Moving to the states to live with my gf

[Going through 5,671]

1 hour ago, Goldenkoi91 said:

Ok.. Relax.. I never heard of bigamy i dont know what that is.. Im not the smartest person, is it a problem to ask to make sure.. And no she doesn't.. I just didnt find the right time to tell her yet

Only advice I have is to tell her you are still legally married to someone else BEFORE you propose.

 

The "right time" will NOT be after.

 

 

 

[Goldenkoi91 3]

No i havemt heard of darwin lol, and i havent cause i havemt found the right time yet.. Like were having a good time and i feel like saying that would kill the mood. But i will tell her soon

[Going through 5,671]

Just now, Goldenkoi91 said:

No i havemt heard of darwin lol, and i havent cause i havemt found the right time yet.. Like were having a good time and i feel like saying that would kill the mood. But i will tell her soon

It most likely will do more than just "kill the mood".

 

It will also make her wonder what else you've been keeping from her for so long, and trust you a whole lot less.

[Goldenkoi91 3]

Thanks will keep that in mind to tell her before. And ill tell her i wasnt trying to keep it from her i just havent found the right time to tell her

[Boiler 45,535]

1 minute ago, Goldenkoi91 said:

Thanks will keep that in mind to tell her before. And ill tell her i wasnt trying to keep it from her i just havent found the right time to tell her

Women can be funny about that sort of thing.

[Boiler 45,535]

3 hours ago, audacieux89 said:

Employment-based immigration takes longer! 3 years or more.

Well no, but I think we can safely say that is not on the table.

[Going through 5,671]

8 minutes ago, Goldenkoi91 said:

Thanks will keep that in mind to tell her before. And ill tell her i wasnt trying to keep it from her i just havent found the right time to tell her

Can I ask how long you two have been dating?  If only a few months, I can see not having mentioned it yet...but if it's been about a year or so, you are going to have a tough time explaining why you hadn't come clean about it before :/  Are there any kids in the mix (that she doesn't know about either)?

 

Edited December 5, 2017 by Going through

[Ontarkie 14,227]

9 hours ago, NuestraUnion said:

Many, or I should say, most North Americans/ Westerners  are ignorant to immigration processes. They think they can just waltz into a neighboring country and start living there. So it is not surprising to get a question like this. And I would give the OP slack on that.

 

But the whole still being married and wanting to know if he has to divorce before marrying his girlfriend is another story. That he should know better.

 

I still remember the funny story of the Canadian moving to the US on a visitor visa. She was denied entry at the border because she had a U-Haul trailer attached to her car. She honestly had no idea it couldn't be done like that.

At one point and time about 26+ years ago you could do exactly that. My Aunt was one showed up with two kids and a transport hauling her stuff. 

Sadly those tales are still told and the part about how times have changed seem to go unheard. 

[Goldenkoi91 3]

True, but I'll find a way to make her not think of it in that way. And dating a year now. And no kids. I honestly didn't think it would reach the marriage stage.. Especially this early. Thought i had time to divorce and do all that before this came upon me. 

[Cammy33 0]

Yes you have to divorce first and in Canada you have to be legally separated (and be able to prove it) for one full year before you can get a divorce.  I am currently in the same dilemma.  My one year will be up in February and then the divorce can be filed.  

[Unlockable 7,314]

1 hour ago, Goldenkoi91 said:

Ok.. Relax.. I never heard of bigamy i dont know what that is.. Im not the smartest person, is it a problem to ask to make sure.. And no she doesn't.. I just didnt find the right time to tell her yet

Hey young man. I now see that you are definitely young. I think in a previous post you said you were in your early 20's, right? Going by what you just posted here I can tell you that you have a lot of learning to do with life and women so let me (and hopefully others on this forum) help you out a little.

 

You think waiting for the "right time" to tell her something as serious as you still being married is a good strategy. It is not. It is a cowardly and selfish way of avoid telling her the truth until you are comfortable doing so.

 

It took me a long time to learn something that I will share with you that may very well be the key to the success in your relationship. And that something is to always communicate and be upfront and honest with the woman you love. Even if it is painful and you know it will hurt her, always by upfront and honest. Because when you tell her the complete truth, she may get hurt, she may get confused, she may get angry, hell she may even leave you, but in the end ... she will still have respect for you.

[Going through 5,671]

12 minutes ago, Goldenkoi91 said:

True, but I'll find a way to make her not think of it in that way. And dating a year now. And no kids. I honestly didn't think it would reach the marriage stage.. Especially this early. Thought i had time to divorce and do all that before this came upon me. 

Life rarely takes us where we expect it to  

 

I wish the best for you and your situation, truly do.

 

Sooner or later you'll have to bite the bullet and have "the talk" with her, better to do it sooner of course since waiting any longer will just make her feel worse about it all.  Hopefully she will understand your delay in approaching her about it.  

 

I can't speak for all women, but for me it would be a trust issue above anything else.  If I am dating someone, I would naturally expect the other person to be "free and clear" (in other words) to date me.   It would also make me curious/jealous about your soon-to-be-ex's role in your life still since you never actually legally divorced her, and kept her existence a secret for an entire year.   And it would make me wonder what other "surprises" may be in store later on (only because of the delay in being told about something this major).  So yea, it will "kill the mood" for a bit but hopefully you two can move on from that.

 

Whatever you do, don't flip it on her and say something foolish like "well, you never ASKED me if I was ever married...."  That, my friend, would not end very well.

 

Just to give you a bit of an insight on how she may feel/think.

Edited December 5, 2017 by Going through

[Illiria 980]

2 hours ago, Goldenkoi91 said:

Ok.. Relax.. I never heard of bigamy i dont know what that is.. Im not the smartest person, is it a problem to ask to make sure.. And no she doesn't.. I just didnt find the right time to tell her yet

Oh Lord. The right time to tell her was after you met but before you got together.

 

[acidrain 325]

2 hours ago, Goldenkoi91 said:

Thanks will keep that in mind to tell her before. And ill tell her i wasnt trying to keep it from her i just havent found the right time to tell her

How do you think she will react if you don't mind me asking? I presume you have talked about past relationships. Does she at least know you were in a long term relationship before?

[caliliving 606]

My girlfriend visited her boyfriend in the states for 5 months...left before her i94 was up. Told the border she was going to visit her bf didn't know how long she would stay no problem. Fyi they broke up in the end and she moved home. But yeah, it can be done (she didn't bring much clothes with her) she was also a waitress and just got her job back when she went home soo...

Edited December 6, 2017 by caliliving