DS- 260 and children not wanting to immigrate at this point

[R&OC 374]

Dear community,

 

I have a question: My children do not want to immigrate to the US at this point. Going into court and requesting sole custody would not only cause too much drama for the children but the outcome is more than uncertain given their reluctance to come along.

 

Having said that my husband and I have decided that I will continue to travel to our home country a lot (my job allows for that) but make sure we are not below or close to the 183 days. I think, given the circumstances, that is rather a good compromise and will hopefully make everyone happy.

 

Now, this is my question: I read somewhere else in this forum that embassies may react negatively to parents "leaving" their children behind. I am technically not leaving them behind as their biological father and I already try our best to share custody. The difference being that I am out of the country while the kids are with their dad rather than in the country. However, I am aware that this is a rather unique situation. Can this be seen negatively?

 

The other reason is that my husband is in the military and both kids are worried that we will continue to move all the time and they will relocate with us every two years or so. 

 

1.) Given the above, will this be a negative for our situation? They do want to immigrate "later" they say. (Which we wanted to answer as "yes" in the DS-260 when it comes to question of are you planning to have your children immigrate later).

 

2.) I didn't think of it earlier but will it be more difficult for the kids and I to travel to the US together should I have the GC and they travel on ESTA? We have been going back and forth 2-3 times as a family each year (and I a lot more) with no difficulties whatsoever...

 

Don't get me wrong: I am not abandoning the kids. And we thought about this for a long time. Naturally, I would prefer the kids to come with me but the kids are not ready yet. Their biological father and I already divided the time close to 60:40 and they both enjoy it. The only difference to the current situation is that I won't be in Germany while they are staying with their dad whereas now I am. 

[pushbrk 13,172]

It's really hard to tell for certain whether there will be a problem, but if asked just explain the way you just did.  Were I-130 petitions filed for each child already?

[R&OC 374]

No, we didn't file the i-130 for each of the children yet. 

 

Would that have been advisable? Even though we are currently waiting for them to "want to come along"?

[pushbrk 13,172]

No reason to file if they don't yet want to immigrate.  As long as the marriage took place before either child's 18th birthday, they've got some time to make their decisions.

[R&OC 374]

But if I understand correctly, we don't know enough cases or evidence in which embassies decided unfavourably or even red flagged them? Theoretically, I wouldn't know why but i got a little concerned when i read something along the lines of that in a different threat.

[NikLR 13,232]

I didnt have an issue.  

[mallafri76 1,012]

I seriously doubt it’ll be an issue, especially not coming from Europe. Lots of people with kids are divorced and when one parent move to a foreign country, they have to make the difficult decision of whom the kids should stay with. I think this is a more common situation than people realize. 

[pushbrk 13,172]

On 11/12/2017 at 2:45 AM, R&OC said:

But if I understand correctly, we don't know enough cases or evidence in which embassies decided unfavourably or even red flagged them? Theoretically, I wouldn't know why but i got a little concerned when i read something along the lines of that in a different threat.

Who are you referring to as "we"?    Fugettaboutit

[R&OC 374]

"We" as in this forum.... but interestingly enough, I saw a timeline yesterday with a similar case. And the CO (UK) seemed to be very understanding.

 

Thank you for making me feel better about it.

 

[pushbrk 13,172]

2 hours ago, R&OC said:

"We" as in this forum.... but interestingly enough, I saw a timeline yesterday with a similar case. And the CO (UK) seemed to be very understanding.

 

Thank you for making me feel better about it.

 

The knowledge and experience of some of the senior members here goes far beyond what you see discussed or reported in the first few pages of discussion topics or in searches.  The pluses and the hearts that go with the usernames are not always an indicator of knowledge but it's where you look first.

[R&OC 374]

5 hours ago, pushbrk said:

The knowledge and experience of some of the senior members here goes far beyond what you see discussed or reported in the first few pages of discussion topics or in searches.  The pluses and the hearts that go with the usernames are not always an indicator of knowledge but it's where you look first.

 I believe that without a shadow of doubt! I have noticed the depth and competence of some members. In my case, I was worried that my situation is so unique and I am happy to realise, it actually isn't.

[JFH 12,191]

9 hours ago, R&OC said:

 I believe that without a shadow of doubt! I have noticed the depth and competence of some members. In my case, I was worried that my situation is so unique and I am happy to realise, it actually isn't.

You have acted in the best interests of your children - which is what parents are supposed to do. It probably is better for them to stay with their father, going to the school they know, with the friends they know. I think we see surprise or even consternation from mostly developing countries in that no one could imagine why you would leave a child in an impoverished nation when they have to chance to go to America and live the American dream. I'm being sarcastic, of course. We all know that money doesn't ensure a good childhood. Having been heavily involved in foster care, I would be the first to say (and I have said it many times on this forum) that moving a child across the world, wrenching them from their home, family and friends, taking them to a country where they don't even speak the language and barely know anyone all because someone believes life is "better" in the USA, is often not a good thing.