Adjusting to America

[dave_ehssa 0]

Beautiful, wonderfully detailed post. I enjoyed it very much!

However, I would respectfully suggest breaking it up into paragraphs with some line spaces in between. I didn't read as carefully as I would have liked because it hurt my eyes!

Again, fantastic description, but please do our eyes this favor.

yeah ur right! i like the story but need to wear my eyeglasses to read it again. Thanks i did!

[KingQM 0]

One Question,,,,

Why has she not met your family? Your grown children? What do your children think about you marrying someone the same age or younger than them? The truth is I see so absolutely many of you guys in your 50's and 60's with these young filipinas women thinking that they are so in love with you and blah blah blah..OF COURSE they have no problem adjusting...you have taken them from the poorhouse to the palace..what woman WOULDNT complain??? I see these pictures and these girls look like they are standing next to their grandfathers. Give me a break!! Of course they have the house spotless when you come home...at least that will happen for the first 2 or 3 years. I've been through that whole road of BS before...never again. Two buddies of mine married some filipina girls, the girls became friends, or who knows, they were probably friends from before they "married" and the guys sent the girls back home to visit the families. They are sitting with the gals at the airline gate..the gals are talking in filipino and laughing, giggling, barely acknowledging the husbands, they were eyeing young men around them, of course all "innocent". My buddy noticed the ticket agent of the flight looking at them all very strangely, and continued to do so. After the plane departed, my buddy was watching the plane push back. The ticket gal came back and made some small talk, and my buddy proceeded to tell her that he was sending his wife home to visit, they met online, so on and so forth; well the ticket agent says "that's your WIFE?" kind of surprised like. He says 'yeah, why?" and then she asks him if he speaks filipino. He said of course not, and she said in a nutshell, "well, you gave her a nice amount of cash, a credit card and an ATM card?" he says yeah..I did, she's my wife and she's going to get some things for her family. Well the ticket agent says "sir, I speak filipino, I grew up in Manila, but I assure you that those are not her plans. You seemed like a nice man, and I wanted to tell you. I SEE THIS ALL THE TIME. My buddy says #######???!!! She says, yes, you gave her a lot of money, a credit card, an ATM, and a ticket to return in 3 weeks? Well, she's returning to the USA in 10 days, has a new cell phone already that you do not have the number to, and is not returning back to this city or on this airline. That's why she and her friend were giggling so much. He was dumbfounded and speechless. I didn't want to tell him I told you so. She called when she arrived, she called 2 days later, he called every night, until after a week of her being there, the families phone was disconnected, she was no where to be found, and he was already out 5 grand. GENTLEMEN WATCH YOUR BACKS. She never returned.

[Krikit 1,164]

One Question,,,,

Actually, that was way more than one question but your thoughts don't really matter in this particular thread, "King".

One of the things that really bothers me about this site is the tendency of some to jump to conclusions and make judgements based on a few sentences written by someone they know nothing about.

Michael, ignore this poster. You wrote a heartwarming story and you are both happy. Enjoy.

[Emancipation 2]

KritKat couldn't agree more...

I wonder why someone would read the OP's post and feel the need or responsibility to write such a horrific story to "stick it to him" and suggest he should come down off cloud 9 and take a sniff of reality?

Shame on you King.. You really need to read the following poem.... And leave perfectly healthy and wonderful relationships and the people in them alone.

Sometimes

Sometimes things don't go, after all,

from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel

faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail.

Sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.

A people sometimes will step back from war,

elect an honest man, decide they care

enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.

Some men become what they were born for.

Sometimes our best intentions do not go

amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.

The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow

that seemed hard frozen; may it happen for you.

-- Sheenagh Pugh

[KarenCee 3]

What a wonderful and very insightful story. This could be useful for *any* foreign spouse. My husband came here from Canada and left his WHOLE family behind...and he's not been able to see them for almost a year. He does talk to them regularly, but yanno, it's just not the same. Yet, he says he's fine. We talk a lot...and he doesn't hold his emotions in. I know there are times he misses his family and I hope we'll be able to fly home soon. He might not have had all the adjustments as your precious wife, but he still had a few and our ability to talk about them helps tremendously. I think it's incredibly sensitive of you to recognise all that you have about her adjustment and giving her the time she needs, as well as the outlet of talking about them. Sounds like you two are on the right track!

[ajames79 0]

I really enjoyed reading that! Continued success to the both of you!

[jg_am 0]

Thanks for sharing. I met my wife on a missions trip(both serving in Montana) so a few people from my church already knew her. That said, I got choked up reading how your church family has accepted her and anxiously awaited to meet her. It's nice to have that support family there.

[baby_honey31 0]

It is really a good post! I also got teary eyed while reading the last part. I can still remember how i said goodbye to my families back in the Philippines...it was really tough! Im very thankful to God because I am so blessed to have a new family here, and so far its been 14 months now since I arrived here and I am really enjoying it here. Im very happy for you and your wife, and im wishing you all the best...God bless you both!!!

[Robert and Tanya 0]

What a wonderful and very insightful story. This could be useful for *any* foreign spouse. My husband came here from Canada and left his WHOLE family behind...and he's not been able to see them for almost a year. He does talk to them regularly, but yanno, it's just not the same. Yet, he says he's fine. We talk a lot...and he doesn't hold his emotions in. I know there are times he misses his family and I hope we'll be able to fly home soon. He might not have had all the adjustments as your precious wife, but he still had a few and our ability to talk about them helps tremendously. I think it's incredibly sensitive of you to recognise all that you have about her adjustment and giving her the time she needs, as well as the outlet of talking about them. Sounds like you two are on the right track!

Well, I know how your husband feels and everyone who left their countries and families behind and moved to the US. I don't regret a bit and I met my husbnad here. I came here in summer 2005. Didn't expect to stay here more than for 4 months. But life is very tricky sometimes and brings a lot of surprises. I met my husband and we got married. It's 2007 now and I haven't seen my family for 2 years. I miss them a lot. I have never left my family for such a long time. First few months I was depressed a lot. My husband (I Love Him sooooo MUCH!!!) always were there to support me. We are planing to go to Russia next summer in July. I hope by that time I get my GC.

Thank you.

[MariaEric 0]

One Question,,,,

Why has she not met your family? Your grown children? What do your children think about you marrying someone the same age or younger than them? The truth is I see so absolutely many of you guys in your 50's and 60's with these young filipinas women thinking that they are so in love with you and blah blah blah..OF COURSE they have no problem adjusting...you have taken them from the poorhouse to the palace..what woman WOULDNT complain??? I see these pictures and these girls look like they are standing next to their grandfathers. Give me a break!! Of course they have the house spotless when you come home...at least that will happen for the first 2 or 3 years. I've been through that whole road of BS before...never again. Two buddies of mine married some filipina girls, the girls became friends, or who knows, they were probably friends from before they "married" and the guys sent the girls back home to visit the families. They are sitting with the gals at the airline gate..the gals are talking in filipino and laughing, giggling, barely acknowledging the husbands, they were eyeing young men around them, of course all "innocent". My buddy noticed the ticket agent of the flight looking at them all very strangely, and continued to do so. After the plane departed, my buddy was watching the plane push back. The ticket gal came back and made some small talk, and my buddy proceeded to tell her that he was sending his wife home to visit, they met online, so on and so forth; well the ticket agent says "that's your WIFE?" kind of surprised like. He says 'yeah, why?" and then she asks him if he speaks filipino. He said of course not, and she said in a nutshell, "well, you gave her a nice amount of cash, a credit card and an ATM card?" he says yeah..I did, she's my wife and she's going to get some things for her family. Well the ticket agent says "sir, I speak filipino, I grew up in Manila, but I assure you that those are not her plans. You seemed like a nice man, and I wanted to tell you. I SEE THIS ALL THE TIME. My buddy says #######???!!! She says, yes, you gave her a lot of money, a credit card, an ATM, and a ticket to return in 3 weeks? Well, she's returning to the USA in 10 days, has a new cell phone already that you do not have the number to, and is not returning back to this city or on this airline. That's why she and her friend were giggling so much. He was dumbfounded and speechless. I didn't want to tell him I told you so. She called when she arrived, she called 2 days later, he called every night, until after a week of her being there, the families phone was disconnected, she was no where to be found, and he was already out 5 grand. GENTLEMEN WATCH YOUR BACKS. She never returned.

Love knows no age, I know that much because I am myself in love and married to a man 19 years older than me. I left everything in Spain to be with him because he is in the military and has kids in the US, I have no kids and I had just finished college, it just did not make sense for him to move there and miss the chance of getting a pension for life and leave his kids while they are still too young. My living standards in the US are no different than in Spain, I come from a medium class family and I sure did not need to find someone to rescue me and find an easy way out of poverty. Unluckily it happens.

I do believe the post was out of place and so was the tone, but what he stated is a reality and it is happening every day. Just check the part of the forum concerning that type of issues, there are plenty of cases.

Before everyone jumps on me, this is NOT exclusive to the Philipinnes, nor exclusive to age gap relationships. But it is a fact that there are plenty of age gap relationships that involve a much older american man with a much younger filipina (there are also others like me, coming from another countries)

However, this does not mean all the filipinas are in relationships with americans just to better their lives and their families', your post implies so. It is a lack of respect to many filipino women and their american SOs,and i guess to any couple where the partners are many years apart.No one should be that judgemental.

Advicing for people to be cautious is one thing, stating their marriages are not gonna work because one partner is older than the other, or because of the origin of one of the partners is plain silly. Even if it were statistically true that those marriages tend to fail (i am guessing there is not statistical proof handy?) , it would only mean there is a higher probability for those marriages not to work, not that they wont.

To the OP, I wish you and your wife a very happy life together

[wong_watkins 1]

***WARNING***

A troll apparently appeared on this topic. Ignoring him is probably the best way to keep him from coming back.

[inlovewithearl 0]

hello michael and melajean,

nice that u two are together. i just arrived here in ohio just last may 22 and i just want to make acquiantance..im from cebu and speak the same language as milajane...im here in strongsville area

[*JG* 2]

I don't think anyone should be ignored, troll or not. The truth is it does happen all the time. We all pray it doesn't happen to us and feel sorry for those who it does happen to.

I am very happy for those who make it work. The sink holes are always there and it's a lot of work to overcome them sometimes. Most of the visa stories will have happy endings; but I do pay some mind to those who warn IF they have had experience in the process. I can always learn something from each and every one of you on here.

[inlovewithearl 0]

hello to u michael and milajean,

me and my fiance is happy for both of u.....praise god...i just arrived here in ohio just last may 22..i love it here off course with the man i love.we live in strongsville area.. i just want to make acquaintance with a fellow filipina especially one who speaks the language as i do..im from cebu city...

[Nicole_Michel2007 0]

I have one comment to make regarding a subject that I haven’t seen mentioned very much here. Following my sweetie’s interview and visa delivery, I traveled to her home to be with her family, to attend her college commencement exercises and then to be her escort to America. To those who have chosen to be an escort and traveling companion for their fiancés/spouses, you’ll understand. There is much dialogue discussing culture shock after arrival, but little is mentioned about tearful goodbyes. The time spent with her family prior to our departure was priceless. But, her dispendida party and the outpouring of affection and well wishes from family and friends, that last sunset, that last evening and those last moments together in her lifelong home, and especially the goodbyes was the most difficult and most emotional experience of my life. Each family member took the time to share a personal message with me, mostly expressing sincere appreciation and asking that I be good to her. I knew our departure would be tough, and she tried her best to be tough through the last hours. But even through the language barrier, the expression of emotion, both joy and happiness for her new life and the sense of impending loss, was overwhelming. It’s impossible to hold back. I was not prepared for the tears and the hugs and the intensity of the moment from a people who are traditionally very reserved and reluctant to show emotion and love. Her father and I hugged each other very tightly for a very long time. This entire experience has changed my life. You will be changed, too.

My parents and I have sat and talked about all the places we want to take Micho when he gets here - all the fun - all the family - the wedding etc etc. On one particular nite I became very "depressed" talking with them - I realized that while we sit here in utter excitement waiting for that day that he finally arrives - that day will also mean he leaves his family behind. I don't worry about his brother and sister as much as I do his mother. They both have wonderful spouses and children. But you see my fiance's father passed away when Micho was only 2 years old, he never had the chance for a complete education as he and his brother started working at a very young age to support his mother and his sister - right now at the age of 28 he's never been away from his mother for more than a nite at a time. And even then they are always on the phone. I urge him every day to bring her with him - if not indefinately - atleast for a few months at a time but she does not seem to want to travel. Although I know how much she loves and cares for me - I can not help but hear the resentment in her voice - I am taking her baby. Your words brought tears to my eyes as it confirmed my fears. I too intend to fly to Sryia and travel to the US with my fiance so he is not alone but i fear those last days and hours. He reassures me that while he t hinks of it he loves me and cannot wait to begin our life together, and that while there may be some hard times he knows we will get thru it all.

I have all the respect in the world for you - your story gives me strength. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.

Take care