Child from assault

[-Trinity- 513]

7 hours ago, kris&me said:

They are going to check to see it she has reported an assault to the police.

If there is no record of an assault.

 

What if she was afraid to report it?

Sometimes victims are scared or ashamed.

I too believe they will be scrutinized, but I was wondering what if she couldn't report it and if the rapist is unknown.

 

Difficult situation.

Edited October 17, 2017 by Beachlover

[Boiler 46,325]

2 minutes ago, Beachlover said:

What if she was afraid to report it?

Sometimes victims are scared or ashamed.

I too believe the will scrutinized, but I was wondering what if she couldn't report it.

Possible

 

But the obvious answer is an illicit affair.

[-Trinity- 513]

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

Possible

 

But the obvious answer is an illicit affair.

 

People react differently in stress situations, maybe she thought if I ignore it it will disappear? Sometimes thats how people deal with things going wrong in their lives; ignoring it.

 

I kinda understand it from the point of view of the OP, he doesn't want to loose his other child. It's not just like he can walk away like that. But trust is a very important basic of genuine relationships , and keeping secrets is somewhat odd , him not knowing will definitely raise some red flags.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

15 hours ago, Jonbolson said:

there is no fathers name on the birth certificate.  and the cops in her country are really inadequate.   the child has already been born and is riddled with medical issues.  another reason to get her here as soon as possible.  As for the time line when everything happened, the locals that screen at the embassy have been giving my fiancee the run around.  from the first two times she arrived to her interview only to be turned away for not having her biometrics done, and the second time in which the screeners took her medical exams and the  turned her away, causing her to have to get new medical exams done, then with a congressional started so she could finally get into the interview.  the actual CO telling her to bring another document, and each time a different one even though all of those documents were in her packet, or if they needed the form I was able to email to them.  

With all due respect this sounds like a typical scam.  Persons in third world countries often are professional liars.  Trust me, I know.  Families construct plots and all get involved in these scams.  No disrespect to Filipinos, I married one but lying is part of the culture.  It is so common to lie in the Philippines.  Let's face it people there are hungry, literally.  Her statements to you sound very suspicious.  Having to go back and forth to the embassy?  "The locals at the embassy"  What locals?  The "Locals" do not turn people around before they see the CO.  They simply verify whether the person has all the documents.  Then whether they have them or not they are sent to the next window where they eventually see a CO.  The CO is the only person that sends someone home.  It's possible she never even went to the embassy.  I mean I'm sure you prepared all the documents and made sure she had a complete packet?  Now a baby has been born that you were never made aware of?  Now the baby has multiple medical conditions?  I assume you are sending money to help with the babies care now also?  The cops there are inadequate but they will take a report of rape. I hope and pray that I am wrong but I gotta tell you it doesn't look good from where I am sitting.  Good luck.     

[geowrian 22,338]

43 minutes ago, Beachlover said:

What if she was afraid to report it?

Sometimes victims are scared or ashamed.

I too believe they will be scrutinized, but I was wondering what if she couldn't report it and if the rapist is unknown.

 

Difficult situation.

True. Everything being stated is possible and likely has happened to numerous others. At the same time, scams of this nature usually involve something theoretically possible but highly unlikely.

 

Keep in mind it's not a criminal trial...the CO doesn't need "beyond reasonable doubt" to suspect that something more sinister is going on. They will look for things not adding up, not ways to make the math work. Difficult indeed.

 

That said, the reasons given involving the embassy visits is pushing me to be more skeptical...it just doesn't sound right and what somebody trying to make excuses would do. But that's just my take.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

25 minutes ago, David & Zoila said:

With all due respect this sounds like a typical scam.  Persons in third world countries often are professional liars.  Trust me, I know.  Families construct plots and all get involved in these scams.  No disrespect to Filipinos, I married one but lying is part of the culture.  It is so common to lie in the Philippines.  Let's face it people there are hungry, literally.  Her statements to you sound very suspicious.  Having to go back and forth to the embassy?  "The locals at the embassy"  What locals?  The "Locals" do not turn people around before they see the CO.  They simply verify whether the person has all the documents.  Then whether they have them or not they are sent to the next window where they eventually see a CO.  The CO is the only person that sends someone home.  It's possible she never even went to the embassy.  I mean I'm sure you prepared all the documents and made sure she had a complete packet?  Now a baby has been born that you were never made aware of?  Now the baby has multiple medical conditions?  I assume you are sending money to help with the babies care now also?  The cops there are inadequate but they will take a report of rape. I hope and pray that I am wrong but I gotta tell you it doesn't look good from where I am sitting.  Good luck.     

 

 

I agree with this post.

 

OP, I would conduct an investigation either from here through a private investigator or fly there unannounced to see what the heck is going on.
One described scenario in itself is believable but several ( going back and forth to the embassy / child sick / no police report / lies about
pregnancy point to some serious underlying issues. Very common to milk USC for money under varies 'circumstances'. Understandable
you want to believe her and raise your own child and this baby but be aware of what you are dealing with here first and then adjust your
decision to protect yourself as well.
If all pans out then no worries for your marriage but expect a lot of scrutiny and possible denial. The burden of proof is on her of what unfolded.
If true I am very sorry that she had to go through this. None of us was there to know 100%, we just want you to be aware of another perspective
that you should investigate. 18 months waiting for a decision no matter what the hurdles with some documents and medicals is not
easily believable. Did you confirm with the embassy of what transpired or if she was even there ? That is easily done with an inquiry through email.
 

[dawning 212]

Honduras is facing serious problems with gang violence.  I have been hearing that witnesses in murder cases are often refusing to testify for fear of retribution, so the idea that a rape victim not going to police is unusual, or casts doubt on the rape, doesn't follow.  (A lot of studies in the US have shown that the majority of sexual assault victims don't report to law enforcement as well). 

 

OP, people are offering a lot of well meaning advice that paint your fiance in a bad light, but as someone just said, none of us really have any idea what happened.  I think it would be great if you could make it down there to Honduras.  Even if you don't feel you need to investigate, your fiance can surely benefit from moral support and your presence might help to sway the embassy as well.

 

Good luck!

[-Trinity- 513]

17 minutes ago, geowrian said:

True. Everything being stated is possible and likely has happened to numerous others. At the same time, scams of this nature usually involve something theoretically possible but highly unlikely.

 

Keep in mind it's not a criminal trial...the CO doesn't need "beyond reasonable doubt" to suspect that something more sinister is going on. They will look for things not adding up, not ways to make the math work. Difficult indeed.

 

That said, the reasons given involving the embassy visits is pushing me to be more skeptical...it just doesn't sound right and what somebody trying to make excuses would do. But that's just my take.

That's true, the whole story doesn't add up. I find it heartbreaking if it turns out to be a total scam and the OP's trust in people was abused. After all he has also a child with the lady. If there indeed scam involved it's not only the OP who is a victim, but also his child.

 

OP, someone gave you advice to conduct your own investigation. I think you should consider that, after all she didn't tell you she was pregnant. If she can't trust you enough to tell you such a significant thing, how on Earth will that work out on the long term.

 

Good luck because it's a difficult situation you're in.

[-Trinity- 513]

4 minutes ago, dawning said:

Honduras is facing serious problems with gang violence.  I have been hearing that witnesses in murder cases are often refusing to testify for fear of retribution, so the idea that a rape victim not going to police is unusual, or casts doubt on the rape, doesn't follow.  

This was what I was thinking too. 

[David & Diana R 1,005]

1 minute ago, dawning said:

Honduras is facing serious problems with gang violence.  I have been hearing that witnesses in murder cases are often refusing to testify for fear of retribution, so the idea that a rape victim not going to police is unusual, or casts doubt on the rape, doesn't follow.  (A lot of studies in the US have shown that the majority of sexual assault victims don't report to law enforcement as well). 

 

OP, people are offering a lot of well meaning advice that paint your fiance in a bad light, but as someone just said, none of us really have any idea what happened.  I think it would be great if you could make it down there to Honduras.  Even if you don't feel you need to investigate, your fiance can surely benefit from moral support and your presence might help to sway the embassy as well.

 

Good luck!

Disagree...his fiance reports that she got sexually assaulted only AFTER the baby is born.  She hid her pregnancy from her fiance.  Had she been raped I suspect she would have made a police report hoping to save her relationship with the American.  Of course in these third world countries money buys anything, and I mean anything.  I'm sure a few hundred pesos in the right hands there and a fake police report could be had and it would never have has to been officially filed with the police.  What are the odds that ALL of these things happened?  He even said he is going bankrupt paying medical bills for the new baby.  I would be willing to bet 1000 pesos that he has never sent the money directly to the hospital...most likely she has had him send it directly to her.  I hope I am wrong but I am 90% certain that I am not.

[dawning 212]

1 minute ago, David & Zoila said:

Disagree...his fiance reports that she got sexually assaulted only AFTER the baby is born.  She hid her pregnancy from her fiance.  Had she been raped I suspect she would have made a police report hoping to save her relationship with the American.  Of course in these third world countries money buys anything, and I mean anything.  I'm sure a few hundred pesos in the right hands there and a fake police report could be had and it would never have has to been officially filed with the police.  What are the odds that ALL of these things happened?  He even said he is going bankrupt paying medical bills for the new baby.  I would be willing to bet 1000 pesos that he has never sent the money directly to the hospital...most likely she has had him send it directly to her.  I hope I am wrong but I am 90% certain that I am not.

What if it was police that raped her?  I'm not so familiar with the Phillipines, but in Latin America that is unfortunately far from unusual.

 

I would have to go back and look but, I think what happened was that someone said to the OP that a baby with health problems WOULD bankrupt him (future tense) and he agreed with that, but in the context of hoping to get the baby to the US soon.  Implication in my mind is that advanced medical care may not be as available in Honduras, and that it will be expensive once s/he comes to the US.  However, I am happy to be corrected on that if I misunderstood.

 

The thing that concerns me about your post, and several others here, is that there is a strong assumption that the OP's fiance is probably lying BECAUSE she's from a 3rd world country.  If they both have a genuine and supportive relationship, her first thought in the middle of a profoundly traumatic experience probably isn't going to be "I'd better bribe someone to get a police report in case my fiance doesn't believe me".   Is that what you would want your fiancee or wife to feel if she were raped?  Is that what you have based your believing her on?  If anything, the fact that she didn't bribe the police should seem to indicate honesty? 

 

No disrespect intended, I just don't follow the logic.

 

 

[David & Diana R 1,005]

14 minutes ago, dawning said:

What if it was police that raped her?  I'm not so familiar with the Phillipines, but in Latin America that is unfortunately far from unusual.

 

I would have to go back and look but, I think what happened was that someone said to the OP that a baby with health problems WOULD bankrupt him (future tense) and he agreed with that, but in the context of hoping to get the baby to the US soon.  Implication in my mind is that advanced medical care may not be as available in Honduras, and that it will be expensive once s/he comes to the US.  However, I am happy to be corrected on that if I misunderstood.

 

The thing that concerns me about your post, and several others here, is that there is a strong assumption that the OP's fiance is probably lying BECAUSE she's from a 3rd world country.  If they both have a genuine and supportive relationship, her first thought in the middle of a profoundly traumatic experience probably isn't going to be "I'd better bribe someone to get a police report in case my fiance doesn't believe me".   Is that what you would want your fiancee or wife to feel if she were raped?  Is that what you have based your believing her on?  If anything, the fact that she didn't bribe the police should seem to indicate honesty? 

 

No disrespect intended, I just don't follow the logic.

 

 

Here you go:

Jonbolson

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Posted 16 hours ago

there is no fathers name on the birth certificate.  and the cops in her country are really inadequate.   the child has already been born and is riddled with medical issues.  another reason to get her here as soon as possible.  As for the time line when everything happened, the locals that screen at the embassy have been giving my fiancee the run around.  from the first two times she arrived to her interview only to be turned away for not having her biometrics done, and the second time in which the screeners took her medical exams and the  turned her away, causing her to have to get new medical exams done, then with a congressional started so she could finally get into the interview.  the actual CO telling her to bring another document, and each time a different one even though all of those documents were in her packet, or if they needed the form I was able to email to them.  

 

Not sure how supportive a relationship could be when the fiance hides her pregnancy for almost 9 months.

 

Jonbolson

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Posted 15 hours ago

you are correct in that these medical issues are bankrupting me, I cannot blame my fiancee for what happened, it's not her fault.  We also have a son together who an American citizen.  I want to be with my son as well as my wife/fiancee (been together for 5 years).  I am not going to walk away, and as for some of the previous comments you are also right about her not telling me the whole truth initially (she was able to hide a pregnancy from me).  So in other words I do not care where this child came from, it is sad and heartbreaking on how this child came to be, to be with my son and my wife, I will accept this child as well.

 

You need more?

Edited October 17, 2017 by David & Zoila

[dawning 212]

32 minutes ago, David & Zoila said:

Here you go:

Jonbolson

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Posted 16 hours ago

there is no fathers name on the birth certificate.  and the cops in her country are really inadequate.   the child has already been born and is riddled with medical issues.  another reason to get her here as soon as possible.  As for the time line when everything happened, the locals that screen at the embassy have been giving my fiancee the run around.  from the first two times she arrived to her interview only to be turned away for not having her biometrics done, and the second time in which the screeners took her medical exams and the  turned her away, causing her to have to get new medical exams done, then with a congressional started so she could finally get into the interview.  the actual CO telling her to bring another document, and each time a different one even though all of those documents were in her packet, or if they needed the form I was able to email to them.  

 

Not sure how supportive a relationship could be when the fiance hides her pregnancy for almost 9 months.

 

Jonbolson

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Posted 15 hours ago

you are correct in that these medical issues are bankrupting me, I cannot blame my fiancee for what happened, it's not her fault.  We also have a son together who an American citizen.  I want to be with my son as well as my wife/fiancee (been together for 5 years).  I am not going to walk away, and as for some of the previous comments you are also right about her not telling me the whole truth initially (she was able to hide a pregnancy from me).  So in other words I do not care where this child came from, it is sad and heartbreaking on how this child came to be, to be with my son and my wife, I will accept this child as well.

 

You need more?

Thank you!  The only other thing I'd like is for you to explain how bribing the police to produce a false police report should make her fiance and the embassy believe her more.

 

[David & Diana R 1,005]

5 minutes ago, dawning said:

Thank you!  The only other thing I'd like is for you to explain how bribing the police to produce a false police report should make her fiance and the embassy believe her more.

 

My point is that might be the next step if and when the OP confronts her about this situation.  Trust me...you can buy anything in these third world countries, including pre-dated Police reports.  This whole thing sounds like an expert scammer and I would not be the least bit surprised if he asks her for a report to prove she was assaulted she will miraculously come up with one.  Again, I hope and pray I am wrong however if I was a betting man...

[dawning 212]

4 minutes ago, David & Zoila said:

My point is that might be the next step if and when the OP confronts her about this situation.  Trust me...you can buy anything in these third world countries, including pre-dated Police reports.  This whole thing sounds like an expert scammer and I would not be the least bit surprised if he asks her for a report to prove she was assaulted she will miraculously come up with one.  Again, I hope and pray I am wrong however if I was a betting man...

I'm not saying you might not be right... obviously scammers are common. If she is a scammer, she doesn't sound expert or skillful at all, however.  Holding off on pregnancy from the affair would be smarter than producing a fictional rape at the last moment,  just because sadly there are a lot of men who leave women after rape, on the "Damaged goods" principal. 

It just makes me feel sad for your wife, and a bunch of other 3rd world significant others of Americans posting here, that producing an "official report" for "proof" (all that proves is that she talked to the police, and they are unlikely to draw a conclusion if she is not asking to press charges) is more important than a victim's well-being.  Is it more ok in your mind for a German or UK woman not to go to the police?  What about the women who don't get pregnant or live where abortion is an option and never tell their significant other?