Working on bringing spouse to US... can his ex-wife come too?

[JenATL 2]

Hi All,

 

I am a US Citizen planning to marry someone who currently lives in the UK, but he has both Italian and Moroccan citizenship.  

 

He was previously married (to an Italian woman) and they have 3 children together.  So because we would like to have as healthy of a shared parental environment as possible, we want to know how easily the mother can be involved with the children in the US.  How does it work if my new spouse and his kids come to the US to live with me... can his ex-wife gain some type of visa to also live in the same city as us so she can have access to the children?

 

Can anyone share success stories or things to be aware of for this type of situation?

 

Thank you,

Jennifer

[JenATL 2]

Hi Dee elle, 

Thank you for the quick reply.

 

So during the 3 years leading up to being a USC for him and the children.  He and the children can still get green cards to live in the US with me, correct?

 

And waiting till one of them is 21 will be too long.  the oldest is only 8 years old and they need to have their mother in their life too, so it sounds like living in the US might not be the best option if the mother can't live here close to them as well.

 

If she comes to the US on a B1 Visa, will they give her the max of 6 months on each visit if she says she is visiting her children?  Is that an acceptable reason for immigration to allow her to stay at length in the US?  And will they let her keep coming back if she leaves and comes back again after each 6 months?

 

And no, she has not given permission yet for the children to leave, but I know we will need that.  All that will happen in time because we are just now beginning to figure out this process.

 

Jennifer

[mcdull 474]

5 minutes ago, JenATL said:

Hi Dee elle, 

Thank you for the quick reply.

 

So during the 3 years leading up to being a USC for him and the children.  He and the children can still get green cards to live in the US with me, correct?

 

And waiting till one of them is 21 will be too long.  the oldest is only 8 years old and they need to have their mother in their life too, so it sounds like living in the US might not be the best option if the mother can't live here close to them as well.

 

If she comes to the US on a B1 Visa, will they give her the max of 6 months on each visit if she says she is visiting her children?  Is that an acceptable reason for immigration to allow her to stay at length in the US?  And will they let her keep coming back if she leaves and comes back again after each 6 months?

 

And no, she has not given permission yet for the children to leave, but I know we will need that.  All that will happen in time because we are just now beginning to figure out this process.

 

Jennifer

I'd like to offer a recourse for you, marry your guy, move to the UK, so you could be with your husband, and he could be with his kids and the kids could be with their mother.

[Crazy Cat 41,923]

24 minutes ago, JenATL said:

Hi Dee elle, 

Thank you for the quick reply.

 

So during the 3 years leading up to being a USC for him and the children.  He and the children can still get green cards to live in the US with me, correct?

 

And waiting till one of them is 21 will be too long.  the oldest is only 8 years old and they need to have their mother in their life too, so it sounds like living in the US might not be the best option if the mother can't live here close to them as well.

 

If she comes to the US on a B1 Visa, will they give her the max of 6 months on each visit if she says she is visiting her children?  Is that an acceptable reason for immigration to allow her to stay at length in the US?  And will they let her keep coming back if she leaves and comes back again after each 6 months?

 

And no, she has not given permission yet for the children to leave, but I know we will need that.  All that will happen in time because we are just now beginning to figure out this process.

 

Jennifer

The one thing the Mother absolute should NOT do is overstay an authorized visa or VWP.  An overstay could easily result in a multi-year ban.......and if her visits are "too often", it could also result in a ban and/or denial for entry.

 

 

Edited August 11, 2017 by missileman

[Georgia16 2,858]

23 minutes ago, JenATL said:

Hi Dee elle, 

Thank you for the quick reply.

 

So during the 3 years leading up to being a USC for him and the children.  He and the children can still get green cards to live in the US with me, correct?

 

And waiting till one of them is 21 will be too long.  the oldest is only 8 years old and they need to have their mother in their life too, so it sounds like living in the US might not be the best option if the mother can't live here close to them as well.

 

If she comes to the US on a B1 Visa, will they give her the max of 6 months on each visit if she says she is visiting her children?  Is that an acceptable reason for immigration to allow her to stay at length in the US?  And will they let her keep coming back if she leaves and comes back again after each 6 months?

 

And no, she has not given permission yet for the children to leave, but I know we will need that.  All that will happen in time because we are just now beginning to figure out this process.

 

Jennifer

She can't keep coming and staying at some point she will be refused entry. It's normal twice as long time home as in the us. 

 

Maybe leave the kids with her and then your husband can fly back and visit them? And they can visit you guys doing vacations?

[Unlockable 7,314]

Sorry but the is no way the ex will be able to come anytime soon. As mentioned the only eligible way is through the kids and they have to be 21.

 

But if having a healthy shared Parenthood environment is important you should expect options to live in the country/city with the ex wife.  Or have the children stay with the mother. Not everything has to stop with the US.

 

If she frequent the US too much she could be denied entry and have her visa revoked. 

Edited August 11, 2017 by NuestraUnion

[JenATL 2]

Hi Mcdull & NuestraUnion,

Yes, this is what my initial thoughts were and sound like what I will do.  But I had to at least explore if they would be able to come to the US because the income and housing situation would be better here.  But I definitely want what is best for the children, so after researching, it sounds like the UK or wherever in Europe the mom needs to be will be where we all land.

 

Hi Missleman & Georgia 16,

Yes, if she comes to the US, she will not overstay, but good advice on not visiting too often because it would not be good to get banned.

 

Thank you all

[Boiler 45,585]

Perhaps a USC husband, anybody you could introduce her to locally?

[JenATL 2]

Hi Boiler,

 

That's an interesting idea!  Of course I'd love for her to be successful in her future with someone but I don't know if I want to be responsible for either party if something happens to go wrong with their future relationship.   I'll keep your suggestion in mind though, thank you

[David & Diana R 1,005]

16 hours ago, JenATL said:

Hi All,

 

I am a US Citizen planning to marry someone who currently lives in the UK, but he has both Italian and Moroccan citizenship.  

 

He was previously married (to an Italian woman) and they have 3 children together.  So because we would like to have as healthy of a shared parental environment as possible, we want to know how easily the mother can be involved with the children in the US.  How does it work if my new spouse and his kids come to the US to live with me... can his ex-wife gain some type of visa to also live in the same city as us so she can have access to the children?

 

Can anyone share success stories or things to be aware of for this type of situation?

 

Thank you,

Jennifer

Okay, I'm not falling for this one!  hahahaha

 

[JenATL 2]

Hi David & Zoila,

 

I'm not sure what you mean, but this is a real question about my real life.  It's not the most desired or easiest situation for me, but out of love, I'm looking for genuine answers from this forum... so please help by providing feedback that is positive and encouraging for everyone  

 

<3

Jen

[Boiler 45,585]

Probably the most practical suggestion was for you to move.

 

Could she get a job transfer?

[Going through 5,671]

You have a very refreshing attitude on the whole ex-spouse/parental involvement thing....if only all step-parents could be like you. 

[R&OC 371]

I do like the questions you ask and appreciate posting a question of that nature in this forum.

 

We are a in a somewhat similar situation although it is still different. I am the mother of a ten and seven year old and until mid 2016, I did about 80% of the parenting/child caring all by myself. It become pretty clear, pretty soon that my now husband and I were really serious with each other. It also became pretty clear that my kids were not happy with the situation - they like the US but love their much greater independence over here. They have access to their biological dad and their grandparents and would prefer to stay here. Don't get me wrong, both say that eventually they may like to come to the US but right now? No. I was devastated and sad and felt the kids should love me more... but then we understood. Their biological dad plays an important role in their life and after some back and forth we tried out to decrease my parenting/caring and increase his share... by now we are close to 60:40 and will try a 50:50 model in which I will commute AND get the kids for every longer school break - (so effectively I still have the kids for more than 50% of the time but less than 50% of the year in Europe) but allow the kids to maintain their familiar environment.

 

I could have pushed the kids and influence the heck out of them and I chose not to as I think BOTH biological parents play an important role. I received my fair share of criticism. I heard some say that if thats the case I should have never married my husband. Others argue, I should have just taken the kids with me. We are trying for the happy medium and compromise but I happily report back in 1-2 years and let you know if the model still works for us.

 

And again, nothing is set in stone. If it doesn't work out - it doesn't work out and we will have to reconsider all positions. Even moving back to Europe for a while is not off the table.

[Coco8 1,042]

The advantage of living in the UK is that, if for some reason you need to move to the US relatively fast, there is "direct consular filing" (DCF) in London. That means that if you are both living in the UK, you can get a spousal visa in like 2 or 3 months, whereas the normal process if you are apart or in a country that does not have DCF (which is most countries) it takes 12-14 months. 

 

Also, take into consideration that for kids below 21 the process to come to the US with the father takes 1 year (if you file as a US citizen). If they are over 21 it would take more than 7 years. That is something to remember if the children would like to go to college in the US, for instance, and live with you guys if you are in the US while they go to college. I know you said it is a long time but these are things to remember just in case.