Green card

[caliliving 606]

I don't know why people being up the financial thing. Most immigrants come here to work hard send money home and get citizenship for their family. Very few are actually here toblive off the government. 

[Fearful 6]

1 minute ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

Not harsh, but you were wondering why he has trouble with American women and there it is.  Men don't grow up until their 30s??????  What?  My husband had his own apartment, job, and a healthy relationship with his mother at 18.  Let's be frank here, does he know you are VJ speaking on his behalf?  Why isn't he here if he is so concerned?

 

People who involve their parents in their relationship are heading for trouble.  It is a tremendously bad idea to discuss issues you are having with your partner with your mother/father.

Obviously, your husband is the exception to the rule because from what my friends say, my son is pretty typical of his generation. He had a full scholarship ride in college, managed his own financial affairs, graduated with honors, and has been in his own apartment since he was 19 and he has a good relationship with both parents. He still loves gaming and that is what I was referring to as in growing up. Yes, I told him what I did and didn’t get chewed out so I think he appreciates others opinions because he is conflicted. Is it so hard to believe that he is conflicted and would want someone he trusts opinion? I would hardly call this girl his “partner” as he has known her for two months and has been limited to eating lunch with her on about 7 occasions.

[Fearful 6]

6 minutes ago, Fortuna7 said:

Sad but true, these kind of "situations" are so common!Scam is screaming with BIG mouth wide open.

What scared me the most about this story(if it's the truth?) was that your son was ready to marry someone he never met in person!!!

Advice: Make sure he snaps out of it!!!

 

Best of luck dear.

 

Oh no, he has met her for lunch about 7 Times. But that is not enough in my book to marry someone. I know he is lonely and so excited about her and that is why I’m trying to educate myself by getting on here. But others must have had real issues with their parental relationships because I’m getting ripped apart on here and no one knows my son better than his father and I, no one knows the rejection he has been subejcted to or the bullying he had as a middle school and high school student. He is super intelligent and really valued at his job, but that doesn’t mean that his self confidence is where it should be because he is still overcoming the past.

12 minutes ago, caliliving said:

I don't know why people being up the financial thing. Most immigrants come here to work hard send money home and get citizenship for their family. Very few are actually here toblive off the government. 

That’s good to know.

[Fortuna7 8]

1 minute ago, Cathy Chandler said:

Oh no, he has met her for lunch about 7 Times. But that is not enough in my book to marry someone. I know he is lonely and so excited about her and that is why I’m trying to educate myself by getting on here. But others must have had real issues with their parental relationships because I’m getting ripped apart on here and no one knows my son better than his father and I, no one knows the rejection he has been subejcted to or the bullying he had as a middle school and high school student. He is super intelligent and really valued at his job, but that doesn’t mean that his self confidence is where it should be because he is still overcoming the past.

This post is fishy I mean very fishy. Fake and I just proved myself that some people have nothing else to do but try to get attention.

You've lost mine!

[praizee 10]

8 minutes ago, Fortuna7 said:

This post is fishy I mean very fishy. Fake and I just proved myself that some people have nothing else to do but try to get attention.

You've lost mine!

i couldn't agree more.

 

21 minutes ago, Cathy Chandler said:

Obviously, your husband is the exception to the rule because from what my friends say, my son is pretty typical of his generation. He had a full scholarship ride in college, managed his own financial affairs, graduated with honors, and has been in his own apartment since he was 19 and he has a good relationship with both parents. He still loves gaming and that is what I was referring to as in growing up. Yes, I told him what I did and didn’t get chewed out so I think he appreciates others opinions because he is conflicted. Is it so hard to believe that he is conflicted and would want someone he trusts opinion? I would hardly call this girl his “partner” as he has known her for two months and has been limited to eating lunch with her on about 7 occasions.

Just talk to your son about the risks involved. If he is unfazed by that, let him do whatever he wants. I'm sure there is a lot lingering in his mind. From what you have said so far it seems fishy. If he can't see it. Sit him down and talk to him about the risks. This will be my last post on this matter

[Fearful 6]

8 minutes ago, Fortuna7 said:

This post is fishy I mean very fishy. Fake and I just proved myself that some people have nothing else to do but try to get attention.

You've lost mine!

I’m sorry you feel that way. You are wrong! If you read all the posts, I have clearly stated before that he has met her for lunch several times in a town 40 minutes from him. Trust me, I am retired but run two small business and this is the busy time of the year but I am upset for my only living child and just wanted peoples honest opinions and boy, I have got them. Whether you believe mo or not, I appreciated your input until you called me a liar. And oh my God, the last thing I ever want is attention over anything!

[Fearful 6]

4 minutes ago, praizee said:

i couldn't agree more.

 

Just talk to your son about the risks involved. If he is unfazed by that, let him do whatever he wants. I'm sure there is a lot lingering in his mind. From what you have said so far it seems fishy. If he can't see it. Sit him down and talk to him about the risks. This will be my last post on this matter

Thank you, probably the best advice I have received. Thank you for your kindness.

[-Trinity- 513]

27 minutes ago, Fortuna7 said:

This post is fishy I mean very fishy. Fake and I just proved myself that some people have nothing else to do but try to get attention.

You've lost mine!

Yeah, I'm having the same thought....

[Fearful 6]

5 hours ago, Marcelina said:

Except not being entrolled to any school staying on this type of a visa (!!!) for me shady part is that she claimed she needs his support for school and later buys pricy gifts?  Exept for illegal work in family business did she even seriosly consider pursuing education is US? Dating only trough Skype and have a gut to ask for money?  Claiming no dates bcs uncle doesn’t allow her? So what is she seeking on date apps/Skype? That’s also definitely agains her uncle wil or maybe... totally approved to catch a naive guy? Sorry but people nowadays take hue advantage of other ppl naivety.

 

They are both adults now and she should be able to make decisions without her uncle also the son should also make his owns. And deal with the consequences later. Reading the major family changes section here could open his eyes a little bit more. Hopefully it turns into a true reliable relationship.. spending a bit more time

together getting to know and accepting each other differences and similarities would be good.. but there is a pressure of visa expiring 😩 

 

I can understand OP gettin alert about this and hey guys.. In some families kids really have a good relationships with parents and share their problems and seek an advice that’s not so strange and doesn’t mean the son can’t make his own decisions  noo good advice about this situation we are not involved personally.. I would suggest more caution an that’s all

Thank you so much for your input.

[Fearful 6]

23 hours ago, Beachlover said:

So she is an international student, but she's not enrolled at all? How long has she been here? It seems like she is out of status, as an international student she is required to be full-time enrolled and not be illegally working.

 

I understand that you want to protect your son, especially since you have already lost a child ( so sorry for your loss) but I don't think there is much you can do besides advising him the best you can without pushing him away from you. He is taking a huge responsibility on him; she is out of status and illegally working, which is going to be difficult to overcome with immigration's.

Even though you now think my story is fishy, like I would write fiction novels if I could make up stuff this good; I would like to thank you for your sympathy of our loss.

[Fearful 6]

23 hours ago, mushroomspore said:

Yeah it's weird she's F1 but isn't enrolled. F1 status is valid for as long as whatever school program she is enrolled in. F1 contjnues for one year if she applies for optional practical training (OPT).

 

Also, asking for your son to go with her to her own school instead of finding her own help is a big red flag. I also understand the desire to protect your son (condolences for your loss). But he is a fully grown man so if he decides to marry, there isn't much you can do. If he asks you for a statement attesting to their relationship or if he needs help with the green card application, you obviously can say no. It's hard to say if they would get approved. If the young lady has zero criminal history, everything would look okay on paper. It would depend largely on who interviews them.

Thank you for your condolences.

[Coco8 1,042]

4 hours ago, praizee said:

You have the right to be concerned. However, he's an adult and can make his own decisions.

Worst case scenario is that she will have her green card in a couple of years and divorce your son.

It's not the end of life. he can move on and learn from his mistakes.

Best case scenario is they'll live happily ever after.

It's not up to you...its up to him.

Good luck!

 

The worst scenario is bad. He could be living his life in peace and maybe find someone he actually loves and loves him back. He would not be spending ton of money on someone that does not love him. 

[JuTu 2]

17 minutes ago, Cathy Chandler said:

I’m sorry you feel that way. You are wrong! If you read all the posts, I have clearly stated before that he has met her for lunch several times in a town 40 minutes from him. Trust me, I am retired but run two small business and this is the busy time of the year but I am upset for my only living child and just wanted peoples honest opinions and boy, I have got them. Whether you believe mo or not, I appreciated your input until you called me a liar. And oh my God, the last thing I ever want is attention over anything!

Hi Cathy! I've posted a post about cultures and family issue stuffs about Viet families in general. Trust me, you're not the only parent whose fear that her only son would get scam/suffer out of the love relationship. Green card is not everything to a person. I remember when I first met my husband in Vietnam, hes the youngest in the family, and ready to graduate as an engineer. He's younger than me. And his mom is acting like you. She was fear that I will scam her son, and im from USA. I mean, what's there for me to scam him for? Why didnt I scare that once he comes to the US, has his green card and flee? But on the other hand, his mom scare if he comes to the US with me, and if I leave him, he'll have nobody and suffer, blah blah. I was offended and super angry because, first of all, he's a MAN! Even if things wont work out in the future, he's not the only one to suffer and loss. He can take it as a MAN. Second, what is there for him to lose? He knows his feelings and can make the choices, either take the chance or dont take it. Seriously, now that he's married me and we're expecting a baby, and he's still in one piece, nothing damage physically or mentally. 

Back to your son, you guys don't have to rush into marriage or anything just yet. Just take time. If your son is truly in love with her, all he has to do is care and be there for her. He doesn't have to marry her to get her a green card. Dont let the green card scam thoughts get in between the relationship. Because if the "thought" is there, even a true love relationship will refers to a green card relationship.

[Fearful 6]

4 hours ago, JuTu said:

Hi there. Im a Vietnamese myself and to be honest, most Viet families don't want the kids to married other races in general. They would love to see a "real" responsible man where he can makes decisions by himself. And the girl, I think she's kinda in between. She likes your son but in a way, she's probably scare of her family approval. She's only 20, no residency, have to live and work for uncle. Her uncle probably doesn't pay her. I know most Viet do that. They take care of the nieces and nephews, in return the young kids have to work for them for free.  And another thing in Viet culture is that; they dont like prenups. They dont like the guy is keeping the money. The wife is the one who keeps all the money and properties. Thats the number one reason why most Viets dont like their daughters to married an American. I dont think this girl is trying to sham your son for a green card. She doesn't have the freedom to choose what she want to do for her as yet. She needs approvals, she can't really tell her uncle she's in love with your son because that can lead to "kicking her out of the house" and the uncle will call her parents in Vietnam to tell them she's out of control and dishonor to the family. I hope it can work out for your son and her. 

Thank you so much for your information. I do not know anything about the Viet culture. 

[Fearful 6]

3 hours ago, MeAlone said:

Try to find out who is that uncle she is living with. Maybe it's not the uncle but her lover who took her in and helped her with job. There is also the possibility he is her boss and manager in the Vietnamese slave ring and she is working as a sexual worker for him. All her unstable saying this and that doesn't make her look as a simple honest girl. Try to check what she is doing.

Wow, that is a little dark but I guess anything is possible. Yeah, I ve lived long enough to know not to take everything at face value. I wish he could verify the things she has told him.