Complicated case. I need an advise please!

[Khallaf 650]

2 hours ago, EricT said:

I couldn't wait. I waited for 22 hours and then when I texted she said that she was so busy she didn't even had time to scratch her head and I said that it takes 5 seconds to say Hi. 

I want to start of by saying I have been in your shoes, and I made the mistake of getting married to a man, who used me to get here, and the moment he had his citizenship, and had passed the 5 year mark, he promptly told me he didn't want to be married to me anymore. I went through the stress and heartbreak and emotional and financial loss.

 

I have gone through all the messages, and all the classic signs. When you love someone you take the time to let them know your thinking about them, when you love someone you take advantage of being able to spend more time with them. when she didn't want to spend the extra week with you, that should have raised the biggest red flag you know.

 

When it comes to her son, if he is hitting you and smiling and you can tell it isn't a game, that he is being abusive to you now, and you haven't married his mom yet, and she fails to discipline him, another gigantic red flag. I do not believe it has anything to do with being able to communicate him, he is spoiled and not lacks respect.

 

I have sever trust issues when it comes to relationships, my current husband now, he knows this and understands this, also a high level of anxiety, but he supports me and we talk every day, he has often begged me to stay in his country longer, but do to needing my job to support us, and in life, I couldn't take anymore time off, we text every day, we facetime as often as we can and I call him every 2-3 days just to hear his voice, he will call me and hang up, its cheaper for me to call him on my cell phone plan, so I call back, and he tells me he calls just to tell me he loves me. Those are signs that they love you. 

 

Avoiding you, and telling you they are too busy, these are bad signs.

[EricT 6]

1 hour ago, Going through said:

And her reaction to you after you said that was?

She started blaming me that I don't text her but it was me first who texted her after all this time. I told her I will not send out papers until we live at least a month together and I want her to apply for visitors visa. She didn't reply. I'll just wait at this time. She def not a scammer but I want to see how much she is willing to wait and do things for our relationship

[Olee12 41]

16 hours ago, EricT said:

Thats a huge question! I still trying to figure out, and I am puzzled! I am a book and street psychologist and still can't figure out. She is tough too though, she grew up in a poor family where she had to come up with something in order to survive, so she knows how to manipulate. There were many cases when she showed that she doesn't give a damn about coming to US but just love me... but then again, I don't know if this was purposely done to confuse me or she is being honest. The thing I don't know if I can handle is her son who is 4 that slaps me many many times when she is in a bathroom or a kitchen. He keeps slapping me and smiling in my face, she knows it since i keep telling him to stop but she wouldn't say anything because she says that its my fault that I can't find a way to communicate with him. I am sorry for opening up to you, i had some vodka... So I don't f... !!! know what to do!!!!

From personal experience ,  she's really good manipulator and you can't see this clearly because "love" involved .  Pls, do yourself  favor and move on . Nothing worse is living in regrets. 

[-Trinity- 513]

16 hours ago, EricT said:

See guys!! Like right now, I sent her a text message like 10 hours ago. She never replied. Is she would want to come to US so bad then she would say something right away..

Omg... Maybe she is sleeping? Working? What is the time difference with Kazakhstan?

 

Maybe you"re freaking her out with your behavior? Anyway, do the little boy a favor ( you and mommy are grown ups) and end the relationship. That poor 4 year old kid doesn't need to be around so much drama. He obviously doesn't know how to deal with this stranger in his mom's life.

 

Besides, do you see yourself being a father to this little boy? To me it doesn't sound like you can.

Edited January 8, 2018 by -Trinity-

[Mayi & MiMi 172]

As a mother, personally I do not want a man to disipline my child.  Its ok for him to tell my child that he is wrong, but never hit my child.  If a mother can not or will not tell her child to stop even after someone has told her that her child is misbehaving is a sign that she does not care about your feelings or thoughts.  The child is playing you just like a fiddle.  That will become annoying as the days progress and BELIEVE me there will be MUCH headaches to follow as well as arguments.  Please take the advice of the VJers here, DONT FILE ! Dont put yourself in a situation where she will use the child as a shield of protection and you end up being put in a situation that you will end up bumping heads with the police.  Be wise, listen and listen well.  

 

Attitude is everything and if she can not show you her truest feelings for you then its not worth investing anymore time.  Follow your instincts !

 

 

 

 

[Michelle13 39]

I suspect we're not really telling you something you don't know by saying that we see a lot of red flags in your relationship with both this woman and her son.  While I admire your heart to push through the hard times, it is also important to not leave wisdom in the sidelines.

 

If you're wanting to give it another shot, I recommend the tourists visa or spending time in her country/any country and figure things out.  

 

I am praying that you will be lead by truth and wisdom like never before. 

[I&A2017 10]

18 hours ago, EricT said:

See guys!! Like right now, I sent her a text message like 10 hours ago. She never replied. Is she would want to come to US so bad then she would say something right away..

 

 

If my fiancee told me about he stay 1 week more with me, I would  be the woman more happy.

I think you have the answer in this situation, a long distance relationship is not easy, the couples need a lot cominication  and true love, like other people say the K-1 is not a visa for see if the relationship is good,  is really a visa for get married when you are sure, then if you are not sure and ready for that, the better is you dont apply  for it, if you have doubts the best you can do is talk with her. Maybe if you break a relationship is hard but is more difficult get married with someone that is not ready or does not love you. 
 

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

2 hours ago, EricT said:

She started blaming me that I don't text her but it was me first who texted her after all this time. I told her I will not send out papers until we live at least a month together and I want her to apply for visitors visa. She didn't reply. I'll just wait at this time. She def not a scammer but I want to see how much she is willing to wait and do things for our relationship

It seems obvious you should break up with her. This all sounds like two teenagers playing games to be honest. If you can’t have a proper discussion and talk about this behavior, it is a really bad sign for a marriage,

if for some strange reason you still want to go through with it, tell her you’re coming for a month to live with her there. Maybe when she comes up with some stupid excuse as to why you can’t, you’ll realize what she’s really after - a green card. 

not to sound too cynical also but - are you sure you are her only option? 

 

by the way the son - could just be typical 4-year old unable to deal with competition for mom’s affection (especially if dad not around at all), or could be picking up mom’s disrespect for you, or both. If she makes no attempt to discipline him on this behavior, the latter.

[CheeseMonstah 87]

2 hours ago, EricT said:

She started blaming me that I don't text her but it was me first who texted her after all this time. I told her I will not send out papers until we live at least a month together and I want her to apply for visitors visa. She didn't reply. I'll just wait at this time. She def not a scammer but I want to see how much she is willing to wait and do things for our relationship

You know what the right thing to do is. You may not want to do it, but you know what that is.

 

Better to rip the bandaid now vs procrastinate. It'll only get harder.

[Ontarkie 14,234]

5 hours ago, EricT said:

She started blaming me that I don't text her but it was me first who texted her after all this time. I told her I will not send out papers until we live at least a month together and I want her to apply for visitors visa. She didn't reply. I'll just wait at this time. She def not a scammer but I want to see how much she is willing to wait and do things for our relationship

This is the biggest sign that it is a scam. She has you believing it's all your fault you've convinced yourself that she's not scamming you but then in the same breath want to test her on your relationship. 

 

How much money are you sending her? 

[EricT 6]

On 1/7/2018 at 6:21 PM, SusieQQQ said:

Is it an option for you to spend a month or two with her in her home country, to get to know what it’s like living with her for a while?

I did offer to spend time together at least a month here in US by coming as a visitor. Its been 15 hours and she didn't say anything.

[EricT 6]

6 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

This is the biggest sign that it is a scam. She has you believing it's all your fault you've convinced yourself that she's not scamming you but then in the same breath want to test her on your relationship. 

 

How much money are you sending her? 

She is not a scammer, if she was a scammer she would text me all the time making me believe that she loves me.

[EricT 6]

9 hours ago, CheeseMonstah said:

You know what the right thing to do is. You may not want to do it, but you know what that is.

 

Better to rip the bandaid now vs procrastinate. It'll only get harder.

You're right, I do know and I will eventually do it. She is helping me to break up with her. I did offer to spend time together at least a month here in US by coming as a visitor. Its been 15 hours and she didn't say anything.

[Boiler 45,558]

What she is doing seems to be working.

[EricT 6]

9 hours ago, SusieQQQ said:

It seems obvious you should break up with her. This all sounds like two teenagers playing games to be honest. If you can’t have a proper discussion and talk about this behavior, it is a really bad sign for a marriage,

if for some strange reason you still want to go through with it, tell her you’re coming for a month to live with her there. Maybe when she comes up with some stupid excuse as to why you can’t, you’ll realize what she’s really after - a green card. 

not to sound too cynical also but - are you sure you are her only option? 

 

by the way the son - could just be typical 4-year old unable to deal with competition for mom’s affection (especially if dad not around at all), or could be picking up mom’s disrespect for you, or both. If she makes no attempt to discipline him on this behavior, the latter.

Yeah, her son is like that because she doesn't spend time with him. I will break up with her, I just don't want to be an ####### and tell her to f... off! I did offer to spend time together at least a month here in US by coming as a visitor. Its been 15 hours and she didn't say anything. Its a good sign for me.