Incredible difficult Visa journey

[Darrinos 6]

1 hour ago, MeAlone said:

when did you find out she is still legally married? What does it tell you about the married woman being on a dating website looking for men? what her dating profile was saying? Single, Married, Divorced?

It tells me that her husband was not loyal to her and she was left, hurt and alone, and after FIVE YEARS of being so, she decided to try to move on with her life. Her profile said "separated" but I was blinded by the photo... which was accurate and honest. I found out about it probably after a month... about the same time she found out about me and my past. We were both very honest and truthful as soon as we suspected we might be something more special.

 

However, let me say this: I am not here to listen to judgment on our relationship as so many seem ready to give. This has already been decided and the validity and sincerity of our relationship is not the topic here... it's how to find a way to one another. I'm not saying this is what you're doing, just that many others are.

 

Thanks for writing.

[Darrinos 6]

1 hour ago, mustang85635 said:

Being very familiar with the culture in Indo and having spent long periods of times there I can tell you this is how it always is, married or online profile up  on okcupid and multiple foreign providers sending money or grooming them to do it in the future. I wont say more because its none of my business and wont make a difference when you are so blinded by there sweet words and characters they really can put a great show on. But this story does sound shady AF. I only went there for surfing but in the bars you hear all the same tales every day from older american or australian men who went over there and women completely serenading them and always end up screwing them over when they have nothing left. 

I did not post on this page to touch anyone, nor did I post to hear judgments about our relationship, her character or the single life in Indonesia. None of you know the details that I know, or the fantastic woman who I find to be very ethical and independent, not ever wanting money or anything else from me other than my time. After two years, we know each other quite well. Posts like the one quoted above, and a few others that were thankfully removed, are the reason that I stopped posting in here before, or held back some of the facts. If you want to give relationship advice, talk to Dear Abby. Maybe she could use some help. Otherwise, please give constructive information without making judgements about people and relationships that you know nothing of. Maybe you are trying to help in your own way, but nothing you've said has done so.

 

You are right... there are women (and men) all over parts of Asia as well as other parts of the world trying to find a way to the US. Many turns to unscrupulous if not criminal behavior to accomplish their goals. It is wise to beware... I get it. I know it sounds like a cliche, but "this is different." You just gotta trust me on this one. So, any constructive advice is quite welcome... as always.

[Darrinos 6]

1 hour ago, Ontarkie said:

~~Two posts removed that are not conductive to the topic. Post constructively or do not post.~~

Thank you.

[usmsbow 801]

2 hours ago, mustang85635 said:

Being very familiar with the culture in Indo and having spent long periods of times there I can tell you this is how it always is, married or online profile up  on okcupid and multiple foreign providers sending money or grooming them to do it in the future. I wont say more because its none of my business and wont make a difference when you are so blinded by there sweet words and characters they really can put a great show on. But this story does sound shady AF. I only went there for surfing but in the bars you hear all the same tales every day from older american or australian men who went over there and women completely serenading them and always end up screwing them over when they have nothing left. 

 

So you're very familiar with Indonesian culture, but you've only been there for surfing. Hmm, Ok. And the bars you went to sound like pretty much any bar in many parts of the world...

 

Anyway- OP, I can't offer you any advice other than good luck. 

[Darrinos 6]

2 minutes ago, usmsbow said:

 

So you're very familiar with Indonesian culture, but you've only been there for surfing. Hmm, Ok. And the bars you went to sound like pretty much any bar in many parts of the world...

 

Anyway- OP, I can't offer you any advice other than good luck. 

Thank you, usmsbow. I, for one, have become very familiar with Indonesian culture as well. It is a very complicated society, but the people in general are good people. I've sit with many of them in coffee shops and churches, read many news papers and current events, and have a very good understanding. Such a different world, for sure. Thanks again.

[Ban Hammer 13,346]

several posts removed and severe admin action taken against one member for disrupting this thread and

then continuing via private message.
post constructively or do not post.

 

charles

vj moderation

[Lilith1811 39]

As an Indonesian, I understand how marriage and divorce are more than a paper matter in our culture, especially for religious people. But yes, to be able to be together, she has to be divorce first. Even a smooth K1 journey felt like forever for me and my now husband. But it was worth it. I can't imagine the one as difficult as yours. Although I can't offer any solution, but I wish you both a good luck in this journey. 

[Darrinos 6]

1 minute ago, Lilith1811 said:

As an Indonesian, I understand how marriage and divorce are more than a paper matter in our culture, especially for religious people. But yes, to be able to be together, she has to be divorce first. Even a smooth K1 journey felt like forever for me and my now husband. But it was worth it. I can't imagine the one as difficult as yours. Although I can't offer any solution, but I wish you both a good luck in this journey. 

Lilith, I'm so glad you wrote. The culture is so different there from here... the church plays a much bigger part than here. Far more than simply going to an attorney and filing paperwork, it is apparently a huge process. And please forgive me for asking, but as I understand it, a divorce is not something taken lightly in some circles, especially the religious, resulting in criticism (especially if you are a woman.) I am glad to hear that you were able to complete your journey, and hope that one day we'll be able to say the same. Thanks again!

[Lilith1811 39]

11 hours ago, Darrinos said:

Lilith, I'm so glad you wrote. The culture is so different there from here... the church plays a much bigger part than here. Far more than simply going to an attorney and filing paperwork, it is apparently a huge process. And please forgive me for asking, but as I understand it, a divorce is not something taken lightly in some circles, especially the religious, resulting in criticism (especially if you are a woman.) I am glad to hear that you were able to complete your journey, and hope that one day we'll be able to say the same. Thanks again!

It is depends on what circle she's in ( she's happened to be from religious circle ). But yes, commonly, Indonesians still holding onto values based on their family, religion and even their tribes culture ( Javanese, Balinese, etc). 

[J/G 85]

On 12/18/2017 at 6:30 AM, Darrinos said:

Well, the fact that they won't even let me in the country any more certainly prevents that. Last time I tried to go to Bali, I wasn't even allowed to enter the plane in HK to fly there! They stopped me before I even got to Indonesia! It's just crazy. I've never broken a law there or ever done anything wrong. It's a beautiful, fascinating country and I wouldn't mind living/working there, if even only for a few years, but have no way of getting there. I made a friend with the airport immigration there, and he guarantees that he can get me in (bribe money included), but I can't even get there these days. It's so hard to accept, but it's where we are for now.

1

OP -- The part where you mentioned an airport immigration "guarantee" you entry to the country screams red alert for me. Considering your current complicated situation I would suggest not to further complicate it by involving yourself with an Indonesian immigration officer that "guarantee" you with anything by asking for cash. 

 

 

On 12/18/2017 at 2:35 PM, mustang85635 said:

Another big downfall is going to really any south east asian especially indonesia you cannot own a business or property/house if you are not a citizen. So in case of a business the majority stake has to be with a citizen and properties have to be purchased by them. This is very important that you remember that before you invest all your savings in a new house there and dont really know the person (your flame or fiancé or whatever you want to call it lol ) 

6

OP -- Mustang85635 was giving you a very good advice. As a foreigner in Indonesia, you cannot legally own property / land. I would not even bother considering this option if I were you for you. If they still haven't change the last Working Visa regulation, Indonesia will only give you a 1-year working permit, which took 6 month to obtain and by the time you got your permit you have to re-apply for the following year. Plus you have to be sponsored by an Indonesian company. If you do not have a legit company to sponsor you / sending you a working offer, do not bother getting this working permit, waste of time / money / energy. There are "Mickey Mouse" company who offer giving you sponsor to be able to get a working permit but, why complicate your situation and getting ripped off. 

 

I cannot really offer you a solid advice on how to proceed with your plan but I wish you good luck. 

 

You wrote something in the tone of "if we stay together we're sad. if we were to separate we're sad." IF I were in your position I'd bite the bullet now and cut my loses. Love / feeling / emotions are beautiful yet complicated matter. It is beautiful to have love in life but it's also important to be realistic. In Bahasa there's a proverb, "Bagaikan punguk merindukan bulan," the literal translation would be, "like an owl longing for the moon." An owl knows he can fly but he won't be able to fly to the moon. He can see the moon at night and that the moon is beautiful, he sings to her every night and is longing to be with her, but a moon is a moon. She's not going to be able to sing back. So I guess... be a smart owl?? I don't know.. 

 

Good luck anyway. 

 

[Darrinos 6]

JG, thanks for your comments. Let me first say that somewhere along the way people seem to have gotten the impression that I was looking for relationship advice. I am not. That part has been decided. My whole reason for writing to begin with was to relate an experience and maybe makes someone a little wiser along their journey. I was hoping that they would see what all I've done and see what hasn't worked. That being said, thank you again.

 

Along our journey, I've learned a lot about her, myself, and Indonesia. I know that Indonesia is corrupt and even though my "friend" in the airport says he can get me in, I have not tried to take advantage of that for the very reason that you mentioned. (Even if I could get there, I wouldn't try his idea.) I don't need to add insult to injury or trouble on top of trouble. I am also already aware of the conditions and provisions for owning a business in Indonesia. It works out great for the Indonesian citizen, so I get the reason behind it, but not so much for the expat/foreigner. Indonesian laws and regulations seem to be very dynamic... changing all the time, and it's hard to trust anything. If I were to work there, it would be for an international company operating in Indonesia and they would be taking care of the arrangements. I really doubt this would ever happen, so I'm not holding my breath.

 

I love the Bahasa proverb, (I'll have to remember that one) but as wise as it may be, I just wanna say this: it's for the birds. Lol. We are both being very realistic about all of this and it may never happen no matter how hard we try. But the one thing that is guaranteed in all of this is that if we don't try, nothing will happen. We are both willing to keep trying, for now. I'm just bold enough to believe that if I keep working at it, we'll find a way. I may be proven wrong in the end, but if that happens, we will both know that we tried everything earthly possible to find a home for our love.

 

Again, I really appreciate your thoughts. Your knowledge of Indonesia seems very deep and personal, and maybe I could learn more from you. It's a fascinating and complicated country. I know you are trying to help prevent a heartache or more trouble. I am very aware of the pitfalls and dangers, and I am very careful not to take part of anything illegal. In my position, I've worked too hard to be where I am to do anything foolish. As far as the heartache, well... we're pretty invested in this already. We laugh, we love, we strive, we hope. In the end, it's end God's hands to bless what we do... or not.

[J/G 85]

6 minutes ago, Darrinos said:

JG, thanks for your comments. Let me first say that somewhere along the way people seem to have gotten the impression that I was looking for relationship advice. I am not. That part has been decided. My whole reason for writing to begin with was to relate an experience and maybe makes someone a little wiser along their journey. I was hoping that they would see what all I've done and see what hasn't worked. That being said, thank you again.

 

Along our journey, I've learned a lot about her, myself, and Indonesia. I know that Indonesia is corrupt and even though my "friend" in the airport says he can get me in, I have not tried to take advantage of that for the very reason that you mentioned. (Even if I could get there, I wouldn't try his idea.) I don't need to add insult to injury or trouble on top of trouble. I am also already aware of the conditions and provisions for owning a business in Indonesia. It works out great for the Indonesian citizen, so I get the reason behind it, but not so much for the expat/foreigner. Indonesian laws and regulations seem to be very dynamic... changing all the time, and it's hard to trust anything. If I were to work there, it would be for an international company operating in Indonesia and they would be taking care of the arrangements. I really doubt this would ever happen, so I'm not holding my breath.

 

I love the Bahasa proverb, (I'll have to remember that one) but as wise as it may be, I just wanna say this: it's for the birds. Lol. We are both being very realistic about all of this and it may never happen no matter how hard we try. But the one thing that is guaranteed in all of this is that if we don't try, nothing will happen. We are both willing to keep trying, for now. I'm just bold enough to believe that if I keep working at it, we'll find a way. I may be proven wrong in the end, but if that happens, we will both know that we tried everything earthly possible to find a home for our love.

 

Again, I really appreciate your thoughts. Your knowledge of Indonesia seems very deep and personal, and maybe I could learn more from you. It's a fascinating and complicated country. I know you are trying to help prevent a heartache or more trouble. I am very aware of the pitfalls and dangers, and I am very careful not to take part of anything illegal. In my position, I've worked too hard to be where I am to do anything foolish. As far as the heartache, well... we're pretty invested in this already. We laugh, we love, we strive, we hope. In the end, it's end God's hands to bless what we do... or not.

Hello Darrinos -- 

From reading your response I get the impression that you seem to have your head on straight and are a level headed person so I have nothing but to wish you good luck and for you to enjoy the ride and wherever it might take you. You are right with the mentality of "if you don't ask, you'll never get." 

Indonesia is an interesting, fascinating, and geographically stunning country. Being someone who was born and raised in Indonesia I can tell you that Indonesia is not all sunshine and tropical fruits all the time. As you have realized it's a very corrupt country and that's only the tip of the iceberg. Indonesia indeed has "dynamic" laws and regulations -- btw. I love that you use dynamic in describing its laws and regulations -- and often the case this hurts us more than it helps us. It's a relatively young country (72 year old) and it's been under colonialization for 350+ years; so, to put it bluntly, we are not really sure on what we want to do with or how to take care of ourselves (or even what are our visions and missions and how to achieve them). But then again what country is without problems? 

Anyway, good luck on jour journey. 

Have fun but be a smart and realistic owl!!

Best,

J/G. 

 

[MeAlone 161]

Why not both going to live in South America? There are countries with easy law in your situation. 3rd world countries, yes but in the worse case you teach English or do some business

[Genesisfan 10]

Hey brother 

hang in there & “give it to Jesus 

all things will happen in his perfect timing”

my case falls under awa i am a RSO I was convicted level-1 in California Felony 288 (c) Lewd conduct she was a minor 15

 It was wrong and I accept responsibility for my actions. No jail time, probation. I have completed court order sex offender therapy and probation 

That was my first case have not been arrested before if since not even a traffic ticket. I visit a therapist monthly and the Dr is aware of my case 

my heart dropped to the deck & I fell to my knees mental anguish when a Immigration lawyer informed “it is up the the consular sole discretion”

for approval and there’s no guarantee 

my fiancé lives in Thailand 🇹🇭 

i met my fiancé online and I have met her 2 times in Hong Kong 🇭🇰 we will be meeting again in HK🇭🇰 Jan 02, 2029 

lawyer is submitting her K-129f soon

we know loneliness & daily heartbreak of being apart. “I feel your pain” 

we are praying for for all

of us..

Gods Blessings 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 21, 2018 by Genesisfan

[TBoneTX 45,309]

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