Complicated case. I need an advise please!

[dawning 212]

6 minutes ago, EricT said:

See, thats the problem, she doesn't want to change much, she wants to come back to her country like twice a year or once a year because there is a hearth of her house... she sounds like she doesn't know what marriage means. I think too that they wouldnt give her visitors visa. <Whether her dream is to be with you or to be in the US or both, bringing her here with the idea that you can send her back if things get hard is disrespectful.> Its not disrespectful, its heartless... thats why I don't want to do this. I think I will just ask her if she thinks that we could be a good couple and we'll go from there. Will see..

I think you are right... If you don't feel ready or you are unsure about the relationship the best and most honest thing is to hold off on filing for the visa.

There will be people on here who will tell you that she is probably a scammer and therefore it's ok for you to play around to test her honesty.  I don't agree with that morally as you can see by my answer. 

She may have a very different definition of marriage than you do... cultural expectations can influence people's view of relationships much more than they are aware of.  That's where more time together and maybe some kind of joint counseling with someone that knows about both cultures might help.

 

Good luck!

[EricT 6]

6 minutes ago, dawning said:

I think you are right... If you don't feel ready or you are unsure about the relationship the best and most honest thing is to hold off on filing for the visa.

There will be people on here who will tell you that she is probably a scammer and therefore it's ok for you to play around to test her honesty.  I don't agree with that morally as you can see by my answer. 

She may have a very different definition of marriage than you do... cultural expectations can influence people's view of relationships much more than they are aware of.  That's where more time together and maybe some kind of joint counseling with someone that knows about both cultures might help.

 

Good luck!

You're right. Thanks.

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

1 hour ago, EricT said:

You're right. Thanks.

Is it an option for you to spend a month or two with her in her home country, to get to know what it’s like living with her for a while?

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

27 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

Is it an option for you to spend a month or two with her in her home country, to get to know what it’s like living with her for a while?

If you go, you should work out how you deal with her son's behavior in advance.

[jle2234 68]

You have been given some good advice in this thread.

 

Marriage with immigration is about more than just whether the marriage will work. You will be asking your fiancée to relocate her entire life, and her son's entire life, to a foreign country -- away from her family, friends, and everything she has ever known. This is an enormous step for anyone to make, and can be trying to even the most stable of relationships. Furthermore, petitioning for your fiancée's immigration can affect your own future. If, heaven forbid, your relationship does not work out, you can run in to headaches related to your spouse's immigration status and the previous petition can affect your ability to petition others in the future (ex. if you were to remarry). I understand your concerns, but telling your fiancée that'd you'd like to wait -- or breaking up with her entirely -- IS the sensitive thing to do in this case, as it keeps you from getting her hopes up regarding marriage, a new life in the U.S., etc., if you are not 100% sure about the marriage.

 

You use some pretty loaded terms to describe your fiancée (ex. 'she knows how to manipulate', 'she does not seem to know what marriage means'). If you sponsor your fiancée's immigration, you will be responsible for her within the U.S., at least temporarily... so I would recommend clearing up any uncertainties you have regarding her prior to filing.

 

Good luck!

[janet3 1,170]

If you are having a difficult time saying goodbye now  (since she is in a different country....and half of the time the relationship is good). I would advise you to not file for the K1 visa yet. The K1 is not a "let's try it out" visa. If she cannot get a visa here....is there anyway you can stay with her in her home country for a while?

[EricT 6]

5 hours ago, SusieQQQ said:

Is it an option for you to spend a month or two with her in her home country, to get to know what it’s like living with her for a while?

I don't think I can do that. I have had an option to stay an extra week with her but she said that she would be busy. She doesn't look like she loves me. 

[EricT 6]

2 hours ago, janet3 said:

If you are having a difficult time saying goodbye now  (since she is in a different country....and half of the time the relationship is good). I would advise you to not file for the K1 visa yet. The K1 is not a "let's try it out" visa. If she cannot get a visa here....is there anyway you can stay with her in her home country for a while?

I definitely won't file K-1 yet. I don't think it will get to the point when I should stay with her. She hasn't sent me any message for about 20 hours, maybe she feels the same way I do, I don't know, I hope. Will see.

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

47 minutes ago, EricT said:

I don't think I can do that. I have had an option to stay an extra week with her but she said that she would be busy. She doesn't look like she loves me. 

I’m sorry, but most people in long distance relationships wouldn’t be “busy” if they had the chance to spend an extra week with their beloved. Even if at work there’s the evenings, etc.

[caliliving 606]

1 hour ago, EricT said:

I don't think I can do that. I have had an option to stay an extra week with her but she said that she would be busy. She doesn't look like she loves me. 

Omg all the signs are there...she doesn't want to spend extra time or have you around! She isn't in love with you. Period. She doesn't want u around and is using you to get to America. 

 

I don't know what bigger signs you need to see this 

[jayjayj 571]

Reading all your posts, it seems obvious to me, if I were in your shoes I would cut and run.  I realize that can be difficult, having invested emotionally in the relationship, but sometimes it is for the best.  

[dentsflogged 352]

44 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

I’m sorry, but most people in long distance relationships wouldn’t be “busy” if they had the chance to spend an extra week with their beloved. Even if at work there’s the evenings, etc

100% this.

I got the chance to spend an extra week with my partner and I jumped at it, even when it cost me a week of work not being paid and over $600 worth of changes to flights. In the end, neither mattered as much as being able to sit across from him at dinner or wake up next to him every morning for an extra week.

[Iwo_Jima 119]

If I were in your shoes, I would just wait for a couple months. Don't text her, just wait. If she is not texting/communicating with you, it means your relationships are over.

[EricT 6]

3 hours ago, Iwo_Jima said:

If I were in your shoes, I would just wait for a couple months. Don't text her, just wait. If she is not texting/communicating with you, it means your relationships are over.

I couldn't wait. I waited for 22 hours and then when I texted she said that she was so busy she didn't even had time to scratch her head and I said that it takes 5 seconds to say Hi. 

[Going through 5,671]

34 minutes ago, EricT said:

I couldn't wait. I waited for 22 hours and then when I texted she said that she was so busy she didn't even had time to scratch her head and I said that it takes 5 seconds to say Hi. 

And her reaction to you after you said that was?