Green card

[praizee 10]

9 hours ago, Cathy Chandler said:

My relationship with my son is great. How do you think I know all this information? He lives in another town and I have no clue about his business unless he tells me. Well, the Birthday things are fine, but she has showered him with gifts from the beginning which I think is odd. It’s been two months of phone calls and about 7 lunches and she is talking marriage and green cards. How I wish, with all my heart that this is real but I just don’t see it. Of course I fear that he will get hurt. What mother/father wouldn’t be concerned after all they know that their son has been through his whole life, which you don’t know?

You have the right to be concerned. However, he's an adult and can make his own decisions.

Worst case scenario is that she will have her green card in a couple of years and divorce your son.

It's not the end of life. he can move on and learn from his mistakes.

Best case scenario is they'll live happily ever after.

It's not up to you...its up to him.

Good luck!

[caliliving 606]

10 hours ago, Cathy Chandler said:

Well what is stranger is her F1 status is at a university in Missouri. Really, I can’t make this stuff up. She never went there nor has any relatives there. He was trying to get her to enroll in a smaller college in the state/town where she is living and that is when she initially asked for him to go with her. The reason I seem so “nosy” is that he is bouncing all this stuff off my ears. He did not share as much this past weekend because he tells me what she says and then she back tracks on a lot of it. He wants with all his heart to believe that she cares for him, and believe me, I do too, but I think he knows that there is a great possibility that she is not being truthful. We have no idea about the expense, forms, procedures or anything when you marry someone that is not a US citizen. Thank you for your input.

It is not that easy for an international student to just go and "enroll" in school. Especially since she isn't going to school now. 

It's impossible for an Asian woman to get a visitor visa and ahe backdoored the student visa..lots do this and that is why there r many restrictions now with regards to sevis and having the school stamp the i20 every time u leave the country. 

 

Look, its obvious she came here for a better life and her uncle is helping her out. She knows once she gets married she can leave within 2 years. She has done her homework. Your son is 26 he can choose to fall for this or not.

 

Regarding you. Maybe you guys need therapy. Get your issues figured out. And he needs help but that is a therapy issue nor an immigration issue 

[acidrain 325]

I understand where you are coming from and can appreciate your need to protect your son. Before I started hitting up this site I literally had no idea how common marriage fraud was. There are a lot of cases relationships work out. But you also read about cases on here where people's lives are ruined. I don't mean to throw gasoline on the fire but the cases that scare me are the ones where the person had a mark right from the start. Then the immigrant falsely claims abuse (to remove conditions) and the US citizen is on the hook to support them financially until the immigrant becomes a US citizen.

 

I am not sure what your son's friend/girlfriend (not sure what to call her) agenda is. She might genuinely like his companionship or she might be using him. It is such a difficult situation as a parent to be in. Trust your gut. Be careful not to go guns blazing because it will scare your son away and he will think you don't trust his judgement. I would try to find out more information so if you approach your son you have a basis to go on. My question is what does this woman intend on doing now that she is illegal? What are her future plans? Is she just going to continue to work hoping nobody will report her? I think you can ask what is going on without sounding accusing.

Edited November 29, 2017 by acidrain

[JuTu 2]

20 hours ago, Cathy Chandler said:

My 26 year old son who is not experienced in dating has met a Vietnamese woman 20 yr old considered 21 yr old in Vietnam. She came here on F1 student visa. She is living with her uncle and illegally working as facial expert in his shop. 2 months ago my son meets this girl/woman through online dating service. She first tells him that her uncle wants her to marry someone else in the states that can provide for her but she hasn’t met him and does not want to marry him. So they continue to skype and meet for lunch several times. She gives him gifts of clothes, etc seeming that she is really into him. She calls several times a day. Her uncle is very strict and won’t let her date and she is loyal to him because he took her in. So after about a month, she tells my son that the date on her visa runs out in one month and she will have to go back to Vietnam. We start looking into things and the date on her visa is only the date by which she has to come here. (There is an I-20 or something like that that has the actual date on it). So he tells her that and tells her she needs to get in school and she talks about how much she wants to go to school. I left out the part that earlier in the first month of talking, he offered to pay her way through college and she didn’t believe that he could. He had to prove to her that he had money that was accessible and she finally believed that he could do this. She tells him that she needs him to go to the school with her as she may not understand some things. He said he would, then all of a sudden she says that she can afford to pay her own way to school and that he does not have to go with her as she does not want to go just yet. Now the green card comes up. My son is not telling me as much as before but now he had a birthday and she gave him two pairs of shoes and 4 shirts and wrote a very convincing note about always being there for him. He tells me today that he is thinking about putting a ring on her with a prenup. They have not had the first real date. She wanted to meet me on skype and we talked an hour or so, the three of us. She is very sweet and cute. When he was here 4 days for Thanksgiving, I thought she would want to talk to me again so I asked my son if she wanted to talk with me again and she said later. Later never came and he was here two more days after that. I find that so strange as she was so eager to talk to me the first time and wanted my phone number and wanted a relationship with me. My husband and I wanted to believe that she truly cared for my son but this is too obvious to us that she is shamming him for a green card. He really deeply likes this girl. I know if she shams him, he may never trust again. He has everything going for him, good looking, beautiful smile, very intelligent, good job and yet he has no confidence in himself or self worth. He has social skills problems especially with women. I don’t know how to proceed or how I can help him with this. We had a great loss as we lost our daughter, our first born 3 1/2 years ago and this has deeply affected all of us especially my son. The loss of his sister has been incredibly hard. He looks to me for help and answers. Can anyone give me your opinions, advice?

Hi there. Im a Vietnamese myself and to be honest, most Viet families don't want the kids to married other races in general. They would love to see a "real" responsible man where he can makes decisions by himself. And the girl, I think she's kinda in between. She likes your son but in a way, she's probably scare of her family approval. She's only 20, no residency, have to live and work for uncle. Her uncle probably doesn't pay her. I know most Viet do that. They take care of the nieces and nephews, in return the young kids have to work for them for free.  And another thing in Viet culture is that; they dont like prenups. They dont like the guy is keeping the money. The wife is the one who keeps all the money and properties. Thats the number one reason why most Viets dont like their daughters to married an American. I dont think this girl is trying to sham your son for a green card. She doesn't have the freedom to choose what she want to do for her as yet. She needs approvals, she can't really tell her uncle she's in love with your son because that can lead to "kicking her out of the house" and the uncle will call her parents in Vietnam to tell them she's out of control and dishonor to the family. I hope it can work out for your son and her. 

[GreatDane 366]

52 minutes ago, JuTu said:

Hi there. Im a Vietnamese myself and to be honest, most Viet families don't want the kids to married other races in general. They would love to see a "real" responsible man where he can makes decisions by himself. And the girl, I think she's kinda in between. She likes your son but in a way, she's probably scare of her family approval. She's only 20, no residency, have to live and work for uncle. Her uncle probably doesn't pay her. I know most Viet do that. They take care of the nieces and nephews, in return the young kids have to work for them for free.  And another thing in Viet culture is that; they dont like prenups. They dont like the guy is keeping the money. The wife is the one who keeps all the money and properties. Thats the number one reason why most Viets dont like their daughters to married an American. I dont think this girl is trying to sham your son for a green card. She doesn't have the freedom to choose what she want to do for her as yet. She needs approvals, she can't really tell her uncle she's in love with your son because that can lead to "kicking her out of the house" and the uncle will call her parents in Vietnam to tell them she's out of control and dishonor to the family. I hope it can work out for your son and her. 

I think there's really something to this. It can go both ways. Your son just needs to get to know her better.

[MeAlone 161]

Try to find out who is that uncle she is living with. Maybe it's not the uncle but her lover who took her in and helped her with job. There is also the possibility he is her boss and manager in the Vietnamese slave ring and she is working as a sexual worker for him. All her unstable saying this and that doesn't make her look as a simple honest girl. Try to check what she is doing.

[WeGuyGal 1,052]

1 hour ago, caliliving said:

 

Regarding you. Maybe you guys need therapy. Get your issues figured out. And he needs help but that is a therapy issue nor an immigration issue 

A foreign national F1 visa holder talking green cards with a USC is an immigration issue. 

[Liam2021 583]

She only want to get the green card, that all. After she got the green card in hand, she will gone. That's a real life experiences.

[Fearful 6]

3 hours ago, praizee said:

You have the right to be concerned. However, he's an adult and can make his own decisions.

Worst case scenario is that she will have her green card in a couple of years and divorce your son.

It's not the end of life. he can move on and learn from his mistakes.

Best case scenario is they'll live happily ever after.

It's not up to you...its up to him.

Good luck!

How can he move on if he sponsored this person and is responsible for her for at least 10 years or until death?

 

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

9 minutes ago, Cathy Chandler said:

How can he move on if he sponsored this person and is responsible for her for at least 10 years or until death?

 

 

With some very rare exceptions in which the immigrant has sued for support, it is only responsible for the immigrant if they take benefits from the government unlawfully.  She'd likely go for citizenship at 5 years anyway.

 

There are financial risks involved with any relationship - spousal support, child support, etc.  Those are his risks to weigh, not yours.  Have him read the I-864 and then let the issue go.  Tell him to stop involving you in his romantic affairs and grow up.

Edited November 29, 2017 by N-o-l-a

[Fearful 6]

2 hours ago, acidrain said:

I understand where you are coming from and can appreciate your need to protect your son. Before I started hitting up this site I literally had no idea how common marriage fraud was. There are a lot of cases relationships work out. But you also read about cases on here where people's lives are ruined. I don't mean to throw gasoline on the fire but the cases that scare me are the ones where the person had a mark right from the start. Then the immigrant falsely claims abuse (to remove conditions) and the US citizen is on the hook to support them financially until the immigrant becomes a US citizen.

 

I am not sure what your son's friend/girlfriend (not sure what to call her) agenda is. She might genuinely like his companionship or she might be using him. It is such a difficult situation as a parent to be in. Trust your gut. Be careful not to go guns blazing because it will scare your son away and he will think you don't trust his judgement. I would try to find out more information so if you approach your son you have a basis to go on. My question is what does this woman intend on doing now that she is illegal? What are her future plans? Is she just going to continue to work hoping nobody will report her? I think you can ask what is going on without sounding accusing.

Thank you so very much for your input.

[Fearful 6]

3 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

With some very rare exceptions in which the immigrant has sued for support, it is only responsible for the immigrant if they take benefits from the government unlawfully.  She'd likely go for citizenship at 5 years anyway.

 

There are financial risks involved with any relationship - spousal support, child support, etc.  Those are his risks to weigh, not yours.  Have him read the I-864 and then let the issue go.  Tell him to stop involving you in his romantic affairs and grow up.

My God, that’s harsh. He has never had more than a couple of “romantic” affairs. Men typically don’t grow up until way in their 30’s and I’m not apologizing for being close to my son or for him to respect my opinion enough to ask me for it.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

5 minutes ago, Cathy Chandler said:

My God, that’s harsh. He has never had more than a couple of “romantic” affairs. Men typically don’t grow up until way in their 30’s and I’m not apologizing for being close to my son or for him to respect my opinion enough to ask me for it.

 

Not harsh, but you were wondering why he has trouble with American women and there it is.  Men don't grow up until their 30s??????  What?  My husband had his own apartment, job, and a healthy relationship with his mother at 18.  Let's be frank here, does he know you are on VJ speaking on his behalf?  Why isn't he here if he is so concerned?

 

People who involve their parents in their relationship are heading for trouble.  It is a tremendously bad idea to discuss issues you are having with your partner with your mother/father.

Edited November 29, 2017 by N-o-l-a

[-Trinity- 513]

2 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

Not harsh, but you were wondering why he has trouble with American women and there it is.  Men don't grow up until their 30s??????  What?  My husband had his own apartment, job, and a healthy relationship with his mother at 18.  Let's be frank here, does he know you are on VJ speaking on his behalf?  Why isn't he here if he is so concerned?

 

People who involve their parents in their relationship are heading for trouble.  It is a tremendously bad idea to discuss issues you are having with your partner with your mother/father.

I couldn't agree more.

 

Seriously  OP, even if it turns out to be the biggest mistake of his life you can't prevent that from happening. yes, based on the information there are huge red flags. But what exactly are you going to prevent him marrying her when it gets to that point?

 

I think it's time to stop being a helicopter mom. I know plenty of men who where grown-ups at 18 and other men never grow up. If you really believe that men don't grow up until they are in their 30's, something is awfully off.

 

 

[Fortuna7 8]

Sad but true, these kind of "situations" are so common!Scam is screaming with BIG mouth wide open.

What scared me the most about this story(if it's the truth?) was that your son was ready to marry someone he never met in person!!!

Advice: Make sure he snaps out of it!!!

 

Best of luck dear.