I need urgent help. Please!

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

Are you in Los Angeles? Are you saying that all shelters in Southern California are full? Please call around and get yourself to a safe place.

[Springrain22 427]

If you were in NYC, I'd hug you for an hour. Oh life.

[Gratitude 2]

13 hours ago, sparrowxxx419 said:

Call the organizations first thing tomorrow.

 

I'd advice you lock yourself in till in the morning. Just ignore him and play asleep. You just never know what this kind of person will do next. If you have the contacts of his close family members i'd advice you call them if that'll help him calm down.

 

All the best and you can always post on this thread on your developments. 

His family lives down the street. Apparently, everyone in the neighborhood hates me for being a rat and calling the coos cos 'nobody calls the cops here!'

[Gratitude 2]

1 hour ago, Aviinashh M said:

Did you call the shelter places ? what did they say ???

I've been on the phone for hours, calling and calling. They keep referring me. I am looking for a place That takes walk ins at this point. 

[sparkles_ 456]

1 minute ago, Gratitude said:

I've been on the phone for hours, calling and calling. They keep referring me. I am looking for a place That takes walk ins at this point. 

http://dpss.lacounty.gov/wps/portal/dpss/main/programs-and-services/specialized-supportive-services/battered-women-shelters-and-walk-in-centers/

[sparkles_ 456]

You will want to make one stop on your trip to the shelter you find for yourself. To the magistrate to get a protective order against this man, or ask if the shelter you would go to will assist with this. You can get a protective order at any hour of the day, even at 3am on a Saturday if you fear for your life. 

[dnyal 32]

I most certainly do not condone your husband's behaviour, but as a physician, I can't but notice he might be displaying features of either bipolar or even schizophrenic disorder and he obviously has paranoid delusions. Psychiatric patients are often like that: they seem very normal and then they deteriorate fast. Very, very often, psychiatric conditions manifest after intense emotional periods or revolve around emotional matters. To put it simplistically, mental illnesses are affections of the emotions, and it is no surprise he took your marriage (and thus you) as the center of his emotional bursts. Given that marriage is seemingly the most important emotional aspect of your lives right now because it is a great transition, it is logical that his psychiatric disorder would gravitate towards that.

 

Bein pragmatic, what you should do first is get him assessed by a board-certified psychiatrist and get that diagnosis on his clinical history. Why? You would have two choices: 1. He could start his meds and get counceling and with your help (if he's not behaving violently against you anymore and you are willing), you two could mend your marriage and you might get your "old" husband back; 2. His psychiatric condition could be a powerful reason to use for the immigration judge so you can get some relief in your AOS process. 

 

Most importantly, as a professional, I do not recommend that you stay in such a dire environment if the situation is this grievous and while he is this unstable. You should choose your safety first because unstable psychiatric patients are very, very unpredictable in their behaviour. Of course, it is ultimately your choice.

Edited September 15, 2017 by dnyal

[Going through 5,671]

An important thing with VAWA is documentation/proof of the abuse..whether physical, mental or emotional.

It is good you've called the police on him once and that they confiscated his firearm.  That started a record of police interaction in your household, which will be helpful to you as well in the long run not only for your personal safety but also for immigration purposes.

 

You called the police once, do not hesitate to call the police again tonight if his behavior escalates.  If he physically touches you in a violent manner call them immediately and have him arrested/removed from the home for your safety.  Who cares what your neighbors think--they're not the ones going through this.

[sparrowxxx419 31]

On 9/15/2017 at 1:16 PM, Gratitude said:

His family lives down the street. Apparently, everyone in the neighborhood hates me for being a rat and calling the coos cos 'nobody calls the cops here!'

Hey,how are you? Did you get any shelter or a safe place to stay? 

 

what people or your neighborhood says about you calling the police. Like someone said on here,DON'T HESITATE to call the laws if he grabs or touches you violently again.

 

I hope you are able to sort things out. Your'e in my thoughts and prayers.

Edited September 18, 2017 by TBoneTX
to remove profane term

[Gratitude 2]

12 hours ago, sparkles_ said:

http://dpss.lacounty.gov/wps/portal/dpss/main/programs-and-services/specialized-supportive-services/battered-women-shelters-and-walk-in-centers/

Thanks. I did contact these numbers. The 'walk ins' don't allow walk ins. You have to make an appointment. I walked into one of them. Well, after firet driving there. And called them all beforehand. That's when they told me you can't just walk in. Some take 2 days to return call avcording to voicemails

12 hours ago, Springrain22 said:

If you were in NYC, I'd hug you for an hour. Oh life.

Ure sweet. Thanks so much. I receive that hug. 

[Gratitude 2]

12 hours ago, sparkles_ said:

You will want to make one stop on your trip to the shelter you find for yourself. To the magistrate to get a protective order against this man, or ask if the shelter you would go to will assist with this. You can get a protective order at any hour of the day, even at 3am on a Saturday if you fear for your life. 

Thank you. I will definitely get a restraining order when I get out of here. 

[Gratitude 2]

12 hours ago, dnyal said:

I most certainly do not condone your husband's behaviour, but as a physician, I can't but notice he might be displaying features of either bipolar or even schizophrenic disorder and he obviously has paranoid delusions. Psychiatric patients are often like that: they seem very normal and then they deteriorate fast. Very, very often, psychiatric conditions manifest after intense emotional periods or revolve around emotional matters. To put it simplistically, mental illnesses are affections of the emotions, and it is no surprise he took your marriage (and thus you) as the center of his emotional bursts. Given that marriage is seemingly the most important emotional aspect of your lives right now because it is a great transition, it is logical that his psychiatric disorder would gravitate towards that.

 

Bein pragmatic, what you should do first is get him assessed by a board-certified psychiatrist and get that diagnosis on his clinical history. Why? You would have two choices: 1. He could start his meds and get counceling and with your help (if he's not behaving violently against you anymore and you are willing), you two could mend your marriage and you might get your "old" husband back; 2. His psychiatric condition could be a powerful reason to use for the immigration judge so you can get some relief in your AOS process. 

 

Most importantly, as a professional, I do not recommend that you stay in such a dire environment if the situation is this grievous and while he is this unstable. You should choose your safety first because unstable psychiatric patients are very, very unpredictable in their behaviour. Of course, it is ultimately your choice.

His outburst usually come from not having sex in a 2 day period. By day 3, he's livid! 

Thanks so much for this. Quite honestly, I've been trying to get this man to a therapist since I started seeing signs of imbalance. In the meantime, I was diagnosing him myself in my head and I'm not medically inclined at all but desperate times. I came up narcissistic personality disorder, borderline, ADHD, and bipolar. To name a few. Again. This was just me. 

It would've been nice to get an official diagnosis, if for my own sanity. 

He refuses to see a therapy. In the beginning, he used to say that they would find something wrong with him away his right to a gun. 

Now that there's no gun and our marriage is in entire need of it. He says he will ho if I pay for it. Then he chooses the $800 bundle. He is basically looking for a way out indirectly. I suggested the pastor and his response was, 'what did I ever do to you to want to embarrass me so much? What are you trying to prove?' 

I've been looking for a shelter; hopefully, I find an apartment soon so I can move out once and for all. 

 

 

 

[Gratitude 2]

9 hours ago, Going through said:

An important thing with VAWA is documentation/proof of the abuse..whether physical, mental or emotional.

It is good you've called the police on him once and that they confiscated his firearm.  That started a record of police interaction in your household, which will be helpful to you as well in the long run not only for your personal safety but also for immigration purposes.

 

You called the police once, do not hesitate to call the police again tonight if his behavior escalates.  If he physically touches you in a violent manner call them immediately and have him arrested/removed from the home for your safety.  Who cares what your neighbors think--they're not the ones going through this.

I hate to say it but; There would probably be a hit out on me if I called the cops on this man again. 

I've asked the police for a copy of the report as they had promised the day of that they wouldn't leave here without giving me one. They told me that I wasn't the victim in the case, therefore I'm not entitled to the report. They gave me case number only. 

I don't really care what neighbors and others think. I'm too busy to care

Edited September 16, 2017 by Gratitude

[Gratitude 2]

PS. Sorry I disappeared on everyone. The site told me I had reached my reply limit. So I couldnt do anything for a while. 

I appreciate you all. 

Also, thanks for the PM's. You warm my heart. 

Edited September 16, 2017 by Gratitude

[Gratitude 2]

On 9/15/2017 at 10:28 PM, sparrowxxx419 said:

Hey,how are you? Did you get any shelter or a safe place to stay? 

 

what people or your neighborhood says about you calling the police. Like someone said on here,DON'T HESITATE to call the laws if he grabs or touches you violently again.

 

I hope you are able to sort things out. Your'e in my thoughts and prayers.

You're amazing. Thanks for checking up on me. After being on the phone in the care at the library parking for hours. I went and checked out one place in person and they gave me a business card to call them. I had to go to work. I only got home before midnight. I'll be back at it tomorrow. 

 

Edited September 18, 2017 by TBoneTX
to remove profane term from quote