Struggling with new life in US while AOS

[Irisandjoel 52]

On 1/9/2018 at 1:26 AM, nightingalejules said:

This is a big change and it's normal to have doubts. We also lived with the inlaws for awhile, and we did CR1! It was stressful, but just hang in there... remind yourself as often as you can that this part is just temporary.

Love doesn't conquer all, but you'll get through this. Hugs!

Yes it is temporary thankfully. And life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% how you react to it, I try to remind myself of that. And I am not alone, I have my husband and we both feel the same way. Taking one day at a time  

[Irisandjoel 52]

On 1/9/2018 at 1:41 AM, -Trinity- said:

Hi Iris,  funny my husband just mentioned that he would love to visit Iceland. 

 

Although I don't live with my in-laws, I kinda recognize some of the emotions you go through. It's all part of adjusting to a different culture, and I'm like you from a European culture. And people always think it's very close to the American culture, in reality it's not.

 

What I do to cope with the differences is volunteer work and study. And I run at least three times a week. That's has been my life saver.

 

Also, I think if you guys have your own place things will be different.i have the sweetest mother in law, but I wouldn't want to live a day with here because we are so different and that wouldn't work out well.

 

I hope you can find the strength and the patience to make it through this, everything will get better after your AOS.

Agreed.

Let me know if you want any info about travelling to Iceland!  I can give you tips

[Irisandjoel 52]

21 hours ago, usmsbow said:

OP- my wife's most unhappy times in the US have been a) when she was unemployed b) when we were briefly living with my mom. Even though the two of them get along very well, my wife just didn't feel comfortable living in "someone else's home". 

 

Point being, life right now is about as low as it can get for you. Obviously the good news is life can only go up from here! Once you get your EAD and start working, you'll likely start to feel better. I also think moving out will do more for your spirits than anything else. 

 

Just my 2 cents. Good luck!

 

 

Yes exactly, I keep telling myself that it is only gonna improve from now on and I try my best to be optimistic but of course I have bad days(like the ones that made me write this post originally) .

[Longingfor 195]

On 1/8/2018 at 7:24 PM, Cheschirecat said:

AWESOME! I am an RN working from home in TN.  I have been a nurse for over 30 years.

Lovely.  I am already looking at schools and have found 5 good ones just need to narrow it down now.

[Irisandjoel 52]

40 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

For child support purposes, it doesn't matter if she is working or not.  In fact, in some states, he might have to pay more if she were working.  It is probably not a good idea to be bad mouthing the mother of your husband's children.  Would you want your children around a woman who spoke this way about you?

 

When a woman sacrifices her chances at building a career to support her husband and stay home with her children, alimony allows her to transition to a different phase of life.  The court has already determined the period of alimony based on the length of their marriage and other factors.  That doesn't make someone greedy for money.  Living with a boyfriend means nothing in this country, they aren't married, they might as well be roommates.

 

 

I have my reasons for my opinion of that woman, believe me. I agree with you about bad mouthing people, but the children are never exposed to it from me and my husband, unlike her and her parents who talks about him in front of the kids(and probably me too), he has had his daughters ask him multiple times why he is a bad person etc.(and they do it publicly on social media too! When I first met her she had a one on one talk with me, understandably, and she offered me a place to stay if I would move here and the relationship would not work out LOL. Two days later she and her parents were posting stuff about me on Facebook calling me a ####### only looking for a green card) She constantly uses the kids against him. Divorce is not easy and of course people are gonna have their differences, but you should keep that between you and not ever expose the children to it like she does. Especially to such young children(they were 4 and 6 during the divorce). 

 

Well she didn't sacrifice anything for her kids, she has never had a job her whole life way before actually having children. She drops out of school etc and has never intended and never will intend on getting a job, she is always dependent on other people, like my husband, her parents and now her new boyfriend. She constantly complains about now having enough money for the kids which I don't believe. Both children are in school now, how about finding a job if you are in need of money. I'm sorry if my opinions seem harsh, I just have a hard time with women who are weak, lazy and can't provide for themselves and always look for somebody else to do it.

She and her boyfriend bought a house together last summer and are engaged, in their divorce papers it is stated as  soon as she is living with another man she loses her right to get alimony.

[Irisandjoel 52]

Thanks everybody for tips and advice and encouraging words! It has definitely helped and I feel better for now. This will pass and better times are ahead. I am very thankful for such an awesome support system on here. 

We are going tomorrow to purchase a car for me which is a big step in the right direction! So I have some freedom and can go places in my own car. I am gonna start journaling, my husband is gonna start a part time job this week and I see November filers are starting to get approved for EAD and AOS interviews today!(My NOA1 is Nov 2nd) So I am optimistic to have my EAD soooon. I am gonna go apply for jobs at restaurants in the area and try to find a part time job working evenings since the job I already have lined up is a morning job and not every day of the week. 

[caliliving 606]

31 minutes ago, Irisandjoel said:

Thanks everybody for tips and advice and encouraging words! It has definitely helped and I feel better for now. This will pass and better times are ahead. I am very thankful for such an awesome support system on here. 

We are going tomorrow to purchase a car for me which is a big step in the right direction! So I have some freedom and can go places in my own car. I am gonna start journaling, my husband is gonna start a part time job this week and I see November filers are starting to get approved for EAD and AOS interviews today!(My NOA1 is Nov 2nd) So I am optimistic to have my EAD soooon. I am gonna go apply for jobs at restaurants in the area and try to find a part time job working evenings since the job I already have lined up is a morning job and not every day of the week. 

That is awesome! You just need money and u will be much happier. Money is freedom:) and my friend waitresses mornings and makes good money so it doesn't have to all be weekend work. Just hang in there! More then anything you prob just need people to talk to outside your house lol

 

[RLA 323]

23 hours ago, TNJ17 said:

It says on the guidelines no work, not even volunteer.

Could somebody point me to those guidelines, please?  Based on this article I would have thought that some kinds of volunteering would be allowed even without employment authorization. 

[Jeanne Adil 1,651]

23 hours ago, usmsbow said:

 

I seriously doubt that. My wife volunteered at a non-profit, prepping food at a shelter while she was waiting for her EAD. It was pretty clear it was volunteer work. Also helped her have a professional reference when applying for jobs. 

USCIS Views on Volunteering

The following describes the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service (USCIS) interpretation of the concept of “work” versus “volunteering”.

A foreign national cannot perform work as a volunteer in a position that would normally be a paid position or if the foreign national believes that some form of compensation will follow.

The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service (USCIC) views such volunteering as “work” and requires proper employment authorization issued by that agency.

 

from an immigration attorney

https://www.usavisanow.com/h-1b-visa/h1b-visa-resources/uscis-views-on-volunteering/

[TNJ17 1,329]

Somebody beat me to the punch. Just not worth risking it. It’s a few months max that you’re waiting for EAD. Plus everyone who files K1 knows the guidelines and the long wait times, and should plan accordingly. 

[usmsbow 801]

4 minutes ago, adil-rafa said:

USCIS Views on Volunteering

The following describes the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service (USCIS) interpretation of the concept of “work” versus “volunteering”.

A foreign national cannot perform work as a volunteer in a position that would normally be a paid position or if the foreign national believes that some form of compensation will follow.

The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service (USCIC) views such volunteering as “work” and requires proper employment authorization issued by that agency.

 

from an immigration attorney

https://www.usavisanow.com/h-1b-visa/h1b-visa-resources/uscis-views-on-volunteering/

 

Ok, what's your point?

 

As I said, it was clear it was volunteer work, many citizens have done that work as volunteers, and she certainly didn't think she'd get any form of compensation. I mean the organization even has a description of the volunteer position on its website (edited to add: which makes it clear it is an unpaid, volunteer work).

 

And that describes the overwhelming majority of volunteer work in this country.

 

 

Edited January 10, 2018 by usmsbow

[Jeanne Adil 1,651]

Homesickness can be quite cruel to any of us seperated from family for any reason

i have been moved away from family several times 

Transfered with IBM to both Japan and Belgium 

difference was i knew at some point i would return to the US

but even when living in California and Florida i was far from family

i did not however,  have to deal with living with inlaws although mine were fantastic

you need freinds in the US and communication with people back home

Make short term goals for yourself like 

1   getting a job when able to

2   save a little money to help get own place

or

3   save money to make trips home to see family

I asked Adil what troubles he had when he came

He just said the people sometimes didn't understand him because of his accent but other than that the adjustment was easy as he had green card in a month and my son gave him a car / we got his driving license (glasses first so he could read the test) and a job in 3 months

you need something to occupy your time not bring you down

so sorry as living in  other countries i do know what you go thru

 

[Jeanne Adil 1,651]

4 minutes ago, usmsbow said:

 

Ok, what's your point?

 

As I said, it was clear it was volunteer work, many citizens have done that work as volunteers, and she certainly didn't think she'd get any form of compensation. I mean the organization even has a description of the volunteer position on its website (edited to add: which makes it clear it is an unpaid, volunteer work).

 

And that describes the overwhelming majority of volunteer work in this country.

 

 

the point is immigration  does not like volunteer work as it has been used to get paid under the table too many times

this can be trouble and u are advising this poor girl to try it when she already has enough problems

 

[usmsbow 801]

Just now, adil-rafa said:

the point is immigration  does not like volunteer work as it has been used to get paid under the table too many times

this can be trouble and u are advising this poor girl to try it when she already has enough problems

 

 

I seriously doubt if USCIS or ICE cares if one volunteers for something like Habitat for Humanity or a local food kitchen. I didn't suggest she go "volunteer" at some company or do some "volunteer" IT work. I just think making a blanket statement that volunteer work is a no-no is bad advice. 

[Jeanne Adil 1,651]

3 minutes ago, usmsbow said:

 

I seriously doubt if USCIS or ICE cares if one volunteers for something like Habitat for Humanity or a local food kitchen. I didn't suggest she go "volunteer" at some company or do some "volunteer" IT work. I just think making a blanket statement that volunteer work is a no-no is bad advice. 

she is homesick / means misses her country and home 

not see the downside of the US like the homeless here

she needs encouragment to see our better sides