Met Someone on FB

[Crazy Cat 42,033]

Just now, Randy hausmann said:

 this not a scam with her I'll talk to her several times trust her I don't care what you say

sorry, but this has scam written all over it. either wake up or just stop trolling.

[Lemonslice 4,947]

4 minutes ago, Randy hausmann said:

 this not a scam with her I'll talk to her several times trust her I don't care what you say

What's your question?

[Ryan H 3,819]

Moved from IR-1/CR-1 Progress Reports to What Visa Do I Need - Family Based Immigration forum.

[Redheadguy03 505]

You definitely need to be careful. You should never send money before meeting. My wife is from the Philippines and yes, I've sent her money. However, I never did until after we had met and she never asked either! 

 

Just be careful there are lots of scammers and my wife will tell you there's lots in the Philippines. 

[neiana 3]

Wow... all right, I see a crazy guy (OP) and a bunch of crazy responders (rest of you).  Not every young looking Filipina is scamming unwitting guys, nor do all young looking Filipinas asking for money with 100s of FB friends intend to scam you.

 

I met my ex because she sent me a friend request on FB.  I say my ex, but I learned a lot about her and her family as well as bundok, small province culture in the Philippines over the course of the relationship. I also went to Bohol because my ex's family came from Bohol...

 

Here are some things that I can almost guarantee you are true about this girl of yours, or are general advices:

 

1 - She does not understand American life, American culture, or American finances.  She sees American TV shows and movies and thinks that all Americans have that kind of money.  I think we all know that television living is incredibly unrealistic, but most people in the Philippines don't actually know that since their major intake of America is from rich looking people in TV shows.  Or even poor people who manage to wear expensive outfits or live in halfway decent homes...incredibly unrealistic.   EVEN IF SHE LOVES YOU, she loves you for what she THINKS you are, not who you ACTUALLY are.

 

2 - Don't pay attention to people saying that $100 a month is crazy, or too much, or in reality, 1/3 of a year wages.  That's incredibly false.  IT'S HALF A YEAR'S WAGES.  Do you know what?  The rate of pay for most available positions, that of fast food, cashier or clerk, even sales attendant or server is 10,000 pesos per month, and that's in Luzon, not Bohol.  Bohol likely has a significantly lower rate.  10,000 pesos is about $200.  I just checked, by the way, and the daily minimum rate plus a 6 day work week, brings the monthly pay in Bohol to just around 9000 pesos.  $180.  If you're sending $200, you're sending more than she could earn as an average worker (non agriculture).  So in reality, you're paying her a significant sum.  Get her a job, no matter how annoying, and send her $50 a month, no more.

 

3 - DO NOT ASK A FRIEND TO INTRODUCE YOU TO SOMEONE IN THE PHILIPPINES.  That is one of the worst pieces of advice that can exist, as it is literally the only thing better to a Filipina looking for an American than actually looking for one: an American is handed  to them on a platter.  DO. NOT. DO. IT.

 

4 - The money you are sending is probably going to outings with friends or close family or cousins.  You don't marry a Filipina, you marry a Pamilya and kaibigan (family and friends).  If your "loved one" wants to go out somewhere and she asks you for $20 or $50 to enjoy herself, she's not alone and you paid for everyone.  This is cultural and it is not gold digging, so just because she's asking for money and just because the other people replying here are using that as a comment, just keep in mind it's an expectation of the culture and not necessarily a scam (though it very well could be).  I sent my ex $100 a month while she attended university and kept up good grades.  I paid for her gas, as well as food and electricity.  She sent me her log in for her university so I could watch her grades, too.

 

5 - YOU ARE THE PROVIDER.  More about money, but it's very important that you understand that her expectations of American culture (being rich) and her "deep province" Filipina culture, make you the provider.  If you can't meet her expectations, she may question her "love" for you.

 

6 - Bohol is one of the areas where danger lurks in the shadows of the bundok.  As others have suggested, you really should meet her, but you should really research the area and yes, have her meet you in the tourist area.  I went to Davao, then my ex asked me to meet her parents... that took me through some pretty wild territory that could have seen my skin color as a death sentence.  I literally could not be 20 feet from her house at night or else the family was freaking out about my safety.

 

7 - Others have suggested that you offer to move there to be with her for awhile.  Guess what?  After the relationship with my ex didn't work out, that's exactly what I did when I met my now wife.  I told her up front that I didn't have a lot of money and that I wanted to live in the Philippines.  Both were/are true, and I'm currently petitioning her to come to the USA after having spent 14 married months with her, and I am the one that brought up the petition, not her.  If you can afford it, DO THAT.  Be interested in her culture, family, life, language and friends but don't walk around flashing money like a rapper.

 

Before anyone asks, I send my wife much more than $100 a month, but that's because we bought several cats while I was there and they are special to us, so we take care of them whenever possible. I lived there for 14 months, too, and I know a good budget for our area which is one of the richer areas that isn't "rich" if you can understand that.  Her family used to make about $2000 per week dealing soda pop and now they're earning almost as much, if not more, dealing in meats. 

 

In reality, you guys have known each other for 7 months.  I don't think she's trying to scam you necessarily, but I do think it will eventually be like that.  She's got a ton of "friends" and she's probably not going to be able to put that all behind her.  Imagine a bachelor living the life with the ladies and the drinks and then settling down pretty quickly.  It's gonna be difficult, and if she's gotten used to it, she's not going to give it up without a fight.  But seriously, go there and meet her in a safe, tourist town (Tag, being the only one that I know of, unless you want to pay $100 to ferry her to Cebu City).  Don't tell her everything she wants to hear until you've told her that you'd prefer to stay in the Philippines but that you won't be able to buy a huge mansion for 4 million pesos... see if she can't get a job so your money is only emergency.  Listen to what people here are saying, but take it all with a grain of salt since the Philippines has something of a stigma about it, but I think most of that can be attributed to the falsity of the idolized American life that really doesn't exist.

[Ban Hammer 13,470]

1 hour ago, Randy hausmann said:

 this not a scam with her I'll talk to her several times trust her I don't care what you say

given that just about everyone on her friend's list is older, single white guy - that should be a big red flag. 
perhaps messaging some of the other guys on her friend's list and compare notes.  you might be shocked.

[Coco8 1,042]

3 hours ago, Randy hausmann said:

 this not a scam with her I'll talk to her several times trust her I don't care what you say

I never said it was a scam. I just said that I've met people on chats and they turned out to be very boring in real life.

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

12 hours ago, Randy hausmann said:

She is 23 years old she told me

There are many expats from USA who will investigate her, they will get PNP involved to do a background checks on her and her family.  It only cost a couple of hundred bucks for this service in Philippines.

 

Look into it, Years ago a friend of mine rand Pointman Cebu. It believe it may now be defunct since he has moved to another Asian country.  http://www.pointmancebu.com/

[Boiler 45,908]

3 hours ago, Chris Duffy said:

There are many expats from USA who will investigate her, they will get PNP involved to do a background checks on her and her family.  It only cost a couple of hundred bucks for this service in Philippines.

 

Look into it, Years ago a friend of mine rand Pointman Cebu. It believe it may now be defunct since he has moved to another Asian country.  http://www.pointmancebu.com/

Excellent idea.

[yuna628 9,697]

Perhaps the OP should go meet her and then actually come back and ask a question we can help with first?

 

 I hope the story involves a rose, balcony, or sweaty towel.. I really want to know how it all turns out.

[Boiler 45,908]

18 minutes ago, yuna628 said:

 

 I hope the story involves a rose, balcony, or sweaty towel.. I really want to know how it all turns out.

We have had one of those, they saw each other from different blacolnys and wanted to know if that was OK for a K1.

[Randy hausmann 1]

Can we send op to investigate her

[Lemonslice 4,947]

2 minutes ago, Randy hausmann said:

Can we send op to investigate her

You're OP... You tell us

[yuna628 9,697]

2 hours ago, Boiler said:

We have had one of those, they saw each other from different blacolnys and wanted to know if that was OK for a K1.

I know, it was truly the best couple of hours I ever read! That and ghost dress..

[Lemonslice 4,947]

1 minute ago, yuna628 said:

I know, it was truly the best couple of hours I ever read! That and ghost dress..

What was ghost dress? Pm please