Green card

[Fearful 6]

My 26 year old son who is not experienced in dating has met a Vietnamese woman 20 yr old considered 21 yr old in Vietnam. She came here on F1 student visa. She is living with her uncle and illegally working as facial expert in his shop. 2 months ago my son meets this girl/woman through online dating service. She first tells him that her uncle wants her to marry someone else in the states that can provide for her but she hasn’t met him and does not want to marry him. So they continue to skype and meet for lunch several times. She gives him gifts of clothes, etc seeming that she is really into him. She calls several times a day. Her uncle is very strict and won’t let her date and she is loyal to him because he took her in. So after about a month, she tells my son that the date on her visa runs out in one month and she will have to go back to Vietnam. We start looking into things and the date on her visa is only the date by which she has to come here. (There is an I-20 or something like that that has the actual date on it). So he tells her that and tells her she needs to get in school and she talks about how much she wants to go to school. I left out the part that earlier in the first month of talking, he offered to pay her way through college and she didn’t believe that he could. He had to prove to her that he had money that was accessible and she finally believed that he could do this. She tells him that she needs him to go to the school with her as she may not understand some things. He said he would, then all of a sudden she says that she can afford to pay her own way to school and that he does not have to go with her as she does not want to go just yet. Now the green card comes up. My son is not telling me as much as before but now he had a birthday and she gave him two pairs of shoes and 4 shirts and wrote a very convincing note about always being there for him. He tells me today that he is thinking about putting a ring on her with a prenup. They have not had the first real date. She wanted to meet me on skype and we talked an hour or so, the three of us. She is very sweet and cute. When he was here 4 days for Thanksgiving, I thought she would want to talk to me again so I asked my son if she wanted to talk with me again and she said later. Later never came and he was here two more days after that. I find that so strange as she was so eager to talk to me the first time and wanted my phone number and wanted a relationship with me. My husband and I wanted to believe that she truly cared for my son but this is too obvious to us that she is shamming him for a green card. He really deeply likes this girl. I know if she shams him, he may never trust again. He has everything going for him, good looking, beautiful smile, very intelligent, good job and yet he has no confidence in himself or self worth. He has social skills problems especially with women. I don’t know how to proceed or how I can help him with this. We had a great loss as we lost our daughter, our first born 3 1/2 years ago and this has deeply affected all of us especially my son. The loss of his sister has been incredibly hard. He looks to me for help and answers. Can anyone give me your opinions, advice?

[-Trinity- 513]

So she is an international student, but she's not enrolled at all? How long has she been here? It seems like she is out of status, as an international student she is required to be full-time enrolled and not be illegally working.

 

I understand that you want to protect your son, especially since you have already lost a child ( so sorry for your loss) but I don't think there is much you can do besides advising him the best you can without pushing him away from you. He is taking a huge responsibility on him; she is out of status and illegally working, which is going to be difficult to overcome with immigration's.

[ThomasNC1988 762]

I mean he is 26 years old. Does he have any mental deficiencies that would stop him from being able to make his own decisions? Sounds like he knows he needs to protect himself with a prenup. Not trying to be ugly, but just let him do what ever he pleases as it is really not your business and if you express your opposition to the relationship it is more likely that you will cause stress on your relationship with your son than change his mind about this beautiful young woman. As far as legal aspects of it all I recommend you check out the I130 forums and the Major Family Changes forum to get an idea of possible outcomes. May not be a bad idea to suggest he take a look at those sections too so he can understand whats involved and the risks.

[sy1983 31]

Sorry to hear about that. I guess its hard to read every single movement and sometimes parents can't completely understand due to the generational gap. 

I would suggest your son to look into going to therapy for his personal issues and work them out first. Secondly if he loves this girl and vice versa, it doesn't matter

if she goes back to Vietnam after her student visa expires, people end up marrying with people outside the country all the time. I guess what I am saying is, don't rush

into things. Sometimes we need to take a step back, think thoroughly and weigh in all the options. 
 

Its really hard for us to tell if she is in it for the green card or not. Either scenarios are possible. 

Why don't he visit Vietnam and meet her parents and family over there ? Relationship take time. 

[mushroomspore 3,043]

Just now, Beachlover said:

So she is an international student, but she's not enrolled at all? How long has she been here? It seems like she is out of status, as an international student she is required to be full-time enrolled and not be illegally working.

 

I understand that you want to protect your son, especially since you have already lost a child ( so sorry for your loss) but I don't think there is much you can do besides advising him the best you can without pushing him away from you. He is taking a huge responsibility on him; she is out of status and illegally working, which is going to be difficult to overcome with immigration's.

Yeah it's weird she's F1 but isn't enrolled. F1 status is valid for as long as whatever school program she is enrolled in. F1 contjnues for one year if she applies for optional practical training (OPT).

 

Also, asking for your son to go with her to her own school instead of finding her own help is a big red flag. I also understand the desire to protect your son (condolences for your loss). But he is a fully grown man so if he decides to marry, there isn't much you can do. If he asks you for a statement attesting to their relationship or if he needs help with the green card application, you obviously can say no. It's hard to say if they would get approved. If the young lady has zero criminal history, everything would look okay on paper. It would depend largely on who interviews them.

[GreatDane 366]

I feel like there's more to this situation than just the two of them - like your relationship with your son. You seem to be reading into things pretty intently even noting what she gave him as a birthday present. I see nothing wrong with giving someone two pairs of shoes and four shirts, especially if there's something there. Relationships are different to different people. There is a chance she might have bad intentions, but there's also a chance it's genuine - cultural barriers exist. 

[mcdull 474]

9 minutes ago, ThomasNC1988 said:

I mean he is 26 years old. Does he have any mental deficiencies that would stop him from being able to make his own decisions? Sounds like he knows he needs to protect himself with a prenup. Not trying to be ugly, but just let him do what ever he pleases as it is really not your business and if you express your opposition to the relationship it is more likely that you will cause stress on your relationship with your son than change his mind about this beautiful young woman. As far as legal aspects of it all I recommend you check out the I130 forums and the Major Family Changes forum to get an idea of possible outcomes. May not be a bad idea to suggest he take a look at those sections too so he can understand whats involved and the risks.

MAD CRAZY love is not any less than a mental deficiency. 

[ThomasNC1988 762]

2 minutes ago, mcdull said:

MAD CRAZY love is not any less than a mental deficiency. 

Truer words have never been typed. Major Family Changes should be the homepage of VisaJourney so everyone can see the risks of blind love before they start their journey.

[-Trinity- 513]

11 minutes ago, GreatDane said:

I feel like there's more to this situation than just the two of them - like your relationship with your son. You seem to be reading into things pretty intently even noting what she gave him as a birthday present. I see nothing wrong with giving someone two pairs of shoes and four shirts, especially if there's something there. Relationships are different to different people. There is a chance she might have bad intentions, but there's also a chance it's genuine - cultural barriers exist. 

We don't know, might be that parents are overprotective ( which isn't odd considering the fact they already lost a child) and are overanalyzing things. The OP also says that the loss of their first child impacted the whole family, which is again not odd. Loosing a family member can cause traumatic effects on the relationships of other family members. But, again we don't know, maybe they have always been overprotective...that's something only OP knows.

 

What I believe is trying to convince him not to do it is not going to work. He has to find out by himself whether this girl is genuine or not. Mom and dad can't protect him through out his entire life.

 

What I consider is a HUGE red flag is that she is not enrolled at school at all and is working unauthorized. That is a big concern and OP"s son should ask himself why someone would come to America on a student visa, not enroll and work illegally. Again, if that's the case. 

Edited November 28, 2017 by Beachlover
Typo

[usmsbow 801]

My advice: let him figure it out himself. He's 26 and seems pragmatic (idea of pre-nup), and you did say he's intelligent. Have confidence in your own son and perhaps he'll have more confidence in himself. 

 

-Getting off soapbox now.

 

 

[mcdull 474]

1 minute ago, usmsbow said:

My advice: let him figure it out himself. He's 26 and seems pragmatic (idea of pre-nup), and you did say he's intelligent. Have confidence in your own son and perhaps he'll have more confidence in himself. 

 

-Getting off soapbox now.

 

 

Getting medical insurnace doesn't protect anyone from getting sick,

Having a prenup doesn't provide immunity to scammers or a nasty divorce.

 

prenups, as good as they get!

[WeGuyGal 1,052]

The son is legally an adult, but this has sham\scam written all over it. We'll find out in about 3 yrs or so. 

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Honestly, it is no harm, no foul if she ends up being a scammer for the most part.  She'll leave him, he might come and cry on VJ and ask for ways to have her deported, and she'll likely have her greencard.  She seems like she is interested in working, the I-864 provisions will likely not come into play.

 

Maybe he'll get some practice with her at the very least.  That's the least you can hope for.

[Fearful 6]

8 hours ago, mushroomspore said:

Yeah it's weird she's F1 but isn't enrolled. F1 status is valid for as long as whatever school program she is enrolled in. F1 contjnues for one year if she applies for optional practical training (OPT).

 

Also, asking for your son to go with her to her own school instead of finding her own help is a big red flag. I also understand the desire to protect your son (condolences for your loss). But he is a fully grown man so if he decides to marry, there isn't much you can do. If he asks you for a statement attesting to their relationship or if he needs help with the green card application, you obviously can say no. It's hard to say if they would get approved. If the young lady has zero criminal history, everything would look okay on paper. It would depend largely on who interviews them.

Well what is stranger is her F1 status is at a university in Missouri. Really, I can’t make this stuff up. She never went there nor has any relatives there. He was trying to get her to enroll in a smaller college in the state/town where she is living and that is when she initially asked for him to go with her. The reason I seem so “nosy” is that he is bouncing all this stuff off my ears. He did not share as much this past weekend because he tells me what she says and then she back tracks on a lot of it. He wants with all his heart to believe that she cares for him, and believe me, I do too, but I think he knows that there is a great possibility that she is not being truthful. We have no idea about the expense, forms, procedures or anything when you marry someone that is not a US citizen. Thank you for your input.

[Fearful 6]

8 hours ago, ThomasNC1988 said:

I mean he is 26 years old. Does he have any mental deficiencies that would stop him from being able to make his own decisions? Sounds like he knows he needs to protect himself with a prenup. Not trying to be ugly, but just let him do what ever he pleases as it is really not your business and if you express your opposition to the relationship it is more likely that you will cause stress on your relationship with your son than change his mind about this beautiful young woman. As far as legal aspects of it all I recommend you check out the I130 forums and the Major Family Changes forum to get an idea of possible outcomes. May not be a bad idea to suggest he take a look at those sections too so he can understand whats involved and the risks.

No mental deficiencies, thank you for caring. No, he has not been really good at making decisions about girls as he has never been in a serious relationship. It is my business because he has asked my opinion. I really don’t have opposition to him having an equal relationship, I would be thrilled if this worked out and was real. Thank you for the information about the other forums. None of us have any idea what is involved at all.