Are you okay with your SO keeping old love letters from an ex?

[Peter_Pan 661]

I think it is kind of sick to expect someone to get rid of all the material aspects of his past love life just because he is with you now.

My husband still has pictures, and, although he offered to delete them, I refused. It is his past, his memories, his rights. Also, because he gave me his external disk, I'm pretty sure he doesnt spend his time looking at them lovingly daily, weekly or even yearly. Once every n years is perfectly fine.

I still have love letters that I got, but I left them at home. Haven't opened that box in years either.

[Kay and Jay 3]

Hell no I cant allow it.

[QueenOfBlades 224]

My man still has all of his old letters and talks to his exes. I'm friends with 3 of them. In my opinion, you have to be insecure and not a lot of trust in your partner if you demand that he throws all of his old stuff away and doesn't talk to anyone.

[willandnaz 0]

I actually still have a drawer with some stuff my high school ex wrote me. I haven't looked at them since we broke up over six years ago, and I certainly wouldn't send them to my fiancee like OP's fiance here did. I don't know, it just feels inappropriate to throw out something like that. It's not like it was a great relationship - actually it was one of those toxic ones - but life is so different and so much better nowadays that it feels surreal to see the reminder of how different things once were. My fiancee and I have never really discussed throwing them away, but I wouldn't mind. I just rarely throw things away as it is.

All this being said, I totally would not agree with this if your SO was re-reading them. That would suggest something pretty unhealthy, I think.

[mitchanme 18]

Hmm, on my first visit to my fiancé's house we were looking at pics of his work on his computer, and lo and behold there was a TON of photos of his previous g/f which he blithely started telling me all about. He had NEVER taken a picture of me....That one still smarts, and he now tries to remember to take pics but it isn't quite the same. Personally I say purge everything, unless of course there are kids involved.

[Kay and Jay 3]

Actually my man is actually allowed to have 3 girlfriends,his mother ,sister and grandmother ,I dont trust women I cant trust any woman with my man seriously people have bad intentions you can be a good person with good intentions but some women out there do not think the way you but I might say good luck to that ,I know my man is not perfect but once he moves on with me then there is no past in our future everything will be all about us and our kids that's it.

[YouAndMeForever 1,022]

No.

[Kim Mertens 54]

if it serves to start the fireplace during winter then SURE.

If not, byeee letters. I`ll write him some cute ones if he feels the need to keep love letters

[aminah 6]

The past is the past.

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

I would never do that to my wife

[gypsyqueen 103]

An ex is an ex for a reason. There's no point in holding on to these letters unless you're still in love with them. I understand that they were a part of your life before, but let's keep it to the "past". It gets too crowded & suffocating to share "space" that's suppose to be mine.

[debbiedoo 2,339]

resurrecting an old thread here  but ... The calm and rational part of my head says ' sure - hes 47 years old and has as much of a past as i do, whatever'

 

however, the bigger voice in my head says ' ALL YOUR EXES ARE ###### CRAZY AND IF YOU THINK I WANT THAT IN MY HOUSE YOUVE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING BUDDY BOY'

 

so.... yeah.

 

lolololololol

 

ironically .... the first time I went to visit HIM, it was a SUPRISE visit. that was great. well, he didnt think so cause his house was a disaster zone but i didnt care. Anyways, in his bathroom was an old note from one of his exes, just an ordinary, run of the mill ' love you have a great day' type thing. i knew it was old when i saw it (no trust issues lol) but oooooh if that didnt stab me in the heart, even knowing it was old :/

 

yes, we discussed it later lol

 

in true man fashion, he didnt even realize it was there. go figure  lololol

[Lucky_Mimi 87]

No. Keep them? Nahh. I will burn them. 

[Steeleballz 7,550]

 

   Seems silly to pretend the past never happened. It's my wife's decision if she wants to keep her old letters, and my decision if I want to keep mine. In my observation, forcing people to change or do things they don't want to do or change is not a good step to take in a relationship. Over time it will build resentment. 

 

  I'm not really sure why keeping old letters should bother me, but if they did, the most I would do is ask her to put them away somewhere. 

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

Yeah, I agree with the above. Past relationships are important in one's life and certain keepsake letters and photos should not be that big of a concern to a new lover as long as the keepsake keeper is treating these things in a respectful way relative to the new lover, i.e. keeping them in a shoebox in a closet, or on an old memory card, etc.

 

My wife stumbled upon such a shoebox and saw some pic's of an ex. Her comment back to me after I explained was, "Hmm, she's pretty." And she didn't say anything more. Wasn't an issue.