Marriage headed in downward spiral

[zee19 3]

So I'm looking for advice on what options I have? My husband came here on  K-1 and he's approaching his 2yrs. But for the past year I have noticed changes in his behavior. A couple of months after he came he went to visit some family in a different state and when he came back i discovered he was attempting to hook up with a friend of someone in the family (of course he denied). I tried to move past that but i couldn't trust him. Fast forward we have been having issues mainly supposedly infidelity. He has made some friends at work and around but although he mentions them by name he has never introduced me personally and I had went through our phone records and discovered he was talking to a female at odds hours. When confronted, he told me and everyone that it was a friend then turned around and got ano extra phone # which he didn't give to me(we'r on the same.plan). Since the 1st incident he doesn't let me havery access to his phone ( based on principles). We did have an incident after the last argument where I threw his things out due to anger and disappointed. Our families have tried to intervene but he tells them I'm too jealous and that when he was coming we had agreed that we were only going to "try". We barely talk and I recently asked if he was happy, he replied "I don't know". I  would not have spent my time and money to "try". He also let it slipped that he has been documenting everything that has happened. I know most will suggest a divorce but I'm not in the financial space right now to be able to.afford one and I believe he is only waiting to get his permanent GC to leave.

[Roel 7,193]

Well, the divorce is the only option if you don't want to be together.

If he's here for 2 years, I assume he has a conditional green card. He does NOT need you to get a 10 year old card.  All he has to do is to prove that he enters this marriage in a good faith.

[geowrian 22,338]

Looking at your timeline, you're likely to hear back on AOS soon. So if you want to divorce, then the sooner the better...and be sure to withdraw the I-864 or you'll be on the line for it for up to 10 years. It's possible to get approved without an interview from a K-1. Or seek marriage counseling if you want to continue to try to make it work. There's not really another (good) option...either try to make it work or divorce.

 

Best wishes.

Edit: After re-reading the post, I think the OP has a green card already and their timeline was just not updated yet, so the above is moot.

Edited September 17, 2017 by geowrian

[zee19 3]

I had given him that option but stated that I won't pay for it. He didn't respond. I can't speak for him but I think in his mind he believes we have to be together for the 2 yrs and after he receives the ROC he can leave. Or he's looking for me to pay the fee for ROC since I paid for the green card. At this time I am looking for a place to move out.

[Lemonslice 4,991]

16 minutes ago, zee19 said:

So I'm looking for advice on what options I have? 

Options:

Reconcile

Seek counseling

Get a lover, open up your marriage

Divorce with the help of a lawyer

Divorce by filing yourself

 

Many options, picking any of them does not change much of anything immigration wise

[Dutchster 1,107]

Divorce, move on and he can file ROC with a divorce waiver. 

[geowrian 22,338]

4 minutes ago, zee19 said:

I had given him that option but stated that I won't pay for it. He didn't respond. I can't speak for him but I think in his mind he believes we have to be together for the 2 yrs and after he receives the ROC he can leave. Or he's looking for me to pay the fee for ROC since I paid for the green card. At this time I am looking for a place to move out.

Can you clarify if he does have the green card yet or not?

 

If he doesn't have the green card yet and you divorce (and pull the I-864), then he cannot adjust status and he will need to either leave the US (or stay illegally...and the AP and EAD will be cancelled as well). If he has a green card already, he can do ROC with or without you to get the 10 year green card.

 

Edit: Assuming he does have his green card, ignore my earlier post.

Edited September 17, 2017 by geowrian

[zee19 3]

Thanks

[NikLR 13,232]

Just because you can't afford to divorce doesn't mean you have to live with this relationship.  I suggest separating if you're not happy (and you obviously aren't.)  Remove him from your bank accounts, etc... Find a new place to live or agree that he will.  You don't have a new place alone, sometimes we all have to crash on a friend's couch for a bit.  

 

He doesn't need you for ROC but he will need you to jointly file OR be divorced (or prove abuse... Highly suggest you don't yell, scream, throw anything, etc... walk away when you're mad.  Go for a drive to the middle of no where and scream if you need to.)

[Blessed21 141]

If you not happy  in your relationship and you have tired to make things  work. I suggest you leave and remove  him from everything  you have jointly. If he has not got his GC  yet remove  yourself from the affidavit of support let him pay for everything himself.

 

But think  of yours self  first and what makes  you happy. Am sorry your going  through  this  my God give strength  to leaves  that horrible  situation. Take time  for yourself  to heal and just remember  u will find  someone great  when ur ready  to date  again. Good luck to you. 

[Noe&Estella 57]

First and foremost seek Christ. Ask Him to guide you and that'll surely not be a divorce. Find a church ⛪ get involved. There is churchs out there that will give you and your husband free marriage counseling year round. Have faith and trust in Jesus Christ.

[janet3 1,170]

28 minutes ago, Noe&Estella said:

First and foremost seek Christ. Ask Him to guide you and that'll surely not be a divorce. Find a church ⛪ get involved. There is churchs out there that will give you and your husband free marriage counseling year round. Have faith and trust in Jesus Christ.

Not quite sure how Christ is going to help here. If someone is unhappy with the situation they are in at the present moment that person should work on making their life better and remove themselves from the situation. Life is too short to be miserable. 

[Auds 223]

1 hour ago, Noe&Estella said:

First and foremost seek Christ. Ask Him to guide you and that'll surely not be a divorce. Find a church ⛪ get involved. There is churchs out there that will give you and your husband free marriage counseling year round. Have faith and trust in Jesus Christ.

 

I really don't know how people think it's okay to thrust their personal beliefs of someone in the sky as a solution to a real problem.

 

A marriage that involves cheating is best ended unless one is okay with arrangements such as open marriages.

[POA 178]

55 minutes ago, janet3 said:

Not quite sure how Christ is going to help here. If someone is unhappy with the situation they are in at the present moment that person should work on making their life better and remove themselves from the situation. Life is too short to be miserable. 

Agreed! The people involve should and could do something to not prolong their agonies. 

[JoBri 548]

10 hours ago, Lemonslice said:

Options:

Reconcile

Seek counseling

Get a lover, open up your marriage

Divorce with the help of a lawyer

Divorce by filing yourself

 

Many options, picking any of them does not change much of anything immigration wise

Oh, you left an option out: Live with it