Green card

[Fearful 6]

9 hours ago, sy1983 said:

Sorry to hear about that. I guess its hard to read every single movement and sometimes parents can't completely understand due to the generational gap. 

I would suggest your son to look into going to therapy for his personal issues and work them out first. Secondly if he loves this girl and vice versa, it doesn't matter

if she goes back to Vietnam after her student visa expires, people end up marrying with people outside the country all the time. I guess what I am saying is, don't rush

into things. Sometimes we need to take a step back, think thoroughly and weigh in all the options. 
 

Its really hard for us to tell if she is in it for the green card or not. Either scenarios are possible. 

Why don't he visit Vietnam and meet her parents and family over there ? Relationship take time. 

My son is telling me all this stuff, not much of a generational gap. I am pretty cool for an old gal. I 100% agree about the therapy. If the love was equal between them and obviously so, my husband and I would be all in. I think that is a wonderful idea about visiting Vietnam and her family. I agree, there should be no rush except she seems to be rushing things.

[sy1983 31]

3 minutes ago, Cathy Chandler said:

My son is telling me all this stuff, not much of a generational gap. I am pretty cool for an old gal. I 100% agree about the therapy. If the love was equal between them and obviously so, my husband and I would be all in. I think that is a wonderful idea about visiting Vietnam and her family. I agree, there should be no rush except she seems to be rushing things.

Sounds like your family are very considerate, supportive and kind people. It doesn't matter what this girl wants. If she wants to be a part of your family then shes gonna have to do it your way and the right way PERIOD. 

She should understand, this is part of the Asian culture. Only time can tell. Just relax, if its meant to be it would happen if not theres gotta be someone out there better for your son. 

[Fearful 6]

9 hours ago, GreatDane said:

I feel like there's more to this situation than just the two of them - like your relationship with your son. You seem to be reading into things pretty intently even noting what she gave him as a birthday present. I see nothing wrong with giving someone two pairs of shoes and four shirts, especially if there's something there. Relationships are different to different people. There is a chance she might have bad intentions, but there's also a chance it's genuine - cultural barriers exist. 

My relationship with my son is great. How do you think I know all this information? He lives in another town and I have no clue about his business unless he tells me. Well, the Birthday things are fine, but she has showered him with gifts from the beginning which I think is odd. It’s been two months of phone calls and about 7 lunches and she is talking marriage and green cards. How I wish, with all my heart that this is real but I just don’t see it. Of course I fear that he will get hurt. What mother/father wouldn’t be concerned after all they know that their son has been through his whole life, which you don’t know?

[Coco8 1,042]

As people have said, her story is odd:

 

1. F1 students have to be enrolled full time and cannot work unless it is on campus, with a few exceptions. Working as a "facial expert" would not qualify as an exception because it does not require college so it could not be a "practical training". Also, the i-20 she showed your son could be fake because the i-20 is just a piece of paper. She should have an F1 stamp on her passport. If she does not understand English, it is very hard to get an F1 visa to go to college (you have to take tests for that). 

 

2. Once you are not a full-time student any more, your legal status is the US is cancelled. So right now she should not be in the US (from a legal standpoint).

 

3. As of now, she cannot go back to school because she violated her visa (she is not a full-time student and she has been working). All that about going to school seemed like a ruse.

 

4. It seems to me she just came to the US to marry someone who could take care of her. That is what you say the uncle says. That is a huge burden. Plus, someone sponsoring someone's green card is responsible for that person for a very long time, regardless of whether they get divorced. Simply liking someone does not seem enough for that. 

 

5. The uncle might be strict but he has cheap labor working for him. She works for him and even though she lives with him, he is saving a lot of money by not having an employee! That is another red flag. 

 

 

 

 

[GreatDane 366]

45 minutes ago, Cathy Chandler said:

My relationship with my son is great. How do you think I know all this information? He lives in another town and I have no clue about his business unless he tells me. Well, the Birthday things are fine, but she has showered him with gifts from the beginning which I think is odd. It’s been two months of phone calls and about 7 lunches and she is talking marriage and green cards. How I wish, with all my heart that this is real but I just don’t see it. Of course I fear that he will get hurt. What mother/father wouldn’t be concerned after all they know that their son has been through his whole life, which you don’t know?

Do you live far away from your son? Maybe it'd be a good time to visit and non-creepily meet her. You can learn a lot more in person. That being said, there are a lot of red flags and as a mother, you want only the best for your son. Given her potential status, the only way for her to re-gain status would be to adjust status. Overstays, etc. (although not illegal work), are forgiven to spouses of USC. For her, it might be the only route to stay in the country and he should proceed with caution. As others have said, a prenup won't protect him (much) and it won't remove his responsibility to make sure she is not a burden to the public system (this extends for YEARS).

[Fearful 6]

3 minutes ago, GreatDane said:

Do you live far away from your son? Maybe it'd be a good time to visit and non-creepily meet her. You can learn a lot more in person. That being said, there are a lot of red flags and as a mother, you want only the best for your son. Given her potential status, the only way for her to re-gain status would be to adjust status. Overstays, etc. (although not illegal work), are forgiven to spouses of USC. For her, it might be the only route to stay in the country and he should proceed with caution. As others have said, a prenup won't protect him (much) and it won't remove his responsibility to make sure she is not a burden to the public system (this extends for YEARS).

Thank you for this post. I live 1hr 15 min away. He drives 40 min from his house to eat lunch with her. It is possible to meet her if she allows it. I know my son would ask first. I see I’m going to have to do a lot more research. I had no idea that he could have responsibility for years even if the relationship ends. I’ll be sure and share what you have said with him.

[GreatDane 366]

11 minutes ago, Cathy Chandler said:

Thank you for this post. I live 1hr 15 min away. He drives 40 min from his house to eat lunch with her. It is possible to meet her if she allows it. I know my son would ask first. I see I’m going to have to do a lot more research. I had no idea that he could have responsibility for years even if the relationship ends. I’ll be sure and share what you have said with him.

Look into an I864 - it's a document you sign to sponsor or co-sponsor someone for immigration. It requires a minimum income, etc. By signing it, you are guaranteeing that they will not be a charge of the government. This means that if she uses specific benefits, he will be in trouble and have to pay them back. https://www.***removed***/affidavit-of-support/sponsor-responsibilities-obligations.html 

Also immigration is expensive. For AOS alone it's $1200+. Two years after it's finalized, there's another increment to pay and then every green card renewal or naturalization. It costs more if you're having a lawyer do it. Sponsoring someone for immigration is a commitment and should only be done when you really know someone.

[Boiler 45,553]

If they marry she can adjust and get her GC.

[Marcelina 246]

Except not being entrolled to any school staying on this type of a visa (!!!) for me shady part is that she claimed she needs his support for school and later buys pricy gifts?  Exept for illegal work in family business did she even seriosly consider pursuing education is US? Dating only trough Skype and have a gut to ask for money?  Claiming no dates bcs uncle doesn’t allow her? So what is she seeking on date apps/Skype? That’s also definitely agains her uncle wil or maybe... totally approved to catch a naive guy? Sorry but people nowadays take hue advantage of other ppl naivety.

 

They are both adults now and she should be able to make decisions without her uncle also the son should also make his owns. And deal with the consequences later. Reading the major family changes section here could open his eyes a little bit more. Hopefully it turns into a true reliable relationship.. spending a bit more time

together getting to know and accepting each other differences and similarities would be good.. but there is a pressure of visa expiring 😩 

 

I can understand OP gettin alert about this and hey guys.. In some families kids really have a good relationships with parents and share their problems and seek an advice that’s not so strange and doesn’t mean the son can’t make his own decisions  noo good advice about this situation we are not involved personally.. I would suggest more caution an that’s all

[Ortolan 381]

The fact that she's under some time pressure, and after 2 months is pressing for help with a green card is kind of a red flag for me, for sure.

 

It'd be interesting to see how she responds to a prenuptial agreement conversation. "If we divorce, what's mine is mine, and what's yours is yours." The response to that might be quite revealing.

 

[Marcelina 246]

Actually what I wanted to add is the fact that during her whole stay she didn’t sort out her immigration status properly and now is in a tough situation and expect other to solve it for her. That’s a good material for a dependent not a life partner. No matter how sweet kind and loving she seems. 

[Boiler 45,553]

If her focus is a GC a pre nup is irrelevant.

[-Trinity- 513]

32 minutes ago, Ortolan said:

 

 

It'd be interesting to see how she responds to a prenuptial agreement conversation. "If we divorce, what's mine is mine, and what's yours is yours." The response to that might be quite revealing.

 

 

The outcome might be that she agrees to that, he can't put the green card in the prenups after all.

 

OP, I would try not to push him away from you. As you said he already starts not telling you that much. The best way is for him to find out whether she is genuine or not.

 

[-Trinity- 513]

32 minutes ago, Boiler said:

If her focus is a GC a pre nup is irrelevant.

That would be an interesting prenup: if you divorce me I'm taking your green card.

[Boiler 45,553]

3 minutes ago, Beachlover said:

That would be an interesting prenup: if you divorce me I'm taking your green card.

If I could think of a way to do that I would make a killing on VJ.

 

Probably not much to protect with a pre nup anyway.