Divorces versus arrests

[Love To Teach 161]

I just want to vent a little if I may. If you have read my story, you know I have had 4 divorces. First one found himself a girlfriend by the time I joined him in the city we were going to live in. I was 18. It lasted 5 years.  Second one decided he wanted to go back to drugs after we married.This one lasted 3.5 years. I was 28 by then. Third one lasted 23 years. We grew apart, didn't compromise, he decided he didn't want to go to counseling as he had made up his mind. (BTW, he had met present live-in at a tail gating party while we were married. I guess that was a coincidence...not judging.) I guess the lesson is I should have gone to the football games with him any way I could. I had plantars facsciatis and Irritable Bowel Syndrome at the time. The fourth one was a K-1 from Morocco who held a knife to my throat when I tried to leave the house. Now, I'm not blaming the ex's on our divorces. I did my share of letting things slide. I think my biggest mistake was jumping into marriage too soon. I'm not a liar or a cheat. I work hard and have held the same teaching job for 43 years. I own my own home, car, etc. I've never been arrested. The only thing they questioned my hubby about was my divorces and of course, they could have rejected us for something else...age, religion...who knows what they are thinking? But others have been given their visas with similar backgrounds. I wonder how they figure I could have held my teaching job for 43 years if I am such an unreliable person.

 

Now, here is my point. In the eyes of USCIS, why am I targeted as a lousy person for divorcing? Is it better to stay in a bad marriage? Because I know plenty of people who are miserably married. I have always taken care of myself and have never wanted to depend on anyone. So why am I treated like scum by immigration when others have been easily allowed to bring people here. I don't mean to offend people on here, but people with felonies, people in prison and jail, people on welfare and disability, people needing sponsor(s),  people who can't even travel because they are so ill...have been allowed to bring their loved ones. Why am I judged as a worse person? All you have to do is watch 90 Day Fiance and you will understand what I am saying. It really hurts because I have always tried to be a good citizen, have not ever bribed a person, pay my taxes and bills, never cheated or lied to get somebody over here. My husband has refused jobs because it would involve paying a bribe. He's educated, honest, and kind. But he struggles trying to find a full time decent job because of corruption, even though he has several small businesses (thank God). I am beginning to believe that saying: Good guys finish last.

 

Ok, venting over for now. Please know I meant no offense because the cases I cited are real.  I am just so sad and depressed because  we were turned down for no real reason. What should they care if I have divorces? So what if I divorce again? So what? They are living like 100 years ago. I know some of you will say they assume I will divorce again. So that is worse than being convicted of fraud (ie 90 Day Fiance person)? I have really taken my time to get to know my hubby so as to not make the same mistake. I'm 66. I don't think I will live long enough to have an active life with my husband. I will be making my 8th visit next month because we will NOT give up.

Edited August 5, 2017 by Love To Teach

[Redheadguy03 505]

You're not being targeted, they look at the totality of things and make an assessment. Immigration is a privilege not a right. 

 

Are you married now a fifth time? 4 divorces is definitely a lot and not common. In the eyes of immigration that's probably a pretty big red flag. Also, what about age differences? Or any other red flags? 

 

Also, 90 day fiance is probably somewhat staged. (like a lot of TLC  programs seem to be) 

 

Edited August 5, 2017 by Redheadguy03

[Boiler 45,516]

They can not keep you aprt, sounds like you are retired so are free to move, you mention nothing stopping you from going.

[NikLR 13,227]

Why not live with your spouse in their country?

 

~~moved to general immigration discussion from US citizenship discussion.  Topic is not asking about a visa in particular and is not about getting US citizenship but does talk about immigration concerns~~

[Love To Teach 161]

I need to work at least 2 more years to pay off my car and get new flooring for my house (still got the original carpet...yuck). Plus I have a big elderly dog who could not make the trip, a brother who has Muscular Dystrophy that needs me, and I have some health issues I am trying to get stabilized. I will have to check and make sure my meds and stuff are available. It seems like such ####### that I would have to give up Medicare to move since I've paid into it all these years. I'm just so frustrated since we have been together 6.5 years and I'm getting ready to make my 8th trip. We will just continue with my visiting for the next two school years, then decide what to do if he is still stuck there. I suppose we would have to start looking at other countries. It's just sad that I have a nice home here and the freedom to do what we want. He would continue to work when he got here.

 

NikLR...No offense to anyone from Pakistan, but I can't imagine living there...no freedoms, especially for women. Police everywhere, having to cover up, limited places I could go. Not fun....

 

As for 90 Day Fiance, they still got a K-1 and it's obvious the interviewer was blind and couldn't read. One person actually has lots of thefts on her record, had to get someone to help sponsor her fiance. I mean, it's so obvious it's fraudulent....

Edited August 6, 2017 by Love To Teach

[Lemonslice 4,841]

You can also live together a year or two abroad and reapply then; I do not think there is any stronger evidence than time spent together, in person. 

[Love To Teach 161]

It's sad to think I will be 70 not so far from now, and we are still at this stage in immigration. They say it could be 6-18 months before we even know the reason for the denial. Both my parents died at 77, so it's a little scary. We so much want time together to have "normal" marriage and be able to do things together. Heck, I want to travel in the USA and see this country with my husband.

[NikLR 13,227]

Considering it's been a very long time since your last marriage, I honestly don't think it's going to be much of an issue.  You've been together for quite some time now, and to be honest, I wouldn't want to be working as hard as you are at your age.  I keep telling my mother to retire and she's 67 this year. 

[Boiler 45,516]

6 minutes ago, NikLR said:

Considering it's been a very long time since your last marriage, I honestly don't think it's going to be much of an issue.  You've been together for quite some time now, and to be honest, I wouldn't want to be working as hard as you are at your age.  I keep telling my mother to retire and she's 67 this year. 

Yep, probably not a time to mess around and concentrate on what is important.

[JFH 12,190]

It's not you that's being targeted. We fall into several of the categories you mention (USC husband has a felony and has done prison time. We also had a joint sponsor. He was also a heroin addict for many years, for what it's worth). Your petition was approved. You have been given permission to bring a spouse into the country. It's not you that has been denied the visa. It's your husband. He has no right to live here but may ask for the privilege to do so, just as the rest of us did or are doing. For whatever reason (and it has nothing to do with your job, your credit rating, your independence from welfare or anything like that) it has been decided by the authority that this privilege will not be extended to this particular individual. You don't even know the reason yet yourself until the file is back with USCIS and you get the notification. You are just speculating. 

 

I understand how upset and hurt you feel. We had a denial for my husband for my country. So I moved to his. Not what I wanted for my life but when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. 

 

I don't know why you feel people on disability or people who are below the recognized poverty level should be excluded from petitioning. That sounds harsh. Don't begrudge them their happiness just because you haven't yet got yours. My husband did bad things and made many mistakes. But it was me that applied for a visa and me that was approved. I have been working since 2 weeks after I arrived. I have never even had a parking ticket in this or any other country. I have never claimed welfare in this or any other country. I have an MA and have always worked. I don't think you could look me in the eye and say I have no right to be here because you disagree with my husband's past choices in his life or because he doesn't make enough money to support me, according to the government. You're getting frustrated with the wrong people. 

 

 

[kris&me 572]

it is not your career that is under scrutiny

it is the 4 divorces

looks like marriage life is not stable and you don't work at staying together 

they don't want to see a 5th divorce 

you are going to have to overcome this with facetime and loyalty

not trying to judge here but saying what immigration sees with all these divorces

anything over 2 is a warning sign to USCIS

[trudi 1,317]

It is devastating to be denied, whatever the reason.

 

Let a little time pass and allow yourself to recover from the shock and then look at your marriage in relation to the cultural norm there - is it common for a woman to have multiple divorces? If not then that is possibly why the CO focused on that above other things.

 

Here in the west we understand marriages can fail, in other cultures this is less acceptable, added to other possible differences ( religion, language etc) it may have seemed to the CO that the relationship was not genuine.

 

It is natural to have a knee jerk reaction to a shock and I'm guessing that's what your references to the disabled and less well off was, I'm sure in your heart you want everyone to have the same opportunity to be with their loved one?

 

I wish you the best, whatever you decide going forward.

 

 

[Going through 5,671]

It's not just the divorces that are causing the extra scrutiny---remember your current husband is from a high-fraud country, the age difference... and you had a K1 before with one of your exes.   They are not doing this to treat you "like scum".. It's the whole picture of your history they are looking at.

 

I know it's frustrating for you---I can feel your frustration through your posts...perhaps it's time to consider moving to another country together.  I know that's not what you want to hear---but at least this way you can be with your husband instead of putting up with more stress and aggravation.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

There's usually a good reason for denial.  It's not arbitrary 

[ConOfficer 167]

1) USCIS doesn't care how many times you've been divorced. As long as you were legally free to marry, that's enough for USCIS to approve a petition.

 

2) A consular officer might be concerned about someone that has been divorced 4 times, particularly if the person has filed petitions for other partners (as you have). It suggests the petitioner might be receiving some compensation for filing the paperwork or that maybe they've been duped by former lovers. 

 

3) It sounds like there are some issues here with age difference, religion/cultural differences, and maybe you don't share a common language. But it sounds like you've made a substantial investment of time. I wonder if your partner is doing the same? Has someone else filed a petition for him in the past? How many times has he been refused tourist visas? Is he still living with his "ex" wife and their kids?

 

4) If they send the case back for revocation you can challenge that decision with USCIS, who will probably reaffirm. Theoretically the consulate cannot revoke again for the same reason (sham marriage). Maybe that's light at the end of the tunnel.