and anorexia long before I met my boy. I spent a lot of my early adolescence in and out of hospitals. The boy and I lived together from '04 to '06, when he graduated and lost his student visa. Those were the best two years of my life and definitely the most sane.

He went back to Canada in early December and my life is slowly falling apart. I have been hospitalized twice between then and now -- after going nearly five years without a single hospital stay. I am depressed and anxious, and I have begun to abuse alcohol to cope.

I know that everyone here misses their SOs and finds the time apart to be extremely stressful. But my poor coping skills and history of mental illness tends to magnify the whole situation.

Anyway, that's my story. Does anyone else have one to share?

[KarenCee 3]

I can't say I was severely depressed, but I did miss my beloved terribly. Have you seen a doctor about this? Please, if you haven't, this might be a good time to make an appointment. I won't insult your intelligence by addressing the alcohol...you know it's not the answer.

[MaydayDas 1]

Sorry to hear how much this process affects you. It does affect everybody, maybe not with the same intensity but it does. It is hard to be away from the person you love, and it is harder when you do not see a date in the future you will go back to your life next to the love one.

But we have not to let this visa process to destroy us,we have to be able to enjoy a healthy and happy life with the love one, even if for the moment we are far away one of each other.

Take care of you so you can take care of him!

Adriana

[Amby 490]

The process is very hard for everyone. All of the pain of being apart will be worth it in the end. You just have to try to stay positive and remember that the end will come soon. I was lucky enough to be able to move to England for the entire visa process but it was still hard even though we were together. I can't even begin to think how hard it is for you. Good luck and we will keep you in our prayers.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

It is extremely hard, no doubt about that

First thing I do when I'm feeling down about it, is talk to my fiance. I think supporting each other through this times is the most important thing. We try to stay possitive and look towards the future, knowing that even though we apart now, it will only be for a few months, and when this is over, we'll be starting our new life together.

It also helps me a great deal just to get on the VJ web site and share with other people that are going through the same thing, and hear other people's success stories is really encouraging. Like the other day, one of the couples shared their wedding photos, and I was extremely happy for them, but it also helped me keep my hopes up.

I think that you need to take control of what you're feeling, make an action plan for yourself with things that will help you through this time, a doctor would definetly be a very good option. I have considered that too, not only for support but just to prepare myself for all the things ahead, like moving to another country and getting married (talk about big changes!). Identify those things that will help you through the process, and those that will work against you (Do you think alcohol is helping you, or working against you? I know you know the answer to that)

Hope things get better for you

Carolina,

[Caladan 19]

Get thee to a therapist! They can help you find better ways to manage your stress and anxiety. That's what they're there for.

And try to keep this in perspective. It's just paperwork. He's from Canada (fill in your timeline!). This is not going to be an unusually hard or long separation.

The process affects everyone differently. I've mostly been okay, except that apparently I'm more anxious than I've realized, as I've started having heart palpitations (since we've received the visa, though.) It's okay to feel stress. It's normal to be stressed. You know what's causing it, and it is a stressful time, so get the medical help you need.

[doodlebug 3]

Definitely go see a doctor. I was the worst when I got back from seeing my husband, but now and then I have my moments, though they don't last very long. I have a different situation since I can't easily go back and forth to visit and he isn't able to visit at all so we basically knew what we were getting into from the getgo and we prepped ourselves as much as possible for this long emotional rollercoaster.

Hope things perk up for you!

[HannahP 119]

Thanks for the support guys.

I'm trying hard to keep things in perspective -- and to remind myself that there are so many others who are going through the same thing.

We had a long-distance relationship for three years before we lived together; I think it was living together for two years previously that is making the whole visa process seem to drag on forever. I just wish that I could curl into a little ball and sleep until he got here.

I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, no worries. I guess I was just curious as to whether anyone else had been in my situation. You read so much sadness, frustration, and anxiety from the couples who are separated; but few people wind up in the looney bin or turn into raging alcoholics. It's kind of embarrassing on my part, actually.

Anyway. Blah blah blah. Sorry for rambling.

[MaydayDas 1]

Thanks for the support guys.

I'm trying hard to keep things in perspective -- and to remind myself that there are so many others who are going through the same thing.

We had a long-distance relationship for three years before we lived together; I think it was living together for two years previously that is making the whole visa process seem to drag on forever. I just wish that I could curl into a little ball and sleep until he got here.

I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, no worries. I guess I was just curious as to whether anyone else had been in my situation. You read so much sadness, frustration, and anxiety from the couples who are separated; but few people wind up in the looney bin or turn into raging alcoholics. It's kind of embarrassing on my part, actually.

Anyway. Blah blah blah. Sorry for rambling.

Thank God VJ exists, it helps us to help each other.

[meauxna 15]

You read so much sadness, frustration, and anxiety from the couples who are separated; but few people wind up in the looney bin or turn into raging alcoholics. It's kind of embarrassing on my part, actually.

Aww Hannah.. just remember, they're not allowed to post the follow up after they've been committed so we never know how many they are!

Hang in there, and keep doing the things you know will help you. It will pass, and what a relief it will be.

[HannahP 119]

You read so much sadness, frustration, and anxiety from the couples who are separated; but few people wind up in the looney bin or turn into raging alcoholics. It's kind of embarrassing on my part, actually.

Aww Hannah.. just remember, they're not allowed to post the follow up after they've been committed so we never know how many they are!

Hang in there, and keep doing the things you know will help you. It will pass, and what a relief it will be.

Thanks.

Hehe --) "The USCIS drove me insane! Really!" That would be some pretty crazy hallucinatin'.

[Fandango 1,440]

Thanks for the support guys.

I'm trying hard to keep things in perspective -- and to remind myself that there are so many others who are going through the same thing.

We had a long-distance relationship for three years before we lived together; I think it was living together for two years previously that is making the whole visa process seem to drag on forever. I just wish that I could curl into a little ball and sleep until he got here.

I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, no worries. I guess I was just curious as to whether anyone else had been in my situation. You read so much sadness, frustration, and anxiety from the couples who are separated; but few people wind up in the looney bin or turn into raging alcoholics. It's kind of embarrassing on my part, actually.

Anyway. Blah blah blah. Sorry for rambling.

The adjustment after living together can be a hard one. We lived together for 3 and now are apart, and it's atrocious...because you're used to your routine together. Speak to a therapist, and console yourself with the fact that you're making progress towards the big reunion!

[cartaverde 12]

Hi Hannah,

I'm on the same boat ....

After years and years of traveling around, months apart, he was here for a year. We got bad info from USCIS, causing that we'll be apart for a very long time now, until my slowest kind of visa will be ready. My job is gone, my husband is on the other side of the world, and I want to cry every moment I'm awake or asleep or half awake or half asleep. Waking up in the morning and cooking any food aren't that easy ..

One year before being able to be with him ...

How do the others do it??? :'(

[Reba 2]

I was medicated a couple of times during our wait for immigration. I have a history of depression, since high school, and have been medicated a few times over the past twenty years since. The 3 years we waited for immigration to be sorted out (combination of Canadian immigration ###### ups and giving up and switching to US immigration), plus some very rude and not at all understanding employers who accused me of stalling the paperwork just to get sympathy I had no choice. It was either go back on meds or stay in bed til I shrivelled up and died.

Get thee to a doctor and talk about it. You don't want to be in hospital for when he finally does get his visa now do you?

Edited May 1, 2007 by Reba

[Fuzzness 2]

I have battled depression and anxiety. I beat it by myself. The only help I had was medication and that was only for a short time. I have battled it since being here for a very short time and it was very quick thanks to my wife