Rantingjay

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

19 minutes ago, Dianalorena said:

 

 

Anyone else has a history of a complicated relationship with a parent? 

 

 

 

Relationships can be tough, especially when a parent has trouble moving from the stage when you were a child to see you as an adult.

 

I'm basically in a no contact zone with my biological father, so that tells you how that went. 

 

It has taken a very long time for my mother and I to get to a place where we can talk about exactly what our problems are with each other and set appropriate boundaries.  She wasn't interested in much besides financial parenting until my late teens and then decided she wanted control over my life at that point and found an opening to do it when I became a single mother.   The living with my mother as an adult years were the absolute worst.   I'm actually a little worried she might fall back into old habits if she moves nearby.  We were wise to not let her have any financial hold over us, I can't believe I was even slightly tempted to allow her to build an addition on my house.  LOL.    I said a few days ago that she reminded me of my ex-MIL, well you know what ex-MIL did?  Bought a house for her daughter and son.  Total control there with that.

[NikLR 13,231]

I  do not talk to my father.  Once last year or the year before we talked when my grandma passed.  But the last straw was deciding not to come to my wedding because my mom was officiating. He said he would visit with us the day before but didn't call or show.  Too many broken promises.  So 4 years went by without a word.  Now another 2.  He could die and no one would tell me.  Im unsure how I feel about that but it is what it is. 

Edited December 13, 2017 by NikLR

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

4 minutes ago, NikLR said:

I  do not talk to my father.  Once last year or the year before we talked when my grandma passed.  But the last straw was deciding not to come to my wedding because my mom was officiating. He said he would visit with us the day before but didn't call or show.  Too many broken promises.  So 4 years went by without a word.  Now another 2.  He could die and no one would tell me.  Im unsure how I feel about that but it is what it is. 

 

I'm sure ex-step-mom#2 would go out of her way to make sure I didn't know if that happened.  I think they are dating again, I don't know...don't want to know.  My brothers would be too thoughtless to consider if anyone had told me or not.  Everyone else would just assume I had been told, like with my grandfather dying.    Except, I actually had a good relationship with him.

[NikLR 13,231]

No one told me about my grandma either.  My mom randomly found out something was wrong and i sleuthed it out.  Like w t heck.. 

[Dianalorena 1,153]

1 hour ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

Relationships can be tough, especially when a parent has trouble moving from the stage when you were a child to see you as an adult.

 

I'm basically in a no contact zone with my biological father, so that tells you how that went. 

 

It has taken a very long time for my mother and I to get to a place where we can talk about exactly what our problems are with each other and set appropriate boundaries.  She wasn't interested in much besides financial parenting until my late teens and then decided she wanted control over my life at that point and found an opening to do it when I became a single mother.   The living with my mother as an adult years were the absolute worst.   I'm actually a little worried she might fall back into old habits if she moves nearby.  We were wise to not let her have any financial hold over us, I can't believe I was even slightly tempted to allow her to build an addition on my house.  LOL.    I said a few days ago that she reminded me of my ex-MIL, well you know what ex-MIL did?  Bought a house for her daughter and son.  Total control there with that.

4

I can relate, definitely.  It's getting increasingly difficult as an adult. I know I'm living here temporarily, but it drives me insane. 

it's hard to break old habits and the perception of how we were, just like you said. I'm in my 30s and I feel like I'm still treated like a child sometimes, 

or my mom demands-expects certain things from me, but no matter how much I do, it's just never enough for her. At one point she said ''she knew my dad and her couldn't rely on us because we are not taking care of them when they get older'' We have never said or implied anything like it, that dramatic assertion makes me not want to help her at all. She was never the present parent to begin with, she clearly didn't want kids and kept herself busy while my grandma raised us, but now is getting into the ''tortured mother that gave it all'' role, and it doesn't fit her. 

 

yeah you dodged a bullet there! something that seems innocuous and friendly (like buying a house) becomes a total power move that they can hold against others. If it isn't in the form of control, it's just expecting things to happen, automatically and almost magically. Every time my mom tries to include me in her projects I cringe, because she expects a lot of work for little to no pay at all. 

Please immigration, don't be mean. let me be with my husband and end this nightmare ! 

 

 

[Dianalorena 1,153]

1 hour ago, NikLR said:

I  do not talk to my father.  Once last year or the year before we talked when my grandma passed.  But the last straw was deciding not to come to my wedding because my mom was officiating. He said he would visit with us the day before but didn't call or show.  Too many broken promises.  So 4 years went by without a word.  Now another 2.  He could die and no one would tell me.  Im unsure how I feel about that but it is what it is. 

ugh I'm sorry. that sounds awful. Also what an immature reason to not attend your daughter's wedding, then promise something and just disappear. I'm truly sorry. My husband's dad was never present and he is the least affectionate person ever, he is just not there for him so they stopped talking. It defines you, but it can be a good thing when you decide to become the opposite of that. 

[SAT 9,609]

Trivia. No googling. 

What is a "California job case"?

[Darnell 8,479]

3 hours ago, SAT said:

I finally bought the first train set that I've ever owned in my life. Scratch that off the bucket list...

Hooray !   You setting up the diorama across a sheet o plywood ? 

or threading it through the base of the christmas tree? 

or mounting rails 10 inches under the ceiling ? 

 

I have done all that before with my son, last century.  We had fun!(tm) 

[Darnell 8,479]

23 minutes ago, SAT said:

Trivia. No googling. 

What is a "California job case"?

Sorry lad - I googled it.  seems like a fun thing to have .   

[SAT 9,609]

2 minutes ago, Darnell said:

Hooray !   You setting up the diorama across a sheet o plywood ? 

or threading it through the base of the christmas tree? 

or mounting rails 10 inches under the ceiling ? 

 

I have done all that before with my son, last century.  We had fun!(tm) 

Christmas tree

[Darnell 8,479]

1 minute ago, SAT said:

Christmas tree

Woot Woot ! Which car will carry the Santa Dumplings?

[SAT 9,609]

<shrugs> 

I just always wanted a train set. 

It's a Lionel North pole central. 

I should have looked into it more. It's not compatible to the other Lionel scales...

[Darnell 8,479]

I'm sure it'll be whichever car the Turtle Designates !   Hooray Santa Dumplings ! 

 

 

[SAT 9,609]

Turtle will play Godzilla with these trains...

[Darnell 8,479]

Well it's good you bought something current and no so collectible then ...   We had 3 years of that too, replace the set each year cause 'Godzirra' !  and that was perfectly fine ...