Conditional resident wife is using restraining order to qualify for VAWA

[BuiQuang 95]

1 minute ago, lysander said:

If that's all she wants, fine. You're probably right. But in that case, what's the point of a restraining order? If she doesn't need to go the VAWA route, why get it?

 

Also, I notice people are advising me to contest the restraining order. Why should I, if she has nothing to gain by it? If it's just a matter of us going our separate ways, why not let her get the restraining order so she can feel "safe" that I'm not going to harass her (not that I was harassing her anyway; I was only texting her back when she texted me to try to start an argument)?

The same people telling you to contest restraining order are same one who told u not to marry in 2014.  Maybe, they smart and know things better than u.  Not good to ignore accusations of domestic abuse cuz it can cost u a job in the future.

 

[Going through 5,671]

28 minutes ago, lysander said:

I think I'm going to get a lawyer to tell my wife that she has four options:

1. Reconcile with me, and finish putting in her two years, after which we can file the I-751 jointly.
2. Drop the restraining order petition and sign away her rights to sue my mom, in exchange for my filing for and finalizing a divorce before it comes time for her to file the I-751.
3. File for divorce on her own, which I won't sign for, with the result probably being that the case will still be tied up in court by the time she needs to file her I-751, causing her to become deportable. I could then finalize the divorce at my leisure when she's back in the Philippines and the I-864 is no longer in effect.
4. Carry on with this VAWA path and see if that works.

1.  Chances of reconciliation is probably pretty slim since you both have gotten to this point and she's felt the need to file for a restraining order.

2.  Sign away her rights *how* exactly?  If you're thinking of having something notarized or an affidavit/sworn statement from her of some sort, that won't hold up in court and it's not a legal document.   As far as the restraining order goes, if she has proof of the need for one (does she?) then why should she have to drop it?  

3.  As I mentioned above, she doesn't need to have you sign divorce papers for a divorce to proceed.  Many spouses do this thinking it will stop divorces from going through, it doesn't.

4.  Filing for the VAWA is a waste since she already has a green card, anyhow.  When they deny the VAWA it won't affect her going forward with ROC though on her own though.  You assumed in your OP that she was going for a VAWA, not that she said she was doing that.  She might have meant filing for the divorce waiver, not the VAWA waiver and perhaps you misunderstood...

 

Unfortunately, you seem to think you have control over her GC process by "telling" her she has only the options you present to her.  She doesn't need to heed any of your suggestions/options/opinions when it comes to her immigration process....because under immigration law, she doesn't need your consent or participation to do the Removal of Conditions, or even to become a Naturalized Citizen should she choose to do so in the future.

Edited September 22, 2017 by Going through

[BuiQuang 95]

3 minutes ago, lysander said:

Are there marriages that aren't to some extent two people using each other to get their own desires met? The only reason talk of victimization gets brought into the situation is that she took it in that direction by taking out a restraining order. Otherwise, it would just be a regular breakup and divorce, without unnecessary drama. Happens all the time and is usually no big deal.

No, marriage is not about using each other for our own desires.  It's love to share.  Share require compromise.  U think marriage about using each other then u will never be happy.

[Boiler 45,434]

1 minute ago, BuiQuang said:

The same people telling you to contest restraining order are same one who told u not to marry in 2014.  Maybe, they smart and know things better than u.  Not good to ignore accusations of domestic abuse cuz it can cost u a job in the future.

 

Not sure a job is a particular concern judging from past posts

[Going through 5,671]

10 minutes ago, lysander said:

Are there marriages that aren't to some extent two people using each other to get their own desires met?

Yeah...normally when one is getting married to just get a greencard, or a USC is getting married to bring over someone on a greencard to support them.

You did mention in your other thread that her getting a greencard and marrying a foreign woman "was to YOUR benefit"...perhaps you got married for the wrong reason?

Edited September 22, 2017 by Going through

[Going through 5,671]

16 minutes ago, lysander said:

But in that case, what's the point of a restraining order? If she doesn't need to go the VAWA route, why get it?

People get restraining orders for protection, normally.

She also has to provide some sort of proof/evidence for the restraining order to be approved.  What type of proof did she submit?

[lysander 14]

11 minutes ago, Going through said:

Yeah...normally when one is getting married to just get a greencard, or a USC is getting married to bring over someone on a greencard to support them.

You did mention in your other thread that her getting a greencard and marrying a foreign woman "was to YOUR benefit"...perhaps you got married for the wrong reason?

I actually don't mind staying single, if what I'm going through now is the alternative. I'm not totally alone; I live with my family. You guys said it was a bad idea to marry her; she herself said that she loved me and wanted to marry me and that she could accept my faults. My friends and family were divided on the issue. Some said go for it; others were opposed.

 

My mom was leery about signing the affidavit of support, but we have several U.S. citizen friends who weren't able to sponsor their foreign spouse on their own and needed to get their parents to sign an affidavit of support, and they have all ended up doing fine. But the difference is that all of those U.S. citizen spouses are making at least SOME money. I thought there was a possibility too that I was going to continue to have an income, and that my wife in any case was resourceful and maybe could start a business that I could help her with. That ended up not happening. But she had assured me that whatever happened, we were going to make it work, because she loved me and was committed to the relationship. Yeah, you gave advice, but my wife was closer to the situation than you are, and she said that we were going to find a way to make it work no matter what. On the other hand, you guys have less of a conflict of interest than she does.

 

The lesson? From what I can tell, it's that if you're going to sponsor an immigrant spouse, be sure that you are going to be able to provide at least SOME of her support without the help of your parents.

Edited September 22, 2017 by lysander

[lysander 14]

7 minutes ago, Going through said:

People get restraining orders for protection, normally.

She also has to provide some sort of proof/evidence for the restraining order to be approved.  What type of proof did she submit?

Thus far, the only proof I've seen is her affidavit.

[BuiQuang 95]

5 minutes ago, lysander said:

The lesson? From what I can tell, it's that if you're going to sponsor an immigrant spouse, be sure that you are going to be able to provide at least SOME of her support without the help of your parents.

This is basic common sense.

[lysander 14]

1 minute ago, BuiQuang said:

This is basic common sense.

I guess I lack common sense then, huh? Sucks to be me.

[caliliving 606]

32 minutes ago, lysander said:

If that's all she wants, fine. You're probably right. But in that case, what's the point of a restraining order? If she doesn't need to go the VAWA route, why get it?

 

Also, I notice people are advising me to contest the restraining order. Why should I, if she has nothing to gain by it? If it's just a matter of us going our separate ways, why not let her get the restraining order so she can feel "safe" that I'm not going to harass her (not that I was harassing her anyway; I was only texting her back when she texted me to try to start an argument)?

She. Prob thinks she n weds it to p rive the marriage is real for ric...most foreigners r told to file for any kind of abuse as it helps 

[BuiQuang 95]

2 minutes ago, lysander said:

I guess I lack common sense then, huh? Sucks to be me.

Yes and yes.

 

Bring an immigrant wife to US and expect her to go to work or start a business to support you while you no work is lack common sense.  People warned you and you ignored them.

[lysander 14]

3 minutes ago, caliliving said:

She. Prob thinks she n weds it to p rive the marriage is real for ric...most foreigners r told to file for any kind of abuse as it helps 

Yeah, her approach to everything immigration-related seems to be to throw in the whole kitchen sink just to be sure. She was the same way about her embassy interview. Her documentation and memorization of all the facts needed to prove her case that our relationship was legit and that our marriage could work was very comprehensive. She was prepared for all the counter-arguments and addressed them effectively.

[lysander 14]

2 minutes ago, BuiQuang said:

Yes and yes.

 

Bring an immigrant wife to US and expect her to go to work or start a business to support you while you no work is lack common sense.  People warned you and you ignored them.

Some people warned me. Others said go for it. This board wasn't the only place I consulted. You did happen to be right, though. So, mark it up as further proof of VisaJourney's superior advice, I guess.

[Villanelle 4,122]

A restraining order is a HUGE deal. Under no circumstance should you avoid going and let it be placed on you. It will impact you for the rest of your life. You wont be able to purchase a gun, you wont be able to pass background checks for certain jobs. It will be on your record forever.