What constitutes a "fiance"?

[CEE53147 559]

fiance = ring + date

 

I know many families paying for the large party long after the divorce papers are filed.  Weddings that cost more than a car or a down payment for a house do not guarantee happiness or a long relationship. If the party means so much more than the actual relationship, perhaps you should wait longer until you have a more realistic view of what is important in life.  (married 48 years and counting)

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

9 hours ago, Roel said:

If you don't have a money for a wedding how are you planning on paying for your foreign fiance AOS (over 1000$) and also supporting him when he arrives and he's unable to legally work for 3 to 4 months from the moment you submit aos? Also no one promise he will find a job fast even with a job permit. Also with k1 visa you have to get married with in 90 days. 

 

$1000 compared to the 20-30k that weddings often cost?  That is nothing.

 

OP, personally I'd suggest having a court wedding and telling your friends and family.  Maybe have an informal dinner out at a restaurant or backyard party to celebrate.  Your family/friends will be hurt to not be included, trust me from experience on that one.

Edited October 22, 2017 by N-o-l-a

[JFH 12,189]

10 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

$1000 compared to the 20-30k that weddings often cost?  That is nothing.

 

OP, personally I'd suggest having a court wedding and telling your friends and family.  Maybe have an informal dinner out at a restaurant or backyard party to celebrate.  Your family/friends will be hurt to not be included, trust me from experience on that one.

Agreed. Many brides and grooms overestimate the enthusiasm of others for *their* special day. Whilst I have always enjoyed the weddings I have been invited to, I do find the whole thing of attending a big fancy wedding somewhat stressful. Especially when you know the couple well enough to be invited but not well enough to be considered close friends. And it's always awkward when you're not gushing with excitement like the bride and groom want everyone to be just because they are. Buying a gift, buying an outfit, making overnight hotel reservations, etc... I'm actually pleased when people tell me they are having a small wedding just for close family and friends and I'm not invited. It's their day after all, not mine. 

[javadown2 308]

Just curious, how many times have you guys met in person in the 8 years? That is a long time to wait before deciding to get married. I don't believe in spending the exorbitant amount of money and time into a huge wedding, it just seems like money can be better spent elsewhere (house, college education, debt...etc.) But I do know people who can afford a 20-30k wedding without debt...so each situation is different. 

 

And I would not suggest stating that you aren't yet engaged if you make it to the interview phase....it's the main focus of a k-1 visa...to already be engaged and READY for marriage. So I'm not really understanding what your asking....you've already talked about marriage with your "fiance" so what is stopping him from asking for your hand in marriage. Your probable thinking you "need" the expensive ring and the perfect proposal. Well it doesn't have to be that way, just have a proposal (formal marriage agreement between 2 people). The person interviewing may not even ask about your proposal, they are assuming you guys are ready for marriage. 

Edited October 22, 2017 by javadown2

[TearsOfBabylon 1,680]

7 minutes ago, javadown2 said:

The person interviewing may not even ask about your proposal, they are assuming you guys are ready for marriage. 

I'm from Germany, which is not really seen as high fraud country either, but I DID get asked about how he proposed when I had my interview. Actually she was very curious about that.
I think it may depend on the interviewer, but since "THE proposal" is such a big thing here (why else would guys even take loans for a ring), that I wouldn't see it too unimportant. 

OP, just let him ask THE question, be engaged officially, go for a court wedding (or Vegas??  ) for your wedding. Have it official. And throw a big party for all people whenever you can afford it. 
Then you got everything straight for immigration and don't have to worry about things being not really right (whatever that means).

Good luck!
 

[kanderson101 131]

Wow, I did not expect so much interest in this topic! Maybe it will help if I clarify a few things. My boyfriend and I met when we were 16. I was an exchange student in Belgium. We've been together ever since, seeing each other twice a year for around 8 weeks total per year (lucky we had those summer vacations). 

 

This is partly why it has taken so long for us to decide to do this paperwork. Neither of us wanted to get married super young. We have recently decided that we are both ready to get married. There are a few reasons we are not officially engaged. One is because my boyfriend is a romantic person, he's had a plan for how he wanted to propose for a long time, and I'm not going to rush him into that because of this paperwork. Secondly, getting an expensive ring is not something that is traditional in Belgium nor do I expect that. 

 

The finances I stated previously are related to the wedding celebration (not the engagement). Everyone on here is correct, a super expensive wedding is not necessary to be happy. However, we are really excited about our relationship and how long we've made it long distance. We are both really looking forward to sharing this excitement with BOTH of our families. This will likely have considerable costs because it would need to be in Belgium (he has family members that are unable to travel to America for health reasons). 

 

I hope that clears up some of my motivations behind this post. I appreciate everyone's helpful responses. They have given me a lot to think about. I will definitely keep these suggestions in mind when it comes time to interview. 

[javadown2 308]

Sounds great how you guys met, and very genuine! It does make it seem a little less special when you have to get married within the 90 days and then have another wedding in  his country later. If  your not in a hurry why not just save and plan the dream wedding in Belgium and file a CR-1? 

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

21 minutes ago, kanderson101 said:

Wow, I did not expect so much interest in this topic! Maybe it will help if I clarify a few things. My boyfriend and I met when we were 16. I was an exchange student in Belgium. We've been together ever since, seeing each other twice a year for around 8 weeks total per year (lucky we had those summer vacations). 

 

This is partly why it has taken so long for us to decide to do this paperwork. Neither of us wanted to get married super young. We have recently decided that we are both ready to get married. There are a few reasons we are not officially engaged. One is because my boyfriend is a romantic person, he's had a plan for how he wanted to propose for a long time, and I'm not going to rush him into that because of this paperwork. Secondly, getting an expensive ring is not something that is traditional in Belgium nor do I expect that. 

 

The finances I stated previously are related to the wedding celebration (not the engagement). Everyone on here is correct, a super expensive wedding is not necessary to be happy. However, we are really excited about our relationship and how long we've made it long distance. We are both really looking forward to sharing this excitement with BOTH of our families. This will likely have considerable costs because it would need to be in Belgium (he has family members that are unable to travel to America for health reasons). 

 

I hope that clears up some of my motivations behind this post. I appreciate everyone's helpful responses. They have given me a lot to think about. I will definitely keep these suggestions in mind when it comes time to interview. 

 

I think your ideas are nice in concept, I remember having similar notions when we were getting married.  However that second proper wedding never happened because of life.  It has been more than 5 years now and it isn't going to happen.

 

It might be time to be a little less romantic when it comes to immigration.  It is kind of practical affair and you really are better off not spending the money when you will want to buy a house or maybe(?) have kids one day.   Just some words from those who have been there, done that, and at 5 years married have a house and a third kid coming.  

[Scandi 4,024]

You are fiancés if you have talked it through and have agreed to get married in a near future (within 90 days of the beneficiary's arrival in the US if you decide to go for the K-1 visa). No proposal, ring or ceremony needed.

[S*UK 543]

2 hours ago, CEE53147 said:

fiance = ring + date

 

Not even that. Just a promise to get married. I made it very clear in my interview that I still did not have a ring! The CO was cool with it.

 

There are lots of us on here that are/were in the same situation as you. Nothing about this process is traditional. My situation is very similar to @Missabc. I will be marrying my fiance in a small ceremony without either of our families. In a few years time, when we feel the time is right and have the funds, we will have a big wedding with both our families and friends. I refuse to settle on my dream of having my big day just because my perfect soulmate lives in another country.

 

The advice on here is good. Keep it simple. As long as you are going to legally marry within 90 days you are fine.

[jakelake 222]

3 hours ago, javadown2 said:

 So I'm not really understanding what your asking....you've already talked about marriage with your "fiance" so what is stopping him from asking for your hand in marriage.

Maybe, as the beneficiary he does not want to appear that he is using the petitioner to get a green card. Of course, if he proposes and suggests that they remain in his country, that's another thing.

Also, where is written that only the man must ask for the hand in marriage?

[javadown2 308]

3 hours ago, jakelake said:

Maybe, as the beneficiary he does not want to appear that he is using the petitioner to get a green card. Of course, if he proposes and suggests that they remain in his country, that's another thing.

Also, where is written that only the man must ask for the hand in marriage?

True...it's just traditional I guess. 

 

[RO_AH 1,639]

6 hours ago, kanderson101 said:

The finances I stated previously are related to the wedding celebration (not the engagement). Everyone on here is correct, a super expensive wedding is not necessary to be happy. However, we are really excited about our relationship and how long we've made it long distance. We are both really looking forward to sharing this excitement with BOTH of our families. This will likely have considerable costs because it would need to be in Belgium (he has family members that are unable to travel to America for health reasons). 

I am surprised no one has suggested it so I will. Have you considered an I-130 (spousal visa)? From all that you are saying it seems like a much better choice. It has many advantages over a fiance visa. You say that you go there 2x a year, why not just get married there then apply for I-130 when you return? Then you can have the wedding you desire there, and when he arrives to US you can have a ceremony for your family and friends. The only advantage to a K-1 visa is that it a little faster. You don't seem to be in a big hurry so I don't see how that would be an issue. But after he arrives you will need to file for ROC which costs more and he will not be able to work during that time until he has a green card. I read a lot of relationships here that end during that time because it is very hard adjusting to living in a new place without your family and friends, and then you add to that the boredom of not being able to work while you are out working every day.