annulment/divorce questions

[injejo14 17]

Just now, Amiss5572 said:

Thanks for your input and I really appreciate it. I can try to understand how difficult it must be for him. But he keeps it bottled up inside. Then it comes out and I have no idea he feels that way and I take it as an attack on me. Whats so frustrating for me is when I then try to discuss it with him and he just tells me I'm argumentative. Like an 8 year old child.

 

It is not me that is willing to throw everything away. If he was able to take accountability for what he says and does, I could really see something working out for us. But he can't. He blames everything on me. Even when he came home wasted last night. Who would go to a strangers house to get drunk then come home and just want to leave the country? Expecting me to drive him to the airport at 11 at night after he didn't communicate with me. I asked him to come home so we could talk and he just ignores me and says he's going to get drunk. He acts like he dosnt care about me and I've also got a son who looks up to him. If he called me up and said, I really want to talk about things and make it work. Then I'd do whatever it takes.. But his ego is too big for that. So I'm at the point where I have to put up defenses to not be completely heartbroken. Usually I go chasing after him, begging him to come home and how sorry I am. I just can't keep doing that because it impacts my self esteem and self worth. 

i hear you... the problem sometimes is that guys (yes, not all) aren't as introspective as most women are. so unless he acknowledges that he has a problem, nothing will change.

I am sending big hugs to you. This too shall pass. 

 

[LionessDeon 2,060]

36 minutes ago, Amiss5572 said:

Yeah my computer login is different then my cellular. I was a bit embarrassed because prior to this my post have been positive looking for advice on the visa. Oh well. 

 

I would hate to contact a lawyer because I've already spent so much money on this process. All the trips over rhe last 3 years. But I will contact one next week. Thanks 

Don't be embarrassed! We all go through things and plenty of relationships/marriages don't work out. It's especially hard being LDR and trying to get to know someone!  People here can be very knowledgeable and helpful.   I just wanted you to get accurate proper legal advise so you can choose the best option for you. I wish you the best!  

[MeAlone 161]

3 hours ago, Amiss5572 said:

Do they have the annulment papers on the group? Couldn't find anything. And how long was the process for you? Would the drinking problem and not being honest with me be a valid reason? 

Also did you use a lawyer for your case? 

I don't know if VJ has the annulment or divorce forms, you need to look online in your state, I did. I did not use a lawyer but it was lots of research and doing the legal writing myself.

Drinking problems and not being honest can be a good cause but it all depends of your writing, how do you present it and of the judge. If you do well all your file, it may work the annulment. My case took 4 months but I didn't know how to do it and it took time to realize I can do the legal publication in my state. No lawyer saves you lots of money though and probably time too. Good luck!

[Boiler 45,525]

There really should be an Annulment Forum on VJ, a very common subject.

 

I see no immigration issues for you, just a Divorce situation and sounds simple, especially if he just signs before or after he leaves.

 

Consult with a local lawyer.

[RO_AH 1,659]

I just went through a divorce and did not use a lawyer. I used a person that provides paralegal services and also divorce/probably annulment too. It was a much less expensive route to go. From what I understand annulments are fairly easy with a marriage as short as yours. Best of luck to you.

[Boiler 45,525]

4 minutes ago, RO_AH said:

I just went through a divorce and did not use a lawyer. I used a person that provides paralegal services and also divorce/probably annulment too. It was a much less expensive route to go. From what I understand annulments are fairly easy with a marriage as short as yours. Best of luck to you.

Why did you not do an annulment?

[RO_AH 1,659]

7 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Why did you not do an annulment?

My marriage was 27 years.

[Ortolan 381]

Get one hour of a professional attorney's time and ask about the possibility of annulment, if that's what you want; at least you'll know if it's possible. With a marriage that short, I'd try for one too.

[Amiss5572 2]

2 hours ago, RO_AH said:

I just went through a divorce and did not use a lawyer. I used a person that provides paralegal services and also divorce/probably annulment too. It was a much less expensive route to go. From what I understand annulments are fairly easy with a marriage as short as yours. Best of luck to you.

I did speak with a lawyer and he again said it's very hard for an annulment. I just get nervous that he's going to give me such a hard time with the divorce. He didn't sign anything and probably won't send me anything so I'll have to have someone serve him. The lawyer told me 1500. To me thats just not something I even want to spend. He should be obligated for half of it. 

 

Then I think what if he goes home and can't get a job again.. Or just remains unemployed for a time. He could try to go after me for money. It's crazy cuz it's only been 1 month of marriage and he was the one to want to constantly end it and go back home. Just feel like I've really screwed myself over with this one. 

[Villanelle 4,122]

23 hours ago, Amiss5572 said:

I did speak with a lawyer and he again said it's very hard for an annulment. I just get nervous that he's going to give me such a hard time with the divorce. He didn't sign anything and probably won't send me anything so I'll have to have someone serve him. The lawyer told me 1500. To me thats just not something I even want to spend. He should be obligated for half of it. 

 

Then I think what if he goes home and can't get a job again.. Or just remains unemployed for a time. He could try to go after me for money. It's crazy cuz it's only been 1 month of marriage and he was the one to want to constantly end it and go back home. Just feel like I've really screwed myself over with this one. 

The worst thing that can happen is he gives you a hard time with the divorce. But its not the end of the world. The divorce will still happen. If you want a divorce theres nothing the other person can do to stop it.

 

Basically you guys try to make an agreement and if you can not then the judge will rule on whatever issue you are having. By you filing you have a slight advantage because you can somewhat dictate the pace of it. You serve him with papers and he has a limited number of days to respond. It goes back and forth like that. It can go on for a short time or a long time depending on how long you 'let it'. You may find if you give a little he will sign quicker or you can take a hardline approach and refuse to give him anything and let the judge decide if hes entitled to anything. Most likely because of the short duration he is not entitled to anything. A divorce lawyer can advise you of such.

 

You also do not have to use an attny. Plenty of people file by themselves. You can also look into legal aid- depending on your income. Use google to find the number to your local legal aid place. As for the fees- they can be worked into the divorce. Either where the costs are ordered to be split or one person is ordered to pay both parties costs and legal services.

 

The only good news is you didnt file for AOS- so there is no 864. You are very lucky for that. If there was an 864 he could have come after you for money. So count your blessings! 

 

Also I just want to mention even though its probably not applicable since he talks about going home so often- but when someone is in this situation(where there is no AOS filed and wont be because of a divorce) the person has to be very careful to protect themselves from accusations of abuse. Its the only path he can take to get a greencard. So never be alone with him. Have all your contact be through the attnys. The last thing you want is to be set up for an abuse charge so he can use it to obtain a GC>

[MeAlone 161]

Once he realize, he can't get any financial support, he won't give you a hard time, just don't let him to accuse you for the violence or any problem.

 

But maybe there is a chance to save your marriage? Is he willing to work on your marriage together?

[Barbsco630 1]

On 8/28/2017 at 0:50 AM, MeAlone said:

Once he realize, he can't get any financial support, he won't give you a hard time, just don't let him to accuse you for the violence or any problem.

 

But maybe there is a chance to save your marriage? Is he willing to work on your marriage together?

There is no way it will be worked out. He left and has even stopped so low to harass me because my mom wouldn't let him live here from his drinking. I am pretty sure this guy has npd. I wasn't able to see his manipulative, unampathetic says until he came here and I spent greater than 2 weeks at a time with him. He's just a really unhappy person who brought me down. I don't think it's right you have only 90 days to marry because it's not enough time to realize your in something very unhealthy and get out. A person can portray themselves how they want through a phone. And if it's really unhealthy,  like they have a personality disorder, then maybe you weren't able to get out of it as easily as some people think. I will be accountsble and say that I allowed myself to be vulnerable to his ways. Live and learn and I'm going to divorce him as quickly as possible. Thanks for all the support 

[Boiler 45,525]

First you decide to marry, then apply for the visa and that is well before the 90 days.

[MeAlone 161]

1 hour ago, Barbsco630 said:

There is no way it will be worked out. He left and has even stopped so low to harass me because my mom wouldn't let him live here from his drinking. I am pretty sure this guy has npd. I wasn't able to see his manipulative, unampathetic says until he came here and I spent greater than 2 weeks at a time with him. He's just a really unhappy person who brought me down. I don't think it's right you have only 90 days to marry because it's not enough time to realize your in something very unhealthy and get out. A person can portray themselves how they want through a phone. And if it's really unhealthy,  like they have a personality disorder, then maybe you weren't able to get out of it as easily as some people think. I will be accountsble and say that I allowed myself to be vulnerable to his ways. Live and learn and I'm going to divorce him as quickly as possible. Thanks for all the support 

I understand you. Only 1 thing, short time or long time to marry doesn't matter, it all depends how honest are both, some couple marry in 1 day and live all life together, some ... any longer time dating and it's not working.

 

Annul or Divorce ASAP as our American law could make you responsible for his living and his mistakes if you stay married longer. Better sooner because you see it very clear, it won't work. My prayers to you