Wanting to go back after K1 visa marriage, I don't want to live in US

[cornel.orlat 1]

I got here on a k1 visa and got married to the person I love but I realised I simply cannot live here and abandon my country. I feel depressed, wake up at night and I just want to go back. My wife doesn't understand, she says I don't love her, we had this discussion even before marriage and I still tried to make it work. At the moment she doesn't know that I truly don't want to stay but how do I go on about this? She doesn't want to move to my country and if we file for divorce  I saw it takes more than 3 months to even have the case looked at. I can't live here in shame and guilt with her until it gets taken care of.

She rented an apartment just so that we can live in it together because I didn't want to live at her parents place. She'll give me guilt that she did this just for me and now I'm gonna abandon her, I gave her all my money when I came here and I don't want any of them back, I just want to go home and continue to have a normal life there. 

We haven't filed for AOS yet but she'll soon want to do that, I will tell her just before that, but what is my best option at the moment?

[Redheadguy03 505]

Best option is up to you. How long have you been in the United States? It takes a bit to get used to it. My wife definitely had to adjust and she still misses home. Heck, I miss her home too! 

 

It sounds like your communication isn't too good. You need to talk and see what she says. You could try moving to your country together. You said she doesn't want that, but each person has to make sacrifices. My wife moved here, because it made the most sense financially. Talk about it then talk about it some more! 

Edited December 24, 2017 by Redheadguy03

[Boiler 45,584]

You do not need to be here to Divorce, all that can be done remotely, should not be that complicates=d especially if you are both in agreement, no children, money, short marriage.

[Crazy Cat 41,922]

I see that you can choose from the following options.

 

1.  Continue in your misery

2.  Adjust to your situation and and learn to accept it

3.  Change your situation by moving back to your country

 

Seriously, it all begins with communication with your wife.

Good luck..

[cornel.orlat 1]

We had communicated about it, I told her a few days after I got here, she cried alot, I coldn't see her like that, I still tried. Before we got the apartment I said it again and couldn't bare to see her ruined like that. Even before we applied for the marriage license I told her and she started blaming me for changing her life, making her move to an apartment she won't want to live in without me. It's not so easy for me to hurt the woman I love. But after the marriage I started feeling like there's no going back and it hit me, I don't want to continue my life in the US. She doesn't want to move to my country either. I used all my money to come here and every expense so far was out of my money, I won't have the finances when I go back home to deal wih a surprise. What if she won't want to divorce or by her proceding with the divorce and me not being there I will end up paying her for the rent here which is higher than the salary I'll have in my country.

Edited December 24, 2017 by cornel.orlat

[NikLR 13,227]

As a note almost everyone has homesickness.  I felt homesick for about a year.  Sometimes it gets better after you can work and be a normal functioning adult (that's why many people do better with a CR1 imho...)  

But you have a choice.  Stick it out because you love your wife and try to make your life work.  It's not easy to move someplace new.  But dont stay with your wife out of guilt.  She doesnt deserve that.  Stay with her because you love her and can work through life. 

Or you can start the divorce and return home.  If you choose to leave and divorce you need to understand that your love may not be strong enough to overcome your need to live in your box.

 

 I dont know where you are from so I cant say if your wife should move there or not.  And yes, as a woman, it does matter.  I wouldnt move someplace permanently that took away all of my rights and made me less than. Love cant overcome the fact I couldnt drive and was essentially a slave.  I wouldnt move to a country where I had no rights.  But thats me. 

Edited December 24, 2017 by NikLR

[NikLR 13,227]

*merged post*

Edited December 24, 2017 by NikLR

[Redheadguy03 505]

5 minutes ago, cornel.orlat said:

We had communicated about it, I told her a few days after I got here, she cried alot, I coldn't see her like that, I still tried. Before we got the apartment I said it again and couldn't bare to see her ruined like that. Even before we applied for the marriage license I told her and she started blaming me for canging her life, making her move to an apartment she won't want to kive in without me. It's not so eay for me to hurt the woman I love. But after the marriage I started feeling like there's no going back and it hi me, I don't want to continue my life in the US. She doesn't want to move to my country either. I used all my money to come here, I won't have the finances when I go back home to deal wih a surprise. What if she won't want to divorce or by her proceding with the divorce and me not being there I will en up paying her for the rent here which is higher than the salary I'll have in my country.

You should have discussed what would happen if it didn't work out before you moved. If you love her so much you'd try to make it work. You haven't filed AOS yet, so you can't possibly have been in the United States that long. It takes time! 

1 minute ago, NikLR said:

Love cant overcome the fact I couldnt drive and was essentially a slave. 

It's different for everyone. My wife has never driven before, so wasn't as bad for her. 

Edited December 24, 2017 by Redheadguy03

[gregcrs2 1,778]

Sounds like the two of you are quite young and have some growing up to do.  Regardless, you feel the way you do.  It could change for the better with time or it could get worse for you with time.  May I ask what it is that you don't like here in comparison to your own country?  Of course your wife doesn't understand and feels you don't love her.  You both made relationship commitments.  If you have really determined without a doubt that you don't want to stay, then you should let her know immediately.  You asked how you about it.  Well, bad news does not get better over time and no matter how gently you try to tell her it will be very hurtful.  You can get an uncontested divorce which means you both agreeable to terms of the divorce.  You don't even need to be in the USA to start a divorce, you can do it from your home country.  

Your best option is to have an adult conversation between the two of you.  Then, if you decide you still don't want to live in the USA, return to your home country.  Life is too short to be miserable.  As others have stated, it's a difficult adjustment moving to a foreign country.  Some people can adjust and others simply cannot.  Good luck to you.

[Dashinka 24,531]

I know my fiancé (at the time) and I discussed in depth what life would be like when she came here since she was not able to get a visitor visa to see for herself before we went down the K1 route.  It is tough, and she certainly missed her family very much.  During the AOS period she was getting a lot of pressure to go back even to the point they were saying I was keeping her from her family.  Well once the GC came,  we planned a trip back and visited her family and celebrated our marriage with them.  Now she goes back at least twice a year for a month or so at a time, and I go with her at least once a year and we have a very old elation ship with them.  Another item that I think helped her adjust was in meeting others from her country that live in our area, she now has quite a few great friends here.

 

I cannot offer any additional advice as to you options as those have already been mentioned, but if you do truly love your wife, then maybe you need to do some internal reflection as to the future.

 

Good Luck!

[kris&me 572]

need to post the state you are in to get best answers here

as in some states like NY,  you must be seperated a year before a divorce is granted

 

it is a lot to leave home and family and you must maybe give yourself time to asjust here /yes, hard as i had to do it but you came for love 

even my spouse is homesick as we live far from his family and they are all born here Americans

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

  Where are you from ?   It may help if you find people that are also fro there to be with.  

[AZSunshine78 437]

4 hours ago, cornel.orlat said:

I got here on a k1 visa and got married to the person I love but I realised I simply cannot live here and abandon my country. I feel depressed, wake up at night and I just want to go back. My wife doesn't understand, she says I don't love her, we had this discussion even before marriage and I still tried to make it work. At the moment she doesn't know that I truly don't want to stay but how do I go on about this? She doesn't want to move to my country and if we file for divorce  I saw it takes more than 3 months to even have the case looked at. I can't live here in shame and guilt with her until it gets taken care of.

She rented an apartment just so that we can live in it together because I didn't want to live at her parents place. She'll give me guilt that she did this just for me and now I'm gonna abandon her, I gave her all my money when I came here and I don't want any of them back, I just want to go home and continue to have a normal life there. 

We haven't filed for AOS yet but she'll soon want to do that, I will tell her just before that, but what is my best option at the moment?

I’ve been with my fiancé for four months in his country despite we are moving to the states once approved.

 

Please, give it time if you love each other.

 

i do not like it here at all.

At all.

BUT, he is here.

 

It took me nearly the entire time to even feel a sense of semblance and peace.

 

it takes time, trust me.

 

Once you get a job, much more will fall into place.

 

You will meet many new people, develop a support network of friends and feel a sense of purpose and belonging by working.

 

Best of Luck to you!

[usmsbow 801]

Since you just got married and came here on a K-1, I'm assuming you've been here for less than 3 months. Way too early to know if you (dis)like living in a certain place. I lived in South Korea for a couple years. The first couple months, I wondered how the hell I was going to make it through the next 10 (I had a 1-year work contract). I was miserable. Thankfully I adjusted and the second half of the first year zoomed by. If my job prospects had been better, I might still be living there...

 

Of course every place is different, and there are other locales I've been that I was quite happy to move from. Just saying you might want to give it a bit more time. I'm also not factoring in your relationship obviously.... 

 

 

 

 

[Orangesapples 1,954]

I hated it here at first, too. I'm still hoping one day we'll move back to my country but I'm much more used to living here now and there are things I like. Also, the stress of moving and me not working was hard on our relationship in the beginning. But with time, you get used to it. The first few months are the hardest, trust me, I know, this is not my first time living abroad and both times I wanted to move (especially the first time) and it was still hard to adjust.