Divorces versus arrests

[Love To Teach 161]

I think my whole point regarding income is: If you can't support yourself, then you won't be able to support another person. It's simply personal responsibility. It's not cheap to bring someone over, then pay his/her every expense. It's just simply logical. I suppose the exception would be a highly trained person who could immediately get a job, but I'm thinking that's the exception rather than the rule.

[Love To Teach 161]

QUOTE:  It sounds like there are some issues here with age difference, religion/cultural differences, and maybe you don't share a common language. But it sounds like you've made a substantial investment of time. I wonder if your partner is doing the same? Has someone else filed a petition for him in the past? How many times has he been refused tourist visas? Is he still living with his "ex" wife and their kids?

 

I'm 16 years older, he's Muslim and I'm Christian (but we just believe there is one God), he speaks excellent English. He has been divorced for about 10 years, supports his kids who usually stay with him, never even had a girlfriend before we met. When I told him I wouldn't come to Pakistan years ago, he spent all he had to set up a business in Serbia, where I agreed to meet him. He lived there 3 years, doing business between Pak and Serbia. We met some great friends there! The fourth time his visa was expiring, they refused it because we would not put 15,000 dollars in our bank account there. It was also when that huge migration started and there were tons of people pouring into Serbia. So he just went back home to Pak and has conducted his business there since he returned. I ended up going there to get married...waited until I was really sure. I have made 2 visits there, was going to go this summer except his mom became critically ill and we were afraid she might pass away. If she did, I would not have been allowed to go to her funeral because her little village is near the Iraq border.  He owns a meat shipping business (from Pak to Serbia), plus he has been in tourism since he was 16, and now he's 50. He has traveled all over the world, with exception of US and Canada. He has never applied for visas for the US or Canada, as he was not taking tourists there. He lived in the UK while taking some classes there. He has never overstayed a visa nor gotten into trouble anywhere. Of course, the tourism industry has all but died there because of terrorism, especially when Arab Spring happened. He used to take tourists on the Marco Polo route, for example, but the mountains have become dangerous for tourists. He just applied for a job, I won't say where, but they wanted him to pay $4000 for the job, so he wouldn't take it. That's the way it is there, sadly. Honest people finish last. So the answer to your question is, he has basically changed his entire life for me. He is truly the kindest, most caring man I have ever met. I have seen him in every kind of situation, good and bad, and he stays the same. In fact, he keeps me calm...lol

 

PS--I guess I'm still in shock because we had so much evidence of our relationship: 6.5 years together, over 6 pounds of evidence, 7 trips to visit him....It's just crazy that they would think we were frauds....

Edited August 6, 2017 by Love To Teach

[JFH 12,190]

20 minutes ago, Love To Teach said:

I think my whole point regarding income is: If you can't support yourself, then you won't be able to support another person. It's simply personal responsibility. It's not cheap to bring someone over, then pay his/her every expense. It's just simply logical. I suppose the exception would be a highly trained person who could immediately get a job, but I'm thinking that's the exception rather than the rule.

Who decides how much you need to live? The poverty levels are totally arbitrary. You couldn't keep a goldfish on that amount in Manhattan but in other parts of the country many families survive on those levels. They don't take into account whether you smoke or drink, what debts you have, how much rent you pay (we pay very little because we help out on the land where we are renting and this is offset against our rent but that's not taken into consideration), how much of your food you grow or whether you buy everything at WholeFoods. Just because you think it's not enough to support someone, doesn't mean it can't be done. Why shouldn't my husband petition for me just because he doesn't have a good job? I didn't marry him for his money. Are you seriously suggesting that only highly-skilled spouses should be allowed in? 

 

I understand how bitter you are. I liken it to my inability to have children. I spent thousands on in-vitro procedures with my ex-husband who was extremely wealthy. We had a nice house, good jobs, plenty of money and we saw people on welfare having 6 children or more, people having children after one-night stands and other irresponsible behavior. Naturally we were very upset by this. But what could we do? We couldn't stop them having children just because we couldn't have one of our own. Even if we did feel that we would be much better parents. 

 

But you have to accept that there are some things in life you cannot control. And focus only on the ones which ARE in your control. 

[Cathi 5,771]

14 minutes ago, Love To Teach said:

I think my whole point regarding income is: If you can't support yourself, then you won't be able to support another person. It's simply personal responsibility. It's not cheap to bring someone over, then pay his/her every expense. It's just simply logical. I suppose the exception would be a highly trained person who could immediately get a job, but I'm thinking that's the exception rather than the rule.

FYI I'm disabled and brought my husband here. I am 100% independent and support myself. I'm not really quite sure why you think that just because someone is disabled they're unable to support themselves. Just goes to show your ignorance. Also, just because someone makes below the poverty level(the people you say are unable to support themselves)does not mean they can't support themselves or aren't responsible. They're also entitled to happiness as long as they can prove their significant other won't become a public charge. What you're not understanding is that when people bring over a significant other is that if they come with a CR1 they immediately receive a green card and thus are eligible to work and help support them self and US spouse immediately. If they come with a K-1 they are eligible to work as soon as they receive EAD-usually within 6 months or so as long as they file AOS. 
Obviously your case has red flags. Red flags in one of the most difficult consulates in the world. I have a friend I met here on VJ whose husband is from Pakistan, they had literally ZERO red flags-same age, same religion, no divorces, both college educated ect-and they were denied AFTER 2 and a half years in AP. When they received their NOIR they sent boxes and boxes of evidence then they were put back in AP for another 2 years before they were finally approved. It took SEVEN years before his visa was finally approved. 

[lacolinab13 86]

I think we all understand your frustration and disappointment. It would be helpful for you to stop thinking it's personal - it's really not, and I'm sure neither USCIS nor the embassy has any opinion on your worth as a person, nor any interest in judging you. The people working at the embassy are just doing their jobs, and unfortunately, you are in this position because of some red flags in your case, and also because of a history of people in your husband's country fraudulently seeking visas. 

 

Though I don't know much about the NOID/NOIR and reaffirmation process, it sounds like you have a good chance of getting your petition reaffirmed, given the long-term nature of your relationships and many visits you have had together, and ultimately a good chance of having your husband come to the US. It's normal to vent, but try to stay focused on building the best possible case for a rebuttal when you do get that NOID/NOIR letter. I am not sure whether it would be necessary or helpful, but you may want to see is hiring a lawyer could help you there.

 

I know you're upset, but it's a bit ironic that you're lashing out at others with "red flags" who got approved while asking that USCIS not hold any of your red flags against you. I am also one who needed a joint sponsor for my husband to come here, as I am a full-time grad student. I still like to think we're both contributing positively to the country! 

[sparkles_ 456]

It's probably a combination of your divorce track record plus the fact that USCIS has seen, time and time again, the older female petitioner being scammed. A criminal record means diddly unless it is of a certain flavor. You appear to have a track record now of importing men from high fraud countries. It sounds harsh but immigration probably thinks the same of me as well for being a 2x petitioner under the age of 30. 

 

All that being said....how do you know that they didn't find out some unsavory stuff about your guy and his opinions on you and your history? VJ is arife with horror stories about what consular IO investigations actually find out. 

Edited August 6, 2017 by sparkles_

[Love To Teach 161]

First of all, I have taught adults and kids with disabilities for 43 years, so I think I know a little about the subject. I'm simply saying a person needs to be able to support him/herself plus the other person. And it could be for an extended time, depending on where they live. There is no guarantee that the spouse will be able to find a job quickly.  I also know about the green card/work timelines. And I have seen a bunch of older and younger women getting scammed in Morocco (and other places), especially, since that is where my ex is from. And no, I'm not being disrespectful about Morocco because one of you said the same thing. I only know one couple that has stayed married, and he has cheated and become an alcoholic. Sometimes cultures and personalities just clash. AND people think everybody here has the rich life. Even my ex talked about that. I've observed that it has been really hard to get a decent job unless you have specific skills. My ex was a tailor and has struggled since the industry is changing. 

 

I really think if the US/Pak Embassy thought either of us had something to hide or say negatively, the person there would have asked him a few questions. All they asked is how is your job going, how did you meet, how are your kids, do you have family in the US (a distant uncle), and you are the 5th husband? It was short and not sweet, especially the "intimidator". I may be way off track. It is probably a combination of things. And you are right, I should not take it personally. I appreciate your viewpoints, including handicaps, not being able to have children, etc. I meant no disrespect.

 

I am just so dang sad. I really thought our ton of evidence, trips, and years together would let them know we have a real relationship. Obviously not. I just hope I live long enough to have some time together.

 

 

[Going through 5,671]

22 minutes ago, Love To Teach said:

First of all, I have taught adults and kids with disabilities for 43 years, so I think I know a little about the subject. I'm simply saying a person needs to be able to support him/herself plus the other person. And it could be for an extended time, depending on where they live. There is no guarantee that the spouse will be able to find a job quickly.  I also know about the green card/work timelines. And I have seen a bunch of older and younger women getting scammed in Morocco (and other places), especially, since that is where my ex is from. And no, I'm not being disrespectful about Morocco because one of you said the same thing. I only know one couple that has stayed married, and he has cheated and become an alcoholic. Sometimes cultures and personalities just clash. AND people think everybody here has the rich life. Even my ex talked about that. I've observed that it has been really hard to get a decent job unless you have specific skills. My ex was a tailor and has struggled since the industry is changing. 

 

I really think if the US/Pak Embassy thought either of us had something to hide or say negatively, the person there would have asked him a few questions. All they asked is how is your job going, how did you meet, how are your kids, do you have family in the US (a distant uncle), and you are the 5th husband? It was short and not sweet, especially the "intimidator". I may be way off track. It is probably a combination of things. And you are right, I should not take it personally. I appreciate your viewpoints, including handicaps, not being able to have children, etc. I meant no disrespect.

 

I am just so dang sad. I really thought our ton of evidence, trips, and years together would let them know we have a real relationship. Obviously not. I just hope I live long enough to have some time together.

 

 

We all get frustrated with USCIS..especially when things move too slow, or don't go the way we would like. 

You once mentioned in another thread that your husband was begging you all the time to move either to Pakistan or somewhere else with him---obviously he loves you a great deal and this is not all about "coming to America" or anything like that.  With the two businesses he owns, plus your teachers pension you can do that--you can be together despite what USCIS thinks about your relationship.    Whether in Pakistan or a third country.

 

I understand your other obligations, but like you said---you're not getting any younger, you're close to retirement from teaching, and you want to enjoy time together.  It sounds like at this stage, you have some choices to make.

[geowrian 22,337]

I wouldn't base any opinion on "that" show. Yes, some people who appear to have obvious...issues...are approved fine on the show. Many others (who are not shown) have a much harder time bringing their loved ones to the US. I've seen so many outright incorrect things stated on that show (i.e. a lawyer saying "if you get an annulment, you can send him back home [the husband already had a green card]") that I have to change the channel if it pops on...I just can't watch it anymore.

 

There's no limit to the number of divorces you can have. But as somebody from the outside looking in who has to evaluate your case, it starts to look like there is something else going on - i.e. being compensated for a green card, or being scammed for one. Their obligation is to the law, and to protect the US, the petitioner, and the beneficiary. The other circumstances (red flags) of your case add into the question if the marriage is actually legitimate. Everybody bringing a spouse (or fiance) has to go through this evaluation. It's certainly tougher on some than others, but I truly believe any amount of red flags can be overcome with enough relationship/marriage evidence.

 

That may even mean living with your partner for a period of time. Yeah, living in Pakistan likely isn't what you imagined for your future, but it would let you be together while you work on showing the validity of the marriage. It may not be necessary and other evidence, more visits, etc., may be sufficient, but just know that this is not the end of the line. It may be hard, but you can show them that the marriage is legitimate if you keep at it.

[Love To Teach 161]

Thanks for the encouragement...I really appreciate it!!! I may just think about retiring at the end of this year. I know this sounds stupid, but a big worry is my sweet dog, who is 65 pounds and 7.5 years old. I really don't think she could survive the long trip to take her overseas. I would have to think a lot about  what I  could do with her. It is 25 dollars a day to board her, and I sure won't do anything to hurt her. I wish she could travel as a passenger with me....lol Just lots to consider....But again, thanks for the encouragement. And we have no intention of giving up....

Edited August 7, 2017 by Love To Teach

[Maria1989 403]

Im sorry that this happened but you have way too many red flags.... Given that you are 66, and have over 43 years with the same employment, you could certainly retire, get a pension or 401k and at 66 you could get social security. Could you possibly find a foster for your dog until you return, letting them know that it could be a year and a half to two years? The next thing is, your car..... Get rid of it. Which brings me to another point, you really shouldn't Judge people regarding finances or disabilities... When people could say that you have 43 years on the job and at 66 years of age cant afford to pay a car off. People could say its a privilege to bring someone to the US, and you have already used yours and shouldnt be granted another. People can always find things to judge others on. Your frustration came off as being critical to others.  

 

You either want to be with your husband or not. Since he travelled the world, maybe you can find a country that is safer that you can stay together. 

 

It sometimes takes 12-18 months to hear back from USCIS, and then how many months for the Embassy to get it back and then reschedule an interview, and then no telling how long for AP in that country. You could be looking at 3+ years. You would be smacking 70 in the face. That is defintiely someone you want to consider.