Green card

[MeAlone 161]

I hope you and your son will be smart BEFORE the marriage, not after as I was

[acidrain 325]

Some people who are book smart are usually not street smart. Your son sounds a lot like my brother. If you put 10 women in a room with my brother he would pick the 1 that had the least to offer. My brother met this girl online who had absolutely nothing going for her (not even her personality). Like your son he dove right into the relationship and paid to relocate her from one end of Canada to the other. I went to my brother because I found evidence she was using him. My brother was mad and convinced himself their love would conquer all. It didn't and fortunately she was stupid enough not to look at common law rules in our Province. After 3 months she left and said she would take half of everything. The relationship ended VERY badly. But people can get very defensive when they are in love.

 

I admire you wanting to do something because my parents sat around and did nothing. Despite the fact it was obvious what was going on. I think a lot of people are afraid to say something out of fear their relationship will get strained. My brother stopped talking to me for the time they were together and it hurt. He apologized later and acknowledged I looked out for him. I'd rather be honest than fake a relationship.

 

The way users tend to work is they hit hard and fast. They try to get people caught up in a whirlwind of love. They flatter them and say all the right things. They almost seem too good to be true. There are a lot of fabrications about themselves. It is like the ultimate sales pitch.

 

I would be curious what this girl's relationship history is like. Has she only dated US citizens or has she dated at all? What happened to those relationships? What are her goals? Has she reconciled she might be deported? If so how does she feel about that? What happened with her going to school and why did she drop out?

 

Is there anyway you can invite the 2 of them over for dinner or take them out for dinner where they are? If she purposely avoids you (or cancels at the last minute) that would be a huge flag as to what her intentions are. You could phrase it to your son because she is so important to him you would like to get to know her.

Edited November 30, 2017 by acidrain

[Fearful 6]

54 minutes ago, MeAlone said:

Chat was in Facebook. I needed copies for Annulment. Yes, it is incredible, he tried first play on being sincere and honest with me as I asked him to be at least friends, then when I said it's a fraud to marry knowing it's not a real marriage, I won't marry him again because of that, he even tried to convince me again he loves me. But no way, maybe it is love for him but not for me, I married a very nice man single responsible father and I was willing to take care of his baby but I got a cheater who has 3 women, 3 kids and lies so many lies more. And I was very much in love and even before applying his fiance visa was asking if he has more kids as he needs to fill up all names for to give to all equal benefits, he denied his own children

You are right, this is almost unbelievable that one person could have so many secrets and lies and even to deny his own children equal benefits, a very bad person and you still may not know all his dark secrets.

[WeGuyGal 1,052]

2 hours ago, Cathy Chandler said:

My son said he would never marry either but I think that is because he thought he would never have a chance. I know he wants to date and eventually find someone. But this is crazy. He is gullible and not experienced in dating.

And you're ok with him marrying a smooth-talking foreign national who talks green cards, gifts him stuff, violates her visa, and works illegally? 

 

She's found your son's soft spot and appears to be cooing her way to Adjusting Status..

[Fearful 6]

1 hour ago, WeGuyGal said:

And you're ok with him marrying a smooth-talking foreign national who talks green cards, gifts him stuff, violates her visa, and works illegally? 

 

She's found your son's soft spot and appears to be cooing her way to Adjusting Status..

I am anything but ok about this. What makes you think I am ok with this? I am confused. 

[Fearful 6]

14 hours ago, acidrain said:

Some people who are book smart are usually not street smart. Your son sounds a lot like my brother. If you put 10 women in a room with my brother he would pick the 1 that had the least to offer. My brother met this girl online who had absolutely nothing going for her (not even her personality). Like your son he dove right into the relationship and paid to relocate her from one end of Canada to the other. I went to my brother because I found evidence she was using him. My brother was mad and convinced himself their love would conquer all. It didn't and fortunately she was stupid enough not to look at common law rules in our Province. After 3 months she left and said she would take half of everything. The relationship ended VERY badly. But people can get very defensive when they are in love.

 

I admire you wanting to do something because my parents sat around and did nothing. Despite the fact it was obvious what was going on. I think a lot of people are afraid to say something out of fear their relationship will get strained. My brother stopped talking to me for the time they were together and it hurt. He apologized later and acknowledged I looked out for him. I'd rather be honest than fake a relationship.

 

The way users tend to work is they hit hard and fast. They try to get people caught up in a whirlwind of love. They flatter them and say all the right things. They almost seem too good to be true. There are a lot of fabrications about themselves. It is like the ultimate sales pitch.

 

I would be curious what this girl's relationship history is like. Has she only dated US citizens or has she dated at all? What happened to those relationships? What are her goals? Has she reconciled she might be deported? If so how does she feel about that? What happened with her going to school and why did she drop out?

 

Is there anyway you can invite the 2 of them over for dinner or take them out for dinner where they are? If she purposely avoids you (or cancels at the last minute) that would be a huge flag as to what her intentions are. You could phrase it to your son because she is so important to him you would like to get to know her.

Thank you for sharing your experience with your brother. Yes, they certainly sound similar. 

 

14 hours ago, acidrain said:

Some people who are book smart are usually not street smart. Your son sounds a lot like my brother. If you put 10 women in a room with my brother he would pick the 1 that had the least to offer. My brother met this girl online who had absolutely nothing going for her (not even her personality). Like your son he dove right into the relationship and paid to relocate her from one end of Canada to the other. I went to my brother because I found evidence she was using him. My brother was mad and convinced himself their love would conquer all. It didn't and fortunately she was stupid enough not to look at common law rules in our Province. After 3 months she left and said she would take half of everything. The relationship ended VERY badly. But people can get very defensive when they are in love.

 

I admire you wanting to do something because my parents sat around and did nothing. Despite the fact it was obvious what was going on. I think a lot of people are afraid to say something out of fear their relationship will get strained. My brother stopped talking to me for the time they were together and it hurt. He apologized later and acknowledged I looked out for him. I'd rather be honest than fake a relationship.

 

The way users tend to work is they hit hard and fast. They try to get people caught up in a whirlwind of love. They flatter them and say all the right things. They almost seem too good to be true. There are a lot of fabrications about themselves. It is like the ultimate sales pitch.

 

I would be curious what this girl's relationship history is like. Has she only dated US citizens or has she dated at all? What happened to those relationships? What are her goals? Has she reconciled she might be deported? If so how does she feel about that? What happened with her going to school and why did she drop out?

 

Is there anyway you can invite the 2 of them over for dinner or take them out for dinner where they are? If she purposely avoids you (or cancels at the last minute) that would be a huge flag as to what her intentions are. You could phrase it to your son because she is so important to him you would like to get to know her.

Thank you for your honest account of your experience with your brother. I am so sorry you all had to go through that. I know my son fears that this is not real but at the same time, like your brother, he hopes that it is real and that it will work out. Yes, in the beginning, I was so happy for my son but things began to not add up quickly and now it is obvious to his dad and I that this is probably going to be a hit and run relationship. I am going to encourage my son to work in these questions during their conversations. He has asked some questions that were just never answered. She would change the subject and he would not push to get an answer. We are definitely going to try to meet her in person. I doubt it will really happen because she “wanted” my phone number to talk to me but after the one time I “met” her on skype, even when my son was home for Thanksgiving several days, she did not want to talk to me. I’m guessing that she fears the questions that I may ask. Thank you for understanding that I feel the need to prevent something that may become the worst decision emotionally and financially of his young life. We have always been very open with each other and don’t hold back much so unless she gets between us, I don’t think our opinions will ruin our relationship. But this is a heart matter for him, so who knows what rocky ground is ahead. Thank you so much for your encouragement and unpopular opinion that you wished your parents would have done something to help your brother. 

[Fearful 6]

15 hours ago, MeAlone said:

I hope you and your son will be smart BEFORE the marriage, not after as I was

Thank you. I hope so, too.

[WeGuyGal 1,052]

12 hours ago, Cathy Chandler said:

I am anything but ok about this. What makes you think I am ok with this? I am confused. 

Best to sit your son down for a heart to heart. Have him read thru some of the comments here on VJ about people's experiences. 

[acidrain 325]

49 minutes ago, Cathy Chandler said:

Thank you for sharing your experience with your brother. Yes, they certainly sound similar. 

 

Thank you for your honest account of your experience with your brother. I am so sorry you all had to go through that. I know my son fears that this is not real but at the same time, like your brother, he hopes that it is real and that it will work out. Yes, in the beginning, I was so happy for my son but things began to not add up quickly and now it is obvious to his dad and I that this is probably going to be a hit and run relationship. I am going to encourage my son to work in these questions during their conversations. He has asked some questions that were just never answered. She would change the subject and he would not push to get an answer. We are definitely going to try to meet her in person. I doubt it will really happen because she “wanted” my phone number to talk to me but after the one time I “met” her on skype, even when my son was home for Thanksgiving several days, she did not want to talk to me. I’m guessing that she fears the questions that I may ask. Thank you for understanding that I feel the need to prevent something that may become the worst decision emotionally and financially of his young life. We have always been very open with each other and don’t hold back much so unless she gets between us, I don’t think our opinions will ruin our relationship. But this is a heart matter for him, so who knows what rocky ground is ahead. Thank you so much for your encouragement and unpopular opinion that you wished your parents would have done something to help your brother. 

I find it fascinating how people who are so successful in other areas in life lack the insight to make a good decision when choosing a spouse. From what you are telling me your husband too has great concerns. What is his take on everything? The more people who are seeing flags the more concerned I would be. Not sure if you ever watched the show "who wants to be a millionaire" but on the show the audience is asked to answer a question. Often when the audience suggests an answer it is correct. Have you talked to anyone else about your son's situation and what do they say? I am not implying you talk behind your son's back but I know a lot of people ranging from my brother's friends to his co-workers would say "why on earth is he with her"???

 

That's great you have a healthy relationship in which your son is open to feedback. Not everyone is going to be receptive to someone criticizing their relationship. I wish I would've approached the situation with my brother as more of an inquest. Asking questions so he could draw his own conclusions. The fact she is so evasive to engaging with you speaks volumes. As soon as I read that a siren went off in my head. This is abnormal. If your son is thinking of marrying her and she does not want to get to know her future mother in law this is highly concerning. When someone is running a long con they most certainly try to avoid anyone who is catching on to their games. Often they will isolate the person they have a mark on. If they know you or others have caught on they make you out to be the enemy.

 

There isn't any reason for them to rush into marriage because if they want a year before they get married any overstay is forgiven. So whether they get married today or a year from now it's the same result (unless of course she got deported). I learned there is a reason why we all have that little voice inside our heads telling us things. There is a reason why you feel this person's motives are suspicious. Her hiding from you isn't helping either. If my son (who is very young now) met a woman I would be wanting to know things about her family. Where she comes from and what her personal story is. It sounds really bad she wants to get serious with your son but has not sat down for a dinner or even a casual conversation with you.

 

It's not easy being unpopular and being confrontational. Yes, adults are grown ups and they are able to make their own decisions. But in cases where a person is a threat to themselves or others it is the right thing to do something. Not sure if it's good news but if her motives are black and white she won't stick around very long after she gets her green card. But what is so difficult about immigration cases is unlike a normal breakup he would be responsible for her. The immigration petition will have to be dealt with and she would have to find a reason to leave. I am appalled at all the cases I've read where women make up abuse and file phony police reports (as you can keep your green card if you are fleeing abuse). You can always suggest paying for the wedding but say you have to wait at least a year lol.

[Fearful 6]

40 minutes ago, acidrain said:

I find it fascinating how people who are so successful in other areas in life lack the insight to make a good decision when choosing a spouse. From what you are telling me your husband too has great concerns. What is his take on everything? The more people who are seeing flags the more concerned I would be. Not sure if you ever watched the show "who wants to be a millionaire" but on the show the audience is asked to answer a question. Often when the audience suggests an answer it is correct. Have you talked to anyone else about your son's situation and what do they say? I am not implying you talk behind your son's back but I know a lot of people ranging from my brother's friends to his co-workers would say "why on earth is he with her"???

 

That's great you have a healthy relationship in which your son is open to feedback. Not everyone is going to be receptive to someone criticizing their relationship. I wish I would've approached the situation with my brother as more of an inquest. Asking questions so he could draw his own conclusions. The fact she is so evasive to engaging with you speaks volumes. As soon as I read that a siren went off in my head. This is abnormal. If your son is thinking of marrying her and she does not want to get to know her future mother in law this is highly concerning. When someone is running a long con they most certainly try to avoid anyone who is catching on to their games. Often they will isolate the person they have a mark on. If they know you or others have caught on they make you out to be the enemy.

 

There isn't any reason for them to rush into marriage because if they want a year before they get married any overstay is forgiven. So whether they get married today or a year from now it's the same result (unless of course she got deported). I learned there is a reason why we all have that little voice inside our heads telling us things. There is a reason why you feel this person's motives are suspicious. Her hiding from you isn't helping either. If my son (who is very young now) met a woman I would be wanting to know things about her family. Where she comes from and what her personal story is. It sounds really bad she wants to get serious with your son but has not sat down for a dinner or even a casual conversation with you.

 

It's not easy being unpopular and being confrontational. Yes, adults are grown ups and they are able to make their own decisions. But in cases where a person is a threat to themselves or others it is the right thing to do something. Not sure if it's good news but if her motives are black and white she won't stick around very long after she gets her green card. But what is so difficult about immigration cases is unlike a normal breakup he would be responsible for her. The immigration petition will have to be dealt with and she would have to find a reason to leave. I am appalled at all the cases I've read where women make up abuse and file phony police reports (as you can keep your green card if you are fleeing abuse). You can always suggest paying for the wedding but say you have to wait at least a year lol.

Thank you again for your insightful take on this situation. I am going to gather all this information for reference and so not to overwhelm him, ask the one question that is obviously inferred above, “What is the rush?” I feel like she will fly under the radar and not be deported. There has to be a gazillion people that are out of date. She is not a criminal as far as I know. But what do I really know? She says she is 20/21 and looks young but has pretty good English. Her hand writing is beautiful and grammatically correct, if she wrote the Birthday note herself. She says she studied in Singapore, I would like to know more about that. Why did she send her student visa to a college (so she says) in Missouri, not the state she lives in when she says she knows no one there. Is she in the wind of immigration maybe using some kind of address in Missouri? I think Missouri has an immigration bureau, if that’s what you call it. She says uncle won’t pay for school if she won’t marry the man he picked out for her to provide for her, but that doesn’t make sense because if she married wouldn’t her husband pay her way? It’s all so convoluted to me. She could even have a child for all we know. He met her on Tender which he says is a hook up site but of course she didn’t know and he said he didn’t actually know that at the time either, humm, anyway he spoke to her about 6 mo ago and somehow she didn’t know he had answered her back and fast forward to 2 1/2 mo ago and he contacted her again and that is how it started up. She secretly meets him for lunch. He drives 40 min one way to do this. He has a job where that is ok as long as he makes his time up. She is watched “carefully” by uncle. She has given my son many gifts of clothes, I guess she slips around and buys them on her other lunch hours. She did meet my son early on at an Asian market. She was with an Aunt that’s cool, not the one married to uncle supposedly, and her Grandmother. He said it was awkward for him because he isn’t good at small talk but he said they were nice and this girl bought him some candy and gave it to him. Maybe we could meet the “cool aunt”. Well I’m just rambling and using you to voice my thoughts. You have been more than kind to me and I will always appreciate taking your time to help me. I may seek you out later and let you know what is going on if this site allows that. I am so thankful for your input.

[acidrain 325]

1 hour ago, Cathy Chandler said:

Thank you again for your insightful take on this situation. I am going to gather all this information for reference and so not to overwhelm him, ask the one question that is obviously inferred above, “What is the rush?” I feel like she will fly under the radar and not be deported. There has to be a gazillion people that are out of date. She is not a criminal as far as I know. But what do I really know? She says she is 20/21 and looks young but has pretty good English. Her hand writing is beautiful and grammatically correct, if she wrote the Birthday note herself. She says she studied in Singapore, I would like to know more about that. Why did she send her student visa to a college (so she says) in Missouri, not the state she lives in when she says she knows no one there. Is she in the wind of immigration maybe using some kind of address in Missouri? I think Missouri has an immigration bureau, if that’s what you call it. She says uncle won’t pay for school if she won’t marry the man he picked out for her to provide for her, but that doesn’t make sense because if she married wouldn’t her husband pay her way? It’s all so convoluted to me. She could even have a child for all we know. He met her on Tender which he says is a hook up site but of course she didn’t know and he said he didn’t actually know that at the time either, humm, anyway he spoke to her about 6 mo ago and somehow she didn’t know he had answered her back and fast forward to 2 1/2 mo ago and he contacted her again and that is how it started up. She secretly meets him for lunch. He drives 40 min one way to do this. He has a job where that is ok as long as he makes his time up. She is watched “carefully” by uncle. She has given my son many gifts of clothes, I guess she slips around and buys them on her other lunch hours. She did meet my son early on at an Asian market. She was with an Aunt that’s cool, not the one married to uncle supposedly, and her Grandmother. He said it was awkward for him because he isn’t good at small talk but he said they were nice and this girl bought him some candy and gave it to him. Maybe we could meet the “cool aunt”. Well I’m just rambling and using you to voice my thoughts. You have been more than kind to me and I will always appreciate taking your time to help me. I may seek you out later and let you know what is going on if this site allows that. I am so thankful for your input.

Of course. We are here for to provide support. I really hope things work out for your son and his relationship because there is nothing worse than having your heart broken. But you are doing the right things by asking questions. This goes to show you are a loving mother. I honestly believe now your son is getting scammed.

 

I wanted to propose a theory. Obviously I could be wrong and would feel terrible if I was. Is it possible this girl is shopping around for a husband? The reason I say this is why would your son have to drive 40 minutes to have lunch with her? It's like she is trying to hide their relationship. She claims she is hiding from her uncle but is she hiding it from other people? This excuse she is using about "being watched" by an uncle is way too convenient. She is acting like she is having an affair. If your son and her are nearly engaged why would she be afraid of her uncle? Your son from what you said has a good job, good head on his shoulders and would be able to keep her in the country. Any reasonable parent with a degree of common sense would believe your son is exactly what she needs. Think about it. She is implying her uncle would rather risk her getting deported so he (not her) can find the perfect match. Has he set her up on dates then? Is she seeing these guys her uncle wants her to see?

 

The other flag is the fact she can't keep a story straight. If she was not dating a bunch of other people then she would remember details (when contact was first made). It makes me think she's dating multiple men and does not remember details because she is caught up in her lies. The story about having an address in Missouri is also raising flags. It also makes me wonder if her family could be in on the scam. I am sure they want her to be able to stay in the US. Does she have multiple addresses? If you can get her name I would be running a search. The fact she has been completely unresponsive to getting to know you is a flag. Why can't you be invited to one of these secret lunches that are 40 minutes away? Oh I forgot. She has to "slip away" from whatever she is hiding from.

 

This "carefully watched" claim she's making would also give her an out to be able to meet up with your son more often. Is she able to plan a date ahead of time or is it very much on the fly? It was awkward for your son to meet her Aunt and her grandmother. Why? Again more questions. Why would it be okay to meet some members of the family and not the uncle? If she is so paranoid about her uncle finding out, why would your son be able to meet ANY of her family?

 

The other thing I don't understand is her uncle won't pay for her school but she works for him under the table. I really have to wonder if her story about working for her uncle is true. Is she dating several US citizens and that is her new job? Where does she get money to buy all these gifts? Again more questions. If her uncle is a control freak she wouldn't have any money because he employs her. So she has money to buy your son gifts but no money to pay to go to college to keep her immigration status legal???

 

The fact she uses the term slipping around to buy gifts is raising flags too. The woman is an adult. She can slip out for all these lunches but has to slip out to buy gifts? I have to wonder if she is "slipping around" from all the different people she talks to. I mean really think about it. She wouldn't want to get busted if she is dating multiple guys. There is a HUGE degree of secrecy in this relationship. How could you trust someone with no transparency? I am sure she is making the quest exciting as she sneaks around. One way to scare the heck out of her is to offer to pay and throw a HUGE wedding. If she is as fake as she sounds she might run for the hills.

Edited November 30, 2017 by acidrain

[Fearful 6]

51 minutes ago, acidrain said:

Of course. We are here for to provide support. I really hope things work out for your son and his relationship because there is nothing worse than having your heart broken. But you are doing the right things by asking questions. This goes to show you are a loving mother. I honestly believe now your son is getting scammed.

 

I wanted to propose a theory. Obviously I could be wrong and would feel terrible if I was. Is it possible this girl is shopping around for a husband? The reason I say this is why would your son have to drive 40 minutes to have lunch with her? It's like she is trying to hide their relationship. She claims she is hiding from her uncle but is she hiding it from other people? This excuse she is using about "being watched" by an uncle is way too convenient. She is acting like she is having an affair. If your son and her are nearly engaged why would she be afraid of her uncle? Your son from what you said has a good job, good head on his shoulders and would be able to keep her in the country. Any reasonable parent with a degree of common sense would believe your son is exactly what she needs. Think about it. She is implying her uncle would rather risk her getting deported so he (not her) can find the perfect match. Has he set her up on dates then? Is she seeing these guys her uncle wants her to see?

 

The other flag is the fact she can't keep a story straight. If she was not dating a bunch of other people then she would remember details (when contact was first made). It makes me think she's dating multiple men and does not remember details because she is caught up in her lies. The story about having an address in Missouri is also raising flags. It also makes me wonder if her family could be in on the scam. I am sure they want her to be able to stay in the US. Does she have multiple addresses? If you can get her name I would be running a search. The fact she has been completely unresponsive to getting to know you is a flag. Why can't you be invited to one of these secret lunches that are 40 minutes away? Oh I forgot. She has to "slip away" from whatever she is hiding from.

 

This "carefully watched" claim she's making would also give her an out to be able to meet up with your son more often. Is she able to plan a date ahead of time or is it very much on the fly? It was awkward for your son to meet her Aunt and her grandmother. Why? Again more questions. Why would it be okay to meet some members of the family and not the uncle? If she is so paranoid about her uncle finding out, why would your son be able to meet ANY of her family?

 

The other thing I don't understand is her uncle won't pay for her school but she works for him under the table. I really have to wonder if her story about working for her uncle is true. Is she dating several US citizens and that is her new job? Where does she get money to buy all these gifts? Again more questions. If her uncle is a control freak she wouldn't have any money because he employs her. So she has money to buy your son gifts but no money to pay to go to college to keep her immigration status legal???

 

The fact she uses the term slipping around to buy gifts is raising flags too. The woman is an adult. She can slip out for all these lunches but has to slip out to buy gifts? I have to wonder if she is "slipping around" from all the different people she talks to. I mean really think about it. She wouldn't want to get busted if she is dating multiple guys. There is a HUGE degree of secrecy in this relationship. How could you trust someone with no transparency? I am sure she is making the quest exciting as she sneaks around. One way to scare the heck out of her is to offer to pay and throw a HUGE wedding. If she is as fake as she sounds she might run for the hills.

I must apologize because I guess I didn’t make it clear to you that she lives in a large college town 40 minutes from my sons residence. Also, I was the one using the term sneaking around because she can only see him on her lunch break because at the end of her shift, she is expected to be home (or that is the story she tells). Seems like sneaking around to me and I also assumed that she would have to buy anything for my son on the sly as not to tip her hand that she is seeing someone. And I just brought up the possibility that she MAY have a Missouri address since she said that is where her school visa was sent. Keep in mind, I don’t know how any of this stuff works. I apologize again that I was not clear about these things as you have truly given it all a lot of thought. I have replied to so many people on here, I didn’t take it into consideration that you may not have seen all the other posts.

 

You have once again, though, thought of multiple ways she could be playing this. That is very suspicious that he was allowed to meet the “cool” aunt and grandmother early on. My son wasn’t sure if the grandmother understood anything but the aunt did and this girl did give him a gift of candy which would imply she knew him well instead of a stranger she just met at the market. My son was the one that felt awkward because he is the guy she is seeing not approved of by the uncle, does that make sense? Anyway, yeah, that doesn’t pass the smell test now that you brought that up. Why would she take this risk? Maybe he was being hand picked out of several other men in consideration to be the mark. 

She could be seeing other men as well. I would say that when he was home for 4 days during Thanksgiving, she would call him at least three times a day and they would text some during the day. He said that she wants him to call her but he doesn’t want to call her because he is afraid he will get her in trouble with the uncle so she always calls him. I think I am going to encourage him to start calling her to see if the dynamics change.

Also, she drives uncle’s car, does facials at uncles shop, and lives with him (so she says). I too doubt that she would have much money. Wouldn’t they both be accused of fraud if he signed to pay for her school and she hasn’t gone to school at all? So clearly he was never going to pay for her school and she fraudulently came in on school visa to really find love or a sucker to marry her and take over the responsibility of the I-864 that uncle must have signed? Also, is it possible that she has a boyfriend/family/child at home that she wants to bring here and this is the quickest and easiest path to that end. If she couldn’t find a sucker, then she would eventually have to go back home and it would probably be more difficult to get back to States after not fulfilling school visa. Or as someone posted on here and I really hate to verbalize this, could she be part of sex trafficking and needs husband for I-864 and green card but will still be owned by someone else when she does her two years waiting on green card or does she have to live with my son at all after marriage. Clearly, this is going to take my sanity from me.

i am pretty sure I can get her phone number but may take a week or so. I can also ask him what her last name is if she told him the truth.

Another thing. A Vietnamese woman or two posted on this subject. One said that Vietnamese women are hard workers and work to send money back home and that the green card doesn’t mean that much to them. Another one said if she tells her uncle he may kick her out and tell her family that she shamed them making them insist on her coming home. I guess it’s possible but most of all, I think she doesn’t want to go to school because my son offered to help her and even told her he could help with her schoolwork if she needed help. Maybe she can’t go now since she never started and visa is at another college in another state. But maybe she wants to be taken care of and these days it takes 2 incomes to make it especially where he lives and works. He can’t afford to support two people AND pay out all that money it takes for all those forms that have to be filed in order to get her green card. Then what if she has a child so she can leave and get child support or in the scenario you mentioned earlier, claimed he abused her to take off the conditions of I-864 if I understand that correctly and make him pay spousal support. I think I will 1) find out her last name 2) find out the name of this shop she works at 3) invite myself to one of their lunches 4) offer to throw a Hugh wedding. Acidrain, thanks for everything. In a couple of days I may try to delete myself and this thread because stupidly, I used my real name and location. I was shocked that it showed up. If I find out anything, I may find you on here and tell you about it. I’ll be on here another day or so. Thanks again.

 

[acidrain 325]

@Cathy ChandlerYou should be able to change your username in your settings and delete the city if you don't want to be identified.

 

I would classify it as sneaking around if she can only see him at lunch. That's not a normal relationship. I find it hard to believe if not impossible she can't find another opportunity to meet up with your son. Even if you take what she is saying at face value unless she was under lock and key, she would have the odd occasion where she could go out. If what she is saying is true and she is so concerned about her uncle's opinion why would she marry your son? Please correct me if I'm wrong but the love story you describe doesn't sound intense enough for her to risk her relationship with her family.

 

It occurred to me upon reading your reply she may very well have a serious boyfriend. I've seen plenty of cases on here (it's like Maury Povich) where immigrant falls in love with another immigrant and then seeks out a US citizen to marry so they can stay. Then they go back to the first boyfriend/girlfriend and even in some cases (if you can believe it) sponsor the boyfriend/girlfriend to come live in the US if they aren't here already. She is 20 which means it's hard to believe your son is the first person she ever dated. Boy it's a real big flag when she is the only person allowed to initiate phone calls. It sounds like she is in full control of that relationship.

 

If she is 20 or 21 years old I also find it hard to believe this girl is so isolated she has no friends and is held prisoner by her uncle. What she is implying is she never goes out anywhere by herself or with friends. I understand it may not be culturally accepted for her to be seen with your son. All the more reason why I am confused on why they are rushing marriage? So she is able to sneak away to call him 3 times in one day but isn't able to see him other than lunch? Again that is very suspicious. You must admit it sounds like a seedy affair the two of them are having.

 

If this girl is literally sneaking off to make phone calls she is so afraid of her uncle why would she risk her uncle finding out by having your son meet ANY of her family? It's very odd behavior. Think of another angle. Maybe the "cool" aunt really wants your son to be with this girl. Maybe the girl hasn't been honest with her family about who her real boyfriend is and she gave your son a smoke screen. She drives her uncle's car? Hmmm are you sure it's her uncle's car she is driving? If she does facials why not ask her if you can come in and get one? Promise you will be as discrete as possible. Or one of your friends can go check out the place lol.

 

It sounds to me if her visa is expired nobody is responsible for her and she will be deported if anyone gets wind of it. If she got deported she would have to get a waiver for her overstay and unless she married a US citizen her chances of ever coming back are slim to none. That's why marriage fraud is a real problem and I had no idea how common it was until I joined Visa Journey. If she had a child in the US it would be an automatic citizen. The sex trafficking is always a possibility along with the difference in culture (maybe things are what she claims). But notice your son has expressed more about marriage than her wanting to go to school.

 

With the political climate there is a high risk of being deported. Think if you were in someone's shoes where you live life knowing everything could be gone in a second? If your son sponsors her and they get married he is financially responsible for her up to 125% of the poverty level along with any children they have. That is what a person is agreeing to as the immigrant is not eligible to receive any government benefits. Not even healthcare for I believe up to 5 years. The situation sounds very shady and as mentioned hope I'm wrong for your son's sake. But the fact he is thinking about marriage after only a few months speaks volumes.

Edited December 1, 2017 by acidrain

[WeGuyGal 1,052]

Suggest changing name and location identifier. 

 

Say your son breaks up with her and she loses her chance at a green card, be prepared for possible retaliation. She could be in cahoots with unsavory 'friends' for all we know. 

[Fearful 6]

1 minute ago, WeGuyGal said:

Suggest changing name and location identifier. 

 

Say your son breaks up with her and she loses her chance at a green card, be prepared for possible retaliation. She could be in cahoots with unsavory 'friends' for all we know. 

Well that’s scary as hell. I’ve already lost my other child.