Husband doesn't want to sign affidavit of support

[-Trinity- 513]

OP, what would be the reason (s) for you to stay if your marriage collapses?

 

 

[ManCharsey 254]

To all you folks who keep saying 'Just pack up your bags and leave blah blah', perhaps you need to understand that not everyone is like you and can't just pack up and leave. It comes off as insensitive and really obnoxious if you ask me!

 

There a number of economic, cultural etc. that factor into making such a decision. It's easier to 'just pack and leave' if you're from certain regions of the world (good economy etc.) and you can easily go back and start all over like nothing happened. For a lot of people from other places especially low to middle income economies, 'just packing up and leaving' isn't as easy as it seems. Many of these folks have terminated their employments, sold their properties etc. and it sometimes takes YEARS just to get a decent job in their countries of origin. I have traveled extensively to a lot of low-middle income economies and I know what I am talking about.

 

So perhaps, next time you have nothing helpful to say, keep your opinions to yourself and don't be obnoxious by asking the OP to 'pack up and leave'. If they need to leave and are in a good position to leave, I believe they will make that decision themselves and don't need anyone telling them that.

Edited October 17, 2017 by ManCharsey

[Boiler 45,837]

19 minutes ago, ManCharsey said:

So perhaps, next time you have nothing helpful to say, keep your opinions to yourself and don't be obnoxious by asking the OP to 'pack up and leave'. If they need to leave and are in a good position to leave, I believe they will make that decision themselves and don't need anyone telling them that.

Perhaps now is a good time to remind people of the VJ ToS which amongst other things requires members not to ask other posters to not post.

 

My Bible, should be yours.

[MaleAlpha 314]

4 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Perhaps now is a good time to remind people of the VJ ToS which amongst other things requires members not to ask other posters to not post.

 

My Bible, should be yours.

lol

Edited October 17, 2017 by MaleAlpha

[NikLR 13,231]

27 minutes ago, ManCharsey said:

To all you folks who keep saying 'Just pack up your bags and leave blah blah', perhaps you need to understand that not everyone is like you and can't just pack up and leave. It comes off as insensitive and really obnoxious if you ask me!

 

There a number of economic, cultural etc. that factor into making such a decision. It's easier to 'just pack and leave' if you're from certain regions of the world (good economy etc.) and you can easily go back and start all over like nothing happened. For a lot of people from other places especially low to middle income economies, 'just packing up and leaving' isn't as easy as it seems. Many of these folks have terminated their employments, sold their properties etc. and it sometimes takes YEARS just to get a decent job in their countries of origin. I have traveled extensively to a lot of low-middle income economies and I know what I am talking about.

 

So perhaps, next time you have nothing helpful to say, keep your opinions to yourself and don't be obnoxious by asking the OP to 'pack up and leave'. If they need to leave and are in a good position to leave, I believe they will make that decision themselves and don't need anyone telling them that.

Well it may take years to get a good job but at least you can get one legally.  In the USA you are legally not allowed to work without EAD or a GC or as USC.  So the OP is not and cannot ever be self supporting unless their husband signs the I-864.  It's a catch 22 for them.  Since there is no legal path for the OP to stay, unless they can work out their marriage, there isn't a choice BUT to pack up and go home.  It may sound insensitive but sometimes the truth hurts and sucks.  Just because you don't like the choices available doesn't mean there aren't choices. 

[mt89 0]

9 hours ago, Beachlover said:

OP, what would be the reason (s) for you to stay if your marriage collapses?

 

 

I want to make it work and I think it would be very different if I had my own life. It's difficult to explain but if anyone is very curious, you can PM me. 

 

I already have a 3-year ban because he said he won't give me a divorce and he wants to try to make it work. So I believed him and stayed. I can't drive, I didn't have any money so I couldn't file divorce myself. And he would play for time anyway because it was several weeks before the ban and he knew that.

So now basically it's in my interest to stay married with him until I get citizenship (and he doesn't even mind it) but he is afraid that I will want to divorce and if I lose my job, he will have to pay for my food stamps and/or Medicaid.

Ugh, guys, it's all so messed up, no one would believe me if I ever told someone the whole story.

I'm just frustrated right now.

 

If I met someone else after I returned to my country (Ukraine), how the 3-year ban can be waived?

The last thing I want for my kids is to be raised in my country. And I don't want to have first kid when I am 40. I am not getting younger too.

 

I thought I'd have a family, kids with this guy, that what he promised me anyway before I came, and now he just SUDDENLY realized that he is not ready for a family.

[Boiler 45,837]

His fears seem well founded.

[mt89 0]

6 hours ago, ManCharsey said:

To all you folks who keep saying 'Just pack up your bags and leave blah blah', perhaps you need to understand that not everyone is like you and can't just pack up and leave. It comes off as insensitive and really obnoxious if you ask me!

 

There a number of economic, cultural etc. that factor into making such a decision. It's easier to 'just pack and leave' if you're from certain regions of the world (good economy etc.) and you can easily go back and start all over like nothing happened. For a lot of people from other places especially low to middle income economies, 'just packing up and leaving' isn't as easy as it seems. Many of these folks have terminated their employments, sold their properties etc. and it sometimes takes YEARS just to get a decent job in their countries of origin. I have traveled extensively to a lot of low-middle income economies and I know what I am talking about.

 

So perhaps, next time you have nothing helpful to say, keep your opinions to yourself and don't be obnoxious by asking the OP to 'pack up and leave'. If they need to leave and are in a good position to leave, I believe they will make that decision themselves and don't need anyone telling them that.

Thank you for understanding.

yes, it's not that easy. it's crisis in my country and I'm not even sure if I'll find a new job soon.

My salary there was $400/months and I had to work 55+ hrs/week to get that salary (actually, it's pretty decent for Ukraine). In my country, where the average salary is $300, jeans in some cheap store like Forever 21 cost $150.

So you if your last pair of jeans or shoes rip, you have to choose what is more important - buy normal food, pay rent or not go to work with a bare butt.

I'm not really exaggerating. My parents' get retirement pension $70/month.

 

After I came here. I was shocked. Prices here are almost the same as in my country if you convert it to our money.

Except for the difference that people earn 10x-20x more.

 

So I wanted to have a family in a country where you don't have to choose between a pair of shoes or food. Where my future kids could have a normal childhood.  You know, all this stuff that every normal person wants.

But I didn't want to get married just for the GC otherwise I'd already be married to some 70 yo rich fart.

And I thought I have found a really great, loving and nice guy... Who appeared to be quite the opposite, who would mock me all the time, wouldn't spend any time with and we'd just end up living like roommates who hate each other.

 

So now I have to go back and put my life on pause for three years and live in a country where I don't know what will happen tomorrow.

Or, I can suck it up and wait 3 years and not go back and forth and start my life all over and over and over.

For this 3 years, I could 100% establish my life, even if it didn't work out, by that time I would be independent.

 

But he won't sign anyway, why I am even writing this.

 

Im sorry for the rant, guys.

I'm just really upset now

 

[mt89 0]

7 minutes ago, Boiler said:

His fears seem well founded.

well maybe he should have thought about this when he said he will not divorce.

[-Trinity- 513]

7 hours ago, mt89 said:

Thank you for understanding.

yes, it's not that easy. it's crisis in my country and I'm not even sure if I'll find a new job soon.

My salary there was $400/months and I had to work 55+ hrs/week to get that salary (actually, it's pretty decent for Ukraine). In my country, where the average salary is $300, jeans in some cheap store like Forever 21 cost $150.

So you if your last pair of jeans or shoes rip, you have to choose what is more important - buy normal food, pay rent or not go to work with a bare butt.

I'm not really exaggerating. My parents' get retirement pension $70/month.

 

After I came here. I was shocked. Prices here are almost the same as in my country if you convert it to our money.

Except for the difference that people earn 10x-20x more.

 

So I wanted to have a family in a country where you don't have to choose between a pair of shoes or food. Where my future kids could have a normal childhood.  You know, all this stuff that every normal person wants.

But I didn't want to get married just for the GC otherwise I'd already be married to some 70 yo rich fart.

And I thought I have found a really great, loving and nice guy... Who appeared to be quite the opposite, who would mock me all the time, wouldn't spend any time with and we'd just end up living like roommates who hate each other.

 

So now I have to go back and put my life on pause for three years and live in a country where I don't know what will happen tomorrow.

Or, I can suck it up and wait 3 years and not go back and forth and start my life all over and over and over.

For this 3 years, I could 100% establish my life, even if it didn't work out, by that time I would be independent.

 

But he won't sign anyway, why I am even writing this.

 

Im sorry for the rant, guys.

I'm just really upset now

 

What I personally would do is go back, especially if I'm not working and have to depend on my ex for income. But like the poster above said: not every situation is the same. I feel sorry for you that you have to go through this.

 

The only thing that's bit confusing  ( I haven't been reading back so I might have missed it) is you say citizenship, does that mean you have your green card already? In that case you don't need him for the citizenship.

 

Also I would advise counseling since you said you want it make it work, maybe you can convince him to work with you and save your marriage?

[-Trinity- 513]

Can't edit my last post, but forget about the confusion part. I see now that it's about the I-684.

[mt89 0]

He wouldn’t go to counseling. He doesn’t need/want this marriage to work. He just played in marriage and now he got bored so just wants to kick me out like an old dog. 

It just sucks that girls like me who come here aren’t protected in any way from situation like this. Someone can just bring them here, take advantage of them because they can’t do anything in foreign country without money and car, and just kick them out without consequences for the US citizen, but with 3 or 10 year ban for stupid girl. 

I wanted to go home before I had the 3 year ban but he wouldn’t give me divorce. So I had to stay. 

Now he doesn’t want to sign, so either I have to live here illegally or fight with him to get divorce and go home (which I’m going to do). 

 

Is is there any way to waive the 3 year ban? If I could prove that I couldn’t go home because of my husband or smth like that? I have messages where he says that he will not divorce. 

[NikLR 13,231]

You have to go back.  I'm sorry. The longer you wait here the longer your ban is.  You can ONLY adjust based on your k1 petitioner.  No other USC can help you stay in the USA. 

[NikLR 13,231]

If you were married to another person before the 3 year ban is up they can file a hardship waiver. 

[geowrian 22,337]

2 minutes ago, mt89 said:

I wanted to go home before I had the 3 year ban but he wouldn’t give me divorce. So I had to stay. 

You could divorce abroad. It's probably not as fast, but international divorces exist. Or you could file within the US...nobody can stop you from divorcing in the US (only slow it down).

 

2 minutes ago, mt89 said:

Is is there any way to waive the 3 year ban? If I could prove that I couldn’t go home because of my husband or smth like that? I have messages where he says that he will not divorce. 

An I-601 is available for an immigrant visa, or the CO has the ability to request one for a non-immigrant visa.

For an I-601, the hardship has to be on the petitioner (USC/LPR).