All The Women Will Understand

[brnidokiegurl 0]

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait

has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the

modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but

empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but

there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck,

(Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank

downYour pants and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.

You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe

The seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you

discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can

hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the

seat, You would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake

more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday-the

one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck,

that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at

the same time ). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest

Way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The Door

hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your

chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the

toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping

Your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your

footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is

wet

of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.

Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life

form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper-

not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that

your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're

certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because,

frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could

get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so

confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire

hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water

that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush

somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the

empty Toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point

you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic

sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk

past the line of women, still waiting. You are no longer able to smile

politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a

piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when

you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the

woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms.

It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other Gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

[raymaga 25]

True..... sooooooooo true!!!! I have played that scenario out many many times in my lifetime.

Just one more thing that makes being a woman a pain in the - - - ..... well, you know!!!!

Edited April 24, 2007 by raymaga

[Kathryn41 3,205]

hehehehehehe! You've got it right!

[eau_xplain 2]

LOL!!!

:lol:

[Dan J 277]

LOL. Yeap. Public restroom with bad maintenance and bad hygiene is... ech

[MaydayDas 1]

:lol: :lol: :lol: I know the feeling!

[AnaAndDaniel 0]

funny!

Daniel

:energetic:

[Emancipation 2]

Tee hee made me giggle..

I actually have vented to my hubby over girls washrooms a lot over the space of a couple of months.

Remember that show American Inventor? Some amazing woman actually came up with a plastic locking device that you carry in your purse to place on top of the door to keep the door shut when the actual lock is broken. Brilliant I thought!

Oh btw - the most dirtiest germfilled place in the bathroom - the floor.. the second most germfilled place - the paperless hand dryers. According to Oprah - the germ infested bathroom air just gets recycled and blown back on your hands - SO it's useless to use a hand dryer, you leave more germy then when you came in the bathroom..

Yeah.. who woulda thunk it.

[meauxna 15]

Hand sanitizer is my friend.

[dora_david 0]

Tee hee made me giggle..

I actually have vented to my hubby over girls washrooms a lot over the space of a couple of months.

Remember that show American Inventor? Some amazing woman actually came up with a plastic locking device that you carry in your purse to place on top of the door to keep the door shut when the actual lock is broken. Brilliant I thought!

Oh btw - the most dirtiest germfilled place in the bathroom - the floor.. the second most germfilled place - the paperless hand dryers. According to Oprah - the germ infested bathroom air just gets recycled and blown back on your hands - SO it's useless to use a hand dryer, you leave more germy then when you came in the bathroom..

Yeah.. who woulda thunk it.

thanks

[AnaAndDaniel 0]

Tee hee made me giggle..

I actually have vented to my hubby over girls washrooms a lot over the space of a couple of months.

Remember that show American Inventor? Some amazing woman actually came up with a plastic locking device that you carry in your purse to place on top of the door to keep the door shut when the actual lock is broken. Brilliant I thought!

Oh btw - the most dirtiest germfilled place in the bathroom - the floor.. the second most germfilled place - the paperless hand dryers. According to Oprah - the germ infested bathroom air just gets recycled and blown back on your hands - SO it's useless to use a hand dryer, you leave more germy then when you came in the bathroom..

Yeah.. who woulda thunk it.

you should see the floors around men's urinals. one needs golashes to approach.

Daniel

:energetic:

[doodlebug 3]

I carry those portable charmins with me anytime I go out!!!

[MissStacey 1]

Haha. That is great!!

I make seperate trips to the washroom:

When I have to pee and when I have to fix my powder/lipstick. If I did both in one shot I would be in there for an hour!

[NYGirl 0]

Always my biggest fear of that door being opened and i'll fall into that dirty seat

[Nessa 23]

fun. It is so not fair that men can pee standing