and it's Tuesday

[mybackpages 0]

I just dont understand the reaction to the older woman younger man opinions here. Those that have used the words gross, abnormal and even sick are expressing an opinion period. I also understand from the comments here that it is not the age gap (read: number of years) that is causing the reaction from those that have posted their opinion on this. I think their opinions are based more on the interpretation of the dynamics of things that have been expressed when this age difference exisit. And lastly and most importantly, they are expresing their opinion of how their view these relationships and that is their right. I have yet to see one reasonable rational argument to challenge their opinion. All I see are hurt feelings and defensive posts as if the poster's own relationship is on the chopping block.

I just want to stress I have never seen any one post EVER that all relationships where there is an age gap was any of these adjectives.

Edited April 25, 2007 by mybackpages

[mybackpages 0]

I just dont understand the reaction to the older woman younger man opinions here. Those that have used the words gross, abnormal and even sick are expressing an opinion period. I also understand from the comments here that it is not the age gap (read: number of years) that is causing the reaction from those that have posted their opinion on this. I think their opinions are based more on the interpretation of the dynamics of things that have been expressed when this age difference exisit. And lastly and most importantly, they are expresing their opinion of how their view these relationships and that is their right. I have yet to see one reasonable rational argument to challenge their opinion. All I see are hurt feelings and defensive posts as if the poster's own relationship is on the chopping block.

I just want to stress I have never seen any one post EVER that all relationships where there is an age gap was any of these adjectives.

Too late to edit, but i did want to add....i can understand how some of the comments esp when read outside of the whole context can be hurtful. I also believe that there was no malice in these comments.

[cbd2cai 0]

I don't know . . . seems like it is NOT an opinion but calling names when someone says "Gross, Abnormal, Sick" . . . . I don't care who it is or is NOT referring too . . . and that is MY opinion.

And I guess now it is time for me to run away . . . because I think I am going to be SICK due to all the "Gross, Abnormal" comments that have been made today.

Edited April 25, 2007 by cbd2cai

[~Jackie~ 30]

Well thank you for the words of support. I changed my avatar pic, because I want to put a face to a name. I think if we knew each other a little better, it might not be so easy to say hurtful things. We are all couples going thru an adjustment of being married to someone from a different country. Our SO's are not from Mars! They are just from across the water and they are no different from American men. Culturally there are differences, but most of us embrace the differences of food, religion and customs and adapt that to fit our marriages. Underneath their skin, they are just men, and they all want a few things in life to make them happy, a good woman, food when they are hungry, a soft bed to sleep in and clean clothes after their shower. Nothing difficult there.

I find more stability in an older woman/younger man dynamic. What concerns me is the youngsters in our group that think they will never get old. That is disturbing. They should pay more attention to their men and not be so concerned what us old ladies are doing. Let me put it this way, they could learn a thing or two about marriage as most of the geriatric crowd has been married a time or two. Learn from our experiences and previous failures instead of trying to make us feel bad with your bitter words.

I have had someone on this forum go as far as to say I should leave my husband because SOMEDAY he might want children. Is that not the craziest thing you have ever heard? To break up because of what MIGHT happen? I'm not that insecure in my marriage. If Mohammed left me for another, there is a senior citizen cruise with my name on it. Wouldn't be the end of my life. Just another chapter. But I can't sacrifice these good years with him for speculation.

Gross, in your eyes, not mine. Abnormal, I find spewing garbage at strangers on a forum abnormal. Sick, that takes it just too far.

Jackie

[mybackpages 0]

Well thank you for the words of support. I changed my avatar pic, because I want to put a face to a name. I think if we knew each other a little better, it might not be so easy to say hurtful things. We are all couples going thru an adjustment of being married to someone from a different country. Our SO's are not from Mars! They are just from across the water and they are no different from American men. Culturally there are differences, but most of us embrace the differences of food, religion and customs and adapt that to fit our marriages. Underneath their skin, they are just men, and they all want a few things in life to make them happy, a good woman, food when they are hungry, a soft bed to sleep in and clean clothes after their shower. Nothing difficult there.

I find more stability in an older woman/younger man dynamic. What concerns me is the youngsters in our group that think they will never get old. That is disturbing. They should pay more attention to their men and not be so concerned what us old ladies are doing. Let me put it this way, they could learn a thing or two about marriage as most of the geriatric crowd has been married a time or two. Learn from our experiences and previous failures instead of trying to make us feel bad with your bitter words.

I have had someone on this forum go as far as to say I should leave my husband because SOMEDAY he might want children. Is that not the craziest thing you have ever heard? To break up because of what MIGHT happen? I'm not that insecure in my marriage. If Mohammed left me for another, there is a senior citizen cruise with my name on it. Wouldn't be the end of my life. Just another chapter. But I can't sacrifice these good years with him for speculation.

Gross, in your eyes, not mine. Abnormal, I find spewing garbage at strangers on a forum abnormal. Sick, that takes it just too far.

Jackie

Bravo Jackie. What an eloquent heartfelt post! ON sooooo many levels.

Edited April 25, 2007 by mybackpages

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I just dont understand the reaction to the older woman younger man opinions here.

and you wont no matter how hard we try to explain, in saying that we NEED to explain, just accept the differences on this entire board, race, religions, ages etc, dont judge, just be friends and enjoy.

[peezey 0]

I just dont understand the reaction to the older woman younger man opinions here. Those that have used the words gross, abnormal and even sick are expressing an opinion period. I also understand from the comments here that it is not the age gap (read: number of years) that is causing the reaction from those that have posted their opinion on this. I think their opinions are based more on the interpretation of the dynamics of things that have been expressed when this age difference exisit. And lastly and most importantly, they are expresing their opinion of how their view these relationships and that is their right. I have yet to see one reasonable rational argument to challenge their opinion. All I see are hurt feelings and defensive posts as if the poster's own relationship is on the chopping block.

I just want to stress I have never seen any one post EVER that all relationships where there is an age gap was any of these adjectives.

This is exactly what I think about this particular kind of relationship, as described here in this forum. There is constant talk of infantilizing and exoticising these men, dressing him up like a doll, buying him toys (computers, video consoles), sending him money, letting him take as long as he wants to find just the "right" job, as if you're getting a new puppy or bringing a baby home. THAT is what is sick to me. This can occur in any relationship, but when I see these descriptions it is always the age gap women making these kinds of statments. So, while numbers aren't truly the issue, something about the age gap certainly creates a bizarre dynamic.

And we were talking about oddities that make these relationships "red flag-ish" anyway. It IS abnormal for an arab man to marry a woman significantly older than himself, especially if she can no longer have children. There is no denying it no matter how many anecdotal examples people provide. MENA VJ represents a blip, less than a blip, of the reality of marriage in the muslim/arab world. Does that mean there aren't individual men who make different choices? Of course not.

Edited April 25, 2007 by peezey

[~Jackie~ 30]

'It IS abnormal for an arab man to marry a woman significantly older than himself, especially if she can no longer have children'.

So you are saying that Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) was........I can't even type it. This discussion has sunk to a new low and I am bowing out of it now.

Do you really think ALL men want children?

Jackie

[~Jess~ 0]

i always look forward to Jackie's posts. ive come to know her and like her a lot. she has a lot of wonderful things to say. I am one of the younger members in this group but hopefully im not looked at like one of the inmature ones lol.

As for mine and Geo's age difference i am 23, almost 24 and he is 37, almost 38 and i can ASSURE you all i have NO daddy issues LOL, funny terming.

so anyway happy tuesday everyone......................back to my corner to sulk

[brnidokiegurl 0]

This is why i say dont group everyone together with outside opinions, i dont treat mine like a baby, i dont dress him, i havent bought him games or computers, i LOANED him that amt one time for a bill due and he repaid, hes a mature man, that owns his own business. Also in his case he doesnt want children no matter how normal it maybe to others, his brother also married older and they wont have children so its not abnormal to all. If and when he can get here he cant wait to get a job asking if he can have two, sure he wants a good life, but he knows he has to earn it. He has a life now and before i knew him, why would me knowing him change that? I dont need a puppy i have two, just accept everyones differences and hope best for all. (you dont have to agree or understand)

[~Jackie~ 30]

I have a fish.

Mohammed don't like games.

Wish I could dress him sometimes

Jackie

HI JESS!!!

[~Jess~ 0]

I have a fish.

Mohammed don't like games.

Wish I could dress him sometimes

Jackie

HI JESS!!!

Hey Jackie. whats up girl?? i am in ny and miserable. but i started a job on Monday, i hate it lol im not the telemarketing type.......sellin fraud protection from bank of america...not my thing lol. so im lookin for diff work to hold me over til i am with geo again........its looking like maybe up to 3-3 1/2mths...and im fallin into a depression.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Fish are nice do they want children? sorry couldnt resist

[peezey 0]

'It IS abnormal for an arab man to marry a woman significantly older than himself, especially if she can no longer have children'.

So you are saying that Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) was........I can't even type it. This discussion has sunk to a new low and I am bowing out of it now.

Do you really think ALL men want children?

Jackie

So you didn't read my post I take it. Who said anything about wanting children? You've traveled to the ME, you are muslim, you know what is NORMALLY accepted and done and expected.

[LaL 418]

my fish died.... and my OLDER husband does not want children - oh ####### what does THAT mean?