VAWA, Part 9

[mr19840726 0]

7 hours ago, Roms2017 said:

Your safety first, you love her but she doesn't love you by the way why would you married some one that shout on you or slap you day before marriage? Humm seek for your safety first and look for attorney

I hoped that it was just the anxiety / depression / withdrawal that caused this and wanted to make sure she could see I'd stick with her through her tough times.

[Sandra G. 5,057]

On 1/28/2018 at 12:29 AM, mr19840726 said:

Hello all,

 

I'm a long time lurker on this forum and have another account (with a legitimate timeline), but I thought i'd try and post anon for some advice. I married my wife (USC) back in April 2017, and we filed my 130/485 back in August 2017 (there was no need to immediately file, I was over on an E2 visa on a long-ish term contract although now I'm using my EAD while waiting for GC). My wife suffers very badly from anxiety / depression and came off cymbalta last February which really affected her behavior and our relationship. Now, I love my wife very much, but from this point (feb 2017) her behavior and the way she treated me seemed to just continue to descend. She would get angry at me for little things, introduce a slew of double standards into our relationship and would insult me, swear at me, scream / yell at me, threaten me and slap / hit me. When April rolled round we decided to go through with the marriage because we love each other and wanted to make it work - despite the fact that the night before we got married, she spent several hours screaming at me and slapping me because of my past, even though she already knew about it (I have been open and honest about my past and the fact I have been with other people - everyone has a past, although she considers it a personal insult that I've been with anyone but her, even though she has of course been with other guys). Over the next almost 12 months, this behavior would be frequently repeated. She would get angry at me for something, anything - a comment I make to her that she takes the wrong way, she does something to upset me, it doesn't matter. It always starts small, and I'm always in the wrong. She will say incredibly hurtful things to me, compare me to her ex's, say they were better, i'm a terrible husband, scream shout, threaten to call USCIS and remove my petition, say it's fraud to them, threaten to divorce me and slap me. Whenever I ask her why she does this to me, it's always the same - either because she wants to hurt me because she perceives me to of hurt her by me being with anyone else in the the past before her, or some other issue like she is going through withdrawal from her antidepressant drugs, she's pregnant, she's no longer pregnant (we had to terminate it), she's starting a new anti depressant - It doesn't matter, she very rarely says she's sorry and it's always with an excuse. It's getting to the point where I actually feel pretty depressed myself. My wife is *very* controlling however, and doesn't like / want me doing anything without her, nor does she like me discussing our relationship with anyone in anyway unless it's to say 'it's amazing'. Maybe that's because of she doesn't want her behavior discovered, maybe it's because she genuinely doesn't want others to know of our issues. There are many examples of this... In Canada last June, she got very angry at me for not being able to use her camera properly to take good pictures of her. I'm not a photographer, but I did try. They weren't good enough, so she stormed off after screaming at me. I gave chase, apologized for not being able to use her camera when a car stopped on the road. Three women offered her a lift and told me not to go near them / my wife (I was about 20 yards away). I told them that I wasn't violent and was just trying to calm my wife down. One of them said that they bet I hit her (my wife), to which I repeated I'd never hit her, I wasn't a violent person and I knew what it was like to be hit by a partner. She brings up the fact I told a stranger that she hits me about once a month and no amount of apologizing makes up for it. Another example is back in September, things go so bad (she threw warm tea over me, while screaming at me, slapped me and threw the mug at my feet, the kitchen floor still has the scratch marks from it) that I ended up having to leave the house and call the police. They didn't do anything (thankfully, I don't actually want her to get arrested, but I didn't know that VA is an automatic state for domestic violence if there is physical evidence and the slaps don't show except for a red mark). Recently she has even resorted to turning the house power off, hiding my car keys, locking me out of the house, locking me in the basement, changing the pass-codes on some of my devices so I can't access them, prevent me from doing my school work (second MS degree), follow me around the house while screaming and banging things and banging on my office door until she put a hole in it. She continues to add double standards to our marriage. It's okay for her to take a significant quantity of money from our joint account without asking, but if I take anything it's a huge issue where she threatens me with divorce, deportation, fraud, ect - even though I make 80-85% of the money for our household. It's okay for her to do a list of things to me, that I can't do to her under any circumstances on threat of divorce (which is actually, one of the items - I can never mention us getting a divorce). she can access all my things, but it's okay for her to change her password whenever, and I need to ask to use anything of hers that contains any personal info. These are just some of the things that she's done that I can think of off the top of my head. 

 

When I moved over to the US, I brought my life savings with me and my wife and I brought a house together so as all my assets are over here, as is my job. I'd really prefer not to go back to Europe as I'm not settled her for the past 3 years. I do want to work things out with my wife, but I also hate the uncertainty and need some form of foundation in my life, rather than everything being up in the air. I've been told there is a process called VAWA that I may be eligible for. The problem here is the evidence. My wife is exceptionally controlling, so none of her / my friends / family know what's happening as it all happens at home in private and I'm not to discuss our relationship with anyone (I have told a friend once via a method she doesn't know). When she hits me, she knows how to slap me so that it hurts, but doesn't bruise or leave a mark beyond being slightly red. She won't let me go see a doctor about my possible depression because she says she understands it well enough, as she has had it for 10+ years and she doesn't want me discussing why i'm upset with a therapist. I have no proof that she has locked me out, nor in the basement, taken my keys or hit me. I have some minor evidence that she verbally abuses me (I managed to voice record her a couple of times, but she found out about them and made me delete them). she has access to my phone, email, facebook, everything. blocking her from any of these would cause apocalyptic issues. I really don't know what to do. I want things to work, but I also feel trapped as she keeps everything over me and makes me feel so powerless about my future. Does anyone have any suggestions? What evidence would I need if I went down the VAWA route? Can I do it while still married and living together and trying to sort things? What if I don't go down the VAWA route and she is angry on the day of our interview and either doesn't turn up, or intimates it's fraud? I just want to know what I need to do if her threats turn into reality or if I break and leave. I do want to try everything I can to stay with her, but I need to have some stability in my life.

 

Thanks for reading if you got this far. I appreciate any help!

 

M

First  of all your wife doesn't love you. Her abusive behavior has anything to do with depression. ABUSE IS A CHOICE. Go to a shelter  for victims of domestic  violence and then  file VAWA.

 

YOU have  to choose between filing  vawa or stay with her.VAWA was enacted for victims  of DV to flee from abuse. USCIS accepts if you file VAWA  and you are still  living  with her but you  should  move out asap. As soon you file vawa you should send a letter to USCIS asking  them to put your AOS on hold until final adjudication of your  VAWA  petition.

[Sandra G. 5,057]

On 1/28/2018 at 4:26 AM, recasy said:

@mr19840726 I'm really sorry about what you are going through. I am in a similar situation if not exact situation. I have spoken with an attorney and he is currently working on my VAWA application. I totally understand you, you need to meet an attorney in private to help you with your options and state getting evidence of abuse.

 

To All,

@mr19840726 case is very detailed and similar to mine. I stated visiting and following up  with this page since 1st of January.

I'm on F1 visa, trying to obtain my MSc. I married my USC wife in june 2017. White wedding, all her family was there (very large family). I've stayed in the dorm because it was better for me since I came to the US in 2016. Started leaving with my wife in an apt off campus in July. I never wanted to apply for AOS till I was sone with my program but my wife always forced it, saying she doesnt want me to leave... Well, I only applied for AOS in september because I needed the EAD too to work extra since I was almost done with my program and my assistantship (sch job) wasn't so much. My wife started abusing me towards the end of august last year. that night, I was so shocked.. I never knew a woman could be so aggressive to me. I'm 6'1" black and 240 lb. She woke me up to do the laundry, I accidentally made a mistake because I wasn't used to coin operated washer and dryer. So I exhausted the coins she gave me. I came back for more but I asked her to come show me how to use it so I dont make same mistake.. She started insulting my life, calling me all sort of names. Next thing she went to the sink and fetched hot water from the sink and poured on me. Forced me to leave the house that night and then broke cup, trying to stab me with it. she ended up cutting my hand (I saved a pic of it, THANK GOD I did). When she saw the injury, she started begging. Since then, she would curse me out at every little thing. I later realised that she is addicted to narcotic drugs. I didnt know what to do. My performance in school last fall dropped so bad that my research adviser called me and was worried with my research work. I'm a sound student and I had always had funding althrough my program but I lost it after last semester. In november my wife stopped working for no reason, saying she was tired of working. The whole burden was on me, paying all the bills with just 20hrs weekly work on campus. I saved money for rent that month and she threatened me to give her, I told her no. She punched the hell out of me until I started bleeding from my nose. Then she begged again. Later that night she still called the police on me to report me that I stole her money. Luckily (God bless American police). They listened to my side of the story and only asked me to give her $50 to calm her down. Everyday this lady fights and curses me out. She has spent over $5000 from my credit card. I am so broke now and in debt. My bank account is zero, and our joint bank account has been closed down because she made it go negative. Broke my laptop screen sometime. I couldnt take it anymore so I started calling the police. The parents are aware of the situation. Now she threatens she will kill me if I divorce her, and she would report me for fraud marriage. She doesnt like talking to my parents on phone for no good reason. Always shying away from them. Sometime in December last year we went to her mother's house and she got mad and started punching me. Her mother was so surprised. I was shocked too because she didnt respect her mum and dad and fought me infront of them. I immediately called the police but she ran away from the house. the mom and dad begged too, when the police came I told them I had resolved the issue. I couldnt take it anymore, one day last month, she started taking he pills (popping pills like she says) and started acting crazy. I left the house and called the police immediately because I dont want to be involved with drugs. The police came and took the drugs but she wasnt arrested. I went ahead to get a restraining order. She left the house but her parents didnt allow her go into their house because they now know her attitude (she fought her mom sometime).. She ended up going to the shelter, so I had to go back to court and withdraw the petition. I love my wife and cant watch her suffer. I was diagnosed of severe depression by my school counselor. I have reported my incidents to my school TITLE IX director and she is helping me out with legal resources. I was almost dropping out of school because I dont have money this semester for school. My International students office have promised to help my situation by helping out to get a medical report to help me register for reduced course load. My professors have also helped out to reduce pressure on my research.

 

My attorney says I have a strong case because, I have police reports, letters from counselor, restraining order, and pictures of injuries. He said I dont need a declaration too. I have tons of pics from wedding and random pics of us and family members. Auto insurance on our names and car tittle on our names. My marriage to her is bonafide. He said Just the i-360 forms are fine. I have state police criminal history report and police report from my home country.

My question is, will my case be approved without a declaration essay?

You need to submit your  own affidavit.  Are you sure this man/woman is an attorney? It's  unbelievable  the number  of ####### attorneys  in this  Country.

[Sandra G. 5,057]

Ingodshold94-

 

You should inform  the field office that  you filed VAWA, ask them to put  your AOS on hold.  USCIS  is messy when updating address. FIle AR11 for your AOS, wait  10 days and go to infopass to make sure  they  updated  your address.

Edited January 29, 2018 by sandranj

[Sandra G. 5,057]

If Uscis scheduled  the  interview  the  person  MUST attend  the AOS interview, but  if they didn't  schedule then the person should ask the field  office  to put  on hold  the AOS.

 

[sunkissed1 6]

Hello everyone, hope your week is coming great given all we have to live with...

 

I know there’s a letter on the USCIS site that states VAWA applicants can get FAFSA with the Prima facie. 

I’m on the FAFSA website trying to apply and of course it’s asking for a social which I don’t have 😏🤔

 

does it mean I have to go to the campus office to apply on paper or how do you all do it ( I mean those without a social) thank you

[iwillsurvive 254]

23 minutes ago, sunkissed1 said:

Hello everyone, hope your week is coming great given all we have to live with...

 

I know there’s a letter on the USCIS site that states VAWA applicants can get FAFSA with the Prima facie. 

I’m on the FAFSA website trying to apply and of course it’s asking for a social which I don’t have 😏🤔

 

does it mean I have to go to the campus office to apply on paper or how do you all do it ( I mean those without a social) thank you

Don’t you have to have a valid state ID or EAD to study?

[sunkissed1 6]

12 minutes ago, iwillsurvive said:

Don’t you have to have a valid state ID or EAD to study?

🤔 I don’t follow your train of thought 💭 

and not sure how your question helps answer my question 🤔

[iwillsurvive 254]

5 minutes ago, sunkissed1 said:

🤔 I don’t follow your train of thought 💭 

and not sure how your question helps answer my question 🤔

Well if you have your EAD you can use it to apply for your SSN and that way you can enter the SSN when applying for FAFSA

[sunkissed1 6]

1 minute ago, iwillsurvive said:

Well if you have your EAD you can use it to apply for your SSN and that way you can enter the SSN when applying for FAFSA

No I don’t. Hence, my question LOL

All I have is the Prima facie 😊

[Ilo 105]

46 minutes ago, sunkissed1 said:

No I don’t. Hence, my question LOL

All I have is the Prima facie 😊

Lol, we're you able to get admitted with just the prima facie?🤔

[Hopemama 37]

1 hour ago, iwillsurvive said:

Well if you have your EAD you can use it to apply for your SSN and that way you can enter the SSN when applying for FAFSA

I am international student getting Ssn by on campus work. Then, i got alien number on prima facie. I tried to apply for FAFSA , providing both alien and ssn . but they (FAFSA website) said my ssn is not for welfare. I cannot apply for FAFSA so far. 

[iwillsurvive 254]

2 minutes ago, Hopemama said:

I am international student getting Ssn by on campus work. Then, i got alien number on prima facie. I tried to apply for FAFSA , providing both alien and ssn . but they (FAFSA website) said my ssn is not for welfare. I cannot apply for FAFSA so far. 

Did you put your SSN on your I-360? If yes, I would call their hotline and speak to someone. 

[Ikeyes 0]

12 hours ago, sandranj said:

Ingodshold94-

 

You should inform  the field office that  you filed VAWA, ask them to put  your AOS on hold.  USCIS  is messy when updating address. FIle AR11 for your AOS, wait  10 days and go to infopass to make sure  they  updated  your address.

Thank you very much Sandra for your help.

 

I did not receive my EAD last week so I made an infopass to inquire about it.

In my case I had my GC approved and mailed to me but I was experiencing a lot of abuse from my wife to the extend she told me she will bring people to come and teach me a lesson.she attacked me.i was very afraid for my life so I got the police involved and the police help me moved out.two weeks later when I moved out,the USCIS approved my GC  they mailed it but I was not at the address so the post office returned my card.

 

I got an alert in my email so I changed my address to my current place of stay .

 

This has been 9 months now I request that it could be mailed to my current address  but haven't received it .

There was a recent update that the USCIS is holding my card for a year .. that I should request it to be resent to me otherwise Its being held for a year after which they will destroy it .

 

I made an infopass in June 2017 to request for it .the officer told me once is been approved I have to get it ..so she will make a request for it to be resent to me...I waited three months after I didn't hear anything about the card .

I received a letter in the mail with an orange form requesting for address details .I filled them out and mailed it back to the USCIS.

 

This has been 9months I waited now my EADis about to expire and I have a pending VAWA with the USCIS.... I saw a recent update that my EAD was completed and haven't received it yet so I made another infopass to inquire about my EAD just last week.

 

The officer told me since I have an APPROVED GC I don't need the EAD so he's going to request that they resend my GC. But it normally takes three month to be resent to me .

 

I'm very worried because my current EADexpire in couple of weeks from now.

 

Please kindly help me with an advice on what I can do 

 

Thank you 

 

 

[Mnmnm 11]

39 minutes ago, Ikeyes said:

Thank you very much Sandra for your help.

 

I did not receive my EAD last week so I made an infopass to inquire about it.

In my case I had my GC approved and mailed to me but I was experiencing a lot of abuse from my wife to the extend she told me she will bring people to come and teach me a lesson.she attacked me.i was very afraid for my life so I got the police involved and the police help me moved out.two weeks later when I moved out,the USCIS approved my GC  they mailed it but I was not at the address so the post office returned my card.

 

I got an alert in my email so I changed my address to my current place of stay .

 

This has been 9 months now I request that it could be mailed to my current address  but haven't received it .

There was a recent update that the USCIS is holding my card for a year .. that I should request it to be resent to me otherwise Its being held for a year after which they will destroy it .

 

I made an infopass in June 2017 to request for it .the officer told me once is been approved I have to get it ..so she will make a request for it to be resent to me...I waited three months after I didn't hear anything about the card .

I received a letter in the mail with an orange form requesting for address details .I filled them out and mailed it back to the USCIS.

 

This has been 9months I waited now my EADis about to expire and I have a pending VAWA with the USCIS.... I saw a recent update that my EAD was completed and haven't received it yet so I made another infopass to inquire about my EAD just last week.

 

The officer told me since I have an APPROVED GC I don't need the EAD so he's going to request that they resend my GC. But it normally takes three month to be resent to me .

 

I'm very worried because my current EADexpire in couple of weeks from now.

 

Please kindly help me with an advice on what I can do 

 

Thank you 

 

 

Hi @Ikeyes

I had the same exact situation except the card was my EAD. What I did was I made an inquiry and request through my congressman which helped me a lot and replied to USCIS with the orange paper which was a change of address and also wrote my request to them in writing. The request in writing is imperative. Write about your situation and why you couldn’t receive it, your current address and that you’ve applied for VAWA. 

Hope this will help 

Edited January 30, 2018 by Mnmnm