Need advice

[florida racer 73 200]

I am not one to vent my problems online, but the community has helped me in the past so if ya'll can offer some help to me please,

 

Back story, I married my wife from Ukraine on September 8th, I flew out of Florida on August 24th 2016. Everything has been great sine then, I have been to Ukraine 3 times since then for 30 days or more to visit with her. We filed our I-130 petition on November 21, 2016 and we received our NOA2 on August 14,2017. I worked out a deal to put a 34 foot travel trailer on my parents property and we can live there, my wife is refusing to live there felling like she will be a "hobo" living in a trailer, and she is against having any parents living near us, she wants an apartment (apartments are going for around $1000.00 plus utilities) we have been in a 1 and 1/2 day argument since I sent her the photos of the 5th wheel trailer I was going to buy for 10,000.00

 

My question is, am I wrong for wanting to live in a rv temporarily until we can afford a house, she wants a house/apartment right away but I do not have that kind of money right now. By the way I send her $50 or $100.00 usd ever week so she has money, she does not work, also I paid off a old loan she had from bank for $500.00 usd a while ago, I feel used and deceived. I have bent over backwards for her and earlier today she told me she is afraid to come to the USA because she thinks I would be her boss and she would be a slave, am I being set up?

 

I am trying to figure out my next step but I am at a loss, should I try to salvage this marriage or divorce her and move on and abandon her I-130 petition?

 

Thank you in advance for you advice and help

Edited August 24, 2017 by florida racer 73

[doggieandsam 765]

you are not wrong for wanting to live in an rv temporarily but she is also not wrong for not wanting to live in one. the more important question is, have you discussed this with her beforehand and made sure she was on board with your plan? i would personally not prefer to live in an rv myself nor would i be happy with my in-laws being constantly around. just my two cents.

[Alya and Joe 130]

24 minutes ago, florida racer 73 said:

I am not one to vent my problems online, but the community has helped me in the past so if ya'll can offer some help to me please,

 

Back story, I married my wife from Ukraine on September 8th, I flew out of Florida on August 24th 2016. Everything has been great sine then, I have been to Ukraine 3 times since then for 30 days or more to visit with her. We filed our I-130 petition on November 21, 2016 and we received our NOA2 on August 14,2017. I worked out a deal to put a 34 foot travel trailer on my parents property and we can live there, my wife is refusing to live there felling like she will be a "hobo" living in a trailer, and she is against having any parents living near us, she wants an apartment (apartments are going for around $1000.00 plus utilities) we have been in a 1 and 1/2 day argument since I sent her the photos of the 5th wheel trailer I was going to buy for 10,000.00

 

My question is, am I wrong for wanting to live in a rv temporarily until we can afford a house, she wants a house/apartment right away but I do not have that kind of money right now. By the way I send her $50 or $100.00 usd ever week so she has money, she does not work, also I paid off a old loan she had from bank for $500.00 usd a while ago, I feel used and deceived. I have bent over backwards for her and earlier today she told me she is afraid to come to the USA because she thinks I would be her boss and she would be a slave, am I being set up?

 

I am trying to figure out my next step but I am at a loss, should I try to salvage this marriage or divorce her and move on and abandon her I-130 petition?

 

Thank you in advance for you advice and help

hi, i only can you give you my opinion..i am russian, so our culture is very close to ukrainian and i can explain you some cultural differencies here..man, i do not think everything is that bad)) i can tell you for sure 100%, that living in the trailer is NOT COMMON in our culture and hardly 1 women from 10000 women would agree! For us (russians, ukrainians) - we always live in apartments and houses, so in this point she is right and the fact that she wants house or apartment actually shows serious intents about having family. About living together or very close to parents - unfortunately, in our countries there are huge amounts of divorses because people live togehter with their parents..here she is also right.  It does not mean they shoould not come, they are always welcome to visit you, BUT  - not to live together. Better if parents are not involved SO MUCH in your family life...i think this is the reason why she wants to live separately from parents.

About money and abandoning her i cant give you advise..its up to you, if you love her and she loves you, you will find compromise. Just remember, all people are deffereant and we have another cultual realities...so be tolerant and respectful to her opinion and SHE WILL BE tolerant and respectful to yours.  practical advise - better rent tiny apartment that you can afford...trailer you will get later)))

About her words about boss and slave - i hope it was just usual womens manipulation...as she wants you to do what she wants...if not, and she was serious, then it is the reason to think seriously for you if it worth to go on with this marriage...

GOOD LUCK. love will always win!

[BenjaminKeating 114]

As above, I don't think either of you are necessarily "wrong". 

 

(Not judging or trying to talk down on the situation) but it feels to me like the plan wasn't communicated to her and was more of a surprise? Apologies if I'm wrong. 

 

Has she been living in an apartment/house prior to this? I'm not sure I'd be particularly happy about moving into a trailer after living in an apartment but obviously everyone is different. 

 

I also appreciate her not wanting to live near parents, I wouldn't want to live next to mine or my wife's. We like our own space and have started our new life together and wouldn't want or appreciate our parents sticking their noses in or being in close proximity.

 

Communication will be the key to solving this. Best of luck

[KULtoATL 1,551]

Look, she's not American. It's probably not common for people in Ukraine to live in a RV semi permanently. It probably doesn't feel like a real home to her. Not wanting to live near your parents is also not something shocking because some people just prefer that their in-laws are not too close so that their in-laws won't interfere with the couple's life and marriage. 

 

As a married couple, truly, you should discuss things with each other first before trying to make a deal with a third party before you even make a decision together on the matter at hand. You showing her photos of the RV that you're planning to buy having made a deal with your folks probably caught her off guard. Had you brought your idea up to her first for a discussion and to make a joint decision on the new living arrangements, she could have disagreed  upfront and/or given you other suggestions to reach a compromise. 

 

There's nothing wrong with you wanting to live in a RV now while you save up for a real home BUT you're not a bachelor. You have a wife to be included and be taken into consideration. What she wants and how she feels is equally important as your wants and feelings too. 

 

About the money you spent on her to help her daily expenses and her old loan, did she ask that from you OR did you decide to do it on your own without her asking? If the latter, I don't think she's using you or setting you up. You're just angry now and thinking the worst of her.

 

The whole boss-slave comment, well, I think she just wants to be able to have her say in things as well and that you're not the only one to always decide on things and force her to go your way or the highway it is. 

 

If you think you should just quit this marriage so easily because of one argument, well, then you shouldn't have been married in the first place. Marriage is not all rainbows and unicorns. Always talk to each other before deciding on something that would affect the other person too.

[Carpe Vinum 2,330]

95% of Russian and/or Ukrainian women will not live in any kind of trailer. It is a cultural thing...Take Care...Boris...