Will this reason for marriage have me deported?

[divorcedgayman 11]

Hi,

 

My former spouse and I got married because we loved each other and did not want to be separate. My previous visa was expiring, and we had to choose between either long distance or get married and be together.

 

I loved him, and I wanted to be with him. I know he loved me too, but my spouse was not at a point where he would be able to make a lifelong commitment to me. In the end, his fear of losing me prevailed, and we got married.

 

We got divorced, and I need to remove conditions on my green card by myself. Will the reason for which we got married have me deported?
 

[Sam_Son_83 17]

The reason for both of you was that you loved each other and wanted to be together, right?

That's what most people do... so I don't see why this should be a problem in in itself.

 

Can you give a little more info, e.g. your timeline etc?

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

That depends on a lot of things.

 

First, how long were you married for?

 

If you got married because your visa was expiring (or your legal stay in the US was ending) to not have to go back, and you divorce a short time later, that would be very suspicious.  You mentioned removing conditions, so I assume the marriage lasted at least a year.  If so, that's still a short time.  You will need decent proof of bona fide marriage. 

 

Did you co-mingle finances?  Do you have shared bank account, house, car, credit cards, insurance policies, etc.  Something to show that you lived as a legitimate couple, and not just a business arrangement for you to remain in the US.

 

[divorcedgayman 11]

1 hour ago, Eric-Pris said:

That depends on a lot of things.

 

First, how long were you married for?

 

If you got married because your visa was expiring (or your legal stay in the US was ending) to not have to go back, and you divorce a short time later, that would be very suspicious.  You mentioned removing conditions, so I assume the marriage lasted at least a year.  If so, that's still a short time.  You will need decent proof of bona fide marriage. 

 

Did you co-mingle finances?  Do you have shared bank account, house, car, credit cards, insurance policies, etc.  Something to show that you lived as a legitimate couple, and not just a business arrangement for you to remain in the US.

 

 

Thank you for responding to me. My former spouse is a federal employee (law enforcement). I loved him, and I wanted to be with him. We shared tons of activities together. We spent time with his family in the US as well as traveled together extensively prior to the marriage. When my status was about to expire, we had to make a decision whether to continue long distance or get married. I loved him, and I wanted to be with him. However, due to his abusive childhood, he was afraid of commitment, and he was not able to get close. Unfortunately, at a time, I did not know his commitment and closeness issues were a real thing. In the end, I left the decision for him what to do. He came back to me saying he didn't want to be apart, as he also loved me. The marriage lasted 27 months between marriage and a final divorce decree (and 23 months between my conditional green card and final divorce decree).

 

Unfortunately, soon after the marriage, he became emotionally unstable as he could not handle closeness. He has denied me intimacy for the duration of the marriage. He was passive-aggressive, put me on silent treatment, and was gaslighting me.  He blamed me for not being confident enough and lacking depth, and he was always putting his partner at work as a role model for me to follow. I did not know what was happening, and I started to blame myself. My confidence, self-esteem and value were damaged. Most of this was verbal, but I also managed to find two pieces of evidence, namely an email where after an argument, which he had began, he sent me a link with apartments on craigslist to rent. I also have one text message where I profusely apologized for waking him up in the morning as I had to take a car, and he responded in a very nasty way. I started going to a therapy, and have been going to therapy for nearly 2 years, as I thought I was the reason for the deteriorating quality of our relationship. I felt like #######.

Fast-forward, 18 months into the marriage, he moved to another state, told me specifically not to follow him as he wanted to figure our relationship out, and divorced me. A few months after our separation, he told me he wanted me close. I left my job, and everything else I had known to be closer to him. Unfortunately, his closeness issues continued.

 

I have tried everything to make it work. I have been going to individual therapy to understand my relationship with him and understand what I am doing wrong (since he said I was doing things wrong). I suggested to him to attend therapy together, which we did. I gave him space, which he needed. But, he was not able to work through issues with me. Later, I learned that when I was attempting couples therapy, he was pursuing other people.

 

Those are the financial documents I have:

 

·    A copy of the pre-nuptial agreement along with copies of invoices for our respective attorneys (Note: there was a 15 year old age difference between the two of us, and he wanted a pre-nuptial agreement to honor property acquired prior to the marriage and respecting property acquired jointly during the marriage. Because of the issues that came about soon after the marriage, we did not acquire any substantial property together)
·    A copy of the divorce agreement
·    A copy of the 2015 and 2016 tax forms filed jointly as a married couple
·    A copy of the 2 invoices from the tax preparer of joint federal and state taxes
·    Beneficiary information for my 401k account
·    Beneficiary information for my savings account
·    Beneficiary information for his Federal Employees Retirement System
·    Beneficiary information for his unpaid compensation
·    A copy of the health benefits election form, adding me as a dependent
·    A copy of verification of car insurance coverage for two cars owned by my ex-spouse
·    A copy of the Relocation Income Tax Certification Statement Voucher from the federal government
·    A copy of the invoice from the attorney handling immigration my AOS case
·    Copy of the invoice from the wedding reception
·    A copy of the invoice for the door lock repairs
·    A copy of the joint AAA membership
·    Joint checking account monthly statements covering the period from 10/1/2015 through 12/31/2016 (Note: I wanted to co-mingle our finances fully, but he did not want to do it completely. I authorized my employer to put some of my paychecks on the joint account, and we were making payments for utilities from that account. I was also sharing responsibility of mortgage, but the payments were made from his individual account)
·    Joint checking account monthly statements covering the period from April 2017 through July 2017
·    EOBs from health insurance between 2015 and 2017, displaying continuous joint health care plan and therapeutic care for me
 

 

[Ortolan 381]

You have enough evidence of a valid marriage to continue with AOS on your own. If your divorce is final, you can go on and file the paperwork yourself to get your 10-year card, if you want to stay in the U.S.

[candybabe 46]

Do you have any

- phone bills to show your conversations before and after he started changing his behavior

- photos from events / vacations together with family ?

- social media posts with people's comments,

- event invitations /  holiday cards to the both of you

I think you need to focus on showing that you were genuinely in love and happy in the beginning when you decided to get married ( on your part at least )

Also focus on showing that the relationship was solid when you first started - so it wasn't just a "fling" -

 

the problem is the officer will want to see that you were in love with this person that ended up breaking your heart -

during my naturalization interview ( as a resident for almost 10 years)  I had to go back to 2006 and basically convince the IO that I was in love with my ex ( who ended up being a cheating ####### ) - it was very hard emotionally to tell her about he proposed , how we made plans, how our wedding was - just so that in the end I have to tell her " well nothing that I had envisioned for us happened because he cheated on me"  

 

the officers are trained in psychology and they can see pain where there is pain - so just be honest with them ....if they need more evidence they would let you know....

 

 

 

[divorcedgayman 11]

On 11/10/2017 at 1:34 PM, candybabe said:

Do you have any

- phone bills to show your conversations before and after he started changing his behavior

- photos from events / vacations together with family ?

- social media posts with people's comments,

- event invitations /  holiday cards to the both of you

I think you need to focus on showing that you were genuinely in love and happy in the beginning when you decided to get married ( on your part at least )

Also focus on showing that the relationship was solid when you first started - so it wasn't just a "fling" -

 

the problem is the officer will want to see that you were in love with this person that ended up breaking your heart -

during my naturalization interview ( as a resident for almost 10 years)  I had to go back to 2006 and basically convince the IO that I was in love with my ex ( who ended up being a cheating ####### ) - it was very hard emotionally to tell her about he proposed , how we made plans, how our wedding was - just so that in the end I have to tell her " well nothing that I had envisioned for us happened because he cheated on me"  

 

 

 

Hi Candybabe,

 

Thank you so much for your comment. It's excruciatingly painful to go through these materials. I felt like I was in a stronger state, but going through text messages and social media posts tore me up again. The ROC process is not conducive to healing. It extends grieving over a lost person and lost relationship for much longer. I cannot even try to forget about him.

 

From the materials you mentioned, I am attaching the following:

• 11 emails from before the marriage
• 19 copies of calendar invites of events my husband invited me to from the time we started to date to this year
• 41 facebook posts starting from before the marriage until 2017 (those include posts from his family members' facebooks where I was included), including 1 year anniversary of dating, wedding ceremony, when my parents came to visit us following the wedding ceremony, and when he and i traveled to my home country to visit my family
• 30 pictures spanning between when we started to date and 2017
• Copies of envelopes from my family for Christmas and Easter in 2015 and 2016
• Copy of my family's email for Thanksgiving
• Sworn affidavit from my employer (I shared a lot about my time with my then-boyfriend at work since I was so happy, my husband came to the office often, and we went to the christmas party at my work together)
• Sworn affidavit from my host dad in the US
• Sworn affidavit from my college friend's mom, who became like my mom in the US
• A statement from my therapist (I am trying to get a sworn version, but for now I have just a statement on his business paper)

I also pulled and printed out some text messages between him and me from before the marriage (spanning between December 2014 and August 2015 when we got married). It was a bad decision emotionally, as I spent the entire weekend crying over what we had had and had built, but he was not able to progress with once married. It rehashed so many memories

 

Do you think I need anything else?

[candybabe 46]

iam so sorry you had to go through the hurt -  iknow exactly how it feels - still get upset with some random song that ican pinpoint in time and place and connect it to my ex 11 years ago .... it never really disappears , just fades with time....

the list looks good - not sure if you’ll ever get a sworn statement from your Dr , he may not be able to unless it is a court summons since he has to follow health privacy laws - you may be able to attach a list from your insurance benefits showing the visits to his office - 

also, you say host dad - you may want to have an explanation for that - family relationships are tricky in the eyes of USCIS - you may want to explain no legal relationship exists ....

ROC is tough and so is naturalization so make sure you make full copies of all packets you send along the way - you will want to be able to refer to what you sent them later.

 

Also have a coversheet with a list of everything included and put your A# on every single page you send - 

 

other than that , just keep your head high and know you’re getting closer to putting it all behind 

[fromthewater 11]

On 07/11/2017 at 9:31 AM, divorcedgayman said:

 

Thank you for responding to me. My former spouse is a federal employee (law enforcement). I loved him, and I wanted to be with him. We shared tons of activities together. We spent time with his family in the US as well as traveled together extensively prior to the marriage. When my status was about to expire, we had to make a decision whether to continue long distance or get married. I loved him, and I wanted to be with him. However, due to his abusive childhood, he was afraid of commitment, and he was not able to get close. Unfortunately, at a time, I did not know his commitment and closeness issues were a real thing. In the end, I left the decision for him what to do. He came back to me saying he didn't want to be apart, as he also loved me. The marriage lasted 27 months between marriage and a final divorce decree (and 23 months between my conditional green card and final divorce decree).

...

Unfortunately, I am going through the same thing. My husband had an abusive childhood and has addictions to different substances and sex issues make him unstable, nasty/ violent and unable to fully commit. I guess that does happen often to some gay guys.

 

I am also going through a divorce and later on ROC. But I only received my 2-year GC 7 months ago, (8 months after getting married,) and my husband refuse to cooperate with me on getting joint accounts/ bills etc. He even secretly closed our joint account & credit card without my knowledge. So I worry if I will have enough evidence when I file for ROC waiver......

[divorcedgayman 11]

20 hours ago, pysbfintp said:

Unfortunately, I am going through the same thing. My husband had an abusive childhood and has addictions to different substances and sex issues make him unstable, nasty/ violent and unable to fully commit. I guess that does happen often to some gay guys.

 

 

I am really sorry to hear this. Does he abuse you physically? I recommend documenting everything and involving the police, if necessary.

[NikLR 13,227]

You have plenty of evidence to ROC on your own witha divorce waiver.  Best of luck to you.  I hope you can move on and have a happier new life.