Mother returning home

[amaloveskofi 7]

2 hours ago, Oliversmom said:

This is a suggestion.  Maybe she doesn't know how to go about looking for a job.  Sit down with her and make up a resume.  Then go online and start looking for jobs.  This is a great time of year to get hired for retail jobs.  Maybe she wants to work but just doesn't know what to do.

 

Just something from my personal perspective.  Only you can know what is best for you and your family and I am not judging you in any way.  But I do want to say that my mother passed away a few years ago.  I took care of her for years and it was not always easy.  But I never regretted at all any sacrifices I made for her.  And I would do anything to see her again. 

 

If you suggest depression, get her to see a doctor ASAP.  If she is diagnosed, there are meds that can do wonders!

 

Good luck whatever you decide.

I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for the advice. I'm going to be very supportive of her being here. 

[TBoneTX 45,312]

5 hours ago, amaloveskofi said:

Thanks to each and everyone of you for your advice and ideas. You guys have given me a new perspective over the whole thing and I appreciate it a lot.

My mom and I talked and I'm going 

to support her in every way I can and be a great daughter to her and help her adjust to being here.

Thank you all so much.

Such a happy resolution!  All the best to both of you.

[Joetan 18]

On 10/13/2017 at 6:38 AM, Going through said:

You have to think back and remember what it was like when you first came to the US to empathize with her a  bit more.

 

She is experiencing culture shock, depression from being away from her friends and family and familiarity of her surroundings.  You may have gotten over it more quickly, but everyone experiences it differently.  In my opinion, it would be even more a culture shock in a way to live in America for 7 months, and then be shipped back as though she weren't worthy enough in your eyes and then feel abandoned (not saying you said this to her, but how she may take it).  Also, with her green card status, she can also lose it by being back in her country for a lengthy period of time while you move into your new house.  So that concern would also be on her mind, maybe.

 

If you have already mentioned to her about "going back home" so soon after her arriving, that may have made her feel more depressed now and as though she is nothing but a burden on you.  Which would explain why she feels uncomfortable in the house and just watches TV in her room all the time...almost as a way of locking herself apart from others so that she doesn't feel awkward around them or you.  She may be refusing to do things with you because in her mind she may think that you are only asking her out of obligation or feels like she would be intruding somehow (if you have already mentioned sending her back home, it's natural she's going to feel like she is already intruding on you and your family).  I would imagine that after spending most of her life sacrificing things to raise you and your sister as children/teenagers/young adulthood...and then feel all of a sudden unwanted by one of her children struck at her very core.

 

I know it's frustrating for you as well because you are trying to get her out  more and do things with her. You are taking the right step in trying to spend more time with her. Have you thought about setting her up for free classes or social groups in your local community center/church?  Socializing more with people her own age will brighten her spirits a bit, make her feel  more productive and useful, and lift her spirits about herself too.  She also will be in control of what she wants to do in her spare time and get her out of the house more often.  Has she mentioned wanting to go home---or it's only you that ever brings it up?

I think the mom should help her with the kids. Its not by force for her to be in if she not happy than she is not force to stay the U.S. is hard and i feel bad for the op you have to work hard to make it here.