Struggling with new life in US while AOS

[Longingfor 195]

42 minutes ago, uhondo said:

I am sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing, but have little advice since I also find myself in a somewhat frustrating situation having moved here about 2 months ago. I came here on a F1 visa (not the student one), and have recently received my green card. My mom petitioned for me. Apparently even with the GC finding a job isn't much easier with a foreign education (unless maybe from Europe, Aussie, or Canada). I worked in IT back home for a decade, and have certifications from the major US companies. I was making a decent amount of money back home and I had an okay life. I have made close to a hundred job applications online with little success, and the likely reason the employers will not consider me is because I have a foreign degre. 

The few people from my home country who have been here long enough are advising to go back to school but that is not possible at the moment given the cost. So the only option would be to do some odd jobs while I try to figure a way out.

 

So it appears to be a major step backwards from where I was (career/life wise) back home. Literally the only thing stopping me from going back is that I had gotten rid of nearly all of my few worldly possessions back home, and the fact that I had resigned from my job. 

 

For now all I can do is sit in the house watching bad cable since its impossible to get around without a car and I have no driving license yet. I am studying for the test but finding it really hard to concentrate with so much running through my mind. 

I remember the anxiety I had right before I left, not knowing what to expect. And my anxiety was not misplaced. All I can advise is to do your research well so that you may learn about ways to make your life a little less frustrating initially once you get here since adjusting here does not appear to be easy at all.

 

End rant.

That is my plan. Trying to take it all in strides and see how best I will adjust. I have visited several times and have hang out with my husband's friends but I need to make my own friends that share that have shared interest. The 2 persons I know don't keep in touch. If I don't reach out they don't so I've stopped reaching out. A friendship can't be made one sided. I'm glad I got to experience that thought me a lot about the American culture. I am from the islands and I find people here much warmer and friendlier not saying they are not in the US but I am yet to experience it.

 

I plan to start facebooking so I can join groups.

[MyJourney 276]

I am sorry to hear all the difficulties you and your husband are experiencing. However, it seems like there are issues more serious than just boredom. 

It seems like your husband has a difficult health situation and I hope he has a job that is not physically demanding. It is never easy to get a full picture of another person's situation. However, it seems like you guys must get out of that place. I admire your respect for your husbands choices and preferences, however, you must have a say on this as well. Clearly, you are not enjoying where you are right now and moving to a different place where you can live on your own is the best option, even if it is a trailer. I know this will be a big hit for your self-esteem after all other things you have already given up, however, it is not as much damaging and upsetting sticking around where you guys are not welcome. 
I am not asking this in a bad or mean way, but how did your husband get his petition approved? Especially, if he is paying so much for his ex, his kids, and on the top of that he filed for bankruptcy. 
I do not think he is doing enough to make you happy, however regretful he may be feeling. It seems like you are emotionally connected and feel obligated. That is a double edged sword. Even if you get a job, soon, you may find yourself working non-stop to provide for an entire family, a very realistic prospect. 
I have not personally met, but I have heard a lady from where I come from originally who married an american husband. Her husband was also a veteran, divorced, and all that, with health issues and he stopped working or something after marriage. My impression was that she was a lonely, dependent, unprotected woman who was constantly taken advantage of and over-worked to feed an unemployed husband...
You don't have to sacrifice your life in such a manner. If you don't like where you are at in life as a result of this decision, it is OK to part your ways and even go back to your place and carry on from where you left off. 

Edited January 8, 2018 by MyJourney

[Cheschirecat 176]

2 hours ago, Irisandjoel said:

Yes I will go get a journal. And taking walks is a good therapy, just if the cold would go away! It's been almost 0F for two weeks now! I want summer, I am done with winter haha.

I just saw that you live in Maine! Yeah way too cold!! I am freezing here in the south too. We had a heatwave today and it is in the 30s woot woot!

[Cheschirecat 176]

1 hour ago, Longingfor said:

That is my plan. Trying to take it all in strides and see how best I will adjust. I have visited several times and have hang out with my husband's friends but I need to make my own friends that share that have shared interest. The 2 persons I know don't keep in touch. If I don't reach out they don't so I've stopped reaching out. A friendship can't be made one sided. I'm glad I got to experience that thought me a lot about the American culture. I am from the islands and I find people here much warmer and friendlier not saying they are not in the US but I am yet to experience it.

 

I plan to start facebooking so I can join groups.

Being an IT person could you not work from home with your old job or any job? Have you thought about starting your own IT business? I really hope success comes your way. My fiancé is from Guyana living in Barbados and I am worried about employment for him, but he is a carpenter and can do anything in construction and I am building referrals for him when he can finally work.

[Cheschirecat 176]

Hey in the US a military disability is not always a physical disability.. War is Hell

[Lazybones18 261]

Check out cheao gyms near you .

 Sometimes costco have great deals .. spend couple of hours at the gym everyday 

 

Not crossfit but better than nothing 

[JT4/25 38]

Im sorry you are having a rough time....it stinks not being able to work.  My husband from Italy has a foreign degree...he got a job within one week of getting his EAD.  he has changed jobs 3x in 12 years...and now he is making more money than he ever did in Italy.  I just want to say.....that I am sorry your husband has health issues...but if the money is that bad for you....cant he find a part time job?  When you get your EAD...you may have to work 2 jobs....does it suck...yes...but when we were in financial distress...we both worked 2 jobs to get us out of a bad situation.  Are you tired...exhausted...yes....but you have to do what you have to do to survive.  Dont mean to sound cold...but seems your husband is home for the evenings.  Time to get a paper route or something...no?  My husband when he first got here.....before his EAD...helped a friend of mine deliver meals to the elderly.  get involved...get out of that crazy house.

[dentsflogged 352]

Sorry that it's such a tough time.  Honestly I don't know how I'd deal with that scenario.

As others have said, you absolutely need to find a way to keep yourself busy.

My partner and I talked about our options to death (CR-1 vs. K1) and in the end decided K-1 was for us because money isn't a factor (I have significant savings and investments which mean that 6 months of not working will not be a problem) so we can be together to wait that time out. 

We also talked about what I could do in that time to keep busy and not go insane - and also so that he doesn't feel a bunch of pressure as my "only" thing in the US.

Maybe look into volunteering?  Is there an animal shelter, homeless or womens shelter nearby?  What about the local library or food bank? If there aren't any of those things, what about checking with the local church (even if you're not religious) to see if they have a meals on wheels program or some sort of community outreach that you can help with?  Heck, you could even look around and see if there's a program/group or even just a single nursing home where you can visit with some of the older folks who might be lonely. (added bonus of being able to practice English if it's not your first language/already fluent) 
 

Stuff around the house can also be good - can you teach yourself how to cook new dishes for the family?  What about asking the in-laws if they need help with clearing out the attic/basement/garage?    If you're artsy or creative, have you considered doing stuff like learning to knit, cross stitch, maybe tending a small (and movable) garden or going all out and maybe starting a video blog about the experiences of settling into America? 

 

I'd also recommend looking around and seeing if there's options like language schools or universities where people may be looking to learn your native language - you can help them practice and get a social outlet (and maybe make new friends!) at the same time.

[Longingfor 195]

41 minutes ago, Cheschirecat said:

Being an IT person could you not work from home with your old job or any job? Have you thought about starting your own IT business? I really hope success comes your way. My fiancé is from Guyana living in Barbados and I am worried about employment for him, but he is a carpenter and can do anything in construction and I am building referrals for him when he can finally work.

I'm not in IT but have thought about working from home but I think I am going to go back to school and change career paths. There are so many unique and interesting fields of study that will yield gainful employment.

[littlewingxx 29]

OP, your words really resonate with me because I find myself in a vaguely similar situation and I can fully empathise with the rollercoaster of emotions you're experiencing.

 

My husband and I currently share a house with his mother and younger sister and although I was well aware this would be the living situation before I moved out here, I was unprepared with just how hard it was going to make things. The house we live in isn't really suitable for sharing; it's too small and lacks any sort of space or privacy. My stepson is at our house every day as well, so evenings are really hard for me as the noise reaches an almost unbearable level for me. I spend a lot of my time in our bedroom, and often feel as though I am living in someone else's home. I've struggled since moving here with the lack of control I feel like I have over my life at the moment. I have moments of feeling resentment for everything I gave up; a well paying job, a car, independence, family, friends, home comforts, my own home and space.

 

I finally started working just before Christmas, and received my greencard not long after. It has made a huge difference to my outlook, and it does make it a little easier. I now have something that is mine, separate from my house which was starting to feel like a prison because I had nothing out with it. I feel like I'm regaining my sense of independence and self worth, I'm making friends and have something to apply myself to. Hopefully when you have the ability to work, it'll help you feel less lost.

 

It's freakin' hard starting out new, marriage has its challenges and combining that with being in a new country without friends and family for support, it can be an overwhelming and daunting road ahead. You can do it! Please, please, please feel free to PM me if you want to talk, I totally understand how you feel and what you are going through. I honestly feel like I want to reach out and hug you .

 

Chin up. You got this!

 

[caliliving 606]

3 hours ago, Irisandjoel said:

He is amazing and I would not have moved and given up so much if he wasn't. He is my soulmate and he deserves all the best. So I try my best to be a good wife. 

Hmm neighbors, don't know much about them, mostly rednecks I guess. I am not a very social person so I don't make friends very easily.

I do make dinner from time to time and try to make it on the healthier side with fresh ingredients. I hate premade food that Americans love so much, including my inlaws. But I think we'll just take complete care of our food from now on, I am done with my father in laws drama about everything. Plus they like to eat very late at night, we don't like going to bed with full stomachs.

 

There are a lot of trailers around here, different qualities.. They are cheap to live in yes but I just really don't want to live in a trailer. To me it is not a real house, sorry if that makes me sound like a snob or something. And it's not really appeasing to me to tell my friends and family who were already sceptical of me moving here, that I am living in a trailer.. My husband's blood mother is trying to help us out and looking for a place to stay and finding a car for me, she has offered us a place to stay for when things get to rough where we are at now, but honestly, her house is quite filthy.. People out here have a very different standards of living and the poverty is crazy.

Ha yup it's interesting how the view people think of America is hardly the truth! Outside of few areas I  very large cities 90% of America is exactly what you say. Poverty! I hope you can find a good paying job quite quick! I would recommend looking in a restaurant/bar. For someone from a different country the tips are great and u would have instant money. Unless you can find a 25/hour job making 200+ in tips is pretty good imo especially since you seem pretty and have good English. 

I hope you the best but you are in a struggle and hopefully your husband can start making more $$ as well:)

 

 

[Cheschirecat 176]

8 minutes ago, Longingfor said:

I'm not in IT but have thought about working from home but I think I am going to go back to school and change career paths. There are so many unique and interesting fields of study that will yield gainful employment.

Not sure where I got IT. A good field to consider is nursing. You can do so much with it. You can also be an LPN in 1 year then start working then pursue a 2 year nursing degree. Not sure of your state, but it’s a wonderful profession

[FlashLG 152]

I'm in a similar situation myself, and am currently awaiting for EAD so I can start looking for work. I have coped OK so far, but now that Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year are over, it is definitely tougher to occupy the mind.

 

I personally use exercise to help fill the time. Even if you can't afford the gym or are unable to get there, there are still other things you can do. I find running really helps, both from a fitness aspect but also mentally, as it can help take your mind off of things and allow you time to process your thoughts.

 

And like others have suggested, writing definitely helps, and i have just started writing myself.

Edited January 9, 2018 by FlashLG

[Longingfor 195]

2 minutes ago, Cheschirecat said:

Not sure where I got IT. A good field to consider is nursing. You can do so much with it. You can also be an LPN in 1 year then start working then pursue a 2 year nursing degree. Not sure of your state, but it’s a wonderful profession

That's what I'm leaning towards.

[Cheschirecat 176]

4 minutes ago, Longingfor said:

That's what I'm leaning towards.

AWESOME! I am an RN working from home in TN.  I have been a nurse for over 30 years.