Possible divorce - child custody issues?

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

Texas is a big state. You might try to search out a location to live and work that is more suitable to you. I've never lived in TX but I have enjoyed Austin as a place where I've worked and visited before.

[CEE53147 559]

Why would you, OP, think that your husband should be denied the opportunity to live with his as well as your child? 

[britchick7 0]

true... I just miss my family so much and its hard to raise a child without any family or friends supporting you. I have nobody here.

46 minutes ago, Russ&Caro said:

Texas is a big state. You might try to search out a location to live and work that is more suitable to you. I've never lived in TX but I have enjoyed Austin as a place where I've worked and visited before.

true... I just miss my family so much and its hard to raise a child without any family or friends supporting you. I have nobody here.

[britchick7 0]

7 minutes ago, CEE53147 said:

Why would you, OP, think that your husband should be denied the opportunity to live with his as well as your child? 

Why should I be denied the right to return to my home due to our marriage failing?

 

The only reason I moved here is because he couldn't move to the UK because of his eldest son so I sacrificed and gave up everything to move here.

 

Now to find that he is emotionally and financially controlling/abusive and makes me feel abandoned and unsafe. So, me sacrificing and giving us a chance, means that I have to now stay here and suffer?

 

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

2 minutes ago, britchick7 said:

Why should I be denied the right to return to my home due to our marriage failing?

 

The only reason I moved here is because he couldn't move to the UK because of his eldest son so I sacrificed and gave up everything to move here.

 

Now to find that he is emotionally and financially controlling/abusive and makes me feel abandoned and unsafe. So, me sacrificing and giving us a chance, means that I have to now stay here and suffer?

 

You are welcome to move back to the UK and not suffer.  

You just can't kidnap your child in the process.

 

These are the risks you take as an adult engaging in an international relationship and having unprotected relations.  Welcome to adulting.

[britchick7 0]

2 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

You are welcome to move back to the UK and not suffer.  

You just can't kidnap your child in the process.

 

These are the risks you take as an adult engaging in an international relationship and having unprotected relations.  Welcome to adulting.

At what point have I suggested I would "kidnap" my child?

 

And thank you, I'm quite aware of the risks...

[britchick7 0]

14 hours ago, SusieQQQ said:

Immigration and having a child are both big stressors in relationships, and having both happen in quick succession must have been difficult, especially for you leaving your home. I for one hope the counseling helps you move past the stressors and rediscover why you got together in the first place.  It’s realistic to keep a lawyer on hand too, but wishing you best of luck and hope it resolves well.

Thank you.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

3 minutes ago, britchick7 said:

At what point have I suggested I would "kidnap" my child?

 

And thank you, I'm quite aware of the risks...

 

The part where you keep mentioning just taking the kid back with you?  

 

Perhaps you have given off the wrong impression with the whining and such, but it kind of sounds like, just from reading your posts, that you both have things to work on as parents and as people.  

Edited October 20, 2017 by N-o-l-a

[Nitas_man 3,100]

20 hours ago, britchick7 said:

Thank you this is really good advice. As it stands, we have agreed to go to counselling to try to make things work but I'm a little afraid he could be bluffing to stall and get ahead of me with petitioning first.

 

So I should just go ahead and file now?

Taking your baby and leaving to go anywhere you want to go before any court documents are filed or absent a court document ordering you not to is not kidnapping.  That includes overseas.  Happens all the time actually. 

 

You can't file for divorce in Texas until you separate.  When you separate, you take your baby with you anyway.  That's how it works.  Nobody sees anybody until the first hearing.

 

My advice, from navigating the Texas court system, is unfortunately yes, you should.  My advice is to ask for everything:   joint custody, a standard visitation schedule, and ask for support for yourself + the child.  In your support request ask for exactly 125% of the USCIS poverty rate + child support.  Texas does not make mothers of infants go to work.  That's on him to take care of the two of you.

 

Based on the age of the baby you will be awarded temporary domiciliary status and he will likely be awarded weekends (every other) plus probably one evening a week.  Holidays will be split.  If he goes nuts looking for you between the time you file and the time he is served feed him rope.  He likely will, and you can use that to your advantage.  Every word that both of you say to each other and every action that each of you take matters.  You take the high road, highlight that you yourself are asking for the standard visitation / joint custody plan, and document every single thing he says and does.  He'll say plenty.  Probably.

 

Once the temporary arrangements are made you can have your lawyer approach his lawyer about the possibility of you moving back to the UK with the baby and setting up a schedule when the baby is older.  His chances of taking your baby are as nil as yours and if you really want to go home then you will have to financially wear him down until he lets you do it.

 

[SusieQQQ 11,587]

Some of these responses make me worry.

 

OP, if you do end up getting divorced, it seems like both of you are going to need to work pretty hard to make sure that whatever outcome is decided is best for the child. Even if neither of you actively uses the child as a weapon, your (that’s both of you) wants as a parent should come second to what is in the child’s best interests. Hopefully Texas courts see it that way too.

[britchick7 0]

9 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

Some of these responses make me worry.

 

OP, if you do end up getting divorced, it seems like both of you are going to need to work pretty hard to make sure that whatever outcome is decided is best for the child. Even if neither of you actively uses the child as a weapon, your (that’s both of you) wants as a parent should come second to what is in the child’s best interests. Hopefully Texas courts see it that way too.

 

Definitely. I would never try to use him as a weapon, of course I want my son to have both parents. I've tried living here with him for longer than I probably should have because I didn't want to have to go through this. I'd be more than willing to do whatever it takes e.g. bringing my son every summer to spend with his dad or something. I just know that being a single mother here alone with nobody, wouldn't be the best for my son. In the UK I have a close knit family who would support us. My husbands family here showed no interest in me or my son whatsoever including my mother in law. I've been isolated since I've been here...as a new mother in a new country it's been terrifying and ideally I'd like to go home

[britchick7 0]

54 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

The part where you keep mentioning just taking the kid back with you?  

 

Perhaps you have given off the wrong impression with the whining and such, but it kind of sounds like, just from reading your posts, that you both have things to work on as parents and as people.  

Perhaps. Slightly emotional at the thought of having to live in a foreign place going through a divorce as a single mother without any of my family and friends to support me. Apologies.

[kris&me 572]

Family courts don't care much about the parents 

they care about the baby and believe both parents need to be involved in raising the child

It is difficult and usually impossible to move a baby out of state from the father / or mother if the father has custody

if you have been in any domestic dispute and someone was forced out of the house, it can change

a woman can find protective custody for herself and child but there is still a court battle 

taking the baby to UK,   doubtful 

all is state dependent so Get that lawyer

[-Trinity- 513]

On 10/20/2017 at 12:28 PM, Nitas_man said:

Taking your baby and leaving to go anywhere you want to go before any court documents are filed or absent a court document ordering you not to is not kidnapping.  That includes overseas.  Happens all the time actually. 

 

You can't file for divorce in Texas until you separate.  When you separate, you take your baby with you anyway.  That's how it works.  Nobody sees anybody until the first hearing.

 

My advice, from navigating the Texas court system, is unfortunately yes, you should.  My advice is to ask for everything:   joint custody, a standard visitation schedule, and ask for support for yourself + the child.  In your support request ask for exactly 125% of the USCIS poverty rate + child support.  Texas does not make mothers of infants go to work.  That's on him to take care of the two of you.

 

Based on the age of the baby you will be awarded temporary domiciliary status and he will likely be awarded weekends (every other) plus probably one evening a week.  Holidays will be split.  If he goes nuts looking for you between the time you file and the time he is served feed him rope.  He likely will, and you can use that to your advantage.  Every word that both of you say to each other and every action that each of you take matters.  You take the high road, highlight that you yourself are asking for the standard visitation / joint custody plan, and document every single thing he says and does.  He'll say plenty.  Probably.

 

Once the temporary arrangements are made you can have your lawyer approach his lawyer about the possibility of you moving back to the UK with the baby and setting up a schedule when the baby is older.  His chances of taking your baby are as nil as yours and if you really want to go home then you will have to financially wear him down until he lets you do it.

 

Poor child...

Edited October 25, 2017 by Beachlover
Typo

[Nitas_man 3,100]

2 hours ago, Beachlover said:

Poor child...

As previously noted, nobody really wins either in a tense / unhealthy household or in a divorce.  Especially the kiddos.